Sugar Dust (6 page)

“There’s a word for people like you.”

Dan cringed. The phrase too closely resembled one he’d heard at his first and last Munch.

In a busy pub in the middle of Leicester one cold Sunday lunchtime, he dared to meet with other men and women who enjoyed “a bit of kink.” As he sipped lemonade, nibbled homemade cupcakes, and listened to stories of play parties and fetish fairs, he saw a faint glimmer of what it could be like to socialize with those who felt as he did.

The quiet group of ten “kinksters” made him instantly welcome in a way few other social gatherings had. No pushy questions or battles of ego, just quiet acceptance. He met men and women who craved control. Who needed it, in varying degrees, to feel whole in themselves. He met others who longed to give up that control, in part or in full, to someone they trusted to respect and care for them. Toward the end of the meet, a man slouched past their group of tables. Despite the early hour he was clearly drunk, swaying to and fro, and spilling the contents of his pint glass.

“Are you from that bunch of fetish freaks?” he asked, leaning low to peer over the table. “Those weird fuckers too sad to get real dates?”

Jolted from his memories by a cough from Pete, Dan tilted his chin and looked him in the eye. “There are several words for ‘people like me,’” he whispered. “Us and everybody else with a kink. Sick. Unhinged. Disgusting. Sinful.”

Pete looked away. Dan grabbed his grubby shirt and shook it. “Look at me!” He saw the startled look in his friend’s eyes, but he didn’t care. This was too important.

“Are those the words you meant, Pete? I’ve got more. How about ‘a giant clusterfuck of broken, socially malfunctioning deviants’? I always liked that one.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Karen and I have an open, honest relationship, which is more than I can say for a bunch of vanilla couples out there.” He lowered his voice, staring deep into Pete’s eyes to be sure he heard and understood every single word.

“We never lie to each other. We ask for what we want. We express what we need in ways that are clear and mature and work through our problems to make things work. Yes, there’s certain things we enjoy doing with and to each other that might seem weird to outsiders. Sick. Freakish. But we don’t hurt each other.”

Slowly, Pete closed his hands over Dan’s fingers. He unfurled them from his clothing one by one and Dan let him, stunned at the stiffness in his fists

“It’s not like you to get physical, Dan.”

The observation collapsed the last of Dan’s mood. “I know. Sorry. I just want you to understand. I
need
you to understand. I would never, ever hurt her.”

The faintest trace of a smile tugged at the corner of Pete’s lips. “But you whip her, tie her up, and keep her in a cage every now and then?”

A small smile, but it made all the difference. Dan backed away slightly. “Sometimes.”

“You’re bloody mad. And she likes it?”

“Loves it.”

“You know for sure?”

“Do you really think anybody could force Karen to do something she didn’t want to do?”

Pete snickered. “I’d love to see someone try.”

“Exactly. What we do is as normal as anything you get up to on a Saturday night.”

“My sex doesn’t need props.”

And just like that, the bubble of tension broke. Dan picked up his beer and returned to the sofa.

“Maybe it should,” he smirked. “When was the last time you had a shag anyway?”

“Fuck you.” Pete finally stopped frowning. “So it’s safe?”

“Always. SCS.
Safe. Consensual. Sane.
Nothing happens to anybody without us discussing it first and nothing is permanent. The marks were from a whip, but they’ll be gone by tonight. I’d never hurt her, Pete. You must know that. Not just Karen, but anyone. I wouldn’t hurt anybody for real.”

Pete had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I know.”

The silence between them filled the room like smoke. Twenty seconds passed before Dan spoke again. “Pete?”

“What?”

“I think I’m losing her.” The words left his mouth slowly and an ache filled his chest.

“I doubt it. A woman like Karen isn’t going to let you strip her and stick her in a cage unless she’s sticking around.”

“I’m serious. Mum really pissed her off. I need to show them both how serious I am. I can’t take more days like this.”

Pete stared into the distance. “How serious are you?”

With the question put plainly before him, Dan had to admit that he had no idea. Stalling, he rubbed his face with both hands, dragging the tips of his fingers across the stubble dotting his jaw. “I don’t want to lose her,” he said. “I know that much.”

