Summer Breeze (32 page)

A knock sounded on the archway door. "Rachel, open up, darlin'."

She didn't want Joseph to see her like this. Oh,
God.
It felt as if her heart was breaking, only for happiness. He knocked again.

"Sweetheart, don't do this to me. I can't get in."

She scrubbed at her cheeks again. "I'm c-coming."

"Why are you crying?" he called. "Have you seen that beautiful courtyard?"

Stirling her sobs, she went to the archway, opened the door, and then struggled to insert the key into the lock with shaking hands. The instant the iron barrier was unlatched, Joseph swept into the room. He took the key from her and locked up after himself. Then he closed and barred the wooden door.

"What is this?" He tucked the key back into her skirt pocket and drew her into his arms. "Don't cry, sweetheart. You should be happy."

It felt so wonderful to be held by him again. Over the last two weeks, he'd scarcely touched her—only an occasional, accidental brush of their fingertips, and he'd absolutely refused to sleep in her water closet anymore.

"Oh, Joseph, it's s-so b-beautiful."

"And that's to cry about?"

He cupped the back of her head in a big, hard hand. Rachel pressed her face into the lee of his shoulder and savored the feeling. She wished the moment might last forever, that he'd never pull away and leave her feeling alone again. He drew her over to the sofa and sat with her still held in his arms.

"Enough, darlin'. I hate it when you cry."

Rachel took a shuddering breath. Then she closed her eyes and sank against him. She loved having his well-muscled body curled partly around her, loved resting her cheek against his heat.

She could hear his heartbeat, a strong and sturdy
thump-thump-thump
that was reassuringly rhythmic and even, not thready and erratic like her own.

They sat in silence for a long while, and then he gently set her away from him. "I'm sorry," he said huskily, "but if we stay close much longer, I'll do something we may both regret."

Rachel didn't believe that she would ever regret anything that happened between them. He lived by rules that were important in his world but weren't in hers. She ran a hand over his ribbed chest, pleasuring herself just by touching him. He caught her wrist and shook his head.

"Please don't," he said thickly. "I'm hanging on by a thin thread as it is."

Rachel didn't want him to hang on. "Darby will

come home soon, and you'll leave," she whispered. "Is it so wrong for me to want this time with you, so wrong to want the memories only you can give me?"

His grip on her wrist tightened. "I want to give you more than memories." He took a deep breath, met her gaze with burning intensity, exhaled shakily, and said, "Will you marry me, Rachel?"

The question took her completely by surprise. She tried to free her wrist. "What?"

He kept a firm hold on her. "I spoke plain. Will you marry me?"

She shook her head mutely.

"You talk about me leaving? I don't think I can. I love you, Rachel Hollister. I want you as my wife. I want to give you my babies. I want to grow old with you."

Fresh tears sprang to Rachel's eyes. "Are you mad? I can't marry you, Joseph. What have I to offer you?"

"Everything," he said huskily. "Absolutely everything."

"I can't raise children, living as I do. What would I do, push them out through the wood safe to see them off to school?" She gestured with her free hand to encompass the kitchen. "A family can't live in one room."

"I'll remodel my place and make it one hell of a big room," he said softly. "And I'll build you another courtyard and a vestibule as well, a safe antechamber so you can look out through your bars before you let anyone into the house. The children can come and go through the garden gate."

Rachel shook her head. "No, Joseph. Children need

their own bedrooms. A family can't exist the way I live."

"Sure it can," he insisted. "The water closet is another room. That doesn't bother you. The cellar is another room. That doesn't bother you, either. We could have a regular home, Rachel, you and I together, with bedrooms for our children."

He made it sound so attainable. It was true that the water closet didn't bother her, or the cellar, either.

"I'll make it work," he whispered. "I swear to you, darlin', I can make it work. No hallways to frighten you, just a big room like this with water closets all around, only they'll be bedrooms, with you in the big room, living as you do now, never needing to go outside unless it's to sit in your courtyard or work in your flowerbeds."

The thought of leaving her kitchen and moving to his place terrified Rachel. She shook her head again. "I can't leave here, Joseph. I'm sorry. I want to be with you more than anything. But I just can't leave here."

