Sugar Coated (20 page)

Chapter 20: Distractions

After her last encounter with her friends, Brynn doubted if they’d care that she hadn’t seen them in the past few days. She made a mental note to make up for her horrible behavior if she lived through this trip.

She had spent several days strategically packing all of their survival supplies into two black backpacks. Jonah had brought over all of his stockpiled food bars, water bottles, and camping equipment for Brynn to pack. He had looked tired and stressed when she saw him, but simply told her it was because he had been staying up late into the night working on their wind catchers.

“They’re going to be perfect,” he assured her before he left.

Once all of the supplies were finally packed and Brynn didn’t have anything left to distract her, her thoughts became like poison. Her mind was constantly plagued by visions of her and Jonah jumping off of the train, fully expecting their wind catchers to pull them up into the air, but finding that they actually got caught in the train wheels instead. Imagining the feeling of the burning hot metal against her face was enough to force her out of her house and over to Ty’s.

She actually knocked on the door this time, causing some confusion when Ty came to answer and found Brynn standing
there.

“I didn’t think it would be you. Why did you knock?” he asked, puzzled.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, feeling too worn out by her overactive imagination to concentrate on thinking up a good lie. Ty searched her face and was apparently worried by what he saw there.

“Brynn what’s wrong? You look really
…upset,” he said, tactfully not using some of the words he could have used: haggard, tired, awful.

“I’ve just been having bad dreams lately. Can’t sleep,” she said, which was technically true, even though she’d let Ty assume she was having dreams about the Angel and not about her death by train.

“Oh Brynn, I’m so sorry,” he said while pulling her into a hug. She nestled into the soft material of his off-white T-shirt and wrapped her arms around his waist, closing her eyes to shut out the outside world.

“I’m fine really. It just stresses me out,” she said, her words getting muffled by his chest, which she refused to pull away from.

He rubbed small gentle circles on the back of her neck with his thumb, something he had always done when she got into one of her moods, and tried to make soothing sounds to calm her down. Though the many different ways she could die on this trip were still vying for her attention, she found that for just a moment, this was a good distraction.

“Want to go to the park?” he asked, trying to find something to keep her calm and preoccupied.

“I think that would be perfect.”

* * *

The cool grass felt good against Brynn’s skin as she lay beside Ty, her fingers running up and down the inside of his bare arm.

“That tickles,” he told her, turning his head so that he could look over at her and shielding his eyes from the sun with his free hand.

“That’s the point,” she explained with a laugh as she continued to gently drag her fingertips across his soft skin.

Brynn attempted to completely override any of her worries with exactly what was happening at that moment. Whenever she thought of her wind catcher harness digging into her skin as it pulled her under the train, she’d try to memorize every dip and curve in Ty’s face. When she swore she could taste the metallic tang of blood in her mouth from her cheek grazing the metal track, she’d take a deep breath and try to pinpoint exactly what Ty’s cologne smelled like.

“You’re pretty quiet today,” Ty finally said, breaking the silence between them and pulling Brynn away from her thoughts; the good and the bad.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” she said with a sigh, letting her fingers stop their path along his arm to rest in the palm of his hand.

“Like what?” he asked. She knew he would ask that question since he’d want to find some way to fix her problems, but she hadn’t prepared a good answer for him.

Brynn had already planned the way she would tell Ty about the trip. The night before she and Jonah left, when she knew Ty would already be asleep, she would sneak over to his house and leave a bundle of letters for him in his bathroom. One letter would be for him. She’d explain the nature of their trip in every detail so that’d he’d know exactly what she was about to do. She’d also explain to him that the other letters in the bundle were for him, Amber, Bennett, and her parents, but he was only allowed to read and distribute them if he didn’t see her in a week or two. If she came back, she’d be expecting him to give the unopened letters to her so that she could burn them.

She knew it was a cowardly way to tell him the truth about what she was up to, but it was the only plan she could come up with where he wouldn’t be able to try to stop her. This way, by the time he read the letter she’d already be far away from Seaside, sitting nervously in a train compartment with Jonah and probably second-guessing every decision that had led her to that point.

“Brynn?” Ty said tentatively. She hadn’t realized that she had completely ignored his question, having gotten lost in her own thoughts.

“Ty, do you think I’m crazy? Not in a joking way, but being completely serious. Do you think I’m unstable?” she asked, turning to look at him with her brow furrowed.

He hadn’t stopped looking at her since they’d first gotten to the park
, but now his gaze shifted as his eyes roamed over her features. He had a habit of trying to read her face before he answered any of her questions and it always made her wonder how much of her thoughts he could read in the subtle change of her expression.

