Stubborn Love (13 page)

When the kiss came to an end, I looked into his gaze; he was still holding me close. “What does this mean?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly, my heart pounding.

“Do you want me?” he questioned longingly.

I paused, scared to answer, but even more frightened not to. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted his hands and lips to explore every inch of my body. I nodded, and his eyes widened in delight.

A chill rushed down my spine as I felt his breath on my cheek. He gazed at me; I licked my lips slowly in anticipation, running my fingers down his back until they met the bottom of his t-shirt. I pulled slightly upward, and he took the hint. Releasing me, he lifted the shirt above his head, allowing it to drop to the floor, exposing his bare chest and chiseled stomach.

I smiled, biting my lip as I drank him in. Colin stepped forward, taking hold of my shirt and releasing the buttons, one by one. When my blouse finally fell open, exposing my overflowing bra and slight tummy I felt my face grow hot. I wasn’t fat, I knew that, but I also wasn’t fit like him.

My eyes shifted to the ground as my insecurities overwhelmed me. A man hadn’t seen me naked in years, and now, here I was, standing with all my vulnerabilities exposed, in front of this Greek god-like specimen, with nothing for me to hide behind.

“My God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, reaching out and lifting my chin so our eyes would meet once again. There, in that moment, I saw it. I saw truth. I saw who I was through his eyes, and I was beautiful.

My heart literally skipped a beat as I allowed my shirt to drop to the floor. We both feverishly tugged at our pants, as if we were in a competition to see who could remove them first.

I stood there, in just my bra and panties, suddenly more confident than I had ever been, thanks to the way he looked at me. Colin appeared just as I had imagined, in his black boxer briefs, hugging him perfectly, revealing the outline of his erection.

He stepped closer, the space between us now barely existent. I could hear him breathing, see his chest moving in and out. Opening my hand, I placed my palm against his chest, and though the warehouse was drafty, he was warm to the touch. I felt myself get more turned on with each passing beat of his heart.

“Damn it, Em,” he moaned.

“What?” I asked looking up at him, fearful I had already done something wrong.

“I was fine with the way my life was. Now you’re all I can think about.” He sighed, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

I couldn’t tell if the ache in my chest was from joy or from my heart breaking. I swore I wasn’t ever going to fall in love again. It hurt too much.
Don’t think about it
, I told myself,
just kiss him
.

Pressing up onto my tiptoes again, I met his lips with mine, our tongues quickly finding one another, entwining into a graceful dance.

He pressed his erection against my hip, slipping his hands behind my back to unclasp my bra. I tried not to think about what an expert he was with his technique. It would only serve to aggravate me.

Our bodies separated for a moment, but keeping our necks arched, we managed to continue kissing as he relieved me of my bra. My D-cup breasts falling into their natural position, he once again pressed against me, lifting a finger to one of my breasts and tracing my exposed nipple.

I moaned into his mouth, unable to contain my ecstasy any longer. He slid his other hand to my underwear, grinding his fingers against me through the fabric. I sank my nails into the skin of his back.

He kissed his way down my throat, taking the hand away from my breasts and slipping it behind my neck, allowing my head to fall back, enjoying the exploration of his lips.

He pushed even harder against me, causing me to stumble back several steps, until my calves hit the couch, and I realized it was intentional. He guided my body, laying me down onto the sofa. Looking down at me, Colin smiled, and I thought that in itself might be enough to make me come. Bending over, he made quick work of slipping off my panties. For a fleeting moment I wished I had worn a cuter pair, but then he was on top of me and all other thoughts were gone.

His lips again met with my nipples, first one, and then the other, sucking and licking. My spine tingled in delight. I looked down at him, a smile on his face as he continued. I could tell he was intensely satisfied by the pleasure he was bringing me.

He kissed his way down my body, tracing my belly button with his tongue. When I realized where he was headed I quickly stiffened and began to struggle. He paused, shaking his head no, looking up at me with a devilish stare.

“Please,” was all he said, and I relented.

His tongue found my clit without much effort, flicking wildly against it. My back arched as the wetness overcame me.

