Strange Days: Fabulous Journeys With Gardner Dozois (17 page)

As commander of the landing party, Thomas was first out of the lander. Awkward in his suit, he climbed backward out of the hatch and down the exterior ladder. He caught reeling flashes of the Martian sky, and it was orange, as it should be. His first, instinctive reaction was relief, followed by an intense stab of perverse disappointment, which surprised him. As he hung from the ladder, one foot almost touching the ground, he paused to reel off the words that some P.R. man at NASA had composed for the occasion. “In the name of all humanity, we dedicate the planet of war to peace. May God grant us this.” He put his foot down, then looked down from the ladder, twisting around to get a look at the spot he was standing on.

“Jesus
Christ,
” he muttered reverently. Orange sky or not, there were
plants
of some kind growing here. He was standing almost knee-deep in them, a close-knit, springy mat of greyish-ocher vegetation. He knelt down and gingerly touched it.

“It looks like some kind of moss,” he reported. “It’s pliant and giving to the touch, springs slowly back up again. I can break it off in my hand.”

The transmission from the
Plowshare
crackled and buzzed with static. “Thomas,” said the commander’s voice in his ear, “what are you
talking about?
Are you okay?”

Thomas straightened up and took his first long, slow look around. The ocher-colored moss stretched out to the orange horizon in all directions, covering both the flat plains immediately around them and a range of gently rolling hills in the middle distance to the north. Here and there the moss was punctuated by tight clusters of spiny, misshapen shrubs, usually brown or glossy black or muddy purple, and even occasionally by a lone tree. The trees were crimson, about ten feet high, the trunks glistened with the color of fresh, wet blood, and their flat, glassy leaves glittered like sheets of amethyst. Thomas dubbed them flametrees.

The lander was resting only several hundred yards away from a canal.

It was wide, the canal, and its still, perfectly clear waters reflected the sky as dark as wine, as red as blood. Small yellow flowers trailed delicate tentacles into the water from the edging walls, which were old and crumbling and carved with strange geometrical patterns of swirls and curlicues that might, just possibly, be runes.

It can’t possibly be real,
Thomas thought dazedly.

Johnboy and Woody were clambering down the ladder, clumsy and troll-like in their hulking suits, and Thomas moved over to make room for them.

“Mother dog!” Woody breathed, looking around him, the wonder clear in his voice. “This is really something, ain’t it?” He laid a gloved hand on Thomas’s shoulder.
“This
is what we saw from up there.”

“But it’s impossible,” Thomas said.

Woody shrugged. “If it’s a hallucination, then it’s sure as hell a
beautiful
one.”

Johnboy had walked on ahead without a word; until he was several yards away from the ship; now he came to a stop and stood staring out across the moss-covered plain to the distant hills. “It’s like being born again,” he whispered.

The commander cut in again, his voice popping and crackling with static. “Report in! What’s going on down there?”

Thomas shook his head. “Commander, I wish I knew.”

He unlashed the exterior camera from the lander, set it up on its tripod, removed the lens cover. “Tell me what you see.”

“I see sand, dust, rocks . . . what else do you
expect
me to see?”

“No canals?” Thomas asked sadly. “No trees? No moss?”

“Christ, you’re hallucinating again, aren’t you?” the commander said. “This is what I was afraid of. All of you, listen to me! Listen good! There aren’t any goddamn canals down there. Maybe there’s water down a few dozen meters as permafrost. But the surface is as dry as the moon.”

“But there’s some sort of moss growing all over the place,” Thomas said. “Kind of greyish-ocher color, about a foot and a half high. There’s clumps of bushes. There’s even
trees
of some kind. Can’t you see any of that?”

“You’re hallucinating,” the commander said. “Believe me, the camera shows nothing but sand and rock down there. You’re standing in a goddamn lunar desert and babbling to me about trees, for Christ’s sake! That’s enough for me. I want everybody back up here, right
now.
I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this in the first place. We’ll let Houston unravel all this. It’s no longer our problem. Woody, come back here! Stick together, dammit!”

Johnboy was still standing where he had stopped, as if entranced, but Woody was wandering toward the canal, poking around, exploring.

“Listen up!” the commander said. “I want everybody back in the lander, right now. I’m going to get you out of there before somebody gets hurt. Everybody back
now.
That’s an order! That’s a direct order!”

