Summer I Found You (5 page)

“I…uh…” I have no idea what to share.

“Been out at all? More swimming pool, more wishing you didn’t have to go see the dink that’s your counselor,” she teases.

“I went out the other night,” I say, and immediately think about Kate.

“Oh.” She pushes a finger into my cheek. “You can’t hide that face from me. Tell me about her.”

“It’s not like that, Mom.” But I can’t look Mom in the eyes. It feels like such a juvenile reaction over a girl that I don’t like.

“Uh…” she teases. “I think it is exactly like that.”

“I was asked by Jen to hang with her friend Kate.”

“I’ve met Kate. She’s a pretty, smart girl. I thought she was dating someone?”

“She was.”

“What’s she like?” Mom’s smile is soft, and all her attention is on me, even though I know that part of her probably really wants a nap.

“Pretty. A bit odd.” I stare at my lap remembering our night.

“Which I think you like a little more than you want to admit,” she says.

“I don’t know. Anything normal feels so many miles away right now.” I sigh and sag farther into the couch.

Mom rubs her hand across my chest a few times. “But that normal is what’s going to make you feel better again. You know that, right?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I guess I know that.”

“You’re just agreeing. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Mom touches the small scars on my neck and around my ear—footprints of shrapnel.

“That even
if
I felt that way about Kate, she doesn’t feel that way about me.” No way. She’s young and does ridiculous things like dressing up in something she hates to get the attention of some guy who’s dating someone else.

“Are you sure?”

“I saw the ex, am related to her best friend, so I have some idea of her type, Mom.” After seeing Shelton, there’s no way she’d go for a guy who has no interest in moving beyond jeans and white T-shirts, and has no idea what to do with his life.

“Well, I’m glad you came. I know it has to be weird for you here, and I still feel bad that I’m not set up better, you know, for you to stay.” She rests her head on the back of the couch and looks at me way too closely, the way she always has.

“It’s okay. I feel like I have my own place, you know? It’s good.” But I only sort of have my own place, and I don’t feel right living there rent free, but I’m not sure how to go about fixing that just yet.

“Good.” Her hand drops down from my scars.

“And I know I need to sell my car. Uncle Foster’s been really nice about letting me drive his. All the guys at his work are drooling over mine.”

Mom laughs. “Of course they are. They’re accountants.”

“I guess.”

“Aidan?” She waits until my eyes are squarely on hers. “You don’t have to do anything until you’re ready. As long you keep moving forward, I don’t care how slow it is. I only want to make sure you’re not sliding back.”

That makes two of us.

I
CAN’T CONCENTRATE IN
school. I can’t concentrate at home. I forget that I’m supposed to be mad about not driving, and stop rolling my eyes at Mom when she checks my blood sugar the moment I walk in the door from school. The lack of snark in my life for the past two weeks is starting to be disturbing, but I’m not sure if I have it in me to care.

I’m reading way ahead in English now, which isn’t unusual, but I am two books ahead, which means I’m halfway through
Alas, Babylon
, and we haven’t even had our Faulkner discussion yet.

Even Mom says I need to get out more. Jen apologizes for being so busy, but it’s near the end of the school year, and she’s part of prom committee, student government, and Honor Society. Why does she have to be such an overachiever? I’m in Honor Society, but I’m not running around like a mad woman.

Oh. And Mom announces that Deena will for sure be spending some time here while her husband, Lane, does some research or school midterms or something. She’ll need to be in my room because Deena’s old room is mom’s sewing room, and

then Mom laid on the guilt trip—
I know you’re a good sister and won’t mind
.

It sounds perfectly crappy to me, sharing my room with a sister who apparently is so sick she’s throwing everything up. I know I sound horrible, and I love my sister, but the only thing she talks about now is the baby.

Toby and Shelton remain good friends, even though he’s dating my best friend, and my best friend should hate Shelton on principle. Since Toby’s dating Jen and claims to love her, he could at least be snubbing Shelton a little bit too.

But he’s not.

Which means that earlier today, during lunch
my
best friend was forced to eat lunch across from Tamara, who looked way too pleased with herself about sitting all snuggled against Shelton’s arm. I toss my math book into my locker and grab Faulkner.

