Substitute (21 page)

‘Get off her!’ Nathan growled.

Tony was shocked. He stared at his boss for a moment, then shook himself free of his grasp.

‘Stay out of this, Nathan. This is between me and her.’

Nathan grabbed the lapels of Tony’s jacket. His face was cold, emotionless.

‘No it isn’t, it’s between me and you. Now, leave her alone, leave this building – and leave the firm.’

His voice was low, no anger, just a cold instruction and an implied threat. He was well trained.

Tony breathed hard. ‘You don’t give me orders; this isn’t the army …’

‘Want to test me on that?’ said Nathan.

Tony was no fool. Nathan was a trained soldier, a trained fighter; he was no match for him and he knew it. He stepped back and moved as if to leave. But he looked at Alexia. ‘Bitch!’ He spat out the word.

Something inside Nathan snapped. With a hollow crack, a right hook connected with Tony’s jaw.

Alexia gasped as he fell to the ground.

‘Don’t test me, Tony. Just get up and leave – now!’

Nathan was a man accustomed to giving orders, and accustomed to having them followed. Tony picked himself up off the floor, holding his jaw.

‘I won’t tell your father about this,’ said Nathan, ‘and neither, I suspect, will you.’

It was a stand-off. The two men eyeballed each other. Tony’s eyes were simmering with fury, but he knew he’d been beaten. He skulked down the corridor and through the door.

Alexia breathed out hard. Nathan put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Are you all right?’

She nodded dumbly.

‘Look, I’m sorry, but they’re doing the presentation. I have to go back in. Are you sure you’re all right?’

‘Yes, yes, I’m fine. Go. I’ll be OK …’

He looked at her, concern filling his eyes.

‘Really, go,’ she said, and smiled to assure him she would manage.

He nodded, reluctantly, and let her go.

‘Come back in when you’re ready, OK?

She nodded again and watched as he strode back to the reception. Shakily, she followed him in a moment later. People were gathering for the formal presentation and she saw Nathan take the stage. There were speeches, stories, polite laughter, lots of clapping and back-slapping. Alexia wasn’t really paying attention.

Her legs threatened to give way under her. She felt as if the past three weeks were about to catch up with her, quickly and violently. She felt like the cartoon character who’s been running away from an anvil they’re attached to on a long piece of elastic. It’s fine as long as you keep running, but the moment you stop, you get hit on the back of the head, hard.

She stood as far back from the action as she could; she’d grabbed a champagne glass on the way and drained it. She took another.

The recipient of the presentation was winding up his speech. More clapping, more back-slapping. The sound of chatter soon filled the room again. She wandered through the throng, drinking her champagne. She couldn’t find Sonia; it seemed much more crowded than before. Then she saw her, talking to Nathan again. Really talking.

They seemed to be having a very intense conversation, and Nathan was doing most of the listening. Sonia looked up and saw Alexia across the crowded room. She said something to Nathan, who also looked up. Sonia was still talking as Nathan stared at Alexia. What were they saying? Were they talking about her?

She heard the bark of a man’s laugh behind her. It was Jim Brooker, chatting up a brunette. At his age, thought Alexia, it wouldn’t take him long to get up and running again if he fancied taking his latest friend for a knee-trembler behind the partitions. She had to tell Nathan.

She moved forward to talk to him. His face looked strange. He was wearing an expression she hadn’t seen before; she couldn’t read him.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked.

‘Yes, yes, I’m OK. It’s just …’ She faltered.

‘Just what?’

‘Well, apart from what just happened, in the corridor, I need to tell you about Jim Brooker.’

‘Jim?’ Nathan looked puzzled, ‘What about him?’

Alexia relayed what she’d seen, leaving out the juicier details, and explained that he might be gearing up to make another woman a member of his temporary harem right under their noses.

Nathan closed his eyes. ‘Give me strength! Can’t any of these guys keep it in their trousers, at least until they’re in a building with no journalists in it?’

He strode away. Alexia saw him flash Jim a charming smile as he took his arm and gently shooed away his female admirer. Jim’s face darkened at having his fun spoiled. Nathan took him to one side and, without taking the smile off his face once or looking remotely concerned, proceeded to give him what Alexia presumed was a bit of a dressing-down. Jim looked suitably bashful. Nathan was so smooth. No one in the vicinity would have had any idea of the conversation from his manner or expression.

