Strong (Kindred #1) (44 page)

I
say goodbye to Carmen and head to Doug and Sophie’s to go over the last few things before I start work on their extension in a couple of days. I’m in the middle of talking something through when my phone rings.

Lex calling

I let it go to voicemail and continue talking with Doug. Two seconds later it rings again. I let that call go to voicemail too. Then it rings again straight away and a sudden feeling of dread fills my stomach.

“Sorry, do you mind if I get that? It’s my sister.”

“Go ahead, I’ll just go and get that plan I talked about.” he smiles.

“Lex?” I answer.

“Carter!” she cries down the phone. “It’s Dad.”

“Hey, calm down, what’s going on?”

“He’s in the hospital Carter, he had a heart attack. Please, you’ve got to come home, I’m so scared, Mom is… Please Carter I know you were only here a few weeks ago, but please, come home.”

“Is he okay?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t been able to get hold of Mom since they left for the hospital. I just, I need you and Jack, Carter, I can’t do this alone. Please, please come home.”

“It’s okay, it’s all okay, I’ll speak to Jack, we’ll be on the first flight we can be on. I’ll phone you when it’s sorted. Try and stay calm Titch, okay? He’ll be okay.”

“Be quick, Carter. I’m so scared.”

I hang up and phone Jack, everything is chaos for the next ten minutes while I try to get him to calm down enough to work out what we’re going to do. We agree to fly back to Chicago right now, price be damned, we have to see Dad. Jack tells me to book Josie in too, he’s not going without her. I hang up and phone Carmen, she answers in her beautiful sing song voice and everything inside me wants to break.

“Carmen, I’ve got to go home. Dad’s… Dad’s had a heart attack. I need to go home… Lex is hysterical… I’m sorry.”

“What?” she asks, clearly shocked.

“He’s had a heart attack, Jack and I are going home, Josie is coming with us. Can you come, please?”

“Carter, come home, please, we can work this all out, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Okay, I love you. Drive carefully, please.”

“I will, I love you too.”

I hang up just as Doug comes back into the room.

“Everthing okay?”

“No, my Dad… He’s had a heart attack… I need.. Fuck! I need to fly back to Chicago.”

“I’m so sorry, Carter. Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t think so… I mean, it’s going to mean your extension
—
”

“The extension can wait, family comes first. Are you sure I can’t do anything?”

“I really don’t know right now. I… Need to…”

“Go home Carter, work this all out with Carmen and Jack. And please, let me know if we can do anything at all.”

I leave the house and drive back to the apartment, a thousand things running through my head; is my Dad going to be okay? What if he’s not? What about Mom? I don’t remember the drive back but before I’m even aware of it, I’m unlocking the door and stepping into Carmen’s arms.

“I’m so sorry.” she soothes me, holding me tighter.

“I don’t know what to do, Carm. I’m so fucking scared.”

“It’s okay, come sit down, let’s sort out getting you and Jack back there.”

“Are you coming?”

“Carter… I can’t. I have my check up tomorrow, I can’t cancel it, I’m so sorry.”

“No, I’m stupid, of course you can’t. I really wish you could come with me though, I’m not sure what I’m going home to, what I’m going to have to do, what if he’s not okay?”

I can’t keep myself together anymore and before I know it, I’m crying. I’m terrified and I want Carmen with me, but I will not ask her to cancel this, it’s too important, she’s too important to me.

“He’ll be okay, he’ll be okay.” she soothes me, running her hands up and down my back.

We sit like that until I calm down and then we open the laptop and call the airline. Three flights are booked for the night flight in six hours for an obscene amount of money. Carmen helps me pack and phones Jack and Josie to let them know what’s going on. An hour later we’re parking at the airport and walking into departures. I haven’t got a bag to check so I’m ready to walk through security. Jack and Josie have already checked in and have let me know they’ll meet me on the other side. I look back at Carmen and I know I can’t do it.

I can’t walk away.

She steps forward about to speak but I stop her.

“Don’t say it.” I whisper.

“I have to.” she whispers back.

“No. You don’t.” I tell her, looking into her eyes.

“I need to say it, you know it has to happen. You have to get on that flight and you have to go home.”

She steps forward and reaches up onto her tiptoes and rests her forehead to mine, she takes a deep, shuddery breath and when she releases it, she pulls back. I search her face for any sign she doesn’t mean this, that she doesn’t want me to leave.

“I’ll always be here, Carter. I’m always here for you. But I can’t ask you to delay going for me. Right now, your Dad needs you. Go home, be with your family… I’ll be waiting for you right here.”

“I hate that I have to leave you, it feels like I’m choosing them over you, like I’m leaving you when you need me.” I tell her.

“It only feels like that because that’s how you’re seeing it. Your Dad needs you, much more than I do. I’m okay, I promise you.” she smiles.

I can see how strong she is right now, how she’s being strong for me because I can’t be. I lean in and kiss her, softly.

“Come with me.” I whisper against her mouth.

I hate myself for asking her again, but I need her with me more than I need anything right now.

“I can’t, I have the hospital tomorrow,” she kisses me again, bringing her hands up and to the back of my head. “I’ll be here when everything is better, when your Dad is better. Remember us Carter, remember you’ll always have a huge part of me with you. Remember, I’ll never ever find anyone who loves me more than you, I’ll never find anyone I love more than you. Please remember because it’s true. I promise, I’ll try come over as soon as I can, okay?”

