Suckers Bite Back (San Francisco Vampires #5) (Vampires of San Francisco series) (18 page)

“Then don’t,” I say with hurt radiating through my voice.

“I need to,” he says. He smiles sadly.

“Why Aidan? Will it make you feel better? What about me? Because if I won’t feel better I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had enough. I’m working on all the shit that’s happened and until I can sort through it I don’t want any more piled on,” I say angrily.

“I understand,” he says. “Lilith, I will always love you.”

“You don’t get to say things like that to me anymore, dammit, Aidan!” My voice raises and people stare. I really don’t care.

“Why? Why can’t I say that when it’s true.”

“Because you chose Manda and I chose Sebastian. All this crossing back and forth is one of the reasons I am such a fucking mess, Aidan.” I pull on my hair with both hands. “I just can’t handle it. I care for you, I really do, but right now I need some space. I need to get my head on straight and you have a relationship to build.”

His face reflects so much pain I can barely stand to look at him. It is breaking my heart but I know this is what’s best.

“As you wish, love.” He stands and walks out of the café.

I put my head in my hands and sob.

26 LILITH

I quickly get myself back under control. I don’t want everyone thinking that I’m weaker than I am. Right now that is important to me.

“Lily, I brought Hades. You want to say hello to him before you head back home?” Diel asks. I know he is trying to cheer me up but I nod anyway. I did want to see Hades, their Hell Hound. I take Hannah’s hand in mine and we make our way to the side street where Diel has parked. I know something is wrong as soon as we hit the shadows. The hair on my arms sticks up. Helena, Diel and then Hannah drop at my feet. I spin looking for the source and not seeing anything, I rush to their sides. They’ve each been shot with a small tranquilizer dart. It must have been really potent and it probably wouldn’t last long because of the vampire’s healing abilities. I wasn’t worried about Diel and Helena. I was worried about Hannah and the baby. Oh Goddess be with her. I go to grab my cell phone to call Sebastian and Julian but feel a tiny sting and then nothing but blackness.

27 AIDAN

My heart is breaking. I didn’t know how much I still love Lilith until I saw her tonight, saw the pain on her face as she looked at me. How she told me she still cared for me but she needed her space. How she told me she chose Sebastian and I had chosen Manda. Spelling it all out in black and white. Now a part of me feels empty. It feels dead.

I know that I will not lose her friendship. I will fight for it. She is part of me. She is my redemption, the reason I am alive now and able to love Manda. Somehow this has to all work out. It’s selfish of me to want this. It is natural for a fire spirit who has observed the worst of mankind, been bound twice and never attached to a human’s emotions to be selfish. I don’t want to cause her more pain. Something I’ve never felt before.

It’s not fair to see Manda right now. I need to sort things out. I need to feed and walk. I need some space too. Feelings – my own – not the fuel I get from others – they are so complicated. Once more Lilith is showing me how it works. My heart is with Manda back in China Town. My heart is sore with my feelings for Lilith. If I am honest, another piece of my heart is in that café with Helena and Hannah.

The thought of Lilith’s beautiful body in Sebastian’s arms raises all the emotions I thought I had recovered from. I’m jealous and angry. Not as strongly as before but the feelings still rear their ugly heads. I take a deep breath, trying to cleanse myself of this heartache. I have Manda. I love Manda. In such a short time I’ve fallen head over heels. She completes me in a way Lilith didn’t. Lilith was like a flame, so mercurial, too much like my own nature. I was drawn to her knowing how dangerous it would be to lose myself to her but unable to turn away. It was a relief to be free of that compulsion. But now, seeing her pain, I am feeling it again. I want to ease her. I want to hold her and comfort her until that pain subsides. This is so very dangerous.

I decide the best medicine is to remind myself what I really want is Manda and to go back home and hold her. She grounds me. I can lose myself in her and at the same time find myself again.

I transmanifest into my bedroom, simultaneously changing to silk pajama pants, silently sliding under the blankets next to the beautiful African goddess that is mine. She stirs and nuzzles my chest. I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her inhaling her, the scent of her hair, her body. It tells me I’m home. I hold her and let my mind drift. The closest thing to sleep I come to.

Manda’s eyes flutter open. She stares up at me.