“Oh God,” he whispered into my folds. “I want you so bad.”

Reaching down and pulling on one of his arms he climbed back on top of me, parting my legs even wider with his body.

I tugged at the waistband of his boxer-briefs, and he gladly assisted me with the removal. I giggled at the urgency with which he did so, catching a glimpse of him momentarily blushing.

I needed him to know I wanted him just as much. Wrapping my hand around his cock, I moaned. He smiled, pressing against me, causing me to release him and wrap my arms and legs around his torso.

With a thrust he entered me, and we both made noises of consuming passion, the moment sweeping us both up within it. My skin began to burn, as his lips grazed my cheek, his breathing growing heavier. He pushed himself up onto his knees, still inside me. I looked up at him, and his eyes locked onto mine as he cupped my breasts gently. I exhaled. As I pushed the air out of me, a muscle deep within began to twitch against him. His eyes widened.

One of my hands slipped down to the side of the couch, gripping the fabric tightly. He took his time, moving his hips slowly, pulling out until just his tip remained in me and then thrusting deeply again.

“Does that feel good?” he whispered with a grin on his face.

Unable to create a recognizable response, I whimpered. My legs stiffened each time he pulled away as they tried to keep him close. Bending over again, he brought his mouth back down to my nipple, closing his teeth gently around one. I began to convulse. Lifting his lips up to mine, he kissed me, and I melted into him, no longer able to hold myself together, his mouth absorbing my cries.

Sliding one hand beneath me and running it to my lower back, he lifted me into him with each motion. I could tell from his gaze he could see the climax building within me. He wanted the release, that was clear, but more so, he wanted to feel mine. The moment my muscles within began to spasm, giving way to the climax, I saw his jaw clench and my lip quivered as we found the moment of release together. After only a couple pulses, his lips found mine again, kissing me deeply, tasting of satisfaction.

Staring into the bathroom mirror, the fluorescent light flickering above my head, I used my hands to cup water, splashing my face. I pulled my frizzy mess of hair into a loose and high ponytail. I was starting to see my age in the reflection that stared back at me, small lines tickling the corners of my eyes. It could also be the fact that I barely got any sleep last night. Every time I tried to separate myself from Colin he would pull me back into him for another romp.

I wasn’t complaining. Mind you I had forgotten I could feel those things, and what a glorious reminder it was. I was still wearing the same clothes as the previous night. Once the morning light had begun to shine in through the windows, I had decided it was best not to return to the apartment. I knew if Paige heard me she would never release me without a full report of all the details.

Quite honestly, at this point I wouldn’t even know what to tell her. Colin and I dozed off into each other’s arms when the exhaustion finally overcame us. I awoke before him and thought I would sneak out unnoticed, but, much to my dismay, he was a light sleeper. Although, I can’t really blame him, considering we were wrapped around one another on the sofa.

He wanted to talk about everything the second we were awake, which of course was the last thing I wanted to do. I tried to end things in a way that wouldn’t make it awkward between us. I told him what a wonderful time I had and hoped maybe we could do it again, but that only seemed to agitate him.

He wanted to talk about a possible relationship. The more he talked, the more it felt like all of the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. I managed to give an excuse about having a full day and I would talk to him after I got home, which I had no intention of doing.

Digging through my bag, I pulled out my facial powder, blush, and mascara. My mom always told me they were the only three things a woman with natural beauty needed. I missed her. I had tied my blouse in a knot off to one side in an effort to make the outfit I was wearing fresh, in case any classmates might have noticed the re-wear. I now knew it was naive of me to think that any of them even noticed I was in the same class.

Slipping my make-up back into my bag, I sighed.
Not too bad
, I thought. If the Chatty Kathy routine this morning was any indicator, Colin would most certainly be waiting for me to get home. I had already devised a plan to walk a block out of my way and come up the street past the warehouse. That way, unless he was waiting for me at my place, I would successfully avoid him.

Bounding down the stairs and out the front door of the school, I squinted as the sun temporarily stole my vision. Fumbling for my sunglasses, I paused a moment until they were securely in place upon the bridge of my nose. The breeze blew against my face, causing a few loose strands of hair to pull away from the collective group and dance in the wind.