He sighed and lifted her clenched fist to trail kisses over her knuckles. "All right, then. We'll live here. I can modify this place, adding on water closets as we have babies."

Rachel gaped at him. "But you have your own ranch."

"And the land adjoins yours. Maybe Darby would be willing to live at my place. It's only a house, Rachel. Only a piece of land. I'll sell out if I have to. What I can't do—what I absolutely can't do is go home and be apart from you. I've been wrestling with the problem for two weeks. I just can't do it, darlin'."

Fresh tears welled in Rachel's eyes. "Then don't go. Stay. We don't have to get married for you to stay."

"Oh, yes, we do," he retorted. "I have a set of standards, Rachel Hollister. We'll either do it right, or we won't do it at all."

Rachel wanted so badly to say yes. Oh, how desperately she wanted that. But the whole idea rocked her world. "I can't leave here, Joseph."

"I'm real clear on that, Rachel. I'm not asking you to leave here. I'm just asking you to make what's between us right in the eyes of God."

"But
how?
How would we even get married?"

"I'll bring the preacher here."

"Into my kitchen?"

He smiled. "You've got bars, sweetheart. He can stand in the dining room and say the words. Or we can do it in your courtyard, with him outside the garden gate. He doesn't have to be
in
your kitchen or
in
your courtyard for us to do the deed."

"What if our baby got sick?"

"I'd bring Doc out. You know Doc. Surely you trust him enough to let him inside."

Rachel did trust Doc. She focused on a button of Joseph's shirt. "I don't know. There would be so many problems, Joseph. I've never even considered the possibility of getting married."

He kissed her knuckles again. Then he forced her fingers to unfurl so he could trail the tip of his tongue over her palm. "I want you," he whispered. "I want to hold you in my arms and love on you the whole night long. It's a powerful kind of want, Rachel. So powerful that I'm not sure I'll be able to control it if I'm around you too much."

Jolts of sensation shot up Rachel's arm. With every flick of his tongue, she melted a little more.

"Wh-what are you saying?"

"That you have to marry me. Otherwise, I'll have to stay away to keep from taking you." He nibbled at the base of her thumb. "I want to taste you like this all over. I'm dying, I tell you. Put me out of my misery and just say yes."

He tugged her toward him and began nibbling under her ear. Rachel's head went dizzy and her insides turned molten. Her lashes fluttered closed. She remembered how it felt when he'd kissed her breasts—how divine it was when he'd touched her in her most secret place. Her breath began to come in ragged little spurts that didn't quite reach her lungs. She wanted to experience all those feelings again more than she'd ever wanted anything.

"Oh, Joseph," she moaned.

"Say yes," he whispered urgently. "Trust me to make it all work, darlin'. It'll be perfect, I swear.

Please, just say yes."

"Yes," she breathed. "Oh, yes, Joseph." She wanted him to open her shirtwaist again, to bare her breasts. "Yes, yes, yes."

He drew her into his arms, enfolding her in a fierce hug that almost crushed her bones. "You're sure?"

"Yes, oh, yes."

"Then I'll make the arrangements." He grasped her firmly by the shoulders and set her away from him. "I

want it done as soon as possible. No folderol, no nonsense. We'll keep it simple and just get it done."

Rachel blinked and almost toppled off the sofa cushion. She watched in bewildered confusion as he pushed to his feet and started pacing. "We'll invite Caitlin and Ace, of course, and David, too.

I know you've never met my little brother, Esa, but will you mind terribly if he comes?"

What Rachel minded was that he had left her.
Again.
She pushed at her hair, straightened her shirtwaist, and gained her feet. "I thought if I agreed to marry you that we'd—you know. If we're going to get married soon, I thought that we could finish this time."

He settled an implacable gaze on her. "We haven't even started yet. Trust me on that. And we won't, not until I've got a ring on that pretty little finger I was just kissing."

"But what harm is there in—" She broke off. "If we're going to be married, Joseph, why can't we be together that way a tiny bit early?"

"Because that's putting the cart before the horse. When I make love to you, you're going to be my wife, right and proper. I won't have it any other way."

Rachel searched his expression and knew he meant it. "But
why?"

