Summerset Abbey: Spring Awakening (Summerset Abbey Trilogy) (15 page)

“I thought I would find you here,” he said quietly.

Trembling, she took her change from the old man and turned toward the door. She brushed past him without acknowledging his presence and went out into the chill autumn air.

He followed her as she continued her walk at a brisker pace. “The question is why you were looking for me,” she said without looking at him.

“I thought we should talk.” His voice was low, and though she ached to see the look on his face, she kept her eyes straight ahead.

“I have little to say. The time for talking passed months ago.” She spat the words at him like pebbles thrown into a pond.

“Maybe I want to talk to you. Maybe I want to apologize.”

She clutched her purchase tighter to her chest as pain stabbed at her heart. “Or maybe you just want to draw me in, only to cast me aside again. I was such a fool!”

He grabbed her elbow. “It wasn’t like that and you know it. Rowena, stop!”

She stopped then, breathing hard, and tilted her head back. “I don’t know what it was like. I loved you. You said you loved me. We became lovers and you left. Tell me your version.”

He took a deep breath. “Maybe I was hasty last spring.”

“Maybe?” She couldn’t believe her ears.
Maybe?

The blue of his eyes glittered and it felt as if he were looking straight into her soul. “I made a mistake, Rowena. I’m so very sorry.”

Rowena could almost hear the carefully constructed wall she had built around herself cracking like the shattering of ice across a pond. She shook her head denying his words. “No. It’s too late. I’m to be married.”

Jonathon’s mouth tightened. “To Sebastian?”

She nodded.

He took her hand in his and removed her glove. He stared at the antique diamond ring she wore on her finger. “This isn’t you, Rowena,” he said, his voice urgent. “You keep trying to be like your family, and you’re nothing like them. You belong to the skies and you know it. How are you supposed to fly all hemmed in? Lord Billingsly is not going to want his wife winging through the skies of England.”

She shook her head and pulled her arm away. “You’re mistaken. My uncle bought me a Vickers. My fiancé has already started building a hangar to house it.” Her voice grew harsh. “You know nothing about me or my life. You made rash judgments on what you thought you knew about us, and you were wrong.”

She started to walk away, but again he reached out and grabbed her arm. “Perhaps. But I wasn’t wrong about you loving me. I wasn’t wrong about loving you.”

His jaw worked and she didn’t know whether to trace the line with her fingertips or slap him. She did neither and instead stared up at him, confused thoughts fluttering in her mind. A woman passed by and Rowena realized they were standing on a sidewalk.

She turned away and hunched her shoulders as if protecting her heart. “I would have died for you, but you wouldn’t fight for me. You walked away from me because I was a Buxton, and no matter how imperfect we are, I am still a Buxton. Could you honestly say that my last name and the wrongdoing my uncle committed against your family won’t always separate us?”

Their eyes clashed, and part of her longed for him to say that it didn’t matter, that he would love her forever. Would she be willing to walk away from her life for him once again?

The answer was far more complicated now than it would have been just a month ago.

Then he looked away and let go of her arm.

Disappointment knotted her stomach before she gave herself a mental shake. Had she really expected anything else? “Now if you will excuse me, I have to go meet my fiancé.”

This time he didn’t try to stop her. As before, he stood and watched her walk away. But this time her heart was only bruised, not shattered.

S
ebastian was waiting for her by the time she got back to the inn. A slow smile spread over his handsome face when she walked through the door. Part of her wanted to hurl herself into his arms. Sebastian meant safety, and his love for her would salve her wounded pride.

But was that fair to him?

“I was going to call out a search party, but wasn’t sure where you would be.”

Jonathon had known exactly where to find me
.

She gave a small smile. “I went to a bookstore and found a place for tea and scones and read the afternoon away. It was lovely.”

“I’m glad you had a good day. How was the flight?”

The question warmed her heart. “It was good. Nothing out of the ordinary.” She removed her hat and blinked up at him. Sometimes she forgot how handsome he was. He leaned down and kissed her right there in the lobby, his lips lingering against hers. No fireworks, but she had been burned by fireworks before and was quite happy with warm, tender, and safe.

