Struggle (6 page)
Authors: P.A. Jones
When Chloe said those words to me, I knew I was going to have a confrontation in the dorm. I was right because, after I changed my clothes, Chloe was waiting for me. “What was that about, Eva?” She had a “big sister” look on her face.
"What?" I said, acting like I didn’t know what she was talking about.
“You know what I’m talking about.
I saw the way Nathan looked at you and the way you responded.” She looked determined.
"
It's nothing like that. He’s just kind of cute."
“Yes, he
is, and I also know that you like him. He looks like a good person. I know what happened with Jacob, but it doesn't mean that there are no good men left in this world."
I was surprised at her tone and
where this conversation was going. She was always worried about my happiness. I loved her for being there for me, but I wasn't sure about what I wanted. “I’s nothing like that, Chloe. I just like being around him. He seems like a nice guy, and he’s hot. But how can I keep my inner demons away?
Chloe
smiled. “Look, sugar, life won't be easy on you because you are nice to everyone. Jacob was an asshole. From the moment I met him, I knew he didn't deserve you, and I warned you about him. Finally, he broke your heart."
I was hurt by what she said, but she was right. She
did warn me about Jacob's attitude, but I didn't listen to her. The result was a broken heart and two years of wasted time. "I admit that you were right, but Nathan is also a man. I agree with you that a spark flies between us when we’re together and I can't really take my eyes of him, but what if he is just like Jacob? I have already seen him with a girl and she wasn't his sister.”
"Again I would say
that it's not like he won't be another jerk, but he seems nice. If you feel something for him, I think you should give him a chance. This might be the healing factor for you. I know it's going to be hard for you to trust anyone again, but you should try, at least. If you think he likes you, go and have some fun. Just don't get too involved and get hurt.”
I understood
what she was saying. Nathan had given me a hint that day, but it was my heart that was afraid to take the hint and run with it. The Jacob thing almost broke me and I lost my way. Thanks to Chloe, I am emotionally strong again. I nodded my head. "I think I should try this time. Let’s see how it goes."
"
That’s my girl. Let me make some coffee for you." She went into the kitchen.
I kept thinking about the evening, his touch
, the sparks, his eyes, his words. I wondered what he really meant, but it was clear that he looked forward to seeing me again.
***
I was waiting for the evening. I knew I made a few mistakes in class because of him. Finally, it was time to meet in his office. He was waiting for me. I kept thinking about what he said at the zoo, and wondered what he meant by it.
“Would you like
a cup of coffee?" he said, handing me a cup.
I didn't
expect him to be so courteous. "Thanks. So where shall we start?"
He
blew on his coffee, then sipped. "I have created a requirement chart. Let us go through the points one by one, then we can discuss what’s missing.”
“Okay,
sure."
He moved towards his board and
revealed a flowchart. We went through each point and discussed them in detail. He asked me questions to clarify some things, making notes. The meeting lasted three hours. When I looked at my watch, it was almost 7:30.
"
Oh, it’s late. I better leave,” I said, disappointed.
"Oh
, is it? The time just flew.” He looked at his watch, surprise on his face. He then walked me to the door. He shook my hand, starting the sparks inside my body. "Okay, we will meet tomorrow and maybe schedule a college visit next week." I nodded. “And, Eva? I meant what I said about your smile.” He smiled, making my body tingle. “Until tomorrow,” he said as I walked out the door. I thought about him the whole way back to the dorm.
***
As I was laying down that night, a text from him flashed on my phone.
Good night, Eva.
The next night, we sent a few more texts before sleeping.
The next night, we sent a few more.
After three nights, we could write an essay with our texts. We were getting closer day by day. I was sleeping when I got his text.
You are very adorable
, Eva. Good Night. Catch ya’ tomorrow."
I was
sitting in the chair, thinking about Eva. She had completely gotten into my mind. Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I did at the zoo. I could still remember her expression…surprise, mixed with awe. It looked like she wanted to say something, but Chloe and Martin interrupted us.
She was wearing
an ocean blue dress, which was a little below her shoulder and made her look like an angel. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her that day.
Damn, I am thinking about her instead of working again.