“What’s wrong, Aidan?” she asks.

“Nothing, love.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I saw Lilith tonight.”

“You’re having second thoughts about us,” she says bravely.

“No, Manda. I’m not. Not ever,” I tell her, looking her straight in the eyes.

“You’re having second thoughts about Lilith then?” she asks.

“I’m having second thoughts about how I handle things with Lilith. I saw so much pain in her tonight. Her energy was saturated with it. She told me she needed space from me right now and it hurt me, a lot. I always thought we would be there for each other. Never did I want to hurt her like this. I realized that I do care for her still. Not like I care for you, my love. But I do still care. I’m sorry,” I say, feeling ashamed. I can’t look Manda in the eyes this time.

She gently pulls my chin up so I have to look at her. Her eyes are full of warmth and love.

“Aidan, you wouldn’t be the soul I love if you didn’t still care. It’s natural that you would care for her still from what you’ve told me. You had very deep feelings for her. You can’t just turn those off.” She kisses me softly. “These feelings will take a while to lessen. They will probably never go away completely. But I am sure they will be less intense and you two can become friends again.”

“How do you feel about all this?” I ask her, afraid of her answer.

“I can share you for a while, especially knowing that you love me and that you are spending your nights with me.” She smiles at me and kisses me again. I deepen the kiss, pouring all my love for her into it. We come up for air, well at least I let her breathe, I don’t need to.

“Aidan, God, I want you. I have a photo shoot in an hour, though. I have to shower and get there.”

“Let me shower with you and then I can pop us there. Can I watch it? I’d love to see you work,” I say as I tuck some hair behind her ear. She leans into my hand. I’m so not worthy of her. But I will spend my existence endeavoring to be.

“It’s a deal and yes you can watch. This photographer is pretty open to people on his set. He says it lends to the energy. As long as you don’t get in the way,” she says and smirks.

“No problem. I’d love to see this ‘energy’ too.” I wink at her. “Come on, my beautiful girl, let’s wash up. I’ll show you the advantages to having such a large shower,” I say wiggling my eye brows. She giggles and it’s the loveliest sound I’ve heard in such a long time. I scoop her up and carry her into the bathroom. Slowing everything down with a deep kiss.

The rest of the sounds coming out of her are just as precious to my ears. I am wrapped in emotions – hers and mine, could any mortal’s experience compare?

28 LILITH

I wake up slowly, taking a minute to acclimate before I open my eyes. The first thing I notice is that I am in some kind of vehicle and it is moving. Next a pounding pain in my head seems to be thrumming in time with the noise the tires are making on the pavement. My mouth feels like a cotton swab and I am tied up at wrist and ankles, although someone has taken the time to cushion the rope’s contact with my skin. I open my eyes slowly and am staring into the soulful eyes of Hades, Hannah’s Hell Hound. I know Hannah was shot with a tranq gun too so she and Diel and Helena may be here as well. Hades whimpers and then lowers his head to rest it against me. It is then that I see a shimmer around his muzzle. He’s been spelled somehow. Probably to keep him quiet and complacent.

The vehicle slows down and makes a turn onto a gravel road. The jarring and crunch over the rocky, pot-holed road make my head and body scream with pain. I am tossed and slammed around in the back of the vehicle. I try to see out the windows but the vehicle, I’m assuming some kind of SUV, has heavily tinted windows so I can’t see anything that would identify where I am. I just have to wait and hope whoever is at the wheel is feeling generous enough to let me live.

I can feel the pitch increase and the feel of going cross country. Fuck. I have no idea where I am and I really want my handi-wipes. The SUV comes to a stop under some trees and I hear the driver door open and the keys come out. My captor pops the hood of the car and I am suddenly worried we are stuck, broken down in the boonies. Every hair on my body goes on alert for pain, a fight, a chance to get away, I don’t know. I’m just ready for anything. The hood of the car crashes down and I can’t help my jump, pulling on my tethers and I hear a low rumble come from Hades.

Suddenly the back opens up and I blink into a too bright, too blue a sky at sunset and into Mark’s face.

He looks down on me with the gentlest of looks. I can tell he is trying not to scare me. Too fucking fairy farts late.

