Straight To You: A Novella (Taking Chances Series Book 1) (12 page)

Ashlynn sniffed. “I just have some stuff on my mind.”

Melanie took her response as an invitation to ask more. “Work stuff, school stuff … or Jeremy stuff?”

Ashlynn cleared her throat. “Um, Jeremy stuff.”

“What’s going on? Did something happen between you two on your flight home? I thought everything was going so well.”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Says the school counselor. Don’t pull one of those “do as I say, not as I do” deals on me.” Melanie shook her head. “Ash, come on. Ben and I are worried about you. Please tell me what’s bothering you.”

Ashlynn saw warmth and concern in her sister-in-law’s brown eyes. She let out a breath of air. “He told me some things about his past, and it’s been kind of hard for me to swallow.”

“Okay, let me guess.” Melanie crossed her arms as she thought. “He either told you he’s a criminal or he told you about his ex’s. It’s the ex’s, huh?” She knew nothing good ever came from those kind of disclosures. But knowing how harmless Ashlynn’s past was, anything on the contrary from hers would really come as a shock.

Ashlynn nodded. She didn’t want to divulge specifically what Jeremy had confided in her.

Melanie sensed her hesitation. “No worries, you don’t have to spell it out. Let me guess, he’s more
experienced
than you are?”

She sighed. “I don’t know why I’m so hung up about it.” She had thought long and hard over the past week about why she took Jeremy’s past so personally. It had happened so long ago and had nothing to do with her or his feelings for her. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel there would always be an elephant in the room.

Twelve of them to be exact.

What did he remember about the other girls? Did he compare? How could he not? The more she thought, the more questions she had, many of which she honestly didn’t want answered. “I think insecurity plays a big part in how I feel.” She looked at Melanie with a pained expression. “What if I’m not as good, you know...”

Melanie’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you guys sleeping together? Your brother would have a heart attack if he knew!”

“No, no, actually quite the opposite. Jeremy’s good about going slow. He knows I want to wait and he respects my decision.”

She pursed her lips. “It sounds like he’s certainly changed for the better. It’s not easy for any guy with a pulse to take it slow with the girl he likes.” She paused. “You like him a lot, don’t you?”

“I do. That’s why it hurts so much. I had this image of him as the perfect guy back in junior high, someone who could do no wrong.” Her voice broke off, leaving behind a trail of dashed dreams. “I thought he was my knight...”

“In shining armor?” Melanie finished with a wry expression. “Even knights have to polish their armor, Ash, especially after they go to war. The truth is we all face battles in this world. Sometimes we win, sometimes we don’t. Given the right circumstances, it’s pretty easy for any one of us to fall into temptation.” She raised her hands up. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making light of Jeremy’s past. But no one is perfect. We’re all broken inside. That’s why we need God. He is the only solution to our brokenness.” She sat down on the bed next to Ashlynn and placed a hand on her shoulder. “What I’ve learned over the years is that sometimes we need to fall in order to truly understand God’s grace. Then there are other times when we are given the opportunity to understand grace better by loving the people He brings into our lives. Either way, the end result is that we recognize how deep and wide God’s love is for us and how much we need Him.” She tilted her head to one side. “I know you didn’t expect your knight’s armor to be tarnished. But did you know that even when armor gets rusty, you can still clean the rust off? You just roll it around in a barrel of sand.”

“Ben’s been watching the History channel again, hasn’t he?”

“You know your brother well,” Melanie answered with a grin.

Ashlynn nodded with a slight smile. “I like that. It’s just like how Jesus can make us new, no matter how damaged we are.”

“Exactly.”

“I know all this stuff in my head, Mel, but there are still so many feelings to deal with. The disappointment and sadness. Even anger. I’m having a hard time with all these emotions.”

“It’s okay. You need to grieve what was lost - your hopes and expectations. Feel all the messy emotions you have going on inside you and talk to God about them. It will take time, but you’ll eventually come to terms with Jeremy’s past and it won’t haunt you anymore. But,” Melanie spoke gently, “if his past is too much for you to accept, then maybe you need to move on.”

