Summer of Secrets (4 page)

SEVEN

“I'm thinking of going back to blonde,” said Polly.

Rhi, Lila and Eve all tipped their heads to one side to consider the current shade of Polly's hair: a warm reddish brown.

“What's wrong with red hair?” Eve objected, smoothing her own auburn locks back over her shoulders. “I've had it all my life.”

“For all the good it's done you,” said Lila.

Eve cuffed Lila round the ear. “I'll have you know that Becca thinks it's one of my best features,” she said with a pout.

“Well,” said Lila seriously, “she doesn't have a lot to choose from, does she?”

Eve was notoriously difficult to tease, and only Lila ever dared try. Rhi found herself holding her breath as Eve glared at Lila – until at the last minute she sensed the glint of playfulness in Eve's narrowed grey eyes.

“Believe me, darling,” she said, “redheads have
all
the fun.”

“I haven't been having much fun lately,” Polly sighed, flopping back on Lila's bed. “All that revi—”

Rhi, Eve and Lila simultaneously gasped. Polly clapped her hands over her mouth.

“Forfeit!” Lila shouted, scrambling to her feet and pointing at Polly. “You said the R word. Forfeit, forfeit, forfeit!”

“Sorry!” Polly squeaked through her fingers. “I didn't mean to, it just slipped out!”

“That's what they all say,” Eve observed, lolling back on the big beanbag. “What shall we make her do, girls?”

“Burst into Tim's bedroom without knocking,” Lila suggested, giggling.

Polly paled. “Don't make me do that. Your brother already thinks I'm mad.”

“He's only met you once, why would he think that? Ooh, wait.” Lila sat up, her eyes gleaming. “I have a better idea. Knock on Tim's door and tell him you have a crush on him.”

Rhi burst out laughing as Polly groaned and covered her head with her hands. Lila looked triumphant.

“Can I accept the first dare instead?” Polly begged.

“It's much too late for that,” Eve said, grinning. “Go on. We all agreed that if we said the R word we'd pay the price.”

Polly took a very deep breath and got to her feet. “I hate you all,” she said as she walked out of Lila's room.

Rhi huddled up close with the others by the doorframe as they listened to Polly's footsteps on the landing. There was a muffled knock, and the sound of a door opening.

“She's actually doing it,” Lila said, looking at Rhi and Eve with wide eyes. “I never thought Polly had it in her!”

Polly was the shyest in the group. If Rhi hadn't heard her knock with her own ears, she would never have believed Polly would rise to a challenge like this. She couldn't think of anything more mortifying. She wriggled a little further back into the room, dreading what she might overhear.

“Going out with Ollie must be improving her confidence,” Lila went on. “Did either of you think she'd do it?”

“Shh,” Eve said, “I'm trying to
listen
.”

The three of them were almost flattened against the bedroom wall as Polly flew back into the room again with cheeks as pink as two roses.

“What did he say?” Rhi asked breathlessly. “No, don't tell me, I don't think I can stand it…”

“You seriously told my brother you had a crush on him?” said Lila, trying to peer around Polly towards her brother's room.

Polly went pinker. “I said what you told me to say.”

“Then how come I just saw Tim walking down the street?” asked Eve, who was standing at the window. “There's no way he could have got downstairs and out of the front door between now and then.”

“Oh my gosh, you
liar
,” said Lila, poking Polly in the shoulder. “He wasn't in his room, was he?”

Rhi could hardly breathe for laughing. The ache in her stomach felt so good. She hadn't laughed properly for ages.

“I said it though,” Polly insisted stubbornly through the gales of laughter. “Just because he wasn't there to hear it, doesn't mean I didn't complete the forfeit.”

‘You're forgiven,” Lila gasped, catching her breath. “But only because that was actually hilarious. Going out with Ollie suits you. I never thought you'd even knock on the door.”

Polly beamed. “I still can't believe we're together. This is
Ollie
we're talking about, after all. He's like a sort of … god.”

“Om,” said Eve solemnly, putting her hands in a prayer position, and making Lila laugh all over again. “If Polly and Ollie are cute, you and Josh are just completely adorable, Lila. You can't take your eyes off each other. I don't think I've ever seen you this happy.”

Lila gave a little twirl on the carpet. “And what about you and Becca?”

Eve's eyes were soft. “What about us?”

“Talk about made for each other,” Polly sighed. “You're a different person now you're with her, Eve. So much … nicer.”

Eve swatted Polly gently with a magazine, but she was smiling.

Rhi tried to smile too. It wasn't that she begrudged her friends their various happy relationships. It was just … she felt a little left out of conversations like this these days. If only she could sort out her feelings for Brody. If only he would ask her out.

“I think we should stop talking about our love lives now,” said Polly, catching sight of the expression on Rhi's face.

The others looked guilty. Rhi flushed. “Oh, please don't do that,” she begged. “I like hearing about you guys. You heard enough about me and Max over the years.”