Shelton leans against a locker next to me. Almost like he did on the day we broke up. His stupid gesture makes me want to scream.

“I didn’t realize you’d take it so hard. Maybe I should have done things differently somehow. I don’t know.” His voice is filled with sympathy, making me want to curl up in his arms, or smack him in the face. I’m still undecided.

Half of me is pissed he thinks he has this power over me, and then I realize he does have this power over me, and then I look at his lips and remember how they felt on mine. I breathe in and he smells so good. He uses some ridiculously expensive cologne, but it’s worth Every. Single. Penny he spends on it.

I half close my eyes and lean in.

“Are you trying to kiss me?”

My eyes snap open to see him leaning back.

“Screw you.” I jerk my bag out, slam the locker shut, and almost run away to get some distance.
What’s wrong with me?

I’m not this girl—this weeping, whiny-over-a-boy pathetic girl. I’m Kate. I’m smart. Not terrible looking. Have some sort of interesting future…in something…

I need home. Out of school. I feel all uptight and strung up. Oh. Shot. I forgot. Bet my blood sugar is way high. I mean, when
I
can tell I’m a little on edge, it means something probably needs to be done.

And this is when I’m really glad that I illegally bring my own shots and testing stuff to school, because when my levels are off, the nurse calls Mom. Never good. I head to the ladies room, to the handicap stall, and wish there was a baby changing station in here for me to put my stuff, but I know something like that would never go in. The school board would assume we’d all run off and get pregnant just to have something to set there. Ridiculous.

I sit on the floor and pull out my stuff.

Finger prick first. And even after a year I still flinch even though it barely hurts.

Now I get to wait for my little machine to read my blood sugar.

I’m at two eighty. My levels could be worse. I mean, if I wasn’t diabetic, it would be insane, but I’ve had much higher than this. I measure out the right amount of insulin, and try not to think about what kind of germs are on the floor while I lie down. I know. Everyone but me does it standing up. I just don’t want to see it, and I swear it’s easier to pull a pinch of skin out when I’m lying down. Now I just need to hope no one comes in. I pull up my white T-shirt, grab a nice little roll above my jeans, grimace, try not to think about the fact that I’m putting a
needle
in my
body
, and stab.

The small prick makes me suck in a breath, and I push on the syringe until I hit the end while a small tear escapes.

Forever.

I will do this forever.

It makes me want to scream and cry all at the same time.

I put the cap back on the needle. I make up a lower number, one hundred eighty, before writing it in my ridiculous notebook, and stand up. Yeah. I’ve had about enough high school for one day.

“No, Kate. I’m not ditching with you, and I can’t lend you my car. It’s my mom’s car, and she’d freak.” Jen shuts her locker and starts toward class. Toby’s waiting for her farther down the hall.

Great. So much for my plan of leaving with Jen. “So, now what?” I ask.

“You can walk,” she suggests, and then a mischievous grin spreads across her face. “Or call Aidan. He’s home today.”

She slips my phone out of my pocket and starts typing.

“Don’t just call him now!” I reach for it, but she pulls away.

“Chill. I’m just putting in his number.” She’s furiously tapping my screen. “You know, in case.”

“Are you seriously trying to set me up with your cousin?” I finally grab my phone from her outstretched arm.

“You’re right.” She shrugs, still looking smug or knowing or something. “Stupid of me.”

I blink a few times, my phone in hand, but Jen’s expression is still unreadable.

“Forget it.” But as I step up the stairs, Shelton and Tamara are coming down.

I feel all shaky and thin, like I could shatter on the stairway if they touch in front of me. Have to distract myself.

I’m cleaning my fingernails, fiddling with my cell phone. Is that a split end? My heart flips, jumps, and speeds. Yeah. I
definitely
need out of here. I spin around and jog down the stairs, not at all caring if they see me or think I’m crazy.

After sneaking out the back of the school across the soccer field and around the track through the woods where the cross-country kids practice, I head to the road. I flip my phone over and over in my hands.

What to do. What to do.

