Summer I Found You (17 page)

“What’s with you and your phone?” Roberts elbows me as we walk through the commissary to stock up his snack bin and mini-fridge.

“Oh. Nothing.” Wondering what to say to Kate with how awkward things were when we left. On the surface, it was okay. But underneath, where everything confusing in my life, that’s where Kate and I got all mixed up. One simple thing. Well, two. Sex, and her not telling me something I should have known before the sex.

For the first time, I don’t want to use the word
sex
, but a guy like me doesn’t say
make love.
But what do I call it when it feels like the way it did with her? Like I couldn’t get enough of her body, but also like I was glad she stayed the night. That I didn’t have to let her go.

“Connelly?” Roberts is laughing as he waves his hand in front of my face.

I hit his arm away, but my phone flies from my hand and smashes on the floor.

“Shit.” Roberts looks back at the pieces.

We stare at each other, knowing that if I had both arms, I’d have been able to hold my phone in one hand, and smack him away with the other.

“My own damn fault.” I try to laugh, but we both get it. And the weight of the little ways my life has changed hit me hard. Again.

“Call the girl. Use mine.” He shoves his phone at me as he picks up the pieces of mine.

“I don’t know her number. It was in my phone.”

Roberts starts to hand me the pieces, but I have his cell in my hand, and can’t take mine back. The whole damn situation sucks. I shove his phone in my pocket and start to take the pieces of mine. It’s not as bad as I would have thought.

“I’ll get it.” Roberts slides the battery back in, but the back is shattered. He pushes the power button, and the thing miraculously turns on.

“Thanks,” I mumble as I hand him his phone and then take mine. Single steps. One thing at a time. “I should get going.”

There’s an odd pause between us as the reality of how different we are settles in.

“That’s it? You’re not going to stick around?”

I want out. I don’t care that Kate got a little confusing. A little confusing is better than the shitty feeling that comes from being around the kind of guy I used to be.

“Con, wait.” Roberts walks up behind me.

I didn’t even totally realize that I was walking away. “I’ll call ya.” And I walk out. Walk the mile around the airfield, back to the company building, and back to my car.

I drive away from the Army base that should be my home.

I pass the exit that would take me to Pilot’s wife. For more than an hour, nothing reminds me of anything.

I pass the community college.

I pass my shrink’s offices.

I drive by Mom’s exit.

It’s already dark, but I wonder if I should drop by and see Kate. I call her and hit the speaker button. It’s the only way I can talk and drive.

Kate answers on the first ring. “Hey.”

“Hey. I missed you.” Already I’m over the line of casual.

“Me too. I would’ve called, but I didn’t know how mad you were, and I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Can I stop by?”

The pause is too long. Shit. I shouldn’t have asked.

“My parents are going on about college and talking with my sister and me tonight. I’d love to, but I can’t.”

Now I need to sound normal. Not too disappointed. “Okay. I mean. That’s fine.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Pick you up after school?” Now I’m way too eager. And parents and school and
what the hell am I doing?

“I’m sorry. You’re going to think I’m not worth the trouble, but I can’t do right after school either.”

I’m a jerk, but I do wonder if she’s worth the trouble, but no way will I tell her. And worth the trouble isn’t how I’d put it either because it’s really that I’m in a bad position to be what she deserves. And it sucks to be sort of dating someone who has to ask her parents to go out. Should I be doing this? Or maybe I don’t care if I should be or not, because despite the occasional difficulty, I really want to.

“How about tomorrow night? Is that cool?”

“Yeah. Call me then.”

We hang up, but it all feels awkward and stilted, and I don’t know if that’s normal or not. Maybe because we were
together
, together, and then had that thing she didn’t tell me, and then I was gone. Maybe it’s the whole parents thing.

Right now I hope I can sleep, and I hope that when we’re together tomorrow it feels as good as I remember.

I
’M AT SCHOOL LATE
waiting for Jen, and about to head home to get ready for my date with Aidan tonight. It’s been an odd few days without him. At the same time, I know we have to talk when I see him again, so it’s also been a strange kind of relief.

A girl’s sniffing around the corner. Not I-have-a-cold sniffing,
crying
sniffing.