“Hey beautiful,” Colin said in a soft yet deep voice. My heart first swelled, quickened in pace, and then sank, as if I were on a roller coaster.

I spun around, taking several steps toward him, an invisible force drawing me near. I was smiling.
Why are you smiling?
I didn’t have an answer for myself, at least not one I was willing to admit.

“Colin, what are you doing here?” I asked, falling into his grasp.
What are you doing? Don’t fall into his arms; you need to resist his charms.
No matter what I told myself, in that moment, I was unable to resist his charms.

He pressed his lips against my forehead, and a chill ran down my spine. “Are you kidding me? I tried to sleep, and when that didn’t work, I tried to get some work done. I gave up on that around lunchtime and decided I would come and wait for you. Can I walk you home?”

“Of course,” I replied, taking a position next to him and locking my arm around his, thankful I had taken the time to spruce myself up moments ago. I don’t know how he did it, but when I was away from him I could think clearly, where I was free from his captivating gaze. The moment he came near me, though, his intoxicating smell that made me think of a rugged lumber jack, shirtless in the woods, his sparkling eyes that made me dizzy, combined to turn me into a pile of goo.

We proceeded to walk down the sidewalk; I could feel the eyes of all the ladies we walked past, staring at me, wishing they could take my place. Damn, why did that feel so good?

“Well, I was hoping that perhaps you had time to think about what we talked about this morning,” Colin said. I could feel his eyes on me.

“It was a busy day,” I lied. The only thing I had been thinking about since I left his side was what we had talked about. I didn’t want him to know that my head was telling me to run away from him as fast as I could before someone got hurt, while everything in my body was screaming at me to go for it. Though I tried to look at things logically, and justify my reaction to him as a simple case of lust, when I was with him I couldn’t resist.

“Em, I know what you think about me, but I’m more than that,” Colin explained.

“Oh yeah, and just what makes you think you know what I think of you, Mr. Bennett?”
I
wasn’t even sure what I thought of Colin anymore. I was certain I enjoyed being around him, but even more certain anything between us would only end badly.

“Let’s just say a little bird told me.” Colin grinned.

“Paige,” I growled, realizing he was referring to my comments about him being a player, which I thought had been made in confidence.

“I’m not going to lie to you. I’ll never lie to you. I have been with a lot of women in my life.”

“Yeah, I kind of gathered that between Paige’s ex-roommate and the bimbo at the bar who had her tongue down your throat.”

“I thought that was against the rules to talk about?” Colin asked with a grin.

“Oh, you can’t talk about it, but I can say whatever I want about it.”

He laughed. “Is that right?”

“Yup, those are the rules. You agreed to them—nothing we can do about it now.”

“I see. I’m going to be so honest with you, even though I think that I may destroy any chance I might possibly have of getting you to date me.”

“That juicy? Do go on,” I prodded.

“I’m not sure what Paige told you about my past, but I think you need to know more about who I am. I pretty much raised Christian. All I’ve ever wanted is for him to have a happy life. Filling our parents’ shoes wasn’t easy, and I always thought it meant love wasn’t an option for me. I thought I had too many responsibilities. If it meant Christian had a chance at being happy, I was willing to give up my own happiness.” Colin’s tone became extremely serious as he went on to discuss his wild past.

“And how do you think all of those women felt about being used like that?” I questioned, remembering the pain on Bailey’s face.

“I know it doesn’t seem like much, but if I ever hurt any of those women, it was not intentional. I have always been upfront that I wasn’t looking for love. Some of them thought they could change me, make me into the guy they wanted me to be.”

“And why exactly should I put myself through that?” I asked, avoiding his glare, keeping my eyes focused on the path in front of us.

“I’ve never felt anything like this, Em. I’m not looking for just sex. I want to be with you, and I want you to only be with me.” Colin sounded hurt that I could even ask the question.

What did he mean he had never felt like this? Things are getting far too serious already. You need to end this while you still can
, I told myself.

