Summer Winds (17 page)

As if I needed more physical proof of my current dilemma, a shiny maroon restored ’57 Chevy pulled into the driveway, kicking up dust, and a short, stocky fellow leapt out and whooped, “Where’s the owner of the finest ranch in Kansas?” I peered out the front door and saw that Buck Tate had arrived literally minutes after his daughter had clutched me to her and made me want her. Buck, no doubt, thought we were just “the girls of summer,” but his timing was split-second. After having suffered the physical and emotional pain of wild bulls and wilder women, he’d ironically chosen to check on his protégé at the exact moment she was suffering from the same.

After bear hugs all around, he tromped up the steps, slung his cowboy hat onto the porch rocker, and shouted to Cash, “Sugar, you look great!”

Cash grimaced from Buck’s robust squeeze, never mentioning that it was excruciating for her. I didn’t offer up her secret as Buck continued his steady stream of conversation, telling me I looked fabulous too. After that, I would have paid money to have him leave, but Buck propped his feet up on the porch rail, asked for a glass of sweet tea, and settled in like an invited guest.

“So what do you think of my girl?” he asked me in a rowdy, loving way, with Cash standing nearby.

“I think she’s remarkably…resilient,” I managed to say, and eyed Cash, letting her know I knew she was in pain. I was in some sort of agony myself, about to leap out of my own skin and had no idea what I was saying.

“Resilient? Well, now, I’d say that’s a good five-dollar word.”

Buck laughed easily and whacked her playfully on the shoulder and she almost doubled over.

“Did she tell you I sent her to college to study animal husbandry and she quit after two years. Said it was boring.”

“Are you here for a refund?” Cash asked slyly, and Buck put his hands up as if surrendering his position on an old argument.

I executed a verbal separation, demanding Buck tell me everything about his life with Mary and what he was doing visiting Kansas and where in Texas he was headed on his business trip. I followed that with questions about what all his boys were doing, where he and Mary wanted to go on vacation, and how his health had been. I kept him talking about himself until the moon came up over the pasture and Cash was slumped back in a rocker half dozing.

“I don’t know about you but I’m tea-d out,” he finally said, and staggered up from the rocker and headed for his truck, years of bull riding having made him stiff.

“You’re hoping he’s leaving,” Cash said, “but he’s headed for the ‘car bar.’”

“Buck never got the hang of good-bye…unless he married you.” I sighed.

Moments later, he limped back holding a bottle of Jack Daniels by its golden neck and plopped down in the rocker again and poured the liquor over the remaining ice in his tea glass.

“Now we can get down to some serious talking.” He grinned at me and I could see where Cash got her big ready smile and her silliness. “You never remarried.”

I marveled at the way Buck could never work up to anything but instead blurted it out. “I let you marry and remarry for both of us,” I replied.

“I think I’ve had more wives than Henry VIII. Didn’t kill any of them, though.” He paused for a moment. “Wanted to, mind you, but refrained.” He let that statement float out into the darkness before speaking suddenly. “Did you know, Cash, that I set Maggie up with Johnny Blake?” The look on Cash’s face clearly illustrated that she didn’t know, and she sat up in her chair as if paying attention for the first time. “Yep, the three of us were a strange trio. Anyway, Johnny had the serious ‘gotta-have-its’ for her and she wouldn’t give him the time of day, so Johnny asked me to put in a few words for him.”

“Must have been some pretty good words,” Cash said quietly, eyeing me.

“Enough to convince her to give it a whirl.” He filled his glass again while chuckling over something he apparently remembered but didn’t want to share.

“What didn’t you like about him?” Cash asked me.

“I didn’t think he was much fun,” I said, and was aware my eyes softened when I looked at her.

“So you’re actually
attracted
to the fun-loving type?” Cash said, obviously referencing her antics, for which I constantly admonished her. I cut my eyes at her, amused she was carrying on a covert conversation with me behind Buck’s back.

“I got Maggie to agree she didn’t know what love was so she had to admit Johnny could be it.” Buck addressed Cash.

I laughed softly at the idea that in those days I was naïve enough to buy a rationale like that. Or maybe back then, I was just looking for an excuse to do what I thought I had to do for love and protection.