‘I told you he was quite an operator,’ said Sonia.

‘He certainly is,’ agreed Alexia.

‘The friend we have in common dropped large hints to me that Nathan wasn’t your average soldier, he was in army intelligence. It explains how he always seems to be able to stay one step ahead and get people to do what he wants.’

And never show what you’re feeling, thought Alexia. It made perfect sense.’

She looked again at Nathan. ‘Yes, it does explain a lot,’ she said, almost to herself.

Sonia was watching her. ‘You know, I think it’s time you two talked properly.’

Alexia was puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’

‘You have to tell him how you feel, Alexia, show him who you are.’

‘How can I …?’

‘Well, he despatched Tony pretty swiftly. I think he’s worked out you don’t want that little rat. And do you really think he’d have hit him if he hadn’t called you a bitch?’

‘Sonia, you weren’t there. How do you know what Tony said? How do you know Nathan hit him?’

Sonia took a deep breath. ‘Losing control like that is not Nathan, it’s not how he does things, so he was pretty angry with himself when he came back in. But … Look, Alexia, why do you think he lost control? It wasn’t because Tony deserves to be fired, or because Nathan is disappointed in him. That was all true this morning, and yesterday and the day before. He hit him because he insulted you. It was instinct, protective instinct. And who do men protect?’

Alexia stared dumbly at her.

A huge sigh signalled Sonia’s exasperation. ‘Darling, they protect the people they care about! Otherwise he’d just have told him to go back to the office to try his charm on the security guard packing up his desk.

‘Men protect the people – or should I say,
women 
– they care about. He may not have it quite straight in his head yet, but you’re more than an employee to him. How much more? Well, you two will have to work that one out between you.’

Alexia looked back at Nathan. He was chatting to some people, although she couldn’t really see them; she couldn’t see anything, just him. It was like a movie effect, all the foreground, the background, the people, everything in soft focus with him in the middle, in vivid Technicolor. She wanted him so badly. She was still turned on by that stupid encounter with Jim and the redhead. She wanted to walk up to him and tell him how desperate she was for his touch, his kiss, but most of all to feel his weight on her, that hot, heavy, masculine weight that nothing compares to. She wanted to feel his erection drive into her, to take her, to own her completely. She wanted to be naked and raw and needy. She wanted to bury her head in the hair on his chest and run her tongue down his stomach and wrap her lips around his cock. She’d never seen it erect, but she wanted to. She knew it was beautiful and she knew it would be big and hard enough to rock her world.

She imagined his dark blue eyes looking at her. She wanted to sit astride him the way the redhead had done with Jim. She wanted to feel his hardness as she lowered herself onto him, and watch his face as he felt her muscles clench around him.

Alexia stood in the middle of that crowded room and felt her pussy give up more moisture. Her body was ready for him, ready for him now.

Sonia was right: she could waste no more time. He’d been hurt, badly hurt, but so had she. Her friend seemed to be reading her thoughts.

‘I know you’ve been hurt, just like him,’ said Sonia. ‘But men aren’t like us. They don’t come back for more after love has bitten them and left them for dead. They stay wounded. They don’t get up and dust themselves off to try again. They hide away; they put their hearts in a little locked box and throw away the key.

‘Most of them find a second-best girl to marry because it’s safe. A few of them just stand back from the game. I know it’s a man’s job to pursue a woman, but sometimes she has to show him how to be brave. Facing an enemy who’s got a gun trained on you is nowhere near as scary as facing another broken heart.’

‘How did you get so wise?’ asked Alexia. She realised she knew nothing about Sonia. Was the woman married, divorced, single?

‘I met a man much like Nathan, I was brave, and –’ Sonia laughed ‘– I still get breakfast in bed made for me on Sunday mornings!’

The women laughed together.

‘Sounds perfect,’ said Alexia quietly.

‘Nothing’s perfect. But he’s perfect for me.’

‘Do you think Nathan and I are perfect for each other?’

Sonia smiled. ‘Only you two can find that out.’