"Because it's the Paxton way. We're going to do this properly."

She could see that arguing with him would get her nowhere. "How long will doing it properly take?"

The following morning, Joseph opened the back door wide and led Rachel to the ironwork over the

opening so she could look out on her courtyard. "It's perfectly safe," he assured her. "Nothing can get in but birds, butterflies, and bugs. Do you feel up to going
out
there?"

Rachel wasn't sure. "Oh, Joseph, I don't know.
I'm
fine standing here behind the bars, but—"

"You've got more bars out there, honey." He stepped in close behind her and encircled her waist with his arms. "I'll hold you close. How's that? If you start having a problem breathing,
I'll
carry you back inside."

Rachel had taken to carrying
both
keys in her skirt pocket at all times. He loosened
one arm
from
around her and went fishing. When he
plucked out
the key, she shrank against him and closed her eyes. "Wait!" she cried.

"I'm right here," he assured her. "I won't let any harm come to you, Rachel. I swear it. We'll go out together. I won't turn loose of you unless you want me to."

He reached around her to insert the key into the lock. The mechanism grated loudly as it disengaged. He dropped the key back into her pocket and pushed open the ironwork. Rachel felt like a bit of flotsam being carried forth by a wave. His chest was a wall at her back, his arms like steel bands around her, his legs pushing against hers to make her feet move.

"Joseph?" she said shrilly.

"I'm right here. One little step at a time. You're okay."

They were out on the porch. Panic washed through her in cold waves. She expected her lungs to freeze.

But that didn't happen. He stopped at the steps and just held her close. She felt his heartbeat thrumming against her shoulder, felt his breath sifting through her hair to warm her scalp. She leaned weakly against him and closed her eyes, scarcely able to believe that she was outdoors and not suffocating.

"I love you," he whispered near her ear. "I love you as I never have anyone or anything. Please open your eyes, Rachel. Trust me."

She trusted him as she had never trusted anyone. She lifted her lashes. A little bluebird came down through the ironwork roof just then to light on the back of the bench. Then, with a flutter of his wings, he sailed over to the birdbath. Water flew as he dunked his head and flapped his wings.

Rachel watched through a blur of tears.

"Oh,
Joseph."

"Pretty wonderful, huh?" Then his body went suddenly tense. "Oh,
shit"

"What?" Rachel glanced up and all around, but she saw nothing alarming, only thick rock walls and stout iron bars to keep everything but the smallest of creatures out. "What is it?"

"The fish. When the mortar was set, I was supposed to fill the pond and put them in. I forgot all about them. I hope the little buggers didn't freeze last night."

Rachel's heart caught. "Where are they?"

"In that can by the bench."

"Oh, the poor things." Rachel broke free of his embrace and hurried down the steps. She was halfway across the courtyard before it struck her that she was outside. Oh, God,
outside.
She staggered to a stop,

frozen in her tracks. Her heart pounded violently. But nothing else happened. She could still breathe. She just felt a little dizzy and disoriented. "Joseph?"

"You're fine, sweetheart. You've got walls all around you. Look at them. Name me anything that can go through that rock."

The tension eased slowly from Rachel's body. She turned in place, looking all around, and there were walls everywhere. She let her head fall back to put her face up to the sun. The gentle warmth on her skin was beyond wonderful. She held her arms wide and turned again, filling her lungs with fresh, cool morning air. Oh, lands, it smelled so good.

She heard Joseph chuckle. She stopped spinning to face him. A smile curved her lips. She wanted to shout. She felt just that wonderful.

"Have I ever told you that you're the most gorgeous creature I've ever clapped eyes on?" he asked.

Rachel shook her head.

"Well, you are. I think I fell in love with you the first time I ever saw you."

It occurred to Rachel then that she'd never told him that she loved him back. She swallowed to steady her voice. "I love you, too, Joseph. I love you, too."

He said nothing, but that was all right because his eyes told her all she needed to know. "You gonna stand there all day or check on those poor fish?"

"Oh!" The bluebird skittered away as Rachel ran the remaining length of the courtyard. She picked up the can to peer inside. She saw a flash of orange. "They're fine," she cried. 'There are three, Joseph. My goodness, they're so tiny."