“Tamara, he’s a jerk, okay?” A girl’s voice comes through the hallway, but I can’t see her yet. “You can do so much better.”

Tamara? Better than Shelton? Right. She’s just a girl who looks good in a cheerleading uniform.

Wow, I’m a snob.

And he broke up with her? That makes no sense. He’s not the kind of guy to use someone for…whatever he and Tamara had. But it felt like he broke up with me to be with her, so I would’ve thought they’d last a bit longer.

More sniffing and quiet voices.

I know this is one of those situations where I need to turn around and walk away, but I don’t. I stop my feet; I stop my breathing, and wish that I could stop my heart on the off chance it

might be beating loud enough for them to hear.

“You guys only went on a few dates,” a girl says.

“I know, but…I never thought I could be with someone like him, you know? Smart. Sweet. I’m just…”

“Come on, let’s go get some ice cream or something, okay?”

There’s this whiny-like, “Umm-hmm.” And now, again, is when I need to turn and move. Or run. But instead I stand like an idiot, staring at the corner as they come around.

“Oh.” Tamara wipes her face with her cheer sweatshirt. “Perfect.”

“Well, he broke up with me too.” I shrug, amazed that I have something to say to Tamara. Here are my ugly snobby thoughts again.

She looks at me all wary-like as her friend leads her away.

I was just trying to be
nice
. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m one of the girls who roll her eyes every day they wear their cute little uniforms.

Still. Shelton breaking up with her is bizarre.

I follow Jen out to her car, and I start to reach out to open the door when I remember I’m trying to go one-armed. Just to test it out. I use my other arm, but it means my pack falls off my shoulder.

“Crap,” I mutter.

“What are you
doing
?” Jen’s brows go up as she gives me this odd smile.

“One arm,” I explain, as I jerk open the car door. But when I get in, I have to find a spot for my pack before I can even think about pulling my seatbelt across my lap or closing my door. It all takes a couple minutes. Just to get in.

“How’s it going there?” she teases as she starts her car. She’s buckled, lip-glossed and her bag is tucked in the back seat.

“This really sucks!” I start to laugh, but also feel this little pang of sadness for him. Even the everyday stuff is a pain.

“Are you doing this just so you have an excuse to stick a needle in his stomach when you tell him you’re diabetic?” she asks.

“Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that.” I start to laugh, but the tragedy of his accident sort of hits me again. “They’re not really comparable, and besides, I bet he’s had a lot of needles stuck in him since he got hurt.”

Jen puts the car in drive. The silence between us feels a bit heavy and sad. I’ve been really stupid not to tell him. We’d understand each other better—or maybe he’d just see that I understand him a little more than most people. What a hypocrite I’ve been—if that’s the right word. Being all open about his problem, and so closed off about mine.

“You okay?” Jen asks.

“I’m going to talk to him tonight.” I say it with determination, even though this subtle shaking starts in my core, and I’m already wondering how much harder I’ll be shaking by tonight.

“It’ll be fine.” She gives me her best reassuring smile. “Just tell him why you didn’t. I think he’ll understand.”

I slump in the passenger’s seat, and barely remember I can’t cross my arms, ’cause I’m pretending to only have one. “I hope so.”

Let me just say that it’s a good thing Aidan’s not a girl, because makeup and a straightener? Not easy with only one hand. I poke my eye twice with my eyeliner pencil, and now my eye is all red. I give up after burning my ear and temple with the straightener. At least I tried—that has to be worth something. But now that Aidan will be here any minute, I’m more than just freaking out over talking to him. The shaking is definitely worse.

I draw in a deep breath and take a minute to calculate out the carbs in the Subway he said he packed. I allow myself the use of both hands while I do my shot in the bathroom, and I’m glad I thought of doing this before we get together so I don’t have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom later. Though, I’m telling him. I totally am. So even if I hadn’t done this now, it would still be okay. Hopefully.

I stare in the mirror after I put my pharmacy away, knowing he’s on his way here. If I’d known we were going to get so close, I probably would have told him the night we met. I just didn’t expect to like him so much.

