Summer Kisses (77 page)

“She needed to talk, but she’ll be okay. She’s a strong, beautiful woman. I’m sure someone else will fall for her.” He stroked his knuckle down the side of Abby’s face and whispered thickly, “You’d better get to bed before those bags under your eyes turn into suitcases.”

She struggled to draw a breath and inhaled a hint of the fragrance Lucy always wore mingling with his clean male scent. It could only mean he’d been holding Royce’s mom.

“Well, goodnight.” She closed her door and leaned back against it. Was Mac interested in Lucy? He’d evidently given Bill the impression he was.

Mac was a good man, and he genuinely cared for Royce. He’d be perfect for her friend, and Lucy could give him the family he wanted.

So why did the idea of them getting together bother her so much?

Abby wrapped herself in the quilt she’d made for Matt as a wedding gift. In the center of it, she’d stitched their names and wedding date and appliquéd a house surrounded by children.

She pulled Matt’s last letter out of her night table and carefully smoothed out the creases from the hundreds of times she’d read it.

Hi Babe,

Everyone went into Da Nang, so the barrack is like a tomb tonight. I would’ve gone, but it’s Saturday, and the guys weren’t going for just a few beers—if you know what I mean.

I miss you something awful. All I can think about is how good it felt to hold you all night for the two weeks before I left. I wake up smelling you and imagining the taste of you on my lips. Then I miss you even more.

I love the picture you sent. If you really think we need to pick out a girl’s name, too, send me some suggestions. But with as huge as your belly is, I’m sure we’re having a boy.

How do you like the sexy little kimono? I can’t wait to see you in it. The teddy is for Tommy. If you sleep with Mr. T. Bear, maybe our son will stop kicking all night. Tell him, if anyone is going to keep his mommy awake, it’s going to be his old man.

I never believed I could love anyone as much as I love you. The guys gave me a hard time tonight when I told them I wasn’t interested in joining their nooky hunt. They don’t understand it’s not possible for me to get ‘luckier’ than I already am.

Just thinking about holding you is getting me hot. So I guess I’d better hit the shower and keep my date with Bubbles before the guys get back. She’s one sexy bar of soap, Sweetheart, but she can’t compete with your sweet loving.

I love you and miss you more every day,

Matt

Crushing the letter to her chest, she choked back a sob and whispered, “Oh, Matt, please forgive me. I’m so tired of being alone.”

She switched off the light and recalled her son’s apprehension about her marrying Rob. She should probably discourage Mac from paying so much attention to Tommy. If he got too close to Mac, he’d never bond with Robert.

~*~

Matt woke up at seven-thirty and frowned when he didn’t smell or hear anything. He pulled on his clothes and crept into Tommy’s room. “Come on, Buddy.” He gently shook his son. “It’s time to get up for school.”

Tommy ground his knuckles into his eyes. “Where’s Mommy?”

“I think she must’ve slept through her alarm. You get dressed, and I’ll see about making some breakfast for us.”

“What should I wear?”

Apparently, Abby still laid out the kid’s clothes.

“I think you’re big enough to decide that. If you have a problem, call me.”

In the kitchen, Matt tried to summon up the rudiments of cooking and drew a blank. It must not be something he’d ever done. He couldn’t let his son go to school hungry.

When Tommy wandered out, he wrinkled his nose at the bowl of cornflakes and bananas Matt had prepared. “I don’t like that cereal. Mommy always
cooks
breakfast. She makes oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins and sometimes French toast or pancakes. She puts cheese in my eggs, and we have bacon and sausage. Sometimes she even makes ‘taters for me.”

The child finished listing the multitude of things his mother prepared for him in the morning, all of which required the use of the stove and left Matt salivating. He wouldn’t mind eating any one of the things his son had mentioned.

“I’m sorry, Bud, I don’t know how to make any of that.” He could try frying up some eggs, but undoubtedly the result of his culinary efforts would end up in the trash can. He pulled out the jar of peanut butter to make a sandwich for Tommy’s lunchbox.

“I thought you knew how to do everything.”

Matt hated disillusioning his son, but facts were facts. “Well, maybe
nearly
everything. But not cooking.”