“I love you, I love you so much. I’m so scared. I don’t think I can be strong, not like you are.”

She reaches into her bag and pulls out Walter, the teddy I gave her all those months ago. She holds him to her chest and smiles at me.

“You told me, you gave me this bear as a symbol of my strength. You were wrong, it’s not my strength it represents, Carter. It’s yours. So I’m giving him to you, take him with you while I can’t be and let it represent our strength together, okay? Let him remind you, we’re still together even if I can’t be with you.”

“I can’t walk away, I can’t do it.” I tell her, suddenly feeling like I have lead in my legs, that my feet are unable to move.

“I’ll do it then and I’ll do it because I know, you’ll come back. Because I know even though we’re not together for a while, you live in here,” she places her hand over her heart. “And I live in here too.” she places her other hand over mine.

She kisses me one last time and then with a smile on her lips, she turns around and walks away, I knew she was strong, I’ve always known, now I know she’s stronger than I am. She walked away so I didn’t have to.

I pick up my bag and put Walter safely inside it. With heavy feet, I walk to security, chancing a look back incase she’s standing there.

She isn’t.

She won’t make this harder than it already is. As I walk through my phone buzzes and I reach into my pocket to see a message from Carmen on my screen.

Carmen:
Be strong for your Dad like you were for me. You’re the most amazing man in the whole world I love you more than anything. We’ll be back together soon. I love you xx

I find Jack and Josie and we wait for our flight to be called, none of us talk, Josie keeps crying and Jack looks like he’s fighting tears the whole time. Lex texts and tells us that Dad is sedated and in ICU but they’re telling them that his chances are good.

Our flight is called and we board, I have no idea what is going to happen while we’re in the air and there’s nothing I can do about it. I settle back in my seat and text Carmen and let her know we’re about to take off and that I love her, she replies telling me she loves me too and she’s thinking of us all.

I switch off my phone, close my eyes and prepare for the longest flight of my life.

Since pressing publish back in 2014, my life has changed. There isn’t a moment in the day I’m not listening to the
‘voices in my head’
or feeling inspired by something I’ve seen or heard. When I first started writing all those months ago, I didn’t know where it would take me, how long I’d do it for or if anyone would want to read what I created. I’m extremely proud to say you do, and with each story I complete, I feel I grow as a writer. I always strive to write the best story I can, I always hope to feel as happy and proud with it in six months, a year or ten years, as I am when I type the words;
the end.
I’ve found with each story I complete, another little piece of me clicks into place, that I find another little piece of
me
, it’s pretty incredible.

Strong
, as with all my stories, is incredibly special. I never planned to write Carter and Carmen’s story, even though, I always knew they ended up together. When they started talking and I began to write, I realised what an important story theirs was, how much I had to write it and how very much I waned to. I hope you enjoy their journey, that you experience their story the way you want to and that by the end of it, they’ve crawled into your heart and you don’t want them to leave.

As always, there are people who have helped, supported and encouraged me every step of the way. This is where I take the time to say THANK YOU, you all mean so much to me.

Sarahjane
- I don’t know if you remember all those months ago, (before anyone had read or even knew about
Doubt)
that you took a chance on me. I posted in a book group asking if anyone would like to read my story, not expecting anyone to say yes. You did, and we’ve been friends ever since. My day doesn’t feel right if we haven’t spoken, it proves miles make no difference to a friendship, because you’re always there for me and I hope you know, I’m always there for you too. You’re one of a kind and I adore you.

Mammy K
- I love how much you love my guys and gals. You never fail to make me smile. I can’t wait for my office to be ready so I can finally put up my book covers canvas - You’re the best.

Lily
- Sometimes, people come into your life and make such an impact, you can’t remember a time when they weren’t in it. You’re one of those people. You’re there whether I’m excited and need to tell you about a scene I just finished, whether I’m doubting myself and need you to kick me up the butt or if I’ve been reading a certain book and been crying again. Life is a much happier, much funnier place with you in it. Thank you for loving CC from the very beginning, I don’t need to say it, because you already know, but… Carter belongs to you.

Sam - Life may get in the way, but our friendship doesn’t change. Our writing journey hasn’t been anything like we thought it would be, but it’s still on of the most exciting ones I’ve been on. Keep going, you’re incredible. Thank you for always being there.

Rachel & Jo from Hourglass Events -
You girls will forever be special to me, my first ever signing and one I still, weeks after, think of. I couldn’t have been made to feel more welcome or part of the ‘Leeds family’ I can’t wait for the next one! Thank you for my #SigningSam

Lisa J Hobman
- You’ve been there from the beginning, and I’m so glad you were my neighbour for my first signing. You’re absolutely fabulous and I don’t think you know it. ‘Not Greg’ is a star too! Can’t wait for the next signing my lovely!

Victoria L James
- For making the lead up to Leeds so much fun, and making a pretty epic first impression when we met in the bar. You always make me chuckle at my screen. You’re the best, roll on our next signing together.

The readers - Without you, none of this would be possible. Thank you to every single person who has taken the time to read my stories, who has sent me a message or tweet. To everyone I met at my first signing in Leeds, who came over and had a chat and bought my books. It’s the best feeling in the world when someone tells you they love your characters. Thank you for taking a chance on me.

Mr Hobbs
- For giving me time to write, for making the most beautiful covers, for listening to me go on and on about my stories and for not complaining when I tell you to shush because
I’m writing
. You are the most incredible man and I’m so lucky to have you.