“Nothing has changed for you—Christian is still your number one priority.” There wasn’t anything he could say to dispute that; anyone could see Christian was the driving force in his life.

“He was. But now someone else has become a priority to me.”

Damn it.

I stopped, unable to move. I pulled my arm from his and backed against the brick wall, needing it to steady myself. “Don’t say stuff like that. Your brother is your life, and I’m just some girl.”

He moved in close to me, pressing against my body, lifting my chin with his fingertips, and forcing me to look into his eyes. “You’re not just
some
girl. Why do you think he ended up getting wasted the other night? I’m so distracted, all I can think about is you.”

“Great, now you’re saying it’s my fault your brother fell off the wagon!” I exclaimed, attempting unsuccessfully to break away.

“No! Damn it, Em, why do you have to make things so hard? I’m just trying to say I love my brother, and that will never change, but I have put him first long enough. I want more in my life now. I want you.” I did make things hard, impossible in fact, so why couldn’t he see how much misery I was going to bring him—how much pain we would bring to each other.

“You don’t mean that,” I argued. I wanted to tell him who I really was, what I was capable of, but it was a secret I had sworn never to reveal.

“Why would you say that? Don’t you think I’m man enough to decide what I want?” he demanded, his hands shaking in frustration.

He needed to know that I was no good for him; he needed to know I left a path of destruction behind me. I looked directly into his eyes, refusing to allow the pools of gray to swallow me in their depths. “Colin, I’m broken. I don’t want to be with you because if I was, you would end up just as broken as me.”

“That’s bullshit. It’s an excuse. We all have pasts, but nothing is so bad we can’t overcome it.”

“You don’t know that.” Why was he being so relentless? I needed him to let it go, but he just kept pushing.

“So tell me,” Colin pleaded.

I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to give it all over to him with the hope he could take the pain and make it go away. But I couldn’t. I would keep drowning the sorrow deep within.

“I can’t,” I finally whispered.
Run. Just turn and run away from him right now. You are not strong enough for this yet.
I tried to do what my mind was pleading for me to do, but instead I found myself standing there, waiting for him to give me a reason—a reason for me to stop running, to stop hurting all the time.

“Fine, don’t tell me. But don’t do this—don’t push me away. Let me love you.” Love me? He didn’t know the things I knew about love. It was a beast that chewed you up and spit you out.

“I can’t hurt you, too,” I whispered.

“Who else have you hurt, sweetie?” Colin asked. I knew he saw the wave of sadness consume me. I couldn’t answer; the pain of my past was too great. Reaching his arms out, he pulled me into his protective cocoon. “I see you, baby, all of you, so please, let me at least try.”

What are you doing? You know what happened with Ashton—you use people up until there is nothing left of them. Don’t do that to Colin.
The more I scolded myself internally, the more I started to think maybe I needed Colin. Maybe I was so broken I couldn’t be put back together without someone’s help.
That’s a dangerous gamble… are you willing to gamble Colin’s heart on that? Think about the last man’s heart you broke.

“I don’t know,” I said at last.

“I’m not asking for you to commit the rest of your life to me, Em,” Colin explained. “All I want is for you to give us a chance. If I can’t make you happy, then I will understand.”

I dug my fingers deeper into his body, before confessing, “I’m scared.”

“This is scary stuff.” He didn’t ask me why, or of what. He accepted my fear. I loved that.

“What if we hurt each other?” I asked, positive he couldn’t have a good answer for me.

Colin considered my question before taking a step back to look at me. His hands slid down my arms, taking hold of my wrists. He bent slightly, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “That’s a chance I’m willing to take. I think what we could have together is worth so much more than the risks. Please, don’t give up on us before we even get started.”

This is where you say no,
I thought. But that didn’t happen. Instead I nodded. I couldn’t believe I was agreeing. Everything I promised myself I would never do again, and here I was, departing from the reality I had accepted and losing all control. He made me feel again—my heart ached, and he consumed me in a way I never thought possible. Terrified, I kept nodding yes… yes to a chance. I only hoped neither of us would regret it.