Summer Secrets (36 page)

Ashley couldn’t remember the last time she’d come here. It had to be years. But Sean was here. He was going to tell his father that he wouldn’t be sailing away on Saturday or any other day. He would finally be taking on the role of son in Amberson and Sons. It was a role that had been empty for too long. She knew the Ambersons would be happy to have Sean at home. He was the only son they had left, and he belonged here. She’d known that all along.

In some ways, Sean’s absence had only added to her guilt. He shouldn’t have had to leave home. Their breakup had never been about him or even their love; it had been about all the things she couldn’t tell him, things that involved Jeremy and Kate, Caroline and her father, things they had promised to take to their graves. The only way she had been able to keep the promise was to distance herself from Sean. In doing so, she’d hurt him and herself. Hurting herself had been a just punishment. Sean, however, had never deserved that pain.

She wanted to tell him that. She wanted to say she was sorry, to let him know that if it became too difficult again, she would be the one to leave, she would be the one to sacrifice. And she was prepared to do it. It wouldn’t be an empty promise. If one of them had to leave, it would be her. She still didn’t know if it would be possible to be with him, to see him day in and day out, without ever talking about the past.

Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and walked inside. The building was quiet. She walked down the hallway past the business offices and into the main building. There were two boats under construction, one barely begun and one almost finished, a sleek twenty-five-foot sailboat. It was beautiful. The wood was smooth, rich, expensive. She couldn’t help running her hand along the side.

The touch brought back feelings of another lifetime -- the rail on the Moon Dancer warmed by the noonday sun, hot beneath her fingers. To cool her hand, she’d put it over the side, trailing her fingers in the chilly water of the deep blue sea. So many days of the sun, the wind, the moon, the stars. Endless hours of watching the different shades of water play out in front of their eyes. The sudden squawk of a seabird sometimes the only thing to break the endless quiet.

But it wasn’t always peaceful out there. Sometimes the wind sounded like a freight train roaring down the tracks. Sometimes the night was so dark, the mist so thick, that she’d felt like she was sitting in a cloud, suffocating.

Just the thought shook her up. She turned her head, instinctively seeking air, escape. Sean was standing there, watching her.

“Hi,” she said somewhat nervously.

“Hi, yourself.”

He looked at her as if he wanted to kiss her again, and she couldn’t help licking her lips, bringing his gaze to her mouth. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Did you talk to your dad?” she asked, breaking into speech, anything to cut the tension between them.

“This morning. He was thrilled. I finally did something to make the old man happy.”

“I bet your mom is happy, too.”

“Over the moon. She’s making my favorite dinner, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and pecan pie. You’re invited, by the way. She’s sure you had something to do with my change of mind.”

“It wasn’t me,” she said with a self-deprecating shrug.

“Of course it was you. It’s always been you, Ash.”

She swallowed hard. “I wanted to tell you something.” She hesitated, not sure how to say it.

Sean held up a hand. “I don’t like the expression on your face. Things are good between us right now. Let’s just leave it that way, at least for today. What do you say?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I don’t want you to ever go away again because of me. If anyone needs to leave, I’ll be the one.”

“No one needs to leave. We’re grown up now. Can’t we just put the past behind us?”

She wanted to do exactly that. “Do you think that’s possible?”

“I know it is.” He paused. “When you first came back from the race, I badgered you constantly about Jeremy and the storm and what had happened out there. It wasn’t fair. You were traumatized, and I didn’t see that I was making it worse. I just wanted answers. I wanted something to ease the pain, you know?”

“I know,” she whispered.

“But I drove you away, and I regret that.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, believe me.”

“Well, it won’t happen again. A few days ago I told you I wanted to race, to follow in Jeremy’s wake, to experience what he did, but the truth is I don’t want any of that. I never did. I never wanted to be him, I just wanted him to be here.”

She was confused. “Then why did you say you were going to race?”

“Maybe I was looking for another way to get to you. It kind of worked,” he said and gave her a crooked grin. “It got you talking to me again.”

“Your mother did that.”

“I’ll have to give her a big present on Mother’s Day. So, do you want to go for a sail?”