Do
I call Aidan? It’s not like I really know him or anything. I flip to his name in my address book where Jen has added a few smiley faces where his address should be. Guess she does think it would be fun if I liked her cousin.

I push send before giving it too much thought, feeling more twisted up inside than I did while sneaking out of the school.

“Hello?”

Wow. He really does have a nice voice.

“Hello?” he says again.

Crap. I’m on the phone.

“Aidan?”

“Who’s this?”

“Kate? From the other night? In the too-small dress?” He’s a boy. That should jog his memory.

“Right.” He chuckles. Then there’s this pause.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

“Well…yeah, but…”
Just get it out, Kate.

“Bad day?”

“Kind of.” And he doesn’t say anything else. Have I made a complete ass out of myself ?

“You, uh. Maybe want a ride somewhere? Or if you’re looking for Jen, she’s at school. With you.”

Something about his tone makes me feel like I’m thirteen and he’s twenty-five. My face totally heats up, even though we’re only on opposite ends of a
phone line
. I totally wasn’t thinking when I hit send. It’s like, just because he’s Jen’s family doesn’t obligate him to help me out. Jen didn’t even feel obligated enough to me today to sit and eat lunch with me. “It was stupid

to call you, I just—”

“You know that grocery store near the school?”

“You’re going to meet me?” My voice gets all high and squealyscreechy with excitement, which sucks because I’m trying to play cool here. And I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. It’s not
him
. It’s getting away.

“Only if you promise not to say anything weird.”

Silence. I have no idea what he means by this. Is he joking, or will I be better off in silence or hitchhiking.

“I’m teasing you, Kate.” He chuckles again. “Don’t be so serious. Meet you in a few.”

“Thanks.” The word pours out in a rush of breath.

Something in my day is finally going right.

Time ceases to move forward when I’m waiting for someone. Ceases. Completely. I stare at my phone, flicking the light back on several times while waiting for Aidan to arrive. I shove up the sleeves on my short jacket again, and slide the strap of my bag between my fingers. My butt’s planted on the backrest of a bench, and my feet are squarely on the seat.

My turquoise Vans are all scuffed on the edges, which sucks ’cause they’re my favorites. What I want is a huge doughnut, but it means counting carbs, measuring insulin, and I’m not into it. Also Dad would freak if I tried to eat something like that—well, and I’ve already gone high once today. Aidan already thinks I’m crazy. I definitely don’t need to add to the pile with my finger pricking and insane-o girl diet.

Then I spot Jen’s dad’s SUV. I really don’t need him to see me here. I start to jump off the bench to run into the store. Wait. Wait. I’m an idiot.

“Hey.” Aidan grins as he rolls down the window. “Climb in.”

I jog away from the bench and jump into the passenger’s side, pausing as I take him in now that it’s daylight. Last time I saw him we were sort of in the dark. His arm has that lean, muscled look the jocks have and his chest is broad enough that even his waist looks tight. Nice jaw, fantastic hair…

“So, you ditched,” he says with the beginnings of a smile.

“Yeah. Guess so.” I let out a breath of relief. No one I know. No one to judge. No one to say anything. Just a small intimidation factor at how super cute he is.

“You sound as relieved as I am.” He glances at me briefly as he weaves us out of the parking lot.

“Relieved?” I ask.

“I was looking for an excuse to get out of the house. Foster’s always looking at me like he’s waiting for me to do something, and I have no idea what.”

Wow. He’s a guy and sort of got all personal. I’m feeling a bit flattered. “What
are
you going to do?”

He slumps and his eyes slide over to mine.

Idiot. “Oh, right. You’re done talking about this.”

“What’s with you?” His voice is all relaxed and friendly like we’re always hanging out like this. Not like I’m the weird friend of his little high schooler cousin.

“Same. Same. Kind of pathetic I guess. I swear I’m not normally this girl. I’m not sure why I let Shelton bother me so much. And I’ve never freaked out and left school.” I can’t believe how crazy honest I’m being here with someone I barely know.

He nods, but doesn’t ask more. “My mom’s family is cool, but I feel like they’re always tiptoeing around me, and I hate it. If they have something to say, I wish they’d just get it out. You know how when you walk into a room and suddenly everything’s quiet?”