“Move on?” Ashlynn’s heart ached at the possibility. Moving on meant leaving the best thing that had ever happened to her. “I don’t think I can move on.”

“Then choose to live in the present and let go of the past. Loving someone isn’t meant to be easy. If you love Jeremy, you have to love everything about him, the easy parts and the not so easy parts.”

Ashlynn nodded. “I know. Easier said than done though.”

Melanie smiled wistfully. “When I fell for your brother, I knew I was going to be in trouble. My parents had always told me I needed to marry someone from our culture and that guy better be either a doctor or an engineer.” She paused with a sigh. “You should’ve seen their faces when I told them about Ben. I might as well have said I flunked physics.” Melanie shrugged. “I just wish they would drop their expectations of him and see his heart.”

Ashlynn knew Melanie had taken a risk marrying a Caucasian guy who happened to be a high school teacher. She felt saddened as she thought back to their wedding day and how Melanie’s parents had not shown up to support her. “I don’t know how you do it, Mel.”

“It’s been hard, but Ben is totally worth it. At least you have no one standing in your way of love. The only person stopping you is yourself.”

Ashlynn thought about Melanie’s words. They really hit home. She was the only person standing in the way of true love. And what was love anyway? Love was accepting the worst about someone and still believing the best about him. Hadn’t she told Jeremy she loved him?

In her heart, Ashlynn wanted to let go of his past. She wanted Jeremy to know forgiveness and to forgive himself. She knew he was his own harshest judge, even more angry and disappointed with himself than she would ever feel about him. She hated how he had suffered before with the guilt and pain of his choices.

Given the circumstances that he had grown up with, she could understand why he had done the things he had. She remembered back to the time after her parents’ accident, how she had fallen into a dark depression and was mad at God and the world. So many nights she had stayed out late and worried Ben enough that he had called all her friends looking for her. There was a time when she too didn’t care about consequences.

All those times when she had come home to find Ben waiting up for her, never once had he yelled at her. He was just relieved she had come home. Seeing God’s love manifested in such a way through her brother eventually broke down the walls she had built around herself. She had received such grace and acceptance in her life, wasn’t it her turn to give it as well?

Truth be told, Jeremy was still the same man she had fallen for despite his history.

And maybe even because of it.

The tenderness with which he listened to her; the effort he made in putting her needs above his own; the ways in which he believed in her more than she believed in herself...

Could these very aspects of Jeremy that had drawn her to him be a result of the life lessons he had learned over the last dozen years?

Quite possibly so.

Jeremy’s desire to settle down was evident in his actions; she could see it clearly now. Gone was the teenage boy who once thrived on being the center of attention. Gone was the college kid who spent his days and nights recklessly. Gone was the guy who lived moment to moment in order to fulfill his own needs.

In their place was a man who understood the value of commitment, the internal beauty and worth of a woman, and the cost of following the Giver of all good things.

This was the man she trusted, looked up to, and loved.

“Thanks, Mel.” Ashlynn exhaled slowly, finally feeling a bit more hopeful than she had in a long while. “I know what to do now.”

Melanie smiled. She could see Ashlynn’s expression softening and life returning to her eyes. “Good. Tell Jeremy to come over for dinner this week. I’ll make the fried rice cakes he likes so much.” She gestured to the plate of food on the desk. “Now, hurry and eat your dinner before it gets cold.” She hugged Ashlynn and left the room.

Ashlynn took the paper that had been under her textbook. She had found it that afternoon while digging around in her purse for an old receipt.

Even though she had made it clear to Jeremy that she wanted some space, she had still been disappointed he hadn’t made an effort to contact her. But reading his letter today, she understood he had been waiting for her to make the first move. She clutched the paper tightly as she reread the words.

Dear Ashlynn,

I’m watching you sleep next to me now on the plane and the way you look, so peaceful and relaxed, makes me happy. Maybe that’s why I like watching movies with you because you always end up with your head on my shoulder. Those are the times when I feel like I can protect you from all the stresses of work and school just by sitting beside you and letting you lean on me. But I realize now that there are things I can’t shield you from. One of those things is my past.