“You could marry her?”

He flinched, as though the very word was a slap across the face. “And end up miserable like my parents? Fuck, no.”

A shadow of a smile crossed Pete’s face. “Your dad isn’t miserable, is he?”

Sometimes Dan couldn’t be sure. His father’s weariness through the course of the afternoon matched other recent meetings, but he shied away from actually naming it “miserable.” Maybe just resigned and defeated?

“And your mum certainly isn’t miserable. She loves having someone on hand to boss around all the time.”

“Exactly.”

“Not all married couples end up like that.”

“You’re right. The ones that don’t get divorced.” He shook his head. “No. I won’t do that to Karen or me.”

“But weddings are about commitment, right?”

“Weddings are about huge bills, stupid suits, and tiny pieces of paper. They don’t mean anything. Though it might be worth it just to see the look on Mum’s face.” He enjoyed the mental image for a moment then shook his head.

“What then?”

“No idea. But if I don’t do something it’s all over. She’s too smart to stick around if she’s unhappy.”

“But
can
she dump you? Is that allowed?”

“Of course it is.”

“Sorry. I just don’t get it. Karen could skin a grizzly just by looking at it, but you had her...”

“Caged?” Dan savored the memory. Though he fought against it, his groin woke at the thought of Karen kneeling and submissive behind those bars. Opening her mouth for him, sticking out her tongue so he could lay his cock against it.

A flush of red crept into Pete’s neck and jaw. “But you’re in charge. How is she allowed to dump you?”

“We’re just a normal couple.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Okay, we’re not, but that part is normal.”

“Then how does the dominant thing work?”

His mind drifted to her expectant expression as she waited for orders. The genuine passion in her face as he instructed her to suck him. “I tell her to do something and she does. So long as I don’t hit a hard limit it’s free game.”

“And she’s okay with that?”

“She has safe words if not. She says the words or makes the gesture and everything stops straight away.”

Pete snorted. “Even in the middle?”

“Even in the middle. It’s about respect. And trust.”

“I don’t care what relationship I have, no woman should decide she doesn’t like it right in the middle of shagging. What kind of tease is that?”

“Actually, it’s quite exciting if done right.”

“You
are
crazy.” Though the words were hard, his smile returned and Pete took a swig from his neglected bottle. “The pair of you. I mean that stick thing? It looks like it carries a charge.”

“The violet wand? It does.” Thinking back to the last time he used the wand brought a smile to Dan’s lips. “Big, purple sparks and crackling sounds like lightning. It’s amazing.”

“Sparks? And it doesn’t hurt?”

“More a tingle or a tickle. They have intensity settings. I can show you if you want?”

“You’re not using that thing on me.”

“No, you silly bastard, on here.” He tugged his laptop from beneath the sofa.

Though he shook his head, Pete’s gaze strayed to the laptop screen as Dan began to type. When the first video link opened, he leaned closer, eyes wide.

“Wow,” he murmured.

“I know.”

“And you can stick that bit inside her?” Pete pointed to a clear, curved attachment with a loose coil at one end.

“I could, but I don’t have that one. We’ve got this though.” Dan clicked the next link.

Pete slapped his hand over his mouth. “Fuck me!”

Dan grinned.

Chapter Seven

Karen hid in the bedroom until she heard the front door close a second time. On venturing downstairs, she found Dan in the living room, his laptop open on the home page of a BDSM community forum. She watched him, following his search through various local girls and their pictures. Her stomach tightened and it took special effort to erase the mental image of hurling the laptop through the front room window. A quick cough brought his attention round to her.

“Hey.” He smiled.

She didn’t return the affectionate gesture. “Looking for more girls to fill your Library?”

“No.” He closed the laptop lid and pushed the machine to one side. “I was showing Pete where we met.”

She glanced at the laptop, willing it to give up its secrets. “Oh.”

“I had to. I know what I said about people finding out, but after this he was freaking out.” He didn’t even look at her as he said it, his gaze focused near her shoulder. The rise and fall of his voice gaze away his unease. She stared, determined not to speak until he met her eyes. When he did, she held his stare and formed her words with deliberate slowness. “Poor him.”