“What was that for?” she asked.

“Just because.” His dark eyes smiled down at her. “You know
I worry about you every time I know you’re going up.” He helped her off with her coat.

She smiled. “I know. That’s why I tell you as little as possible.”

“And I thank you for that. A friend of mine will be joining us for dinner. I ran into him at the base. I could hardly turn him down. I think you’ll like him.”

She shook her head. “Of course I don’t mind. I didn’t bring anything dressy, though. There just isn’t enough room in the cockpit for luggage.”

He grinned. “I hardly think that is going to be a problem. You’re lovely no matter what you wear.”

“Wonderful. Just let me take my things up to my room. Go ahead and get us a table. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

She nodded to the clerk and climbed the stairs to her room. Turning on a light, she laid her coat and her hat on the bed, then went into the water closet. She stared at herself in the mirror. Redness lingered about her green eyes.

Her day hadn’t been lovely, it had been terrible.

She hadn’t brought any cosmetics with her to hide the lingering traces of her tears. She rarely used them anyway. Elaine and Victoria both thought them great fun, but Rowena considered them a bother. She could certainly use some rouge and kohl now, she thought. Anything to lessen the tense pallor of her complexion.

Wetting a cool cloth, she laid it over her eyes and pinched her cheeks until they glowed. Better. She would tell Sebastian and his friend she was tired. It was preferable to telling her fiancé that she’d had her heart battered about by another man.

The restaurant attached to the inn glittered under heavy crystal chandeliers. A green-and-gold carpet on the floor echoed
the green of the wallpaper and the gold trim on the china and crystal Waterford glasses. Giant potted palms almost reached the high ceiling, and the fronds cast shadows on the walls, creating intimate little corners for diners wishing privacy. Like almost everything else in Hastings, the inn catered to the upper classes and produced a dining experience as agreeable as anything one could find in London.

The waiter led her now to one of those cozy nooks. She felt quite out of place in her simple day suit, among the other women in their finery. To her relief, the place was nearly empty this time of year.

Sebastian and his company stood when she came in, and the waiter helped her with her chair. Once sitting, Sebastian introduced her to his friend Reggie, who in turn introduced her to Lord Phillip Byron, an old college friend of his he had run into and invited to dinner. Reggie was an officer in Sebastian’s regiment and clad in his uniform, while Lord Byron was dressed in black tie.

After introductions, the men talked amongst themselves as if they weren’t quite sure what to say to her. Rowena looked around and felt rather out of place beside them in the fine dining room. Over the past few weeks, she had begun to feel almost as if she were one of Mr. Dirkes’s crew. They didn’t exactly treat her like one of the men, but they were used to her comings and goings and she was no longer a novelty. The men at the factory and at the Plymouth and Hampshire bases knew her as Ro, the woman pilot. She couldn’t help but prefer that identity to her current status as Sebastian’s wellborn and plainly dressed fiancée.

The waiter served their soup from a white, shell-shaped tureen, and Reggie, tall and lanky, leaned forward, his homely face alight with interest. “Sebastian tells me you are quite a good
pilot. However did a young woman such as yourself get into something like that?”

Her eyes flickered over to Sebastian, who was talking to the waiter.

“I had a friend who was a pilot. He took me up in the aeroplane and I fell in love. My uncle bought me my own Vickers biplane for an engagement present and I took lessons. I’m licensed, you know.” She said this last bit with pride. It was quite the feather in her cap being one of few licensed female pilots in Britain.

The pale, freckled man in black tie, who had nodded stiffly at their introduction, raised an eyebrow. “I find it difficult to believe that Lord Summerset would allow his niece to fly an aeroplane.”

Rowena stiffened. She’d met many men like Lord Byron—men who seemed by turns repulsed by her activities and dismissive of them. “Do you know my uncle, then, that you would know his preferences?”

The man stiffened at her words, and Sebastian broke in smoothly. “Byron here sits on the House of Lords with your uncle.”