I am so sorry. I wish I had met you all those years ago and maybe I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I made. You have made me the happiest guy. If you let me, I will spend every day treasuring you for the precious gift that you are.

I will be hoping and praying to hear from you. I love you.

Jeremy

She traced her index finger over Jeremy’s name. It had been over a week since she had seen him or heard his voice. She missed him so much. Her insides squeezed tight as she remembered how lost he had looked when they parted ways at the airport. She had hurt him with her silence and distance. She hoped it wasn’t too late for her to tell him how much he meant to her. She said a quick prayer and picked up her phone.

As her fingers began dialing his number, she heard the doorbell ring.

“Ashlynn.” She heard Ben calling her from the first floor. “There’s someone here to see you.”

She hung up the call on the second ring and threw the phone onto her bed. She walked downstairs and saw her brother at the foot of the stairs with a puzzled look on his face. He muttered under his breath. “Why is
he
back?”

The figure that emerged from the doorway was the last person she expected to see.

FOURTEEN

“Hi Ashlynn.” The deep voice came from a man with a sheepish grin and dark brown eyes.

Was this for real? Mr. It’s-Not-You-It’s-Me was at her house.

“Derrick? What are you doing here?”

“I came to bring you these.” He handed her a small bouquet of bright yellow sunflowers. “And to hopefully get a chance to talk to you.”

“Um, thanks. Come in.”

Ben shook his head in wonder and closed the door. “I’ll be in the study if you need anything, Ash.” He flexed his arm muscles. “Anything at all.”

“Ben, I got it,” she replied as she gestured for him to leave.

The two of them stood awkwardly in the foyer for a moment until Derrick broke the silence. “So, how are you, Ashlynn?”

“I’m fine. You?”

“Good. Thank you for being willing to talk.”

“Sure, why don’t we sit down.” She directed him to the couches in the living room and placed the flowers on the coffee table.

Derrick cleared his throat. “First of all, the reason I’m here is because I want to apologize. I’m sorry I was a jerk the last time we went out. I’m also sorry for ending things the way I did. It was wrong of me to treat you that way. I realize that now.”

Ashlynn’s eyes widened in surprise. This was the humble and sweet guy she had fallen for originally. She was glad to see him resurface, even if it was many months too late. “Oh, thanks. I really appreciate that. Apology accepted. If you don’t mind me asking, what changed?”

“I, uh, I think it finally hit me that I was being the guy I kept warning my younger sisters about. And I didn’t want to be that guy anymore.”

“I’m impressed you realized that. Your sisters are lucky to have you watch out for them.”

“Yeah, well, they teach me a lot, too.” He sat up straight with a hesitant smile. “I really enjoyed spending time with you, Ashlynn. You’re someone I respect, and I think we got along well, and … what I’m trying to say is, I was wondering if you would give me another chance?”

“Another chance?” Ashlynn repeated in surprise. “As in dating each other again?”

“Yes. But this time with more patience on my part.”

Ashlynn saw the sincerity in Derrick’s eyes and she had to admit she was touched by his change of heart. Here was a guy who had slipped up a little, but was now mending his ways. And the best part was that he was offering her a relationship with minimal baggage. That was what she had wanted all along … or was it? “Listen, Derrick, I hope you understand that this isn’t about you. You’re a great person who will be a great boyfriend for someone someday. But I already found the right guy for me. And I really have to thank you for breaking up with me when you did or else I may not have found him.”

“Uh, okay, this is not at all how I thought things would work out,” he stated with disappointment.

“Well, sometimes things really don’t turn out the way we had hoped for, but I’m learning that it can be for the best. We can never imagine how God might use the broken things in our lives to make us whole.” Ashlynn spoke these words out loud more for her sake than Derrick’s. She was finally able to see the evidences of God’s goodness at work in her life. “I really hope things will work out for you, too.”