“Max is history,” said Eve with a wave of her hand. “We're more interested in you and Guitar Hero these days. How are you getting along?”

Rhi flushed even more as all three of her friends fixed her with beady eyes.

“Brody?” she stammered. “Oh, you know. We're just friends.”

“There was nothing friendly in that kiss you had when you were doing your recording a few weeks ago,” Lila observed.

Rhi felt hot at the memory. It had been … intense. Especially when Max had come barging in and punched Brody in the jaw. “One moment of madness,” she said weakly. “He's not interested.”

Lila pounced. “But you're interested in
him
.”

“Yes, OK,” Rhi said reluctantly. “I do like him as more than a singing partner. But I don't think he feels the same way. And anyway…”

I have other things to think about right now.
She didn't say the words out loud. Her dad's decision to move out was still too raw to share.

“Anyway what?” said Lila.

“Nothing,” Rhi muttered. Her mood was sinking rapidly.

“Rhi?” Eve put her hand on Rhi's sleeve. “We know about your dad.”

Rhi looked up, startled. “You know what about my dad?”

“We know he's moved out,” said Lila. “We're really sorry.”

Rhi felt her mouth fall open. “But … how do you know that?”

Polly looked uncomfortable. “You know Mum works at the estate agents? Your dad went into her office to ask about renting a flat last week. And … you know. I go in his gallery a lot. We talk.”

Rhi couldn't take this in. “You knew about my dad moving out before I did?”

“It's a small town,” said Eve. She looked wry. “Believe me, I know all about small towns.”

“And I know all about surviving divorces,” said Polly. “You're going to be fine, you know. It'll be hard to begin with, but you'll get through it. I did.”

“Between us, we have all the tools you need for coping,” said Eve.

“Don't be mad,” Lila said, watching Rhi anxiously. “We just want you to know that we're here for you. You know, if you need to talk.”

“We're here even if you don't want to talk,” Eve added. “Talking can be a drag sometimes.”

Polly gave Rhi a tight hug. “How
are
you feeling?” she said, releasing her.

The only feeling Rhi could identify right now was gratitude. Wordlessly she held out her arms. Lila and Eve and Polly all crowded round her for a fierce group hug.

“I'm OK,” she said, when she released them. “For now anyway.”

“Good,” said Lila with a nod. “This calls for cake.”

“And ice cream,” Eve added.

“And sprinkles,” Polly said. “And cheesy music and some serious toenail painting.”

Rhi burst out laughing. “I love you guys.”

EIGHT

After only a few hours' sleep on Lila's floor, Rhi staggered outside into the Sunday morning sunshine. The others were still out cold, but Rhi had an appointment that she had no intention of missing.

She had brought her guitar with her to the sleepover. If she'd had to go back home to fetch it, she had a nasty feeling her mother would have forbidden her from leaving the house again. An image of her revision notes lying on the ground pushed into her head, and for a moment Rhi felt cold with fear at the thought of tomorrow's exams.

Maybe I should go home
, she thought, hesitating.
Maybe Brody is the last person I need to be with just now.
But she couldn't make herself believe it.

He had been the first person she thought of when she had opened her eyes that morning to the sound of Eve snoring on the pull-out bed beside her. Talking about him to her friends last night had helped sort out a few things in her head. She really liked him, but if he didn't want anything to happen beyond singing, she would accept that. She wouldn't sacrifice her music for the sake of a few kisses.

Thinking about kisses instantly recalled the electrifying kiss she and Brody had briefly shared. It wasn't a helpful memory.

Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
Rhi thought with a sigh.

She scrubbed at her eyes, yawning as she walked down the lane towards the Heartbeat. Shading her eyes in the bright morning light, she squinted up at the high attic windows stretching down the street between her and the Heartbeat. Her father's flat was up there somewhere. He would probably be sleeping, or maybe painting, only a few metres away from where she was standing. The thought made Rhi feel a little sick.

She suddenly caught sight of herself in a shop window. Her hands flew to her hair in horror. Half of it was stuck to the side of her head, while the rest… She couldn't even
begin
to describe the rest.

Brody definitely won't fancy you with your hair looking like this
, she thought.

Fishing around in her jacket pocket, she pulled out a ribbon which she used as a headband to keep the most out-of-control bits of hair out of her face. She fluffed up the rest and looked at herself critically in the window. It had helped a little, at least. Then she hurried around the corner and pushed through the Heartbeat Café door, following the familiar sound of Brody tuning his guitar way up in their attic practice room.

“I like the hair,” Brody grinned as Rhi burst into the attic.

Rhi's hands flew self-consciously to the ribbon. Not such a good job after all, then. “I know, it's awful. I was at Lila's last night and woke up kind of late…”

“Don't worry about it,” he laughed. “I don't care what you look like.”

Rhi tried not to take offence. Brody simply meant that he liked her for who she was, didn't he?

“What do you want to work on today?” she asked.

“Let's run through the set for Wednesday's gig,” he suggested.