“It’s easy. I know how. I watch Mommy all the time.”

“You do, huh?” He licked a glob of jelly from his hand. “Why don’t you teach me?”

While lying in the hospital, he’d imagined a lot of weird scenarios for his uncertain future, but taking cooking lessons from a six-year-old took the grand prize for absurdity.

~*~

Once Matt returned to the house from taking Tommy to the bus, he rolled back his sleeves to clean up the mess he’d made. The scrambled eggs hadn’t come even close to being as fluffy as Abby’s, but they were edible and Tommy hadn’t seemed to mind.

Matt wiped up the puddles of egg he’d dripped on the stovetop and looked up to find Rob standing outside the back door. The dentist stepped inside and flicked a glance at the dirty plates from breakfast. “Where’s Abby?”

“We were up late, so I took Tommy to the bus and let her sleep in.”

“Up late? Doing what?”

Matt pursed his lips. “I don’t like your insinuation.”

“Then we’re even, because I don’t like you being here.”

“What the hell do you find so threatening about me, Webber?”

“I don’t like the way you walk around here, sucking up to those kids as if you’re the man of the house. Even Stevie Wonder could see you’re trying to impress Abby with what a good daddy you’d make.”

“Maybe if you paid some attention to my son, Rob,” Abby snapped from the doorway, “Mac wouldn’t be able to impress Tommy or me.” She hugged her robe tighter and turned to Matt. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you obviously needed the sleep. You’ll be happy to know your son is capable of picking out his own clothes and teaching this idiot how to make scrambled eggs.”

Robert glanced at his watch. “Well, I guess that shoots breakfast. I have a patient in forty minutes.” He kissed Abby and fished his wallet out of his back pocket. “I want this freeloader gone. Book him a room at the Marriott—on me.”

“I will do no such thing. Mac is my friend, so you can just get over your jealousy. Otherwise, you can have this back.” She yanked her ring off and held it out to him.

“You wouldn’t break our engagement over something this trivial.”

“I don’t consider it trivial that you’re trying to dictate to me who I can be friends with. There is nothing improper going on between Mac and me, and I resent your implication that there is.”

Robert slid her ring back on her finger. “Fine, I’m sorry. Just make sure you finish addressing the invitations and mail them today, okay?”

As soon as he left, Abby spun and confronted Matt. “And
you
need to stop doting on my son. He’s getting way too attached to you.”

Which was exactly what Matt wanted to happen. “I’m just trying to be his friend. The kid is a bundle of anxiety over Rob coming to live with you.”

“And why do you think that is? You’ve made him look second-rate to Tommy.”

“Come on, Abby. No one can make Rob look bad except Rob. Whether you want to admit it or not, your son needs a man in his life who gives a damn about him.” He turned to the hallway. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a doctor’s appointment to keep.”

Matt strode out to the garage, and as he started the Harley, Abby ran into the garage from the laundry room, waving her keys. “Wait, it looks like it’s going to rain. Take my car.”

Her offer was just another reminder he couldn’t measure up as a provider. “No, thanks,” he yelled over the rumbling engine. “I can at least be responsible for my own transportation. I’ve already had a big enough chunk of my manhood stolen. I don’t need you taking any more of it.”

Matt dropped off his handwritten résumé at the typing service to be professionally prepared and then roared down the Interstate to the VA hospital. Only seconds after he completed the hour drive to Dr. Grant’s office, it began raining.

The doctor settled in the chair across from him with a pad. She pointed at his jiggling leg. “Why are you so nervous, Matt?”

 “I don’t know. I guess I’m a little uneasy about having my head shrunk.”

 “Relax. All we’re going to do is talk. How have things gone the last week? Have you remembered anything more?”

He shook his head and told her about Abby and his son and everything that had transpired since he’d left the hospital. “It never dawned on me that my own wife wouldn’t recognize me.”

“It’s not so surprising considering how many of your facial bones were broken. Not to mention, she hasn’t seen you in over six and a half years. Memories fade, and the resemblance between you and the guy she knew is subtle.”

“I suppose.”

