Stroke of Sapphire (4 page)

“And you prefer action flicks. What about the concert on Thursday?” One toe tapped against the hardwood floor as she continued to question him.

“That one I had to wait outside. And before you ask, I enjoyed the Italian bistro and the art opening. What I didn’t like was seeing you with other men.” It had left him itching to hurt someone. He’d hated watching all those different guys walking with her, talking with her, holding her hand, kissing her good night. Thankfully, she hadn’t invited one of them up to her apartment. He wasn’t sure what the hell he would have done if that had happened.

Her anger seemed to deflate, leaving her looking bewildered. “I know you like your steak rare and you hate asparagus, but you’ll eat it if someone cooks it for you. I know you like to read thrillers and you’re close with your brother. I know a lot of superficial things about you, Jake, but I really don’t
know
you at all. I thought I did the night I took you to my bed, but I found out too late that I was mistaken.”

Jake moved as close as he could without touching her. He sensed her immediate tension but didn’t back away. “I hurt you and I’m sorry for that.” He rubbed his hand over his face, searching for the right words to make her understand. “You’re so innocent and filled with light.”

She frowned and sighed. “Like I said, boring.”

Jake shook his head. “No, never that. I find you endlessly fascinating. The way you enjoy whatever it is you’re doing, the creative way your mind works, your natural beauty. It’s all such a gift.”

“Why are you saying these things to me now? After everything that’s happened between us.” There was pain in her eyes, pain he’d put there, and he hated himself for it.

He had to make her understand. “I left because I thought it was the best thing for you. You’re filled with light and there’s a darkness inside me that is so deep, so ingrained, I feared it would overwhelm you and change you.”

Her brows drew together and he resisted the urge to rub at the lines that formed between her eyes. “So what you’re saying is that you decided what was best for me?”

He nodded, wondering if she truly understood.

“You ass.” She pushed past him and stalked back into the living room, her heels clicking furiously on the hardwood floor. “Who the hell do you think you are to decide what’s best for me. Of all the arrogant idiocy.”

Jake followed her, trying to think of what he could do to deflect her anger and swiftly came to the conclusion that he couldn’t and shouldn’t. He deserved all of it and more. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“That’s obvious.” The cutting edge to her voice almost made him smile. Sapphire was tough beneath her soft exterior. He knew that, couldn’t help but know it after spending so much time as her bodyguard. The woman ran a successful business with her sisters, for fuck’s sake. Sisters’ Jewels was one of the top boutiques in New York, Sapphire’s jewelry extremely popular, and that didn’t happen if you weren’t a sharp businesswoman.

But somehow she maintained an aura of innocence, of kindness. Her older sister Topaz came across as a tough lady with an iron will, covered with a veneer of sophistication. But with Sapphire, what you saw was what you got, honesty and kindness. Not that Topaz wasn’t that way too, or at least he thought she was, but Topaz was more guarded. Her sister Emerald he didn’t know as well, but she seemed bohemian and artsy, perfect for the New York scene even though she was now living in rural Maine. She’d survived a stalker so she had to be mentally tough.

Sapphire, on the other hand, was an open book. Or at least she had been. She’d closed up over the past few weeks even though she’d expanded her social activities.

“I think we’ve said all there is to say. You need to stay out of my life, Jake. I appreciate what you did tonight, but you need to leave me alone.” The rosy flush coloring her cheeks made her appear as though she’d shared a quick tumble with her lover. Wishful thinking on his part. It was all righteous anger aimed at him.

He shook his head. “I can’t do that, babe.”

“You wanted out and you got out. Don’t think for one second you can walk right back in and pick up where we left off. Not happening.” Sapphire walked to the front door and yanked it open. “You need to go.”

Jake walked over to the door, tugged it out of her grip and quietly closed it. “I can’t.” And that was the honest truth. “I thought what I was doing was for you, but it was really for me. I was afraid my darkness would hurt you, would swallow you, that my demands in bed would overwhelm you. Hell, the night we spent together, I was barely getting started when you were all but passed out. I feared what might happen if I did the things I really wanted to. I never wanted to hurt you that way. But I was also protecting myself.”

Talk about leaving your balls exposed. Jake had never felt so vulnerable in his entire life. He’d stripped back the cover on his soul, leaving it totally exposed to her. But if this is what it took in order to get Sapphire back, he was willing to do it. She had no idea just how much power he’d handed her.

