Strung (Seaside) (18 page)

I wasn’t pissed I was giving them space for shit’s sake!

Alec didn’t deserve it; neither did Nat. So in a stroke of brilliance, I grabbed a chick sitting next to me and licked her face.

Hey, I never claimed to be Einstein.

My licking, however, worked. All the attention that was once on Alec and Nat was now on me.

Swear, I could feel Alec staring a hole through my head, but it didn’t matter. I was fixing it in the only way I knew how.

Be a whore.

Act the part.

Show them they didn’t hurt me.

Show them I made my own freaking rules.

After a few minutes, Bob grabbed me by the shoulders and jerked the girl away from me. She cursed, almost falling to her ass. I stood to my feet and glared across the lunchroom at Alec. He was pissed. No he was full on raging, hulk style. As in he would kick my ass if we didn’t have an audience. Whatever. He made me what I am. I learned from the best. I was distracting them from his drama; he should thank me. Instead, he was judging me, he was disgusted with me and that hurt more than anything. It hurt because even when I was helping, I was still somehow messing up.

Another girl was in my path. I grabbed her by the arm and kissed her on the mouth too. Hell, I was already in trouble may as well just embrace it.

Bob grabbed my arm and led me forcefully out of the cafeteria.

I laughed it off.

Bob grunted. “You good?”

“Fantastic.” I smirked. “I feel awesome. Why?”

Bob’s eyes narrowed. “Straight and narrow, Demetri.”

“Why?” I snorted. “When the curves are so damn fun? Especially when you go fast.”

I walked across the parking lot to Alec’s SUV and grabbed the flask I’d hidden there weeks ago when we’d first gotten to Seaside.

It wouldn’t take much to make embarrassment go away, the rejection, the pain; after all I was already on pills. Alcohol just intensified the effect.

Another five swallows.

I threw the flask onto the ground then kicked it.

When the alcohol didn’t make me feel the way it was supposed to. I went in search of the flask, picked it up, and then sat like a loser in the SUV, waiting for the stupid day to be over.

Three hours later.

Two more pills.

The alcohol gone.

And the bell finally rang.

Suddenly, mad as hell, I jumped out of the car and made my way back to the front of the school, swear the cars weren’t even parked, they were all aimed for me, trying to kill me. My vision blurred as the brick walls came into focus, and then blonde hair.

“Nat!”

She didn’t hear me.

One more taste.

Just so she knew what she was giving up. It was a great idea, right? Then again I was drunk, a bit high. I said her name again, then grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the brick wall, kissing her. “Nat, I didn’t mean it.”

I seriously couldn’t feel my legs.

“Demetri, stop, you’re drunk.” Frantic, her eyes widened as if I scared her. Me? What the hell!

“I’m not that drunk.” I swayed on my feet. “I just need to talk to you I just want to tell you why!”

She patted my arm like I was a kid. “Okay, why?”

“I love you.” I blurted. My brain was telling my mouth to stop moving, but my heart hurt so bad I had no choice. “I love you so much and I know you love him! I know you do! I saw you two, the way you looked at each other! I didn’t want to be second.” All my life I’d been second. All my damn life.

“Listen, Demetri. You really need to get your crap together. I’m sorry we didn’t work out. I’m also sorry that you didn’t have the balls to say it to my face before you stormed out and hooked up with the first girl in L.A. you could find.”

“We didn’t.” I looked down and shoved my hands in my pockets, though it took me like twenty tries. “We didn’t hook up. I kept thinking about you. Saw your texts.” I swayed again, this time my body bracing hers against the brick wall, not sure if she was holding me up or if it was the wall, things were starting to get fuzzier.

“I saw them, Nat. I wanted to respond so bad, but I needed time to think. And then Alec does what he does best.”

“What’s that?”

“Steals the only girl I love.” I snapped.

“Oh, so he makes a habit of that?” She sneered.

I laughed out loud. “You have no idea how messed up we are.”

“I’m beginning to understand.” Her teeth were clenched.

“He stole her.”

“Okay, Demetri.” She tried to step around me.

I reached out and tugged her against me. “No, you don’t understand. My girlfriend. He slept with her, got her pregnant, abandoned her.”