“Lily, please don’t be scared. I’m going to let you out now. We are at a cabin in the mountains in Hell. That’s why Hades is with us,” Mark says quietly like he is afraid I’m going to go off on him. Well, he’s right. I’m going to rip his head off.

“Mark, how could you do this? Get me the hell out of here and back topside and I won’t kill you. Sebastian is going to be so mad, just wait until he finds you,” I spit at him. Marks actually chuckles and looks at me with – love?

“Lily, I’m sorry to tell you but no one will find us here. I’ve warded this area and cabin. I took Hades so that Sebastian couldn’t come and I knocked a special cocktail into Hannah that will keep her out for quite a while so Diel won’t be coming either.”

“You bastard! If you hurt Hannah or her baby, I will kill you and it will be nothing to what Diel does to you.”

“He won’t find us. And you made sure your djinn left you alone so he won’t even be aware of your disappearance.”

“You’ve thought of everything.” I let my voice sound resigned. I needed to stall for time. Let him think I was defeated enough to be able to be untied.

“Lily, you and I just need some time to get to know each other and then you will see how perfect we are for each other, baby.” Delusional much?

He gently lifts me from the back of the SUV and carries me into the house, nuzzling my neck and smelling my hair. It takes everything in me not to gag. I can’t stand his touch on me, it makes my skin crawl.

“I’m not going to untie you until you realize this is the best for us.”

I sigh.

“Mark, we had some fun but I love Sebastian. I don’t think I can just forget about him.”

“The French bastard,” he snarls. Then he kisses me with a bruising force while still holding me. I can’t fight back but I don’t participate.

“You will be mine. When we mate you’ll see. It will fill your body and mind with love. We can have a baby. I know you want that. I want to see you swollen with my child.”

The thought of being able to have a baby briefly flashes through my mind. It’s painful and Mark sees the look of pain on my face. He smiles indulgently at me. I really must learn to mask my feelings better.

“I knew you wanted a child. Honey, we can have as many as you want. I would love a whole house full of children.” He lays me down on a big overstuffed couch. I give a quick glance around and see a large, stone fireplace already laid with wood. The rest of the room is full of more overstuffed furniture. Comfortable looking. The high ceiling has wooden beams and there are floor to ceiling windows looking out on the mountains. Mark is watching me closely. Not much gets past him.

“This is just a holiday home. A place I come to get some downtime. Now that Diel closed my club down I have nothing but time right now. I have a large house in the city. One I want you to make a home in for us.” He runs a finger down my cheek. I stifle my sob. He has this all worked out. No one will be coming for me. At least not in time to keep him from mating with me.

From what Hannah says the mating is life altering. You need your mate to live or you would be in danger of grieving so hard you would stop eating, stop living. I don’t think that I had to be willing for it to happen. I am truly scared now.

“Sshh, darling. I will always take care of you. I love you.”

“How can you love me, Mark? We barely know each other.” I sniff. I will not cry in front of him. I don’t want him comforting me. I don’t want him looking at me or touching me. But I’m not so lucky.

Mark sits down on the couch and pulls me into his lap. He runs his hands down my sides. Seeking to console me and getting solace back from touching my body. I shiver without being able to stop myself. Mark takes it as a sign of my desire for him when what I really feel is it is revolting. He leans in for a kiss and I turn my head so that he gets my cheek.

“It is too soon, Mark. Maybe with some time?” I ask.

“Of course, Lily. I’m sorry, I was pushing. I want this more than I have wanted anything in my life.”

“I know, I promise I will try and consider this mating.”

“Oh, dearest, you have made me so happy. Please, Lily, try for me. Think of our children, think of it. I will treat you like a queen. You will never want for anything.” His face is so earnest and serious that I almost have second thoughts about hating him. This must be like Stockholm Syndrome. I didn’t know vampires could be influenced like that. Well, not this vampire. I am going to remain diligent. I don’t care if he presents me with twenty puppies and a million roses he is not going to charm me.

“We really need to take care of Hades. Do you have some fresh meat and water for him?”

“Yes, I stocked the fridge and freezer before I brought you down under. I’ll see to him now.” Mark places me on the couch and runs his fingertip across my lips. It takes everything I have not to bite it off. At least Hades will be taken care off. What am I going to eat?