“She’s not that easy nowadays.” Cash’s eyes danced playfully over my body.

“Now how the hell do you know? She cause you any trouble?” Buck eyed me next.

“She’s been too busy learning about livestock,” I said, and Cash smirked at my bull reference.

Buck ignored us, as if his mind was on something else again.

Then suddenly he said, “Always wished I hadn’t done that. Looking back on it now, just wished I’d stayed out of matchmaking.” And it was as if the entire visit had come about because Buck Tate needed to divest himself of that admission, the heavy heart lightened by being able to say those words. “You never did learn to love the guy, did you?”

“Everything happens for a reason,” I said, avoiding an answer.

“Yeah, it does, and here I am back with you.” He reached over and squeezed my arm. “Damn, you feel good!” Cash cleared her throat and Buck looked over in her direction. “I told Mary I’m committed to righting a wrong and I’m going to find you the right mate.”

Cash threw her head back and groaned loudly. “You just said you were sorry you tried to be a matchmaker the first time.”

“Yeah, but this time I know someone who’s perfect, and, in fact, on my way back from Texas I might stop by and introduce the two of you.”

“Buck.” Cash’s tone was comic but warning.

“Enough said. I’m headed to bed,” he said, and I realized I’d have to find a place to put him up.

“You two okay double bunking?” he asked Cash, and I quickly said I thrashed around too much to share a bed with Cash and maybe we could fix him up on the couch. He glanced at the long but somewhat narrow sofa and said, “You got any room in the bunkhouse?” I told him we had a worker out there with Perry so we were full up. “Man, I’m feeling like baby Jesus—‘no room at the inn.’”

“Take my bed, I’m fine on the couch,” Cash offered, giving me a long look that seemed to plead for a softer sleeping arrangement.

Buck laughed and thanked her and displaced her without a qualm.

She went into her bedroom, grabbed a pillow and her quilt, and made a place for herself on the sofa, which would probably compound her stiffness.

Telling them both good night, I went to my bedroom and closed the door. The lights in the living room stayed on a long time. After several hours, I cracked the door and peeked out to see if Cash had fallen asleep without turning them off. She was sitting up on the edge of the couch in deep conversation with Buck, who sat in the rocker across from her. They looked like two friends chatting away.

In fact, Buck didn’t look like anyone’s father but more like a big cowboy playboy. What a strange situation, I thought. But maybe Buck’s arrival had provided a buffer, taken the heat off and let us both relax. Maybe it would put everything back in place. Remind us all where we fit.

❖

I got up the next morning and cooked a huge breakfast. Buck and Cash were lively and energetic and joking with each other.

“Getting pretty muscled up there for a girl.” He bumped into her on purpose, jamming his shoulder into hers, and I was sure she was still sore but refused to show it.

“Sad thing is I’m more muscled up than you, cowboy.” She bumped him back.

“Oh, yeah? I can still lift you off the ground with one hand.”

He grabbed her arm.

“Take it outside,” I said, meaning the sparring that was endangering everything in the living room that wasn’t bolted down.

Both of them tumbled out onto the porch punching and tormenting one another like two teenage boys.

Cash said something I couldn’t hear and Buck laughed and gave her a quick fighter’s punch in the arm. She ducked and dodged him as he continued to pester her, giggling and talking the entire time. It was clear he’d raised her like a boy and saw himself as her buddy rather than her parent.

I shouted breakfast was ready but they were twenty yards away from the house and couldn’t hear me in the high wind. I went to the edge of the porch, balanced over the rail, and grabbed the handle of the rusty old dinner bell that dangled from its tall post. They turned their heads on hearing the clang.

Imitating Michael Buffer’s famous prize-fight introduction, I shouted, “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get ready for breakfaaast!”

Cash giggled and jogged in my direction. “I am sooo ready to rumble,” she said slyly, and looped her hand over my belt, hooking me and pulling me down off the porch in an unexpected and jolting gesture. I ordered her to let me go, which seemed only to encourage her. “Have you gone soft?” she chided, and I gave her a look that said she was pressing her luck.

“Careful, there, Cash,” Buck warned as his cell phone rang and he walked back to the car and crawled inside, out of the wind, to answer it.

