Sugar Cookie Murder (31 page)

DIMPLED DUCHESS

Bertie Straub contributed this recipe. She told me she serves these drinks when her best customers stay late for a “hen party” at the Cut ‘n Curl. (Mother says she certainly wouldn’t swear this on a stack of Bibles, but there’s a rumor going around that one too many Dimpled Duchesses could be responsible for Donna Lempke’s bright orange hair.)

Use a blender to make these drinks. For each person served you will need:

2 tablespoons amaretto liqueur

½ cup strawberry ice cream

Zoop up the ice cream and the liqueur in the blender and pour into a fancy stemmed glass.

Bertie says to make certain that anyone who’s had more than two Dimpled Duchesses gets a ride home with someone who hasn’t had any.

MRS. KNUDSON’S SEASON SALT

Priscilla Knudson says to tell you that she got tired of buying the expensive “seasoned” and “seasoning” salt they sell at the Red Owl Grocery and started making her own. She says it’s just as good as the store-bought kind, even better when you consider that you probably have all the ingredients in your spice drawer anyway, and that it costs you nothing to make it.

½ cup table salt

1 tablespoon celery salt

1 tablespoon garlic salt

1 tablespoon paprika

1 teaspoon dry mustard

1 teaspoon onion powder

½ teaspoon cornstarch

½ teaspoon ground oregano

Place the ingredients in a blender and blend for a few seconds. Store in a tightly-covered container (like the one you saved from the last time you spent money for the store-bought kind.)

You really don’t need a blender to make this, so don’t run out and buy one if you don’t have one. Mrs. Knudson says to tell you she just puts everything in a quart canning jar and rolls it around on the kitchen counter until it’s mixed.

Yield: ¾ cup Season Salt

WERNER HERMAN’S CATFISH BAIT

NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION

Jack Herman, Werner’s son, contributed this recipe. Lisa says to warn you not to let anyone make this in your kitchen. Do it outside in a bowl that you can throw away. And for heaven’s sake, keep it outside! Don’t ever let anyone talk you into putting it into your refrigerator!

1 pound fresh liver (any kind will do)

1 small can very smelly cat food

1 small package Jell-O powder (Jack says to tell you they like any flavor except grape — Lisa says Jack doesn’t like grape Jell-O either.)

fat from 6 strips of bacon, fried crisp (You can eat the bacon.)

2 cups melted Velveeta cheese (the original flavor)

Chop the liver, sprinkle the Jell-O over it, mix in the smelly cat food, and add the bacon fat. Drizzle the melted cheese over everything and stir to coat.

Marinate (Lisa suggested another word) for a week in a cool place. (NOT your refrigerator — use a cooler in the woodshed or outside on the back porch.)

Yield: Makes all the bait you need to catch enough catfish for the annual Lion’s Club fish fry.

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