Chapter Fourteen

It was now or never. Not exactly the place to pour your heart out, but Alexia was afraid if she waited she would lose her nerve. It was so crowded, it felt as if she would never be able to weave her way through the chattering guests, but finally she was standing behind Nathan. He had his back to her, and didn’t see her until one of the group he was talking to nodded his head in Alexia’s direction.

Nathan turned, in slow motion it seemed to her. First the back of the head, then a twist of the broad shoulders, his profile, those razor cheekbones, then his face and then – those dark blue eyes. Heart-stopping.

‘Nathan,’ started Alexia, ‘I’m so sorry to interrupt but I really need to speak to you for a moment.’

A moment’s pause. Alexia’s stomach churned as she waited for his response.

‘Of course.’ Nathan turned to his companions. ‘Do please excuse me. This is my PA, Alexia Wright.’ They nodded in unison. ‘We’ll be happy to accommodate you at the Grand Prix; my office will be in touch. Good to meet you.’ More nodding, thank yous. Nathan extricated himself. He was standing right in front of her now.

‘What’s wrong? I’ve sorted Jim out. He’s on his way home in a car …’

‘No, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s –’ Alexia hesitated. ‘It’s personal.’

Her heart was hammering against her chest.

‘Here?’ he asked. ‘Not really the place for it.’

‘It can’t wait!’ A couple of twitched eyebrows around them signalled that Alexia had blurted out her protest a little too vehemently. This wasn’t going well.

Nathan took a deep breath. She felt like a child whose father was at the end of his considerable patience.

‘Come with me,’ he said. He led them through the guests, but so many people wanted to talk to him, to say hello, it seemed to take an age. He was smooth, polite, he couldn’t rush. Then, finally, they were out into a corridor. They walked through an anteroom of Palladian columns and murals into the members’ changing room. The room had clearly housed some of the tennis greats. It looked and felt like the most luxurious spa: polished parquet floors, individual bathrooms, and rich, dark wood. He knew his way around.

‘This is the ladies’ changing room,’ said Alexia, her jealousy and suspicion rising rapidly.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. ‘Not all my clients are men, you know.’

Of course, she thought. Why was she so quick to jump to conclusions? She knew why. Because she couldn’t believe a man like Nathan could ever really be interested in her. He must have a million women. But Sonia had made it clear he hadn’t.

He stood in silence and waited for her to speak.

‘Nathan, I …’ Where to start? She shook her head, unable to think.

He helped her out. ‘I’m sorry about Tony, about the way he behaved. That’s … unacceptable.’

Tony! She’d almost forgotten about him. It was only an hour ago, but he’d been pushed out of her mind. Her focus was all on Nathan. Everything had zeroed down to this. It was time to come clean.

‘Nathan. You asked me, when we were in –’ she took a huge gulp of air ‘– when we were in your bathroom …’

She saw Nathan’s face change. He shut his eyes momentarily, then nodded his head.

She had to plough on, ‘You asked me if there was anything between us – me and Tony.’

His blue eyes were fixed on her now; she had his total attention. What she said next could finish it, finish any chance of there being a relationship between them. But Sonia was right: Nathan wanted someone real, someone honest. She had to be honest.

‘Before I came to the Fallon agency, my life was very difficult … I left college, and I met someone, someone I thought would be kind to me, someone who I could be with.’

This was torture, but she knew there was no turning back. He needed to know all of it; she had to tell him everything.

‘At college, most of the girls – well, you know what college is like. They have a good time, they go out with lots of guys, but I didn’t, I just went out with one and he was very sweet, but …’

It was so hard to find the words. Talking to Richard had been easy; this was like swallowing barbed wire.

‘He wasn’t very interested in the physical side of a relationship …’

Nathan sat on the arm of a chair. This was not going to be a short explanation and he clearly thought he’d need to be here for a while. He looked confused. Not surprising, thought Alexia, he thinks I’m going to talk about Tony and now he gets a history lesson about my boyfriend in college. He’s going to think I’m a psycho. But she had to get her story out, make him understand.

‘So when I left, I met someone else – like I said – and I thought it would be OK. I had nowhere to live and he –’ She thought about her next sentence. In a way, it was the first time she’d really owned up to herself about what had happened between her and Carter.