She stiffened. “Uh, no, not in this weather.”

“Relax. I was talking about this boat.” He tipped his head toward the boat next to her. “It’s as ready as you are for a dry-dock test run.” He pushed the box steps over to the boat. “Want a closer look?”

“All right.”

Sean climbed into the boat and held out his hand to her. After a moment’s hesitation, she climbed aboard.

Sean sat down on the bench seat and patted the spot next to him “Sit here with me.”

She did as he asked, feeling an odd sense of comfort as she sat down, as if she’d come home.

“Remember when we had a picnic in Mr. Garcia’s motorboat?” he asked her.

She smiled at the memory. “Your father was furious at us for getting jam on the seats. I don’t think we were more than twelve.”

“The good old days.”

“The good old days,” she echoed.

“What do you think of this boat?” Sean asked.

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s my design. I sent it to my father a couple years ago. He finally found a customer who wanted it.”

She looked at him in surprise. “You did this? That’s incredible.”

“A little better than all those bad drawings I used to show you, huh?”

Ashley nodded, remembering how Sean had always been busy scribbling on pieces of paper. “As I recall, most of those boats looked like supersonic jets. You had a fascination with speed.”

“I’m learning to slow down,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t think that’s slowing down,” she replied, not quite sure she was ready for what was coming, but she wanted it all the same.

The kiss started out slow but took off fast as Sean groaned and swept the inside of her mouth with his tongue, taking all she had to give, and asking for more.

A door slammed shut, breaking them apart. “What was that?” she asked breathlessly.

“Just the wind,” Sean said. “No one else is here. They’ve gone home for the night.”

“I hate the wind. It makes me crazy. I feel so out of control.”

“I like you out of control.” He swooped down and stole another kiss.

She put a hand against his chest. “Maybe we should stop.”

“Is that what you really want?”

She stared into his beautiful gold-flecked brown eyes and knew it was the last thing she wanted. But was she ready for Sean? She could feel the energy, the tension he barely had under control. This wouldn’t be a gentle love affair, it would be wild and turbulent and unpredictable, exactly the way she didn’t like things.

“1 can’t,” she said slowly. “It’s too much, too soon.”

“Then I’ll wait. I’m used to it,” he said, an annoyed edge to his voice. He pushed her away and stood up. “Let’s get out of here.”

“And go where?”

“Wherever there are people, crowds, noise, action. Someplace where I won’t be thinking every second about making love to you.”

She followed him off the boat, not particularly liking his mood or trusting it. “Maybe we should just take a break from each other,” she said as they reached the hallway.

“No. No more breaks. We’ve had too many already. Let’s go to my house. We’ll be fine with my parents as chaperones.”

Ashley liked that idea even less. “I’m not sure I’m ready for a family dinner.”

He put his hands on his hips. “What the hell are you ready for, then?”

She glared at him. “Sean, you are being a jerk. You’ve been back in town less than a week. Don’t rush me.”

“Maybe I’m afraid you’ll change your mind, that this is some bout of temporary insanity, and you’ll suddenly wake up and shut me out the way you have the last eight years. Perhaps that’s why I’m rushing you a little.”

She saw the insecurity in his eyes and could understand where it came from. “You have a right to feel that way, but we can’t go from nothing to everything in five minutes. That won’t work, either. We need to get to know each other again. Why don’t we go down to the marina and get a soda? Then you can meet your parents for dinner, and we’ll set up something for tomorrow.”

He seemed to relax at the promise of tomorrow. “Okay, I guess I can do that.” He grabbed his jacket off a hook and opened the front door. A blast of wind hit them right in the face.

“Oh, my God,” Ashley murmured, her already tense body stiffening. “The sky is black.” Her heart sped up. A shiver ran down her spine, and her breath came faster as thunder rocked the night, taking her right back to the very place she didn’t want to go. She shook her head, trying to get the memories out of her head, but all she could see were the clouds, swirling, swooping, then the waves doing the same, all mixing together, bearing down on her. “I can’t do this,” she murmured. “Close the door.”

Sean shut the door. “It’s just a storm, Ashley. It won’t hurt you. We’ll be fine.”