I tried to focus
. I had to complete at least a bare structure to show her, but the way she looked that day kept coming to my mind. Her smile was the most beautiful thing about her. When she smiled, she spread happiness. My world stopped when she was around. How she did it, I don’t know, but her effect on me was visible on my face. Chloe must have seen it. When we were at the zoo and all the birds flew away, she held her face in her hands. I wanted to touch her at that moment; take her hands away from her face and kiss her. And when I touched her shoulder to calm her, I felt electricity throughout my whole body. I wanted to take her in my arms to feel the burn again and again.
Damn, this girl is killing me
.
When she touched the penguin,
her eyes were so full of wonder that I just melted. That night was the best evening of my life. I wanted to see her again so I asked her to discuss the requirements, but it turned into a good thing. We had discussed many things over the last few days, and I told her that I would show her the bare model today. But that fact kept me thinking about her and not doing my work. Each day spent with her made me want to be with her more and more.
I walked
onto the balcony, and watched the New York City traffic moving around my building. I remembered her hand in mine the other day, when we were enjoying the coffee break after a long session. Her touch told me many things, and it was getting difficult for me to keep myself away from her. But she was special, not like any girl I slept with. It eased my mind so I was able to work for the next two hours. At least I had something to show her.
The bell
rang and I woke up from my thoughts. I looked at my watch. It was already 5 PM so it must be Eva. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still in my casual clothes, but I didn't have time to change so I opened the door.
"Hey
, dude. Where are you these days? You’re not answering my calls and not even coming to the club." James looked surprised.
"Hey, how are you
?” I let him in. "I was a bit busy with the project I am working on. How come you are here?”
"To take you to a bar
. I want a wingman and who can be a better wingman than you?" He laughed.
"Sorry
, James. I have an appointment. She’s going to be here any time."
"She? What girl? Are you dating
someone?" His eyes widened.
"No,
it's just a project I am doing for her college. Let me go get dressed.” I left him standing there and went to change. When I came out, Eva was already there and talking with him.
"I was telling your lovely client how efficient you are." James smiled at me.
"Okay, I am heading to the club. If you get some free time later, you know where to find me." He waved and left.
"What was he saying?"
I asked Eva.
"Nothing much,
just nice things about you." She gave me a beautiful smile. My heart longed to grab her and kiss her, but now wasn’t the time.
"
Let's get down to business then." I grabbed my computer and sat on the couch. She came and sat to my right side, close enough that she could see the screen. Her scent flooded my senses. I wanted to breathe her in again and again.
I opened my screen and ran the simulator
, which brought up the home page of her college website. In another window, I opened Firefox to compare to her current website. “Okay, see the difference in these two versions? I think I have everything you want." I showed her the Facebook integration button and the bubble button, which I intended for their local twitter-like tool. "These are just the mockups. I still have to put in the back-up code. I will be presenting this to your college committee soon."
"
That's wonderful." She moved closer to me to see it more clearly. She was wearing a tank top so her bare shoulder was touching mine, and she pulled her hair over to the other side, which made me want to nuzzle into her neck.
She put her hand in her pocket
, kind of like she was looking for something. “What are you looking for?”
"
A hair clip. My hair gets in my way when I’m working. I am thinking of cutting it.”
"Please don't
. It’s beautiful.” I couldn't believe what I was saying.
My breath
ing was getting faster, and our eyes met. I moved towards her, pressing my lips on hers. I grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her to me. Her lips were soft and tasted like strawberries, and her scent completely took me over. I slipped my tongue inside her mouth, and she welcomed it. My tension was increasing, and I was losing control. I had to stop because she wasn't like other girls who were in my life for one night. She was different; she was special. I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted things to move slowly.
I pulled back
, keeping my hand in her hair. I looked into her eyes. They were sad, urging for more. "I am sorry, Eva. I lost control."
"I
lost control, too, Nathan, but you withdrew. What does that mean?" She was breathing fast.
"You are special
, Eva, and I don't want to end it. I want things to go slow."
She pulled back,
adjusting herself on the couch. "What was it, Nathan? What does that mean?" Her eyes were looking at me like I did something wrong.