“I’m sorry, Buck’s right, I don’t want to hurt you,” she taunted, no doubt referencing my size or age or some damned thing, and her tone set me off. I lunged at her, pushing her backward, and her eyes revealed her shock. Caught off guard and perhaps not expecting such an all-out aggressive response, or my physical strength, she tripped and staggered just before I shoved her over hard, not worrying about her injuries, and dove on top of her. She let out a low moan along with most of the air in her body.

“You need to learn some manners since you obviously don’t know how to fight,” I said, straddling her and pinning her to the ground. She tried to roll me over in the grass, but I had better balance after years of horseback riding and laughed as she struggled to get up. “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” She surrendered verbally and tensed her abdomen intentionally, I was certain, to let me feel the pressure her muscles created between my thighs. I felt light-headed.

For a moment, her hands stopped wrestling me and slid down to my waist, holding me in place on top of her. I tilted my head back, soul-searching the clouds, and closed my eyes, in a near-dream state.

Buck honked the car horn as he hung up the phone, waving to us in mock-referee style, as if trying to separate us, and I snapped back to reality.

“Better stick to loving, then, because your ass is pretty easy to whip.” I forced myself to act before I was incapable of it, punching her playfully in the stomach for good measure as I jumped off.

Buck came back huffing and puffing and shouted that his client had called and he had to leave early for Texas. Cash happily bounded to her feet, yanking me to mine, and I felt energized and even wild as the wind whipped my hair around my face. Somehow just releasing the physical energy I felt when I was around her relaxed me.

“She’s stronger than she looks,” Buck warned Cash. “Used to beat me up all the time.” I was only slightly embarrassed that I’d been drawn into a wrestling match with Cash, but Buck seemed to think it was perfectly normal and continued his joking. “Cash tells me she’s been an enormous help to you from day one and actually taught you a couple of things about ranching.” I cocked an eyebrow, and they both laughed.

“Cash has been an interesting challenge,” I said.

“Now that’s exactly what she said about you!” Buck laughed loudly. “I’d say you two are quite a pair.” Cash caught my eye and her look was sensual and serious, and for a second I thought of our wrestling match, my straddling her body and how that had felt, and I grew weak. Turning away from her, I erased those thoughts in favor of breakfast conversation over the clank of silverware and the sounds of eating.

Right after breakfast Buck kissed me on the cheek and said his good-byes, hitting the road for Texas. He climbed into his vehicle and I told him to drive safe and sent greetings to Mary. Cash came up behind me and I felt myself breathe again as his car pulled away.

“I feel like the in-laws just left. Thanks for not outing me.”

“You said he knows you’re gay.”

“The bull-riding accident. He’d never let me live it down, being the self-proclaimed eight-second wonder of Texas Tech, although that could have been a bedroom stat.” I couldn’t contain a laugh.

As much as I tried to remain stern, her sense of humor always won me over. We could have been wonderful friends if she’d lived out here and had a family. The strange feelings between us simply got in the way.

“I was going to ask you to go down to the barn and strip the stalls. However, since you’ve turned into a PBR reject, how about straightening up the tack room? This is a working ranch, not a bed and breakfast.”

“Might as well strip the stalls. That’s the only ‘stripping’ going on around here,” she muttered, and I didn’t let her see me smiling.

“Here,” I said, tossing her the key to the XUV. “No need to bounce around in the Gator. I know, despite the bravado, you’re still in pain. And take some Advil.” I doled out two tablets from a bottle on the counter, handing her a bottle of water, and she grinned.

“What?” I asked innocently.

“Nothing,” she said, and refused to stop smiling.

❖

All week long, we suffered the intense mid-July heat and the oppressive humidity that went with it. The wind had died down—

not just diminished, but stopped entirely. It happened occasionally on the prairie when, exhausted, the breeze apparently decided no longer to pursue the grasslands. The silence was eerie. The heat, propelled by nothing, refused to move along, hovering in the air, leaving everything moist and sticky. Animals were hangdog and irritable and people not much better. It was that moment when we realized we had taken the wind for granted and now she was gone.

I sidestepped Cash. She must have felt I was ignoring her because Thursday night she trapped me alone on the porch at dusk and insisted I face her and talk to her.