Nat’s face went pale.

“With my girlfriend.” I scowled. “Who was too much of a good girl to even think about sleeping with me. She slept with him.”

Tears pooled in Nat’s eyes. I was hurting her, plunging in the knife so deep I wasn’t even sure if Alec would be able to find it… let alone pull it out.

“She was mine! And he knew it! He was such a cocky son of a bitch. We were drunk. He said I needed to seal the deal. I told him it was impossible, so we made a bet.”

Nat’s hands shook as she held me back.

“He said if he got into her pants that I owed him a new car.” Tears blurred my vision. “I laughed it off. Alec was always the player. I knew he’d try, but she loved me. I knew she loved me. Just like I knew you loved me. And now…” I cursed and punched the brick wall, blood coursed down my knuckles but I didn’t feel a thing.

Nat fell to her knees in front of me. Holy shit. I’d killed her. But I couldn’t find the strength to even lean down and help her up; my world was tilting.

“Nat!” Alec called her name. “Nat!”

“Nat!” Alec pushed passed me and scooped Nat up into his arms. “Damn it, Nat. Don’t you dare pass out on me!”

“Bastard.” I mumbled from the ground.

“Really?” Alec snarled, “You’re going to call me names? After assaulting her?”

“Fell,” I said hoarsely. “She fell.” I stood to my feet and pushed against him, he was defenseless considering he was holding Nat.

I didn’t expect him to actually punch me.

But he did.

So I punched him back making him almost drop Nat in the process. I almost hit her instead of him, and that’s when I really, really freaked myself out.

I tripped backwards, and then fell on my ass, just as Bob came up behind me and pulled me to my feet.

I knew what was next. I was getting dropped off at the house, and put on house arrest, that was what usually happened after I did dumb shit, but this time. Something was different about this time.

This time… as Bob pushed me into the car and drove me home. This time it felt like the last time I’d see the ocean, or school, or even my brother’s face. The hair on my arms stood on end… huh, why did this time feel like the end? When all the other times just felt like another day?

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Alec

“HE TOLD YOU
everything.”

I felt her nod even though I didn’t see it. I couldn’t actually bring myself to look at her in the eyes. Telling Nat the truth was like telling a three year old that Santa didn’t exist and you ran over the Easter Bunny for fun.

“Tell me it isn’t true.”

My laugh was bitter, void of emotion. “I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

After a heavy sigh, I turned to face her. “I can’t deny the truth. I did everything he said, and what’s probably worse is I got her hooked on drugs in the process.”

She closed her eyes.

“Nat…” My voice was a whisper.

“Just take me home.”

We rode home in silence. I could tell that she was doing the only logical thing she could do… putting the pieces of the puzzle together. The reasons for us being in Seaside. The secret, how it affected me, how it ruined my brother. I felt like shit and it was all because I’d done something shitty. Wasn’t that great?

The crazy thing was… I didn’t really care that Nat thought I was a loser, if anything I cared that she would blame Demetri for what he did. I was the bad guy. I was the reason for Demetri’s issues — I knew that. I had to face myself in the mirror every day and know that I was the reason two people died. I was the reason Demetri was on the road to killing himself. Me. Me. Me

We drove in silence. When the car pulled up to my house she didn’t move.

“Nat…”

She closed her eyes and sighed. “Tell me everything.”

“It’s complicated. I don’t think…”

“Tell me. Now.”

“Heroin.” I laughed humorlessly. “I told her it would help her relax.” I couldn’t look at Nat as I told the story. “We had been partying all weekend and Demetri was already in bed. She was drunk.”

Tears rolled down Nat’s cheeks. I was a monster. A complete, and total monster.

“It was all over within twenty minutes. Neither of us was really thinking. Had I been thinking, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. But alcohol? Drugs? They have a way of messing with you. I knew what I was doing — I just didn’t care. I knew it was wrong, but I felt so good — it felt so good — that I refused to acknowledge there would be any consequences.” I cursed and shook my head “Demetri found us in bed together.”

Nat gasped.

“I’ve never seen that look on his face before. They had a huge fight, broke up, and we didn’t hear from her again until we found out she was pregnant. By then we also found out she was hooked on everything under the sun, made easy by yours truly, considering I paid her off to keep her mouth shut.”