Woody turned reluctantly and began bounding slowly toward the lander, pausing every few yards to look back over his shoulder at the canal.

Thomas sighed, not sure whether he was relieved to be getting out of here or heartbroken to be going so soon.

“Okay, Commander,” Thomas said. “We read you. We’re coming up. Right away.” He took a few light, buoyant steps forward—fighting a tendency to bounce kangaroo-like off the ground—and tapped Johnboy gently on the arm. “Come on. We’ve got to go back up.”

Johnboy turned slowly around. “Do we?” he said. “Do we
really?”

“Orders,” Thomas said uneasily, feeling something begin to stir and turn over ponderously in the deep backwaters of his own soul. “I don’t want to go yet, either, but the commander’s right. If we’re hallucinating . . .”

“Don’t give me that shit!” Johnboy said passionately. “Hallucinating, my ass! You
touched
the moss, didn’t you? You
felt
it. This isn’t a hallucination, or mass hypnosis, or any of that other crap. This is a
world,
a new world, and it’s
ours!”

“Johnboy, get in the lander right now!” the commander broke in. “That’s an order!”

“Fuck you, Ahab!” Johnboy said. “And fuck your orders, too!”

Thomas was shocked—and at the same time felt a stab of glee at the insubordination, an emotion that surprised him and that he hurried uneasily to deny, saying, “You’re out of line, Johnboy, I want you to listen to me, now—”

“No, you listen to
me,
” Johnboy said fiercely. “Look around you! I know you’ve read Burroughs. You
know
where you are! A dead sea bottom, covered with ocher-colored moss. Rolling hills. A
canal.”

“Those are the very reasons why it can’t be real,” Thomas said uneasily.

“It’s real if we
want
it to be real,” Johnboy said. “It’s here
because
of us. It’s made
for
us. It’s made
out
of us.”

“Stop gabbing and get in the lander!” the commander shouted. “Move! Get your asses in gear!”

Woody had come up to join them. “Maybe we’d better—” he started to say, but Johnboy cut in with:

“Listen to me! I knew what was happening the moment I looked out and saw the Mars of Schiaparelli and Lowell, the
old
Mars. Woody, you said that Lowell saw what he wanted to see. That’s
right,
but in a different way than you meant it. You know, other contemporary astronomers looked at Mars at the same time as Lowell, with the same kind of instruments, and saw no canals at all. You ever hear of consensual reality? Because Lowell wanted to see it, it existed for him! Just as it exists for us—because we want it to exist! We don’t have to accept the grey reality of Ahab here and all the other grey little men back at NASA. They
want
it to be rocks and dust and dead, drab desert; they
like
it that way—”

“For God’s sake!” the commander said. “Somebody get that nut in the lander.”

“—but we don’t like it! Deep down inside of us—Thomas, Woody—we don’t
believe
in that Mars. We believe in this one—the
real
one. That’s why it’s here for us! That’s why it’s the way it is—it’s made of our dreams. Who knows what’s over those hills: bone-white faerie cities? four-armed green men? beautiful princesses? the Twin Cities of Helium? There could be
anything
out there!”

“Thomas!” the commander snapped. “Get Johnboy in the lander
now.
Use force if necessary, but
get him in there.
Johnboy! You’re emotionally unstable. I want you to consider yourself under house arrest!”

“I’ve been under house arrest all my life,” Johnboy said. “Now I’m
free.”
Moving deliberately, he reached up and unsnapped his helmet.

Thomas started forward with an inarticulate cry of horror, trying to stop him, but it was too late. Johnboy had his helmet completely off now, and was shaking his head to free his shaggy, blond hair, which rippled slightly in the breeze. He took a deep breath, another, and then grinned at Thomas. “The air smells
great,”
he said. “And, my God, is it clean!”

“Johnboy?” Thomas said hesitantly. “Are you
okay?”

“Christ!” the commander was muttering. “Christ! Oh my God! Oh my sweet God!”

“I’m fine,” Johnboy said. “In fact, I’m
terrific.”
He smiled brilliantly at them, then sniffed at the inside of his helmet and made a face. “Phew! Smells like an armpit in there!” He started to strip off his suit.

“Thomas, Woody,” the commander said leadenly. “Put Johnboy’s body into the lander, and then get in there yourselves, fast, before we lose somebody else.”

