Stray (25 page)

A black hand shape appeared in view: my hand, trying to block out the light and not really succeeding.  And then I must have gone forward, under the main intensity of the blast into the drifting mist of aether falling down from it.  The top lever had gone left as the hatch opened, and I seem to have tried pushing it back to the right but wasn't succeeding.  Then I looked upward, into the spotlight glare of white coming out of the hatch, and there was this barely visible human shape, just the head, and shoulders, the arm hooked over the edge of the hatch, reaching.  The scene dropped down abruptly – I must have ducked – and then moved right, pushing the lower lever instead of the top, with an accompanying rumble which was loud enough to suggest huge boulders grinding together, stopping with a nicely final thud followed by a hiss and a howling wind noise.  The only thing I was looking at, at this point, was the floor, really close to my face.  I levered myself partially upright, turned toward the door, and dropped again; must have fallen flat on my ass.  Then my hand came up and covered my left eye and lifted away to show rather a lot of red and I bent forward, the scene becoming barely visible.  I guess all that aether wasn't doing enough to block whatever having your eye self-destruct feels like.  The last moments of the mission log don't show much, because I'd closed my eyes, but you can hear me panting and then I say, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light?" and let out this confused-sounding laugh and then the log stops abruptly.

"Glad don't remember that," I said, after a moment.  Maze had stopped looking upset, but Zee had taken his place: not so angry, but eyes wide and mouth pale.  "Is thing in Pillar same Lights Rotation?"

"Cruzatch," Maze said, and you could hear the hate in his voice, and see him make the effort to put it aside.  The word means "burning", with overtones of destruction.

"There are several spaces they appear, and they also roam.  They're not the only human-form Ionoth we encounter, not the only ones which intelligently react to us.  But we have – for a long time there has been discussion about the level of their awareness of the Setari, and whether they retain and learn from previous encounters with us."

"The last massive to break into real-space was accompanied by a Cruzatch," Zee explained.  "Almost as if it was riding it.  Guiding it."  She sighed.  "The idea of there being organisation among the Ionoth is not accepted by many."

And certainly hadn't been mentioned in any of the stories and movies I'd so far seen.  "Organised not, that one bloody annoying.  What happen it?"

Maze made an equivocal motion with one hand.  "No sign.  We think you closed the intake of the Pillar's power stream.  We're not entirely certain why all the aether was pulled back, but the entire Pillar seems to have shut down as a result."  He smiled at the expression on my face.  "No need to look like that: it's what we would have tried eventually, if not so soon, and the only thing we've really lost is the chance to study the Pillar in more depth.  Everyone's off-rotation, only clearing near-space, because it seems that the surrounding spaces are shifting, and we can't trust the gates.  But you did well, Caszandra.  And were very brave."

Although that was hugely gratifying, I doubted it was true.  "Blind drunk panic more like," I said.  "Don't remember either way."

"What was it you said before the log cut out?"  Zee asked, leaning forward to touch my leg and then stopping.  Definitely orders not to touch me.

"Is line famous poem about dying."  I repeated it in English, because it makes it slightly easier to work out a translation, then did my best to render it in Taren.  "Funny thing say but fit guess.  Was
really
drunk."

I must have fallen asleep then, and had uncomfortable dreams about what I'd seen in my log, and about Maze being angry, and of running and hiding from something chasing me.  None of it pleasant, in other words.  I keep having dreams like that.  Otherwise, being in the med section is the same tedious crap that it always is.  The greysuits say I have to stay here because all the bruising means I'm at risk of blood clots.  I spent the first couple of days sleeping and coughing up black stuff – blood and phlegm and discarded bits of interface, apparently – and having to move about a lot because it's good for my circulation.

Everyone from First Squad came to visit me, as well as Zan, still looking tired, but no longer all stressed out.  I asked her if she would bring me my diary, and she did, and sat and talked with me a while and was all proper and Zan-like, but just that tiny bit more human than before.  I think if I'd died she would have felt responsible, because she'd ultimately given me the order to go.  And maybe that she does like me, a little bit anyway.

