Stranded On Christmas (20 page)

Gideon
was charming the rest of the evening. After the meal, he insisted on
bringing me home. He lingered at my door after I had it open. “Do
you,” he turned beet red. “I mean one last time?”

I
understood him and smiled. I hadn't pegged him as that kind of man. I
could feel myself grinning. “No, if we did then, I would have to
insist that you marry me. I'm not that kind of girl. I'd trap you,”
I joked.

“
Shame,
I'd liked to be trapped.” He was still grinning.

I
reached out my hand very formally. He shook it back, but he didn't
let go. My heart was racing, and all sorts of thoughts went through
my head.

“
I
want you to take care of yourself. I think you are someone very
important.” He had tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry about what
happened. If I could go back and do things differently, I would. I
would do things better, and we would still be together, and maybe the
baby would be alive. I should have brought you to bed. I'll regret
that for the rest of my life.” He let go of my hand and took off.
He went down the stairs, and I heard the door to my building close.

Gideon
was gone, out of my life for good.

Why
didn't I feel relieved?

A
week later I had a letter in my mailbox saying that Gideon had signed
the papers and that I was soon to be divorced.

I
went through the motions of my life, but it was hard to do. Work by
day and some sort of class by night. On Saturday and Sunday nights I
watched TV with Pumpkin.

I
thought about writing Gideon a letter, thinking we could be like
old-fashioned pen pals.

But
what would I say?

I
didn't do anything interesting that he would like to hear about.

Jessie

I
sat in the waiting room, waiting for my yearly physical. I was trying
to be a good role model for my employees, and I had been having a lot
of headaches lately.

I
had been divorced for over a year now. I had no idea what my husband
was doing. For all I knew, he could have sold the farm, moved to Las
Vegas and be giving shows there.

I
had to smile to myself. He wouldn't do that. He was at home milking
the cows at least three times a day and doing millions of other
chores.

My
mind often drifted to thoughts of him when I had a minute to myself.
I hadn't dated anyone yet. I was planning on it, but I felt that had
time yet. Getting over the shock of daily married life hadn't worn
off yet. It was so much more than cooking, cleaning and sneaking off
to make love. It had a lot to do with responsibility, pain and loss.

The
doctor called me into his office. I listed my little complaints and
answered his questions.

He
wanted me to see an eye doctor and then come back and see him with
the results.

That
meant another day of sitting around here doing nothing. They were
taking the headaches very seriously.

“
We
were able to find a tumor in your brain. That’s what has been
causing the problems. What you now consider to be little annoyances
will progress and hinder you with your work. Most insurances have a
clause where you can have a certain sum of money and really enjoy
your last days.”

“
My
last days?” What was the doctor trying to tell me?

“
I'm
afraid that your kind of tumor is the kind that we can't operate on.”

“
How
long do I have?” Was that me talking? How could I be taking this so
well? The doctor had just told me that I was going to die. Shouldn't
I at least cry?

“
I
want to monitor you, but I'm guessing months, maybe even a year or
two. It all depends on how fast the tumor grows.”

I
thought back to that conversation again and again. It had changed my
life, less the conversation than the feeling of needing Gideon to
hold my hand. I had wanted him like a baby wants its mother:
desperately.

I
was on my way to his house now, almost a year after the divorce. I
had sold my company to one of my employees, who I felt would continue
it on as I had started it. I also sold most everything that I owed,
and here I was, heading to Canada with my Pumpkin once again. The
only difference was that I had a U-Haul hooked up to the back of my
rental.

I
was nervous. Gideon could have changed his mind about me, which was
likely. Or he could have moved somewhere else. He might even be a
father in the meantime. It was so easy to picture him with a baby in
his arms.

He
had held our baby for a long time. He had been good to our little
boy. I had seen him even though I had been so drugged up with
whatever they had given me, so I could make it through that terrible
day without going insane.

I
wiped my eyes and drove on. I wanted to get there today yet. I only
took a break when Pumpkin needed one, urging him to hurry.

I
didn't want to arrive in the middle of the night and wake up Gideon.
I wanted daylight. I needed to see if it was okay that I was there.

The
thing was I had believed him when he said that he would wait for me
and remain married to me in his heart. This would be good for him
too. If Gideon honestly was waiting, then I could make him happy.

I
was all set to do exactly that. I now knew how to cook and iron and
do all the things women used to be taught to do by their mothers. I
had appliances along that would make my life easier. I was hoping he
would say yes to those. Things were going to get very difficult for
me soon. I could use all the help I could get to pretend that nothing
was wrong with me.

The
roads were clear, and the weather was great. It was a Tuesday and a
school day. Everyone else had someplace that they had to be, just not
me. I had the roads to myself.

Yesterday
had been nice. The girls at the office had thrown a going away party
for me. Only Mandy knew the truth. Everyone else was told that I was
going off to that sexy husband of mine.

No
one could understand why I had wanted the divorce. I hadn't told
anyone about my time with him except Mandy, and I had left out a lot.

I
was almost there. I getting so close.

Tears
filled my eyes. I was almost home.

I
wiped my eyes and smiled to myself. I was such a typical female. When
I got scared, I needed to press my face in a man's strong chest and
hide away from the world with his arms wrapped around me.

I
was basically driving all of this way for a hug.