“I think you’ve got a lot of knowledge, and a lot of ideas in your head that seem to make sense when you put them together,” he said carefully. Almost too carefully. “And I think a lot of your theories could be very practical and maybe even true.”

“But?” she asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

“But you’re reckless,” he admitted with a deep sigh, as if her recklessness had been plaguing him for years. Which, she reminded herself, it probably had been. How many times had he saved her life now? “You want answers so badly that you don’t really take reality into account. You think you’re unstoppable and it puts you in danger’s path far more often than I’d like,” he finished, closing his fingers around hers protectively.

“Fair enough,” she said evenly. “But taking my recklessness out of the equation…do you think I’m making all of this stuff up?” She knew she didn’t have to clarify to Ty what the ‘stuff’ she referred to was. He knew. The nightmares, the Workers, the wall surrounding the city.

“I think you definitely believe it’s true,” he answered, turning away from her and looking up into the sky.

“That’s not good enough Ty,” she replied, pulling her hand away from his.

“What do you want me to say
, Brynn? That I think you’re right about everything?”

“That’s exactly what I want you to say,” she shot at him, wondering when their relaxing afternoon out had turned into an argument.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” he told her. “I think you’ve found some pretty amazing coincidences and maybe there’s some merit to all of your theories, but until there’s more proof, they’re just coincidences.”

“Well, that’s exactly why I’m going on this trip,” she told him.

That got his attention and he turned to look at her once more, propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at her suspiciously.

“What trip?”

“The one I’m about to take with Jonah,” she said icily, refusing to meet his eyes and pretending to be fascinated by a cloud formation overhead.

“You’re going on another trip with him?” Ty asked, obviously upset that he hadn’t been informed about this. “When?”

“That’s not really any of your business is it?” she asked, sitting up now and brushing the grass from her back. “Who knows, maybe I’m making the whole thing up because I’m so unstable.”

“I never called you that,” Ty practically shouted. “
You
said that.”

Brynn blushed as she realized the truth of his accusation, angry that he was right.

"You might as well have said it. You practically said I was making everything up,” she spat, standing up and glaring down at her friend who looked like he wanted to kill her for being so irrational.

“I didn’t say anything like that!” he said loudly, actually shouting now as he stood to face her.

“It’s not like I ever asked you to come along with me and put yourself in danger,” she said.

“Yeah, I got the message that you don’t want me to come with you loud and clear,” he shot back.

“Wouldn’t want to inconvenience you with the danger of the trip, after all.”

“Well good. Have fun with Jonah then. Maybe he’ll accidentally throw himself off the train,” Ty yelled, turning on his heel and practically running down the grassy slope away from her.

Brynn could feel a hot tear sliding down her cheek and immediately wiped it away in embarrassment.

She and Ty fought. That’s what they did. Mostly because she was acting like a child and he wanted to keep her safe, but it had always been how they operated. It wasn’t necessarily the fight that was bothering her at the moment. It was the fact that she wasn’t going to see Ty again before her trip, and she wasn’t sure that she’d ever see him again once she got on that train.

Chapter 21: Countdown

“
You have one new message,” Charlie said in an attempt to rouse Brynn from her bed where she had been hiding for the past few days.

Ever since her fight with Ty she’d completely lost her backbone. She knew she should just go over to his house and apologize, especially since she didn’t want her last words with him to be angry ones. No matter how she tried, however, she couldn’t seem to bring herself to face him. Not only would she probably just end up fighting with him again, but she also knew he’d try to stop her from going on her trip.

Instead, she spent the next days after their fight writing out her letters to her parents, Amber, Bennett, and Ty. She made sure to include a special apology for Ty, not only for their recent fight, but for all the fights they seemed to have on a daily basis. She told him that she knew he acted the way he did because he cared about her and she appreciated him for it. She only wished they weren’t both so hotheaded and opinionated. Maybe they were more alike than she had originally thought.

The problem with taking several days to write out goodbye letters to everyone you loved was the negative effect it had on your mood. After sealing the last letter
, Brynn had crawled into her bed, sobbed loudly for a few hours, and then stayed in that same spot all night and day, only moving to ask Charlie for food or sugar water.

“I don’t care,” Brynn said into her pillow at Charlie’s news.

“You still have one new message,” Charlie insisted.

She wasn’t sure there was any house protocol for having a depressed resident, but Charlie definitely wasn’t following it by being sweet and encouraging.

“You want to know what you can do with your message?” Brynn asked angrily, wondering why she was being so irrational and rude.

“Playing message,” Charlie simply said, completely ignoring Brynn’s unacceptable behavior.

After a moment of silence Jonah’s voice materialized in her room.