‘He
made
me move in. I thought that it was my decision but actually it wasn’t. I was very naïve. He …’

Alexia found she was pacing, walking up and down trying to find the words, trying not to look at Nathan. He was completely silent. Was he being kind? Letting her speak in her own time? Or was he just completely mystified? She wouldn’t know till she’d finished.

‘It was Carter, the man who came to office. The man you … stopped.’

She looked at Nathan. She still couldn’t read him. Nothing, no clues. On she went.

‘Being with him … It was OK at first but he wore me down, drip by drip. He sucked all the confidence out of me. No, that’s not right. He knocked it out of me …’

‘He hit you?’ Nathan asked.

Alexia was shocked by the interruption.

‘No. No, he didn’t hit me, but –’

She was breathing hard now. She was about to lay herself bare. Talk about things only the closest friends, the closest of partners ever discuss.

‘The sex …’ There, it was out. She’d said the words, and she hadn’t burst into flames.

‘It was – he liked to control me. He wasn’t interested in me, or what I wanted, he was a bully. He …’

She had to start pacing again, to face away from Nathan, to escape from his gaze.

‘He had other women, so at least he left me alone a lot of the time, but when he didn’t –’ The memories were still raw. Alexia swallowed hard.

‘Then I ran. I ran away … You’ve no idea how hard that was.’

She bit her lip, remembering the agonising decision as she walked out, to close or not to close the door. To bottle out, or run.

‘I had nowhere to go; my parents live up north now and I couldn’t go home. Then I bumped into Romy. We were at school together, she moved me into the flat. It was like a miracle. She saved me! Then she got me the job with you, a flat and a job, I couldn’t believe it, but she warned me. She said it was a world I wasn’t used to – a fast crowd, she called it.’

She heard a cynical laugh from Nathan. She looked at him.

‘Well, you’ve seen for yourself that she wasn’t wrong,’ he said.

‘No, she wasn’t, but I wasn’t really prepared for –’ This was it, this was the heart of the problem. ‘I wasn’t prepared for the effect it would have on me, the people would have on me.’

Did he realise that he was one of those people? She searched his face. Still no clues.

‘You asked me about Tony,’ she said, finally. Nathan’s face darkened. ‘You asked if there was anything between us, and I said there wasn’t, and it was true, emotionally. But …’

How would he ever believe what was coming next? She could hardly believe it herself.

‘He just – I don’t know, I don’t know what happened but he made me feel things … Made me feel like …’

Nathan’s jaw was tightening.

‘But we didn’t … It never happened.’

Alexia blurted out the truth.

‘It’s all because of you!’

‘Me?’ said Nathan, now utterly confused.

‘Yes, you! It’s because … Don’t you understand? I wanted you, from that first night. I …’

She was gabbling now, ranting, almost sobbing.

‘But you were so cold, I didn’t understand. And Tony, he just – he caught me when I was vulnerable and feeling lonely, and everyone seemed to find sex so exciting and so easy. I just thought why can’t I be like that? But I can’t – I thought I could, but …’

Nathan was on his feet now, and she felt his hands on her shoulders, holding her square to him.

‘You didn’t sleep with him.’

Alexia looked up at him. He was all she wanted. And now she wanted to tell him everything, no matter what. He might walk away, he might stay. She had no way of knowing, but she had to roll the dice.

‘Nearly,’ she confessed.

‘What stopped you?’

‘You. Literally. The day in the hotel when you came looking for me in my room. I was in the bathroom. So was he.’

Nathan looked as if he’d been winded. He stepped back.

‘Ask yourself why, Nathan. Why did I let it go so far?

‘Why?’

‘I came to find you in your suite, because Phillipa needed you and you weren’t answering your phone. Why weren’t you answering your phone, Nathan?’

His eyes glimmered. He turned away from her and took a deep breath.

Alexia pressed on. ‘What was her name – or doesn’t it matter?’

‘That’s not fair!’ Nathan was facing her now, his face a mask of restrained anger.

‘You save me from Carter, then you kiss me in your office. Then you toss me to one side …’

‘Because you were Tony’s!’

‘No, I wasn’t!’

‘How was I to know?’

The exchange was fast, bruising. They both stopped to take in what the other had said.

Alexia spoke first.