Or maybe she did.

The smile she gave him was filled with sadness and a finality that made his balls shrivel. He feared what she was about to say, so he cut her off, not giving her time to speak. “No, don’t say it’s over. Give us another chance.” She had to give him another chance at getting this relationship thing right. He wasn’t sure he could live with the alternative.

“I’m not sure I can, Jake. I’m not sure I can ever trust you again. You shredded my confidence as a woman, as a lover.”

“And I’m sorry as hell for that. You were amazing that night, like a drug in my veins that I can’t live without.” He reached out and lightly rested his hands on her shoulders. “Let me prove to you I can change.” That was an offer he wouldn’t make to any other person on the face of the planet.

“Oh, Jake. I don’t want you to change. Neither of us should have to change. If we’re not enough just the way we are then it won’t work.”

“Then give us another chance to see if it will work.” She had to give them another shot. He gently squeezed her shoulders and she flinched. “Son of a bitch. He hurt you, didn’t he? I’ll kill the motherfucker.” Jake knew he should curb his language, but too many years in the military had given him a colorful vocabulary that came out whenever he was truly angry.

“I’m fine. Really.” Sapphire tried to bat away his hands, but he wasn’t having any part of that. He made quick work of the buttons of her blouse and slipped the silky fabric off her shoulders. The bra she was wearing was the same color as her blouse, a chocolate, lacy delight that covered her exceptional breasts. His blood pressure shot through the roof, but plummeted again when he caught sight of her shoulders. Already, dark bruises were forming.

“Oh, babe. I’m so sorry I let him do this to you. I should have been faster.”

“It’s not your fault.” She touched the side of his face and he closed his eyes, savoring the moment.

He opened his eyes again. “Where’s your bedroom? You need to get into something soft and loose, while I get an ice pack from the kitchen.”

Chapter Four

Sapphire wasn’t sure when the situation had spiraled out of her control, but it was time to grab it back. “That’s not necessary.” No way was she putting on her nightgown when Jake was still in her apartment. She yanked her blouse back over her shoulders and fastened the top button. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed him to half undress her without protesting.

But really, who could blame her? Her thoughts and emotions were bouncing all over the place. She’d finally come to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to be able to change and had made peace with it. Then Jake had come storming back into her life asking for another shot at their relationship. No, not asking, demanding.

He was frowning at her yet again. “You need an ice pack to keep down the swelling.”

“Then I’ll take care of it. After you leave.” She started to open the door again, but he kicked it closed. Turning, she glared at him. “Stop that.”

“Can’t. I won’t sleep if you don’t let me tend to your injuries. They’re my fault.”

“For heaven’s sake, Jake. The only one at fault is Ivan for being an idiot.”

“You should never have gone out with him.”

She held up her hand to stop his rant before it really got started. “Not. Your. Business.” She spaced the words out so he’d get the message. She was in charge of her life, not him.

A muscle began to pulse beneath his left eye and his jaw hardened. “It is my business. You’re my business.”

She shook her head. “No. Who I date is my concern.”

“I want it to be mine. Hell, I don’t want you dating anyone but me.”

Sapphire wasn’t about to make any rash decisions tonight, not after what she’d been through. Jake had already put her emotions through the wringer and she wasn’t keen on going back for a second round.

But oh, how she wanted to take the plunge. For all his male arrogance and his heavy-handed ways, she loved him. What she wasn’t sure about was whether or not she could trust him with her heart again.

“I’m not making any decisions tonight.”

“Fair enough.” He stood with his legs braced apart and his arms crossed over his massive chest. “But please let me take care of you tonight.” He uncoiled his arms and held up his hands in front of him as if to admit surrender. “Only an ice pack and I’ll leave once you’re tucked into bed.”

She knew he could teach stubborn to a goat and would stand there all night if he had to. His tenacity was one of the things she admired about him even as she recognized it would be a problem in any relationship they had. Still, if it got him gone, she would give in this once.

“Fine. Go wrap some ice in a tea towel and I’ll get changed. Bedroom is on the right.” She turned on her heel and marched off. Even though she didn’t look behind, she could feel his eyes on her as she walked down the short hallway and into her room.

She didn’t release her pent-up breath until she shut the door behind her. Leaning against the wooden panel, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. This evening had totally gotten out of her control, first with Ivan and now with Jake.