“Only two more days until the big trip, boss!” he said happily, not sounding as if he were even remotely nervous about their possible death. “You’d better not back out now because I have
the
most amazing wind catchers to show you. Honestly, I’ve even impressed myself this time. Although I think we need a cooler name than ‘wind catchers’. Sounds kind of like a child’s toy, don’t you think? Especially considering how amazing we’re about to be. Anyways, that’s completely off topic. The point of this little message I’m sending your delightful house is to tell you to get your skinny butt over here to see my creation! I’ll leave directions with Charlie.”

With that the message cut out, leaving Brynn’s room silent again. Hearing Jonah’s voice had roused her slightly and she now poked her head out from under her blanket, squinting at the bright sunlight that streamed in through her window. She grumbled at the cheery sun and threw her blankets off, rising unsteadily to her feet. She hadn’t eaten nearly enough the day before and she could feel the room spin as she stood completely still.

“It’s about time,” Charlie said, clearly annoyed at her for being such lousy company the past few days.

“Why are you so obnoxious
all the time
?” Brynn asked.

“You programmed me. Blame yourself,” she answered, showing no sympathy for Brynn’s delicate emotional state. “Besides, Jonah likes me.”

“You’re using the word ‘like’ loosely here,” Brynn retorted. “Can you get me the directions to his house?”

“Right away,” Charlie replied with mock enthusiasm. “They’ve been uploaded to your tablet,” she informed her with all the excitement of a coma patient.

“You’re the best,” Brynn deadpanned as she pulled her default outfit on, not in the mood for being creative with her clothing.

* * *

It took Brynn a while to find Jonah’s house on foot in the endless maze of identical buildings. He lived in the city near Amber and Bennett in one of the top floors of a tall glass structure. When he ushered her into his house, she couldn’t help but notice how plain it was. There was no artwork on the walls, no decorations on end tables, and no books, which surprised her the most. It almost looked as if no one lived there. When he caught her glancing around confusedly he spoke up.

“I spend most of my time in the library so I haven’t really
…personalized this place,” he said sheepishly, as if embarrassed by his lack of decorating ability.

“Works for me,” she said as she followed him into the living room. Or at least, what she was assuming used to be the living room before it was taken over by yards of tarp, rope, and odd, thick straps she had never seen before. “Interesting choice for the one room you
did
decorate,” she joked, picking up a rope and examining it.

“I was going for sociopath-chic,” he answered seriously.

“Mission accomplished.”

“Thank you. Now are you ready for my brilliance?” he asked, holding something bulky behind his back.

“Is anyone ever really ready for your brilliance?” she responded.

“Good point. Just brace yourself, then,” he said theatrically as he pulled the bunch of wadded up tarp from behind his back. He let it unroll to reveal long ropes attached to the tarp, which eventually attached to a harness made of thick straps.

“What is it supposed to be exactly?” she asked, looking at the mess skeptically. “Because I don’t really know if I trust
that
to save my life.”

“You will soon enough,” he said as he laid it out on the floor in front of them. “So the round tarp will catch the wind right?”

“Hopefully,” she said grimly.

“But then what’s to stop us from getting pulled under the train?” he asked.

“Have you been watching my dreams lately?” she asked, though he completely ignored her question as he went on like a man possessed.

“So I’ve sewn this hard ridge into the front side of the tarp. It’s like a lip that bends upward so that the wind will catch and pull us up rather than down,” he explained as Brynn ran her fingers along the hard ridge he spoke of.

“How did you figure that out?” she asked, genuinely impressed that he had thought to solve the problem that had been plaguing Brynn’s nightmares.

“Do you have to ask? I’m a genius, remember?” he said with the same smug smile that she loved.

“How could I forget?”

“It’s my fault. I’ll try to be better about reminding you,” he promised as he went on. “Now, we’ve got the ropes attached to the tarp on one end, and our harness on the other end. Here, step into it,” he instructed Brynn, pointing out where each of her legs should go, in what looked to her like a complicated mess of knotted straps.

Jonah pulled the straps up once she had stepped into their jumble and secured them around her stomach and over her shoulders so that it fit around her nicely.

“And it’s even adjustable in case you put on a few pounds in the next two days,” he said with a grin as Brynn shoved him away from her. “What? I didn’t say
when
I said
if
. Big difference.”

“How do we carry these to the back of the train?” she asked, ignoring his attempt at humor.

“Since I’ve decided to remind you of my brilliance more often, let me take this opportunity to keep my promise.” Brynn just sighed in exasperation at this comment, loving how sarcastic and cocky Jonah got when he was really excited about something he had done. “I’ve figured out a way to fold these so that when we let them go, they won’t get all tangled up in the ropes.”