“Eva, that kiss meant
a lot to me. I just want things to go slow. You are not like others and I want you to have a special place in my life. Let us take it slowly, okay?" I shoved my hand through my hair. "I was attracted to you from the moment I saw you in the bar, even though I was with somebody else. You have that effect on me, and I’m drawn to you.”
"Sorry
, Nathan. I didn't know you were with someone else. I am so sorry." She burst into tears.
"No
, nothing like that. I am not seeing anyone, not like you are thinking. I just wanted to tell you how crazy you drive me when you are around me." I took her face in my hands and wiped her tears with my thumb.
She looked into my eyes. “How foolish am I, though? I kissed you without knowing anything about you. You are right. We should know each other better. You must be thinking how reckless I am, right? Or did I act like a complete college girl?" She gave me the most beautiful smile.
"You are
, after all, a college girl." I tried to make her laugh. She punched me on my shoulder. "Oh, my god. You have the power you hurt me, Eva. You could be a good boxer."
"You
…” She hit me again and we both laughed.
***
Fifteen minutes letter, we were again discussing the proposal. I decided to meet her college professor, Mrs. Cooper, the coming Saturday.
When we were done
and I looked at my watch, it was past 8 and we were both were hungry. “I think I need to eat something. What about you? Would you like to go out and get some Chinese?”
"Are you asking me out on a date
?” Eva asked, smiling.
"You can say
that.” I smiled. “Come on. I’m damn hungry.”
We went to a nearby Chinese restaurant
, then I dropped her at her dorm. She left the car with her innocent smile, leaving an imprint on my heart.
Eva was taking me to meet her teacher
, Mrs. Cooper. We had to show her the progress and check the next phase. It was like a User Acceptance Testing for me and I was confident enough. As it was college visit, I decided to wear my brown formal jacket. I drove to Eva’s dorm.
When I was outside
the building, I dialed her number. She came out, walking like a princes. She was wearing a red tank top and a dark blue jeans. As she walked to my car, I remembered her lips pressed against mine tasting like a luscious strawberry. "What are you thinking, Mr. Brown?" She giggled. “Ready for the meeting?"
"
Absolutely. I am thinking that you can show me your college once we are done.” I looked at her, hoping that she wouldn't decline my offer.
"Sure
. I had the same thought. I have the day off today.”
***
When we entered the college grounds, I could see people roaming around. I remembered my college days, which also bought back the memories of Samantha. I didn't want to remember those.
"Park
on that side." Eva broke into my thoughts and indicated where I should go.
When we
got out of the car, we saw Chloe and Martin. “Hi, sugar. Hi, Nathan. How’s the project going?” Chloe giggled when she saw us.
"It's going
good. We’re going to meet Mrs. Cooper now, and maybe we will catch you later." Eva replied and we started walking towards the staff offices.
She stopped and knocked on Mrs. Cooper's office. “Yes, come in.”
I pushed the wooden door
open, which resulted in a creaking sound. An old lady with big glasses on her face was sitting behind a big desk. There were a lot of books scattered around the table. Eva introduced me to her teacher. She glanced at me through her glasses, as I took out my laptop to show her the early design.
As I finished up the presentation, I said, “And that's how the students can communicate on Facebook and Twitter, but it will be secure because it will go through our firewall."
"That looks nice
. I would say you have captured the requirements very well,” Mrs. Cooper replied with confusion on her face.
"Thanks to Eva
. She had been working with me every day to make sure I understood everything you wanted." I looked back at Eva, who was blushing.
"Yes, she is a good
student. She is also a sportswomen.”
I was surprised to hear that
…Eva and sports? That was a nice combination. When I looked at her, her face had fallen. I wondered why.
We
said our goodbyes to Mrs. Cooper and left her office.
"I don't see how that old
fart understood the design." I chuckled. “So, where can we head? Are there any nice restaurants nearby where we can grab a bite?”
“Why don’t we get take out, then go someplace quiet? What you say?" Eva asked.
I smiled.
"That sounds like a plan."
We start walking and I can’t help thinking that I don’t know where she’s taking me…physically or emotionally.
She had some magic, which flipped me inside out every time her eyes met mine.