On cue, her shoulders began to ache. She shoved away from the door and made it to the side of the bed. Her legs were shaky so she sat and removed her shoes. Her feet throbbed with relief. There was enough ambient light coming from outside for her to see, but she turned on the small bedside lamp, needing the warmth from its glow for comfort.

She didn’t think Jake would be long in the kitchen and had no desire to be caught in a state of undress. Pushing herself off the bed, she quickly stripped off her skirt and pantyhose. Her blouse and bra quickly followed. She reached for her nightgown, which hung from an antique brass hook on the back of her closet door, and quickly drew it on. She kept her panties on, not wanting to feel quite so undressed in front of Jake. To be on the safe side, she drew her dressing gown on over the nightie.

A low knock sounded on the door. Before she could answer, Jake pushed the door open and walked in. He’d removed his jacket and boots and rolled back the sleeves of his black linen shirt, displaying muscled forearms dusted with a light covering of dark-blond hair. She frowned at him. “You should have waited until I told you to come in.”

His stride slowed and an odd expression crossed his face as though such a thing had never occurred to him. “Next time,” he promised. He had a towel filled with ice in his left hand and motioned toward the bed with his right one. “Get in bed.”

“I’d planned to,” she muttered. Honestly, the man gave new meaning to the word bossy. She pulled down the comforter and sheet and slid into bed. When she was settled, she glanced at him and was surprised to find a sheepish expression on his face.

“I don’t mean to be so pushy,” he began. He raked his free hand through the silky strands of his blond hair, something he did whenever he was upset. She’d spent enough time with him to know some of his habits. His normally cool-blue eyes darkened and warmed. “I’m just worried about you.”

Sapphire found herself softening toward him in spite of her resolve to stay strong. An apology from a man like Jake didn’t happen every day and she relished it, even as she took pleasure in his concern. “No need. It’s only a few bruises.”

All softness disappeared from his expression and was replaced with hard, implacable lines she knew so well. “It’s enough.”

Jake sat on the side of the bed, set the towel aside and tugged at the opening of her dressing gown. Giving into the inevitable, she helped him remove it and tug it out from under her. He folded it and laid it over the end of the bed. Thankfully her nightie had spaghetti straps so there was no need to pull them down to get at the bruises.

“I put the ice in a baggie and wrapped it in a towel so you don’t have to worry about it melting and making a mess.” He gingerly set the towel with the ice on one shoulder.

She flinched and he swore. She was surprised by how much he’d cursed this evening. He normally watched his language around her.

“I know it’s cold, but it will help,” he promised. He tugged the covers around her and brushed back a lock of hair that had escaped from its clip.

Sapphire studied him as he moved the cold compress to her other shoulder. She’d never admit it to him, but he was right. The ice was numbing the pain and easing some of the ache from her bruises.

Jake continued to shift the ice pack from shoulder to shoulder until almost all of the ice had melted. He removed the compress and studied the bruises. “I don’t think they’re too bad, but it will take a while for them to fade.” He tossed the towel onto the nightstand and then leaned over her, bracing his hands on either side of her.

A million butterflies danced in her stomach and her skin felt hot in spite of the ice he’d used on her bruises. She swallowed hard and stared at him.

“I’ve missed you.”

She’d missed him too. So much. But she couldn’t get the words past her lips, wasn’t sure she would even if she could. The pain of his leaving was still too fresh. “What happened? Tell me why you left that night. You said it was because of the darkness inside you. What did you mean by that?”

If they were going to have any kind of chance at all of making this relationship work, then he was going to have to be honest with her from here on out. No more making her decisions for her. She needed to understand what demons he was fighting, what was driving him to act as he did.

He lowered his head and for a second she thought he might kiss her. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that, not yet, not with her emotional barrier so unsteady. Instead, he rested his forehead against hers and sighed. His warm breath fanned over her skin.

“You know what I’ve done for a living.” His voice was so low she had to listen hard to hear him. She sensed that whatever he was about to say wasn’t easy for him, but it was necessary if they were going to start over.

“I do.”

He sat upright and studied her, his gaze probing and intense. “You think you do, but you don’t.”

She shook her head in protest. She wasn’t stupid, nor was she as innocent as he seemed to think she was. “Jake, I know you were a soldier for twenty years. I know that you were a sniper. I can do the math.”