Rowena nodded at the waiter, who ladled a fragrant, clear consommé into one of the gold-edged bowls. “So, Lord Byron, you know my uncle well then?”

Uncomfortable now, he had to admit that he didn’t know her uncle very well at all. Rowena gave him a dismissive shrug, which only inflamed him.

“I do know he seems fairly conservative,” he said, giving her a bold stare.

She laughed, though she really wanted to toss her soup at him. If she were Victoria, she probably would have. “As I said,
he is the one who bought me the aeroplane.” Rowena turned back to the friendlier man. “Are you interested in flying, Captain Crowley?”

The moment passed, but Rowena had seen the malevolent look Lord Byron had shot her and shivered. Oysters were next, and then an excellent foie-gras terrine served with small triangles of toast, but Rowena had a difficult time eating with Lord Byron’s gimlet eyes on her. Sebastian seemed oblivious to the tension, but Reggie talked nonstop and included Rowena in the conversation.

Over the poached cod with asparagus, Lord Byron finally attacked. “I knew I had seen you before,” he said, his voice full of suppressed glee. “I saw you earlier, talking to a young man in uniform.” He glanced at Sebastian to see how he would take this salacious news.

Sebastian, bless his heart, continued eating as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Rowena had never cared for him so much as she did at that moment. “Yes, I had stopped to buy a book and ran into an old friend of mine.”

She felt Sebastian’s eyes on her and cursed herself for not telling him before.

“It was quite the day for running into old friends, wasn’t it, Reggie?” Lord Byron’s thin upper lip curled. “I hope it was as pleasant of a
coincidence
as mine turned out to be.”

Rowena’s chest tightened at his words, but she refused to rise to the bait. He was the kind of worthless, privileged nobleman who did little but gossip, look down his nose at others, and cause trouble. Her father had detested those sorts of people and had brought up his daughters to avoid them, too.

“Yes, how fortuitous for us that you were able to join us for
supper.” Sebastian made it clear by the tone of his voice that it was most definitely not fortuitous. Reggie looked miserable.

The talk moved on, but she felt the gentle, comforting pressure of Sebastian’s knee against hers. She would tell him about Jon as soon as supper was over.

After their rhubarb pudding with clotted cream, Sebastian claimed fatigue and Reggie quickly feigned exhaustion as well. Lord Byron gave Sebastian and Rowena a stiff nod and the two men took their leave.

Leading her by the hand, Sebastian took Rowena to an unoccupied corner of the lobby and they sat on a red velvet settee. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” she burst out. “I didn’t know you were going to be blindsided by that.”

He held her hand in his and for a long moment didn’t speak. Then he asked in a low voice, “Was it Jon?”

She nodded. “He is stationed here. I didn’t know until I landed the aeroplane. I’d never been here before, so I had no way of knowing.”

Sebastian continued staring at her hand. Finally he reached out with his finger and twirled the ring on her finger. “For several months we both considered our unintentional engagement a convenience. You were in love with Jon, a man you could not acknowledge in public, and I was getting over a bruised heart and an even more damaged ego. When I asked you to make our engagement real, I told you I wanted to do so because I thought we would make a good team and because it was better than ending up alone, but that was a lie.”

Startled, she looked up into his face. His velvety black eyes searched her face. “What do you mean?”

“I wanted to make our engagement real because I had . . . I had begun falling in love with you.”

Rowena’s mouth fell open in shock, and her heart began to pound. She began to stammer out a response, but Sebastian put a gentle finger over her lips. “No. Don’t speak. Just listen. You’ve told me in private that you hate how indecisive you are, but I see it differently. I see a woman who loves deeply and is afraid to hurt the ones she cares for. I see a woman of fire and passion whose eyes light up when she speaks about flying. And I see a woman who is as heartbreakingly beautiful as a goddess and yet curiously without vanity. For those reasons and many more, I love you. What I felt for Prudence was only a fraction of what I feel for you, and even though I know you don’t feel the same way, I would be willing to spend my life trying to make you happy.”