I've been doing school lessons.  I don't really feel like watching shows or the news because the news is full of the impact of shutting the Pillar down, even though it's been kept secret.  The Setari squads have been distributed over Tare because that's the only way they can effectively patrol the near-space when they can't use other spaces as shortcuts to get about, which means that there's more sightings of them, and more outbreaks of Ionoth into the real world.  I did that.

I still feel pretty horrible too: tired and sore.  Every time I get close to being fit, I nearly die and go back to the start again.  And I look like a pirate junkie panda, with a patch and a huge ring around my uncovered eye.  It was purple, but now it's going green with hints of yellow.

This is the longest entry I've made in this diary yet, and I've passed the halfway point.  Will have to do some research on whether there's any way I can get another one custom-made.

Still alive.

Monday, March 3

Ghost

When I woke this evening (for the second time today – I'm still doing a lot of napping) my chest felt heavy.  I was half-awake noticing the weight and worrying that I was getting sicker instead of better and would be stuck in here forever.  Then it filtered through to me that my chest was also purring.

I didn't do anything stupid like jump or shout, but I must have moved, because the purring stopped abruptly.  The weight was still there, though, and I lifted a hand carefully and felt the shape of the cat I couldn't see.  The purring started again, and after a while it stopped looking like I was petting my own chest and there was the Ionoth cat.

It was just like I remembered: dark green eyes and short, smoky fur.  A half-grown cat, not creepy or scary in any way.  For a little while I just let myself enjoy it, petting and playing with it, and establishing that it looked like it was a girl cat, but eventually I had to give in and be responsible.

There's lots of different ways you can talk to another person over the interface, most of it nothing too different to Earth's internet.  You can't just open channels to random people, unless you have certain rights, like squad captains during mission time.  Usually you can only send a channel request with a text message and it's up to the people you want to talk with to accept or not, and for the Setari I think most normal people can't even do that: you have to be in their 'address book'.  Or you can email, leave a voice message, or chat just by text.  I'd never tried opening a channel before: I'm too aware of how overworked the Setari always seem so if I need something or have a question I send an email.

Since, so far as I know, I'm still assigned to First Squad I sent Maze a channel request: "Is time ask?"  Gods I hate my screwed-up grammar.  I doubt the baby English I write in my diary even comes close to how dumb I sound to the Tarens.

Anyway, Maze answered right away.  "Something bothering you, Caszandra?"

"Is visitor," I replied, and sent him an image of the Ionoth cat sitting on my lap.  Then, before he could respond, I quickly went on: "If capture what happen her?"

He paused a long time before answering, then said carefully: "They'll find a way to scan for it.  Then I'll personally return it to the Ena, since I suspect you'll accept nothing less."

Maze really is the nicest guy on the planet.  "Is big thank you," I said, and he laughed.

"I'm out in the city at the moment, but I'll send someone to you.  You're not feeling any negative effects?"

"Purring cat good thing."

"Won't be long."

He left the channel active, in case I started screaming about evil kittens, and I took the opportunity to play with my temporary pet a little more.  I've decided to call her Ghost, which definitely fits.  I didn't absolutely believe that no-one would try and kill her, but I trusted Maze to do his best to make sure that didn't happen.  I wasn't entirely sure she would cooperate at all, but I figured that if I stayed calm and no-one made any sudden moves, she'd probably at least not run off the second anyone showed up.

I wasn't expecting Ruuel, and reacted all out of proportion, stiffening so that Ghost stopped purring, and probably going pink beneath my bruises.  What Mr I-Have-Every-Kind-Of-Sight-But-No-Visible-Sense-of-Humour made of my expression I couldn't tell, but he took the container the two greensuits were carrying and shut them outside.

"Place it in here," he said, moving the container so it was flush with the bed.  It was an ominous-looking box, metal and plastic with a rare physical control panel on one corner.  And warning signs about containment fields.

I didn't move immediately, carefully stroking Ghost, who hadn't scrambled off, but mightn't like me after this.  "Come back and visit me again," I told her in English.  "I'm only going to turn you in this once."  Scooping her up with a hand beneath her chest, I carefully lowered her into the box, saying, "Her name Ghost."