“Even if you looked the same, it would be natural for Abby to think she was imagining things or figure you just look a lot like her late husband.” The doctor touched her pen to her mouth. “Still, I’m glad you’re not trying to force a relationship. You need to give yourselves time to rediscover each other.”

Matt leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m not even sure there’s anything to rediscover. It’s possible we never loved each other in the first place.” He curled his mouth in an abashed smile and told her how he’d gotten Abby pregnant.

“At the time, you must’ve felt a sense of responsibility or had feelings for her. After all, you
did
marry her.”

“The thing is, I don’t know what my motivation was. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s why I’m not remembering.”

He wasn’t sure how to articulate what he’d been feeling. “From the day I woke up with no memory, I’ve been terrified I’d find out I was the kind of man I would despise. What I learned from Abby’s brother makes that seem like a real possibility. According to him, I slept with so many girls condom stock prices dropped twenty points the day I left for ‘Nam. Maybe I don’t want to become reacquainted with myself because I was a total sleaze.”

“As I’ve said before, you’re the best judge of your subconscious feelings.”

“Well, I’m feeling like maybe I should just forget about Abby and let her marry Robert. He seems to genuinely love her. I can be a father to Tommy without being Abby’s husband.” Matt raked his fingers through his hair. “I just don’t want to be stuck in a loveless marriage or spend my life wondering if she only stayed with me out of a sense of duty.”

Dr. Grant smiled. “You sound as if maybe you’re already feeling something for her.”

Certain parts of him definitely were. Heat crept up his neck to his cheeks. “It’s been a long time, and she’s a beautiful woman.”

“So it’s simply a physical attraction?”

“Not at all. She’s funny and talented. You should see the fancy dresses she makes. She’s an incredible mother and an amazing cook. I especially like that she’s so generous and tenderhearted. And all I have to offer her is a life standing in soup lines.”

The doctor scribbled something on her pad. “You’ll find a job. You have an excellent education.”

“Yeah, a seven-year-old degree I’ve never used. One of the employment agents accused me of being hooked on drugs when I got spooked after he slammed a filing cabinet drawer.”

“Why do you think that frightened you?”

“I have no idea. Maybe it reminded me of my cell door closing.”

“It makes sense. Sounds, odors, and even certain situations can trigger traumatic memories and generate a physical response. Have you experienced much of that?”

“A little. I panic at the smell of gas or cigarette smoke, and when people ask my name I freeze up.” The worst was if someone grabbed his neck. “Other than that, I can forget what happened enough to keep it from preying on my mind.”

The doctor pursed her lips a moment. “Squashing your memories seems to be your favorite coping mechanism. Your subconscious will resist allowing you to remember anything that causes you pain.”

It hurt even without remembering.

He pressed his fingertips into his eyes. “I hate the idea of my son being tucked in at night by someone else. And it makes me crazy to think of a woman, who’s supposed to be mine, getting into bed with another man.”

“I suspect that, until you resolve those feelings, your subconscious is going to continue to block your memory. You need to let yourself experience the hurt and get past it. Either that, or work out your relationship with Abby so there isn’t any anguish for your conscious mind to avoid.”

He stared at her a moment, absorbing what she’d said.

“I also think you need to relax, Matt. I know after what you’ve been through you can’t help having a lot of morose thoughts, but try to stop brooding so much and laugh a little.”

“How about you, Doc? You happy being single with no kids?”

“I’m lonely.” She sighed. “As for kids....” She shook her head. “I’d like a houseful of them, but I work a lot of hours.”

He glanced down at her shapely legs, amazed she didn’t have men lining up to keep her company. “Don’t worry, I doubt you’ll be lonely for long.”

~*~

Her confrontation with Rob left Abby unable to concentrate on her sewing. She had to admit he really wasn’t being unreasonable in his objection to another man staying with her. But she still couldn’t bring herself to ask Mac to leave.

After years of envisioning Matt as a captive, for some reason, helping Mac gave her a sense of peace and made accepting her husband’s death easier.

She started sewing the wrong sides of the raw silk together for the second time and cringed. Too bad she couldn’t convince Mrs. Buchanan it would be chic for one half of her anniversary dress to be facing wrong side out.