“Karen...”

“What about me? I was freaking out too.”

“I’m sorry.” He extended his hand, gesturing to the space beside him on the sofa. “We need to talk.”

Instead of taking it, Karen sat on the single armchair on the other side of the room. “Damn right we do. Your mum—”

“Don’t. She’s gone. Just drop it.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s awful Dan. She hates me and it sucks.”

“She doesn’t hate
you
. She just wants what’s best for me.”

Karen slapped her hand against her armrest. “
I’m
what’s best for you. Just because she can’t understand that doesn’t mean she has the right to push me away.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“What does that mean?”

“She tried to set me up with an old school friend.”

Karen gripped the arms of the chair. Her nails made dents in the worn faux leather. She enjoyed a few moments of fantasy, in which she pummeled Maxine’s face with both fists before hearing Dan speak again.

“I told her no. I have you. I’m not interested in anyone else.”

Karen thought about Hannah, Rebecca, and other members of the Slave Library. She sighed. “So you sent them away?”

“I sent
Mum
away. Dad followed. I don’t know if they’re still in Leicester, but I don’t care. They’re not staying here.”

And there it was. At last. A faint glimmer of Dan “The Dom” looking out for the interests of his sub. She smiled. “Thanks.”

He nodded. “Come here. Please?”

She slipped off the chair, on to the floor. A quick crawl took her across the carpet and up to Dan’s legs where she rested her cheek on his knee. She shivered beneath his firm hand stroking down the nape of her neck. Tender fingers lifted the back of her vest. Traced a pattern over her shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For Mum.”

Karen stiffened. “Don’t apologize for her. I don’t need
your
apology for
her.
”

“Bloody hell, then what do you want?”

“I don’t want to feel like I’m fighting her for you.”

“You’re not.”

“She called and you ran off in the middle of a blowjob.” Saying it brought back the shock.

“She’s my mum. I love her.”

“Fine, I get that, but what about me?”

Dan gazed at her helplessly. “Don’t ask me to choose.”

“I’m not. I just want you to respect the time we
do
have together. That’s all.”

“But I love our time together.”

Karen flinched. She tasted blood on her tongue and realized she’d been gnawing her bottom lip. “You do, do you?”

“Of course I do.”

“And me?”

“What about you?”

“How do you feel about me?” she prompted gently, forcing her voice into a vague approximation of nonchalance.

“You’re my girlfriend. My slave. You mean so much to me. Sometimes I don’t even believe you’re real.”

She waited. After a few seconds, she sighed. “Fine.”

“Why does that sound like ‘I give up’?”

Because it is,
she thought. Aloud she said, “No idea.”

Dan began to stroke her shoulders again. “How’s your back?”

“Pleasantly sore.”

“Good. You know, you never did finish that blowjob.”

“Whose fault is that?” she said, gnawing her bottom lip again.

Instead of answering Dan pulled his hand out of her vest and used it to unfasten his jeans. He touched the top of her head. Karen considered jerking back. She imagined using one of her safe words and bringing Dan’s hands to a fumbling halt. Then she saw the hungry look in his eyes and realized that she didn’t want it to end. Ever. And that was the problem.

She licked her lips, followed his fingers as he reached into the gap of his boxers. Over the top of his waistband, Karen saw the head of his cock. Still soft, though showing signs of some hardness. She glanced over her shoulder. “Pete’s gone?”

“He saw the website, said something about a job in Beaumont Leys and ran off. Apparently all that porn is no preparation for the real thing.”

Giggling, Karen wrapped both hands around Dan’s soft shaft and eased him free. She teased her fingers over the skin, watching the wrinkles smooth out as he hardened against her touch. “I don’t know why you showed him
Kink4Life
. That’s not where we met. We met on
All SCS
.”

“No, we didn’t.”

Karen ended the discussion by lowering her head to kiss Dan’s swelling tip. He sucked in a sharp breath and tangled his fingers in her hair, drawing her closer. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. His actions, his touch, all of it echoed with the return of Dan “The Dom”; from the easy confidence in his grip, to the low growl rumbling in the back of his throat. His true nature emerged as if from behind a curtain.