They practised the songs they had planned for their regular Heartbeat slot, working through them slowly and carefully to make sure they were all secure. Rhi did her best to sing better than she had at the previous day's wedding, but she still missed several entries and fluffed the second verse on one of her favourite songs: Brody's “Fast Lane Freak”. She didn't seem able to relax into the music today.

“I have a new tune that came to me last night,” Brody said after they'd been practising for a couple of hours. “No title this time. I don't even know what I want it to be about. I thought I'd let you figure that out for me.”

Not “
Small Black Box”
then
, Rhi thought. She had wondered if he would suggest finishing their song about secrets this morning. They'd only got a third of the way through anything resembling a decent lyric yesterday when it had all gone wrong. She felt relieved.

As Brody started playing, she found herself getting lost in the harmonies he created with his guitar. The new tune had a melancholy feeling that made her nervous. She didn't feel up to writing a sad song today.

“What do you think?” he asked as the final chord died away.

Rhi's throat felt tight. “It's beautiful,” she said. “Your songs always are.”

“The music isn't finished. It needs a middle section.” He looked straight at her. “Are you up for it?”

The tightness in Rhi's throat threatened to get tighter. “I … I'll try,” she said.

Her guitar felt leaden under her fingers. She strummed a few chords, tested out a couple of progressions, but it felt like she was trying to force a jigsaw piece into the wrong place.

“Let's try some lyrics,” Brody suggested after ten excruciating minutes of nothing.

Rhi had to get it together. There was so much sadness in her own life, surely she could coax out a few words to match the haunting little melody that Brody was trying to build? Trying not to feel pressured, she took up a piece of paper and a pencil.

Sad
, she wrote.
Bad. Glad.
Seriously, were those the best rhymes she could come up with? She had to do better than that. She stared in some desperation at the blank page in front of her.
Dad
.

Her eyes blurred.

Brody looked up as she threw the pencil across the room, where it skittered and spun to a halt. “What happened?” he asked in surprise.

Rhi felt panicky. “I can't think of anything,” she said. Her mind was a total blank. It was as if the free-flowing words she had created from thin air the morning before had never happened.

He set his guitar down. “Are you feeling OK?”

Rhi stared at the three words she'd written. It felt as if there were no words left inside her at all. And, if her lame attempt at writing the middle section was anything to go by, no music either. She had a sudden terrifying realization. She had lost it.

“I … didn't sleep very much last night,” she said. “Maybe it's affecting my brain.”

She fetched the pencil and sat down again, horribly aware of how closely Brody was watching her. The little room felt airless and uncomfortable.

“Tell me what's going on.”

Brody's voice was gentle. Rhi tightened her grip on her pencil and stared fiercely at the page again.

“Rhi, I've been singing with you for long enough now to know when something is seriously bothering you. Is it about your parents? I know things aren't great at home right now.” He hesitated. “The song we were working on yesterday…”

Rhi opened her mouth. She had no idea what was going to come out.

“My sister…” she began. “When she … when the accident happened, it broke us. We were never particularly great as a family, but Ruth … held us together. Now she's gone. And Dad's gone – he moved out yesterday. And Mum's not really there at all, except when she's shouting at me.”

Somehow she was on her feet, tears running down her cheeks. Brody was holding her. She couldn't seem to stop talking now she'd started.

“It happened two years ago. She was killed in a car accident, there was a drunk driver… Everything in my life has gone so wrong, and I can't seem to change any of it,” she sobbed against his shoulder. “When the police came and told us … it was the end of the world. Mum might as well have been killed that day too, for all the life she has now. I can't go on being so unhappy. Help me, Brody.”

“Shh,” he said softly, rocking her in his arms. “You've had a tough time. It's OK to cry. It's okay to be sad.”

Rhi cried until she her stomach hurt, and Brody's T-shirt was soaked through with her tears. Not once did he tell her to pull herself together.

“You … you won't leave me too, will you?” she croaked miserably, when at last the tears were gone.

He looked surprised. “Why would I do that? We're a team.”

“But I can't write anything!”

“The music will come back.”

Rhi wished she could feel so certain. “What if it doesn't?” she said desperately.

“Worrying about it isn't going to help. You have a natural songwriting ability, you know. You just have to let it flow.”

Rhi stared up into Brody's crystal blue eyes. He really was amazing. There was no other word for him.

“You know everything, don't you?” she said in wonder.

A flush of colour stole into his cheeks. “Hardly. But I know that true talent doesn't just disappear.”

His arms were warm around Rhi's back. She could have counted the faint freckles on his face, and the long eyelashes that framed his blue eyes. Being with him, having him hold her and understand her so clearly… Without thinking, Rhi moved her face towards his.

He let go of her so hurriedly that she almost fell over.

“You know you can talk to me any time, don't you?” he said. “Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to go. Something came up. I should have told you yesterday but I forgot. Remember what I said, OK? Let the music flow. You'll be fine.”

Rhi was left staring at the swinging attic door once again. She had never felt so confused in her life.