He nodded stiffly and she reached out to him, resting a hand on his forearm. The muscle was taut and hard beneath her palm.

“I know you’ve had to make some hard choices, do some hard things in your career.” She knew he’d killed people. The country had been at war and it was his job to deal with the threat.

His entire body stilled, but there was no mistaking the coiled energy just waiting to explode. “When we got out, John and I started our business.”

And in a short time, Knight Security was gaining a name for itself in certain circles. She was so glad her father had found them when she and Topaz had needed bodyguards.

“But what does that have to do with what happened between us in the bedroom, Jake?” That was what she really needed the answer to. The man sitting next to her was a deeply complex and layered one, with depths she hadn’t truly seen until tonight.

He met her gaze, his blue eyes unflinching. “I don’t like being out of control. Maybe it comes from doing the job I did for such a long time, maybe it’s part of my basic DNA and was strengthened by my career choice. I really don’t know.”

Sapphire stayed quiet, willing him to continue. Only the distant hum of the refrigerator and their light breathing broke the silence for the longest time. She began to wonder if he was going to tell her anything more when he finally began to speak again.

“Do you know what I’m saying to you? Do you understand?” He cupped her face between his hands, rubbing his thumbs over her cheekbones. “I like being in charge of sex. I have to be in charge.”

He’d been intense and demanding the night they’d spent together, but she’d found it oddly exciting. And for sure, she’d never orgasmed with the intensity that she had that night. But what exactly did he mean by being in charge?

“There are things I want to do to you. Things I want you to do to me, for me. I want to strip you naked and fuck you all night long until you won’t ever question who you belong to.”

His words snaked through her blood like molten lava, setting her body on fire for him. But a part of her took a step back. Was this what she wanted? Could she live with his demands, satisfy his needs?

She licked her suddenly dry lips. “What else?”

His chest expanded and contracted on a huge breath. “What else? Anything. Everything. Whatever I want, whenever I want it.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips over hers, the touch barely there, more of a breath than a kiss. “But I’ll never hurt you again, babe. I promise you that. I’m sorry for the bruises I left on your skin that night.” He rested his hand on the comforter over her hips and pressed.

“Bruises?” Did he think he’d physically hurt her?

He frowned. “Don’t deny them. I saw them on your hips where I held you too tight. I also left a beard burn on your breasts.” He shook his head. “Not to mention you flinched every time you moved.”

She couldn’t believe what he was saying, the misconceptions he had of their night together. “Jake, the light rash on my breasts was gone by the time you left. I never even noticed it. As for the bruises, they were light and I honestly can’t remember you holding me too tight.”

She took a deep breath and plunged onward, determined to be totally honest. “And, yes, I was sore. What woman wouldn’t be after a night of intense sex, especially when she’s not used to it. A soak in a warm tub and a day without sex and I was fine.”

His gaze narrowed as if he was trying to determine whether or not to believe her. “I hurt you,” he reiterated. “I won’t do it again.”

But he’d already hurt her. Not physically, as he seemed to be so worried about, but emotionally.

Sapphire shivered, suddenly cold to her very core. Jake was right. There was a darkness seething inside him, but instead of frightening her, it drew her like a moth to a flame. She knew she might get burned but she wasn’t sure she cared. The fire would be so beautiful it might be worth getting singed.

His intensity had roused something deep within her, a dark sensuality she hadn’t even known existed until the night they’d spent together. It would be all too easy to lose herself completely, to allow Jake to take over every aspect of her life, inside the bedroom and out. She had to decide if she was strong enough to hold her ground and not get swallowed up if they had a relationship.

“I need time to think.” And there was no way to do that with Jake sitting so close to her. After only one night together, her body was primed by his nearness, his masculine scent of musk and woodsy soap. The way he looked at her, as though he could eat her up, left her panties damp and her knees weak.

But he’d already left her once. And although she didn’t think he would intentionally hurt her again, she had to be practical. Relationships didn’t always work out. She’d dated and had a few serious liaisons over the years, but none of them had destroyed her the way that Jake’s leaving had done.

If she agreed to give them another chance she had to go into the relationship with both eyes open. She had to somehow guard her heart and not allow it to become any more susceptible than it already was.

Maybe she was fooling herself. Maybe she should just cut her losses and say goodbye for good.