“Okay. You can do this. Easy.” I raise my brows and give myself a look like my mom would give me. Then I sigh. I’m just not feeling the confidence I want to.

Wait. I focus on the mirror again, and put on what I think is a sweet, sympathetic face, but instead I look constipated.

I’m crap at this. Whatever.
Just say it.

“I know I should have said something sooner, but it was nice having someone who didn’t know this about me, because it feels like my family and friends treat me different.” It sounds so contrived, and I still look constipated. Ugh. I suck. I spin away from the mirror disgusted when I hear a knock at the door.

My heart jumps, and my stomach flips over. Then I realize that if I don’t get the door,
Dad
will get the door.

“Don’t stay out too late,” Dad says as I run up the hallway and grab the bag with snacks waiting on the floor.

“I won’t.” I slow as I try to step past him in the living room.

I reach for the door, but Dad leans back and gets it first. No doubt wanting to check Aidan out again. Curse this small house.

“Hello, Dr. Walker.” Aidan stretches his hand out, looking a lot more sure of himself than he did when he came by a few days ago.

His smile is pretty awesome—even when it isn’t directed at me.

“Nice to see you again, Aidan. It’s a school night, so not past nine or so. Maybe ten if I get a phone call.” Dad’s voice is friendly enough, but it’s just going to be another reminder for Aidan how young I am. I’ve already not been able to see him for the last day and a half because of my parents.

“No problem.” Aidan’s eyes wander to mine briefly, and then meet Dad’s again.

“See you soon, sweetie.” Dad kisses my head, and I roll my eyes, which gets a grin from Aidan.

“Finally.” I breathe out as Dad closes the door.

“Ready?” he asks.

“Very.”

Aidan’s arm comes around me, and it’s like my body folds into his. Into his warmth. Into the way he feels against me.

“Glad to see you.” He smiles wide and gives me a soft kiss.

“You too.” And as I pull slowly away from his arm, and his eyes hit mine, I know I’ll tell him. Just not right now. Later. But tonight. Almost for-sure definitely.

K
ATE’S BEEN QUIET ON
the whole drive, and fidgety. Neither is like her.

“What’s up?” I ask, wondering if I want to know.

“Do you ever wish you could hide the loss of your arm?” she asks.

I open my mouth, but I’m not sure how to answer. It makes me realize that already, it’s sort of become part of who I am. I mean, I’d like to have my arm back, but would I try to hide the fact that it’s missing? I don’t think so. Not anymore. Especially not if she’s going to touch my scars like she did last time we were together.

She pulls in a deep breath. “There’s this thing I’ve needed to tell you about.”

With how weird she’s being I’m starting to feel like I can’t breathe, like something might really be wrong between us. After my couple days with Roberts, I really want my night with Kate to go right. “You still like me?” I try to tease.

“Of course.” Her smile is wide, and her cheeks pink, allowing me to take a breath in. This girl has really gotten to me, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

“We’re okay then. I’m gonna pay for parking, and we’ll take our food down to the beach, okay?” I stand out of the car into the blissfully empty parking lot—grateful not everyone is as brave about low clouds as we are.

“Okay.” She stands up, and holds the doorframe with white knuckles.

I watch her for a sec. “You okay?”

“Just dizzy.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s nothing.” Her voice is so quiet.

“Okay.” I jog toward the pay slots. I can’t believe I’m going on a picnic, outside, with a girl. It’s seriously something straight out of a movie. But I’m looking forward to it—hanging with Kate. I fill out the envelope, and stuff the money in.

When I turn around, Kate’s sitting on the hood, looking very pale. I start to jog back.

She turns, and blinks a few times. Her mouth opens, but she just makes this weird humming sound.

My heart starts to pound. “Kate?” Something is definitely weird here.

“I shot. Was in a hurry at home.” She sounds drunk, slurred. “Too long. No food.” She pulls in this deep breath as her eyes fill with fear.

I sprint, but she’s still on the opposite side of the car.

Her mouth opens a few times before she pushes out a word.

“Help.”

I grab her just as her knees buckle against my legs.

“Shit, shit. Kate.” My whole body’s shaking. She went from dizzy to this in just a few minutes?