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“Books!”

“Of course. Stupid me.”

“Do you mean that you do not like books?”

“No. But there’s nothing on earth heavier to move.”

“I think a home without books would not really be a home. And I have never had a home. I mean, a home away from home, I mean—”

“I know what you mean.” Moving into an apartment, away from his father, for the first time in his twenty-six-year-old life was hard enough on him. I wasn’t going to traumatize him any further by making him do anything so demanding as speaking coherently. “Sit down with me for a minute, buddy.” He sat at the end of the sofa, near my feet. “Have I mentioned how proud of you I am?”

“No. Does this mean you are going to adopt me?”

“Darcy.” I gave him my straight talk look. “You don’t need anyone to adopt you. You can take care of yourself.” He looked so stricken, I felt compelled to add, “Of course, it’s always good to have friends. And I will always be your friend.”

“Friends?”

“Friends. And believe me—there’s nothing in the world more important.”

He was trying hard not to appear disappointed, but he wasn’t exactly the master of deception, much less of his emotions. “I think that you would like me more if I were not so weird.”

“Darcy, you’re not weird.”

“I am. You know I am and I know I am. I am not…normal.”

I wouldn’t patronize him by arguing. “Darcy…if God made you different—”

“I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

I took a deep breath and started again. “If God made you different, it was for a reason. I mean—hell, He makes us all different. And for a reason. With all our great obstacles come great gifts. The trick is to learn how to overcome the obstacles. So you can take advantage of the gifts. That’s what you’re learning to do. Better than me. Better than anyone I’ve known in my entire life.”

He rubbed his hands together and stared at his feet. “I still wish that I were normal. I think you would like me better if I were normal.”

“Darcy, if you were normal—whatever the hell that is—we would never have caught Esther. And I’d be dead.”

That seemed to get through to him. His head rose. His eyes brightened. I could see the wheels turning once again. “I am glad that you are not dead.” He turned toward me and gave me something perilously close to direct eye contact. “Maybe it is okay to not be normal.”

“It’s more than okay, Darcy.” I leaned over and gave him a big bear hug, whether he liked it or not. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

WILLIAM BERNHARDT
is the author of many novels, including
Primary Justice, Murder One, Criminal Intent, Death Row, Hate Crime, Dark Eye, Capitol Murder,
and
Capitol Threat.
He has twice won the Oklahoma Book Award for Best Fiction, and in 2000 he was presented the H. Louise Cobb Distinguished Author Award “in recognition of an outstanding body of work in which we understand ourselves and American society at large.” A former trial attorney, Bernhardt has received several awards for his public service. He lives in Tulsa, and readers can e-mail him at [email protected] or visit his website at www.williambernhardt.com.