We sent her into rehab. Our little boy, whom I never met, went to his grandma’s. The next we heard from her, she was released from rehab and sounded really happy. I apologized again and told her how sorry I was. She and Demetri talked on the phone and got in a fight. She, um… She went to pick up Benjamin and was hit in a head on collision. She went the wrong way on the freeway.”

Nat closed her eyes. Her voice shook as she spoke, “So the canceled concert tour this year? The time off?”

“Grief counseling and addiction.”

“Addiction?”

“Not me, Nat.” I bit my lip. “I don’t touch the stuff. I don’t touch anything. It ruined a part of me that I don’t think I’ll ever get back. The addiction? That would be my brother’s. Also my fault.”

“He makes his own choices. It’s not your fault.” Why the hell was she defending me?

I laughed bitterly, “Yeah, I think it is, Nat. It was all me. I was the partier, the wild one. I never got in trouble. I never had any consequences. Somehow, I got lucky, and for some reason I never felt addicted. I just liked the feeling drugs gave me. That was not the case with Demetri.”

“Is he on drugs now?”

“I don’t know. He’s drinking heavily again, that much is clear. Nat…” I licked my lips. “You don’t have to stay. You can go.” I was trying like hell to hold back tears. “I kill everything I touch. It’s like I’m poison.”

“No!” She reached for me but I jerked back. I didn’t want to taint her, to bring black to what was so white. She reached for me again and pulled my body into her arms, the console kept us from being closer. Which was probably a good thing considering I would have sobbed in her lap like a baby had I had the opportunity to actually make it to her side of the car.

“Alec, look at me.” I choked tears back, fought with every shred of dignity I had to keep from losing my shit, “What you did was messed up. I’m not going to deny it. Nor am I going to say that I’m not seriously tempted to jump out of this car and run away from you, but I love you. I love who you are now. The man you are now. If those things wouldn’t have happened to you, who knows where you would be?”

My entire body trembled. “Nat, you have to know. I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t even know who that guy was, I just—”

Her kiss was forceful and pleading. Nat wrapped her hands around my shoulders, jerking me closer to her. My tongue reached out, licking her lower lip then dove slowly into her mouth. Her taste was an addiction in and of itself — if I was being completely honest, just being with her made everything fade into the darkness. I was able to store the pain, because she made me feel like it didn’t exist. I was desperate for her.

“Nat—” I groaned against her mouth, my hands gripping her shoulders as I pushed her tenderly away. “I love you so much, you know that right? I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.”

Rain began to fall, sounding like a loud applause. Good timing. Nat smirked. “Race you to the house?”

That was it. After everything, she was going to forgive me? Love me? It was too good to be true. I instantly relaxed. “Yeah, Nat, race you to the house.”

She beat me. Then again I let her. It wasn’t about winning; hell I’d already won.

When I reached her, I started laughing; she looked like a drowned rat. Drenched from head to toe, she leaned towards me. I traced her face with my fingers. “You’re so beautiful, Nat.”

She winked then rose to her tiptoes expectantly. Mine. She was finally mine. I chuckled and lifted her off the ground for a kiss and crushed my lips against her mouth.

“Get a room or something,” Demetri grumbled pushing past us, he wasn’t even walking in a straight line.

Shit! I set Nat on her feet and reached for my brother. He wasn’t well. Not at all. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“Out!” Demetri stumbled to his car and threw open the door. The wind picked up, whipping it across my face.

“The hell you are!” I ran toward the car and tried to jerk the door open, but Demetri locked the doors and slammed the car into drive. “Demetri! Don’t!” I yelled so much my voice was hoarse.

The Mercedes peeled out of the driveway and took off, almost hitting a few mailboxes on the way.

“Damn it!” Panicked, I kicked the ground then ran to my side of the SUV and quickly jumped in. “Get in, Nat.”

She didn’t need to be told twice.

I only had an idea of the direction he went. I didn’t want to call him, lest he be idiot enough to answer it and actually get himself killed.

“Stupid! Why is he so stupid?” I slammed the steering wheel. “I want to hate him! Damn it!” Sirens blared in the distance.

I didn’t make the connection.