We grabbed some burgers, then
Eva walked down an ally to enter a dense tree area. Huge trees covered a beautifully crafted road. In front of our eyes, we had a man-made road and when I looked around, nature predominantly showed off it's magic. "It's so beautiful." My eyes moved from one thing to another. The university must have planned for it for years. The forest was quiet and clean, a few birds chirping here and there.
We walked for
five more minutes without saying a word. While I was admiring the beauty, we come out at the river. I couldn't believe I had never see this place.
Eva was standing at the end of
the trail, looking into oblivion. We stood there, our shoulders touching, but our minds were somewhere else. Speechless, we stood there for almost ten minutes. There were very few people present on the shore. A man ran past us wearing a blue jacket with an iPod in his hand. “It’s a nice place to jog,” I whispered, fearful that I would kill the mood.
"That's the irony of life.” Eva sounded very low.
"I like runners
. They are so agile. After kickboxing, that’s my favorite sport. I am not a runner, but I do like it." I wanted to say something to kill the silence between us. I was getting afraid. Why did Eva want to have lunch here? Did she want to talk with me?
"Can we
please talk about something else?”
I felt a
knot in the pit of my stomach. “What happened, Eva? I am sorry if I said anything wrong." I couldn't guess why her mood had changed in seconds.
“It’s nothing,
Nathan. Let’s just sit on the bench and have lunch."
We sat
together on the bench, eating our burgers in silence. It was actually burning a hole in my stomach. I was afraid that Eva just might tell me that she didn’t feel like seeing me anymore.
"This is the place
I come when I feel low, or I want to discover myself." She kept looking towards the water. I didn’t say anything, just put my hand on her shoulder.
"You know, I am a runner. I have won various awards in high school and college. My dream is to peruse a career in the sport. I want to do something related to running. If not on the national level, at least on the state.”
It was a bit
of a shock to me. I never knew that she had such a dream under those blue eyes. I smiled. "It's very nice, Eva. You know, deep inside, my heart burns for kickboxing. I can understand fully what sports mean to you. I know it keeps you awake at night, but why do you look so sad? You can tell me anything, you know.”
"I am not sure why
I am telling you this, but I am really not happy with my life right now." She took a deep breath. I could see the reluctance in her eyes. "I have a big competition in two months, but I got into an accident a few days back. The doctor says that I can't run for at least six months."
"
Injuries will happen, then you heal. Maybe you can participate in another event after six months." I tried to cheer her up, but I knew that this wasn't the only problem she had.
"It's not like that
. I need to get the scholarship, and I need to win this event so I will get the recommendation from the college. I have been practicing and pushing myself hard to come here and now I am nothing." Tears started flowing down her face.
My heart was filled
with sorrow for her. Seeing her crying like that tore at my heart. I put my hands on her shoulders and pulled her towards me. Still crying, she put her head on my shoulder.
"Hey
, sweetie, don't cry. There has to be something that we can do to heal you faster. What did the doctor say?” I was feeling something different for her than I’ve ever felt. It wasn't attraction or sympathy, but the pain she was having was radiating through me. I slowly twined my fingers through her hair, hoping that it would comfort her.
After about five minutes, she said, “
Doctor said that he can't do anything because it’s a muscle issue, and I would recover from it with training only."
My ears perked up.
"Did you say training?"
"Yes
, training, but physiotherapy will take lots of time."
"How about
a mix of western training and Indian Yoga?”
She looked at me with sleepy eyes, her hair
sticking to her face. If it wasn't for the situation, I would have kissed her. "What did you say?”
"I said
that we can try a rapid training regime for you. I know this stuff. Indian Yoga and Western Training may help you strengthen your muscles faster. It's not a sure thing, but it won't hurt to try it with your physiotherapy sessions."
"I am not getting what
you are trying to say here." She was still confused.
I smiled.
“Trust me. We are starting your training tomorrow. Is that okay with you?" I was starting to get excited.
She
paused for a second. “Ok. I am not sure about this, but a little hope is always good." She didn't looked convinced, but I was excited. "Training always gave me a better edge than my opponents.”
We finished the lunch and decided to head back to our own homes. She was emotionally overloaded
, and I wanted her to rest. For the first time since Samantha, I was overwhelmed with emotions. Maybe it was just anticipating the training that we were going to start, maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, I liked it.