“You did not,” Brynn said, not quite able to believe that he could really be
that
smart just from reading so many books.

“I’m not joking! I told you I even impressed myself this time!” he exclaimed excitedly.

“How did you even figure this stuff out?”

“Well, I can tell you I haven’t slept once since I last saw you, so that might have something to do with it. Also, I think there used to be a bottle of caffeine pills somewhere around here that’s now empty. So they get some of the credit as well,” he joked, though once Brynn heard this she did notice how shaky he seemed.

“Uh, Jonah, I’m really grateful you figured this all out, but I think maybe you should sleep all day tomorrow since our train leaves pretty early the next morning. Don’t want you dying because you fell asleep on the job,” she said with a laugh.

She wasn’t quite sure how she had missed the signs before, but now they seemed so obvious; the messy hair, the dark circles under his eyes, and his shaking hands all suggested way too much caffeine and too little sleep.

“I feel pretty good actually,” he said with a too bright smile.

Brynn unhooked the harness and let it fall to the ground before grabbing Jonah’s hand and leading him down the hallway. She opened a door that she thought would lead to his room but found a bathroom. The second door she tried had a bed in it so she took that as a good sign that it was probably where he slept.

“That’s called a bed,” she said, pointing to the large black bed. “Go lay in it and close your eyes. That’s what normal people do.”

“Do normal people invent a completely brilliant flying machine in only a week?” he asked, looking at her with his tired, glassy eyes.

“No, they don’t. You’re amazing,” she told him with a smile. “Just fold the tarps up and bring them with you when you meet me at the train station,” she instructed, hoping that her words were getting through to him in his state of sleep deprivation.

“I can do that,” he assured her. “I think we’ve established that I can pretty much do anything.”

“We have,” she agreed as she tried to suppress a laugh.

She thought of exactly how she’d relive this scene to him when she saw him the day after tomorrow to see if he remembered any of it. While she walked down his hallway toward the front door, having left him in his bedroom, she shook her head in amusement and said, “I created a monster.”

* * *

The night before their big trip Brynn suited up in her black camouflage, deciding this would be the perfect time to try it out. She grabbed the bundle of letters from her nightstand and stole away to Ty’s house next door.
Because it was almost two in the morning she knew he’d be asleep, just like she should be.

Her heart pounded as she stood outside of his front door, her hand pressed against the cool metal of the doorknob. This could possibly be the last time she let herself into Ty’s house.

Though actually seeing Jonah’s creations in person helped her to feel better about the trip, she still couldn’t stop the slight panic attacks she had every now and then at the thought of actually leaping from a high-speed train, hoping that the quickly slapped together invention of a boy loaded with caffeine and completely sleep deprived actually worked.

Shaking the thoughts of loosely sewn seams and ripping material from her mind, she entered Ty’s house, careful to be light on her feet and not wake him. She snuck past his open door, feeling a pang of sadness as she glanced at his sleeping form in the blue light he always kept on when he slept. Taking a steadying breath, she made her way to his bathroom and placed the letters near the sink. She knew the first thing he’d do that morning would be to come into his bathroom and
brush his teeth, so there would be no way he’d miss the letters.

As she walked back through his house she wished she were brave enough to say she was sorry in person. She stood in his doorway for a moment, wanting to snuggle into his chest and fall asleep with him so that she could breathe
in his scent all night. Instead, she got startled when he rolled over in his sleep and she quickly ran on silent feet down the hall and out the front door, scared that she had accidentally woken him.

When she entered her own room once more, changed into her pajamas, and plopped down onto her bed, one thought kept streaming through her mind.

I wish I had apologized in person.

* * *

Brynn couldn’t sleep that night. The thoughts of her potentially deadly trip ran through her mind relentlessly, plaguing her with visions of every way things could go wrong. She thought of her parents who had adopted her as a baby. Of the selfless love they had always shown for her, and of the fact that ever since she had moved into her own house she rarely saw them. A pang of guilt manifested in her gut over the notes she had left at Ty’s house for every person she loved. If things worked out, at least her parents wouldn’t ever need to read theirs. She was especially hoping Ty would never need to read his. He had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. They had been fighting more often lately, but if anything ever happened to him she knew she’d be heartbroken just as he would be over Brynn’s death.

“Brynn?” a familiar voice said in her bedroom doorway. She looked up quickly, startled by Ty’s sudden appearance. It was as if she had conjured him into being simply by thinking of him.

But this was all wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He wasn’t supposed to see the notes until the next morning when she was already gone, because she knew he’d then try to stop her from going. Of course, she could always work on the assumption that he hadn’t seen the notes and was simply stopping by because he couldn’t sleep, just as she often stopped by his house during sleepless nights.