“But . . .” Thomas said, “there’s nothing wrong with Johnboy. We’re
talking
to him.”

“God damn it,
look at your med readouts.”

Thomas glanced at the chin strap readout board, which was reflected into a tiny square on the right side of his faceplate. There was a tiny red light flashing on Johnboy’s readout. “Christ!” Thomas whispered.

“He’s
dead,
Thomas, he’s
dead. I
can see his body. He fell over like he’d been poleaxed right after he opened his helmet and hemorrhaged his lungs out into the sand.
Listen
to me! Johnny’s dead—anything else is a hallucination!”

Johnboy grinned at them, kicking free of his suit. “I may be dead, kids,” he told them quizzically, “but let me tell
you,
dead or not, I feel one-hundred-percent better now that I’m out of that crummy suit, believe it. The air’s a little bit cool, but it feels
wonderful.”
He raised his arms and stretched lazily, like a cat.

“Johnboy—?” Woody said, tentatively.

“Listen,”
the commander raged. “You’re hallucinating! You’re talking to yourselves! Get in the lander! That’s an
order.”

“Yes,
sir,
sir,” Johnboy said mockingly, sketching a salute at the sky. “Are you actually going to
listen
to that asshole?” He stepped forward and took each of them by the arm and shook them angrily. “Do I
feel
dead to you, schmucks?”

Thomas
felt
the fingers close over his arm, and an odd, deep thrill shot through him—part incredulity, part supernatural dread, part a sudden, strange exhilaration. “I can feel him,” Woody was saying wonderingly, patting Johnboy with his gloved hands. “He’s solid. He’s
there.
I’ll be a son of a
bitch—
”

“Be one?” Johnboy said, grinning. “Ol’ buddy, you already
are
one.”

Woody laughed. “No hallucination’s
that
corny,” Woody said to Thomas. “He’s real, all right.”

“But the readout—” Thomas began.

“Obviously wrong. There’s got to be some kind of mistake—”

Woody started to unfasten his helmet.

“No!” the commander screamed, and at the same time Thomas darted forward shouting, “Woody! Stop!” and tried to grab him, but Woody twisted aside and bounded limberly away, out of reach.

Cautiously, Woody took his helmet off. He sniffed suspiciously, his lean, leathery face stiff with tension, then he relaxed, and then he began to smile. “Hoo
ie
,” he said in awe.

“Get his helmet back on, quick!” the commander was shouting. But Woody’s medical readout was already flashing orange, and even as the commander spoke, it turned red.

“Too late!” the commander moaned. “Oh God, too
late . . .”

Woody looked into his helmet at his own flashing readout. His face registered surprise for an instant, and then he began to laugh. “Weh-ayl,” Woody drawled, “now that I’m officially a corpse, I guess I don’t need
this
anymore.” He threw his helmet aside; it bounced and rolled over the spongy moss. “Thomas,” Woody said,
“you
do what you want, but I’ve been locked up in a smelly ol’ tin can for months, and what
I’m
going to do is
wash my face
in some honest-to-God, unrecycled water!” He grinned at Thomas and began walking away toward the canal. “I might even take me a
swim.”

“Thomas . . .” the commander said brokenly. “Don’t worry about the bodies. Don’t worry about
anything
else. Just get in the lander. As soon as you’re inside I’m going to trigger the launch sequence.”

Johnboy was staring at him quizzically, compassionately—waiting.

“Johnboy . . .” Thomas said. “Johnboy, how can I tell which is real?”

“You choose what’s real,” Johnboy said quietly. “We all do.”

“Listen
to me, Thomas,” the commander pleaded; there was an edge of panic in his voice. “You’re talking to yourself again. Whatever you think you’re seeing, or hearing, or even
touching,
it just
isn’t real.
There can be tactile hallucinations
too,
you know. It’s not
real.”

“Old Ahab up there has made his choice, too,” Johnboy said. “For him, in his own conceptual universe, Woody and I
are
dead. And that’s real, too—for
him.
But you don’t have to choose that reality. You can choose
this
one.”

“I don’t know,” Thomas mumbled. “I just don’t
know.”

Woody hit the water in an explosion of foam. He swam a few strokes, whooping, then turned to float on his back. “C’mon in, you guys!” he shouted.