I
could see our barn coming up on the right side of the road. I pulled
into our long driveway, feeling very scared.

Would
this go the way I had hoped it would?

My
heart skipped a beat. I could see Gideon on a ladder. He was picking
apples in our orchard. He was stepping down to see who had arrived.

I
quickly parked and got out of the car. I still had the door open in
case he didn't want me here. I would leave as quickly as I came if
that were the case.

Pumpkin
jumped out and ran around the yard like he was on some sort of drug.
He would run to Gideon and then back to me and then in odd circles
around the yard.

I
dared to look at Gideon's face. He was surprised. I couldn't quite
place if he was happy or sad.

The
door to the house opened, and Angela came out wiping her hands on a
kitchen towel.

I
could see that I wasn't welcome here. I shouldn't have assumed that I
was.

I
felt like such a fool.

Gideon
had walked over to my car in the meantime.

“
I'm
sorry for coming. I should have written. I'll leave immediately.
Congratulations on your marriage. She suits you better anyway.”

Another
woman came out of the house and stood next to Angela. She looked at
Angela and then at Gideon and back to me. I sat back down in my car.
I wanted to close the door, but Gideon was holding onto it.

“
Honey,
you haven't met my sister yet. Megan and Angela are best friends.
Angela was here to see Megan today. You go on over and say hello, and
I'll get started with unpacking your things.” He gently took hold
of my hand and helped me to my feet.

“
Really?
It's okay if I stay?” I asked in a whispered.

He
grabbed onto me pulled me close, giving me the hugged I longed for.
“This is your home. You belong here. Take Pumpkin's basket in and
put it in his spot.” He gave me a shove in the direction of the
house.

“
The
car is only a rental. A man from the company is going to pick it up
on Friday.”

“
Okay,
honey. I'll be especially careful then. Thank you for telling me.”
He went right to work. I merely stood there waiting for him to find
the washer and dryer.

He
opened the U-Haul and raised an eyebrow.

“
I
didn’t want to throw them out. They’re mine from my apartment. I
thought maybe –”

“
I'm
sure Angela's father will help me when he comes to pick her up later.
He knows how to hook something like that up. It's okay.” He looked
right in my eyes as he said that, taking away my fears. If he was
willing to compromise, then so would I.

“
Thank
you, Gideon.” I turned to Angela and Megan. “Hello, Angela. It is
very nice to see you again.”

“
Hello,
Mrs. Thompson. I'm pleased that you’re home again.” Her lips were
pressed together tightly. She looked like she was fighting off a
laugh.

“
Hello,
Angela. It's nice to see you again.”

I
turned to Megan then. The sister I never knew he had. He had never
mentioned his family to me.

Megan
was looking me up and down. I could see that she had been raised
elsewhere too. She had a critical gleam in her eye. She was looking
for a weakness. I had hurt her brother, and she wouldn't let me get
away with that.

“
It's
nice to meet you, Megan.” I held my hand out to her.

She
looked over my shoulder towards Gideon.

“
Behave
yourself, Megan,” he said, as he walked past us carrying in a box
marked kitchen.

“
Hello,
Jessica.” She shook my hand as quickly as she could.

“
I'll
go in and start unpacking.” I stepped past them and laid Pumpkin's
basket down by the fireplace
before I went
into the kitchen. Gideon had set the box down on the table, pushing
aside the supper dishes. I collected them and brought them over to
the sink and started washing them.

“
Do
all of these boxes mean that you’re staying?” he asked.

I
turned and sighed. “Only if it is convenient. If I am, in any way,
bothering you, I can leave. If you have a chance at love with Angela,
grab onto that and hold onto it – tightly.”

“
I’ve
never been in love with Angela. It was always you, only you.” He
grabbed onto me and pulled me in for a kiss that only a husband could
give his wife.

I
heard giggling at the door, but still I wrapped my arms around Gideon
and held him tightly to me. I wished we were alone like I had dreamt
we would be. I wanted it to be bedtime, so we could make love to one
another.

He
pulled away, smiling. “I'll just go and see what else is there.”
He walked past the two other women, and I could tell that he wasn't
lying about Angela. She was smirking away.

“
What's
in the box?” Megan asked.

“
It's
my china and a few tablecloths that I made.” We worked on unpacking
together. The talk stayed light, but Angela admitted that she was
disappointed. She still hadn't found a man. Megan was saying that she
didn't plan to stick around here. She didn't want a man like the ones
here.

Gideon
and Angela's father worked on the washer and dryer a bit, but he told
him that Gideon needed to do some rewiring. He praised the machines,
telling Gideon that a woman needed these things once the children
started coming.

I
knew that there would be no children coming. I wouldn’t be staying.
I was deceiving him in the worst way.

I
was using him, but I hoped to give him good memories too. I was going
to be the best wife I could be until I felt that I was becoming a
burden to him. Then I would leave and go back to die, leaving him all
of my money once I was gone. He was going to be a very rich man.

Would
that make up for all the lying and deceit?

At
nine Gideon announced that it was time for evening prayers. I eagerly
dropped to my knees next to the fire.

Megan
huffed and did the same.

Gideon
gave her a mean looked before he started in with the prayer. He
thanked God for bringing me home, and he hoped that he would help
Megan learn the value of a loving family.