‘I’m not very good at this, Nathan, I haven’t had much practice. I didn’t know if you had any feelings for me or whether you just found yourself with a woman in your arms, and – well, you’re a man. I didn’t know why you’d kissed me. You’re impossible to read.’

Nathan shook his head and laughed to himself. ‘You’re not the first person to say that.’ He fell silent, reliving some old agony. It seemed to be hours before he spoke again. ‘I saw you leaving Iorizzo’s suite, remember? Tony was following you.’

‘He sent me a text saying there was a problem. I didn’t know …’

She stopped short. He must have had an idea of what his charges got up to, away from the spotlight. He must have known why the hotel was so popular with the stars.

‘I didn’t know what was going on in the room.’

Nathan didn’t speak. He knew, he knew very well.

‘I didn’t know what I’d be walking into,’ said Alexia, ‘and Tony, he came on to me. I – I’ve never seen anything like that before. It was – it excited me …’

Alexia looked at her feet. She had confessed something she never thought she’d tell a living soul and now she was telling Nathan.

‘I suppose you don’t think very highly of me just now.’

‘I think you’re human – like the rest of us,’ said Nathan. ‘I suppose it’s a pretty heady cocktail, especially when it’s all new to you.’ He moved towards her. ‘I just couldn’t bear the thought that you and Tony – or, worse still, you and one of the footballers …’

‘What? No!’ Alexia was horrified. She had fantasised about it, yes, but would she have taken part? She wasn’t sure. She felt it best not to speculate out loud. She feared the answer would be yes.

Nathan was very close to her now. ‘I noticed you the first time I saw you in the office.’

Alexia groaned. ‘Oh God, Nathan, how could you not? You thought I’d just had sex with Tony on the boardroom table!’

Nathan looked puzzled. ‘What?’

‘When you walked in and I was there with Tony.’

Realisation dawned. Nathan laughed heartily. Alexia was confused.

Nathan looked at her intently. ‘Tell me, who was he screwing?’

Alexia bit her lip.

‘Alexia, I am not going to sack whoever it was, but I need to know. I need to know because – because of us.’

Us? Alexia’s heart leapt in her chest. There was an “us”?

‘I don’t want to get her into trouble …’

‘You won’t. You have my word.’

His word, thought Alexia, the word of an officer and a gentleman.

‘It was – Phillipa.’

Nathan’s eyed widened, then he roared with laughter. Alexia was confused.

‘Phillipa?’ he said. ‘God he’s brave. I’m surprised she didn’t eat his head afterwards, like a praying mantis!’

He carried on laughing, and Alexia found herself joining in. The tension was broken between them; sharing the joke felt like it had suddenly made them conspirators, close companions.

But something was nagging at Alexia. ‘Why were you puzzled?’

‘About what?’

‘When you said you couldn’t forget the first time you saw me, and I mentioned the boardroom thing, you looked confused.’

Nathan nodded slowly. ‘That wasn’t the first time I saw you.’

Alexia didn’t know what to say. Not the first time?

‘I called into the office briefly the day you joined, I saw you talking to Romy. You looked … lost.’

The expression in his eyes changed. He looked almost wistful. Alexia remembered her first day, her complete terror. He had seen her that day?

‘I thought you looked too fragile to last at the company, to last in this crazy world. But when I saw you with Tony, I thought I must have read you wrong. My judgement about women is sometimes not that good.’

There it was again, thought Alexia, that distant hurt. She gazed at him. So much to take in, so much to process, to assimilate. Her need for him was raw now, gnawing at her; the emotion, desire, the frustration of the last three weeks boiled over. She reached up, standing on tiptoes. She put her hands on his chest and kissed him.

For a moment he was startled, then he let out a low animal sound and scooped her up. She felt her feet almost leave the floor; he was, literally and metaphorically, kissing her out of her shoes.

His mouth was on hers, hard now, no gentle kisses to ease her in, but deep and searching.

The air was filled with the scent of him, his natural musk and that oh so seductive aftershave Alexia had come to love. His hands were strong, possessing, but not like Carter, not brutal. This was searing, reciprocated lust.

He was biting her lip and then he was probing her tongue with his. His mouth was like a voracious animal that needed to consume her. She had never been kissed like this, never, it almost scared her.