His voice sounded just like Jeremy’s voice. She closed her eyes and saw Jeremy in her mind, his brave face lined with worry, but his eyes alight with the magnificence of it all. He hadn’t been scared.

He’d been positive they would come out of the storm all right.

She opened her eyes, seeing Sean, seeing Jeremy, their similar features blurring in her mind, just as the past was blurring with the present.

“That’s what Jeremy said, but he was wrong,” she murmured.

“What? What are you talking about?” Sean grabbed her by the shoulders, gazing deep into her eyes, into her soul. “Did you talk to Jeremy the night of the storm? Did you hear his voice on the radio?”

The truth pressed against her lips. She couldn’t let it come out. She couldn’t.

“Answer me,” Sean said, giving her a little shake. “If you heard Jeremy’s voice on the radio, those might have been the last words he ever spoke. I can’t believe you never told me this before.”

Ashley winced as his grip tightened on her arms, but she deserved the pain. A flash of light illuminated the room, spotlighting the torment in Sean’s eyes. The loud clap of thunder that followed seemed like a sign from the heavens that it was time to come clean, time to tell the truth.

Before she could speak, the door to the building burst open, and Caroline and Kate ran in.

“Thank God, you’re both here,” Kate said, her eyes lit up with worry and fear.

“What’s wrong?” Ashley asked, her uneasiness escalating.

“It’s Dad,” Kate said shortly. “He took Tyler out on his boat today. They haven’t come back yet, and the radio is dead.”

“What are you saying?” Ashley asked.

“He’s missing, Ashley. He’s caught in the storm, and we need to find him.” Kate looked at Sean. “I need a boat. I’ve asked everyone else, Sean, but there are three other boats missing and everyone willing to search is already out on the water. Do you think you could take me out on your dad’s boat? If you don’t want to do it, will you let me take the boat myself?”

Ashley couldn’t believe what her sister was asking of Sean. Nor could she believe what Kate was contemplating. “Kate, you can’t be serious.”

“I am serious,” Kate said, determination in her eyes. “It’s not just Dad. Tyler is with him. They’re in trouble. I know it. I’m desperate, Sean. I know I shouldn’t ask, but I don’t have another choice.”

“Ill take you out,” Sean said abruptly. He looked over at Ashley. “But when I get back, you and I are going to have a long talk.”

“Meet us at Kate’s house,” Caroline told her as the three of them walked toward the door. “Bring some of your cookies, Ashley. Make some tea. We’ll probably need it when we get back.”

That’s what she had been reduced to -- tea and cookies. She’d once been as good a sailor as both of them. But they didn’t trust her now. She’d lost their respect along with everything else. Wasn’t it about time she tried to get it back?

The three people she loved most in the world were on their way out the door when she finally found the courage to speak. “Wait, I’m coming with you.”

Kate couldn’t believe Ashley would actually get on Sean’s boat, but she didn’t want to waste time arguing. When Ashley balked, they’d simply leave her behind and deal with that problem when they came back. Right now she had to concentrate on finding her father and Tyler as quickly as possible.

“We won’t be able to stop and bring you back,” Kate told Ashley as they ran down the dock. “Maybe you should just wait here.”

“She’s right, Ash. You don’t have anything to prove,” Caroline said.

“I’m part of the family. I have to go. One for all, all for one, remember?”

Ashley’s words of bravado were accented by sheer terror as she grabbed Kate’s arm to steady herself on the dock, which was moving up and down with the water. “Just help me get on the boat. I’ll be fine from there.”

“It’s okay, Ashley,” Kate replied. “You don’t have to do this. We love you. Dad loves you. He’ll understand why you didn’t come.”

“He won’t understand. He never understood. It was my fear that caused our problems before. Dad told me to grow up, to stop crying, or someone would get hurt.” Ashley looked at Kate with anguish in her eyes. “I just didn’t know it would be Jeremy.”

Kate caught her breath at the sharp blast from the past. “Stop it. That was a long time ago and a completely different situation.” Besides that, Ashley was wrong, completely wrong. If anyone was to blame, it was herself.

“Let’s go,” Caroline said impatiently from aboard the boat.