Ruuel just turned the containment field on, which made Ghost look upset.  She vanished, but I don't think she was able to get out.  At least, he didn't act like he thought she had, turning and opening the door again and handing the box to the greensuits.

I busied myself telling Maze that Ghost was safely in a box, expecting Ruuel to go away again, except he didn't.

"I had a question for you," he said, when I looked at him.  "You referred to the aether as 'moonlight'.  Was that simply your ineptitude with our language?"

I could have lived without 'ineptitude'.  Ruuel doesn't dance around shortcomings.

"Is because aether look feel like moonlight Muina when building make liquid," I said, as clearly as I could manage, and had the satisfaction of making his eyes open to more than halfway.

"Building make liquid?"  he repeated.

"When moon rise Muina building light..."  I had to search around for a word which fit.  "Draw?  Focus?  Become?  Thicken?  Look feel same aether."

"The buildings on Muina turn moonlight into aether?"  I nodded and was given a full-on 'captain look' in return.  "It didn't occur to you to tell anyone this?"

"Is your planet," I said, struggling to keep annoyance out of my voice.  "How know what you not know?"

"Wait," was all he said back, developing that gaze-into-nothing look people get when they're talking over the interface.  I took the time to remind myself that these were life-and-death issues, and that there was no point glowering at him just because he'd made me feel in the wrong.  I did wish that I hadn't given him a starring role in so many daydreams, or at least wasn't sitting in bed dressed in a flimsy patient gown, looking so damn ugly.

Then I was added to a channel with about ten people already in it, a bunch of names I didn't know, as well as Ruuel, Maze, the Third Squad captain Taarel, and the bluesuit, Selkie.

"Devlin, please explain your experiences with aether on Muina in more detail," Selkie said, all brisk and businesslike.

"Is...moment."  I hadn't expected to be dumped into some high level meeting, and reached for my diary as the simplest way to handle it without sounding defensive.  Flipping through a few pages, I said: "First time saw moon, Muina, seven night there.  Was still walking river then, no buildings.  Just seem like moon to me, bit bigger bluer Earth moon, three quarter full."  I paused.  "You know has hole in yes?"

"Yes.  Go on."

I flipped a few more pages.  "Reach village thirteenth day.  Moon come out every eight day, so came out after been there couple day, was full.  Was sitting on roof tower when rose.  Buildings began glow.  Faint first, then too strong normal.  In centre all roof there circle – rosette?  Pattern.  All building there have.  It glow much strong than rest building.  Light – aether – start flow out from circle.  I right next circle, touch flow light.  Was cold, but made feel warm.  Effect like alcohol.  After while saw that bigger light centre village.  Followed aether there.  Think it was flow up hill.  In centre village there amphitheatre.  Very big circle there.  And cats.  Cats not there that night, just huge lot liquid moonlight.  Centre circle make column light.  Very drunk by then.  Went stood in column.  Passed out.  Woke there next day.  Felt good."

I sighed, flipping more pages.   My moonlight adventures made me sound like a total idiot.  "Few days later, sick.  Cold all time.  Liquid in chest.  Fever."  I paused, thinking back over the few confused fragments I could call to mind.  "Was maybe die.  Not conscious most time, several days.  Then again moonfall.  Too sick move, don't remember much that.  Could see aether fall past window.  Made feel warm.  Easier breathe.  Much better next day.  Able move."

The next entry made me frown, and I said doubtfully.  "Not sure this.  Eyesight strange after.  Some things blurry, some not.  Thought had damaged.  Next day, thought being watch.  Feel something behind, see movement corner eye.  Thought go insane, imagine monsters.  Next day, lots noise, like hills wailing.  Ddura, guess.  Couldn't see where come from.  Sounds go away, so did feeling watch everywhere.  Eyes still blurry.  Two day later, Setari show up."  I glanced at Ruuel, who had gone back to being impassive, but was watching me very closely.  "Don't remember eyes blurry since ten thousand injections.  Is all."