Sun Kissed (Camp Boyfriend) (25 page)

“Pizzazz?” I asked since I couldn’t think of what to say with Trinity near enough to drive away rational thought.

Emily rolled her eyes. “You kids and your five-word vocabulary. Pizzazz as in sparkle, bling, style… do any of those work?”

I nodded, feeling like this project was slipping out of my control. “We’ll see,” I said, making sure they knew that, ultimately, I had the final say. “First, we’ve got to get the foundation poured. I need everyone grabbing some boards, nails, and hammers to piece together the forms. Okay?”

Emily knocked the side of her hard hat with her fist. “I’m ready. Point us in the right direction, Bob the Builder.”

“Who?” I asked, my eyes drawn to Trinity again. She looked cute in some kind of overall shorts with a tank top beneath that showed off the smooth gold of her skin.

Emily sighed. “Forget it. What do you kids learn in school anyway?” She turned to her group. “Let’s get the lead out, ladies, and show these boys how it’s done.”

Her comment was met with some catcalling from the Wander Inn guys who’d already staked out the octagon after Rafe took up the measuring tape. They were attaching string to each stake and I smiled, glad for the help. But as Trinity brushed by me, her soft floral scent brought back all kinds of memories about how she felt. Tasted. Hell, I even remembered that tiny gasp she’s made when our kiss had gone from sweet to hot. It’d be tough to concentrate with her around.

I hauled some ten-inch boards over to the site and buckled on a tool belt full of nails. Surprisingly, Trinity grabbed a few boards too and, when I turned to get more, she followed me. The silence between us felt weird, and I knew I needed to say something.

“You’re not a mistake,” I blurted when we were alone by the lumber pile.

An eyebrow rose as she regarded me, her hands shoved in the pockets of those overalls that showed way too much of her slender torso for comfort.

“What am I then?”

“Lauren’s friend.” Those two words pigeon-holed her right where I needed her to be. If she’d been a bio experiment, I would have pinned her there to keep her in place. Remind me of the danger that came with letting myself fall for another girl.

“Lauren’s friend,” she repeated thoughtfully. “Does that mean I’m not yours?”

I hesitated. Of course she was my friend. In fact, she’d been one of the first kids I met when I’d stopped visiting my grandparents for summers and had come to camp instead. I remembered how she’d helped me when someone grabbed my bag accidentally, how we’d raced between the cabins, seeing if anyone had a Star Wars backpack…and how cool she’d been about not teasing me for it.

“Sure. We’re friends,” I said, but the strange feelings I had for her lately made me feel like that wasn’t the whole story.

She grabbed an old piece of wood from the reclaimed pile, ignoring the organized rows of two-by-fours stacked next to me. “Let’s just keep it at that then, shall we?”

As I watched her walk away, a part of me wanted to shout, “No! Not okay!” But with my head scrambled and the gazebo project on the line, I wouldn’t trust myself to speak until I figured out how to handle things where Trinity was concerned.

Chapter Six

Trinity

“Ouch!” I sucked at the spot of red welling on the tip of my thumb and dropped my hammer, my arm aching.

Seth’s gorgeous face snapped in my direction, his forehead creased in concern, his eyes searching mine. It was one of many times in the past hour I’d caught him looking my way. But I tried not to read too much into it. He’d said it all when we’d shared that unforgettable kiss. He thought what we felt wasn’t real— that I was still looking at him as the guy he used to be and not the person he was today. But I knew better. He was still the same person. He was just reeling from his mom’s return when he probably hadn’t gotten over Lauren completely. Life had just thrown too much at him, and he wasn’t ready to believe in something that felt as good as our kiss.

No. I still had real feelings for Seth even though I’d tried hard to put him behind me. I understood that Lauren had hurt him.   But there was a new kind of wound in his eyes that went beyond a bad breakup. My guess was that he had to work things out with his mom, but I couldn’t imagine how he’d react to a suggestion like that.

For a second, I wondered what would come up if I did a reading on him. Would he pull the Judgment card, telling him he needed to forgive? The Star card, which might predict hope and healing for him soon? 

 But since I was trying to ignore my third eye this summer in an attempt to see the world in a more black-and-white way, I had only my own instincts to guide me. Right now, they told me I needed to focus on my art portfolio piece. While nailing the foundation forms together was as “realistic” as it got, I hardly thought that would impress admissions evaluators when I submitted pictures of my work. I needed something special, something amazing, something with
pizzazz
. I grinned at the thought and looked over at Emily as she cheered on the workers with an impromptu version of YMCA, a tool belt slipping low over her jean cutoffs. She whipped off her construction hat and hollered, “Time” when she finished the final chorus.

My friends stood and stretched, some groaning at the unfamiliar work. We were used to paddling canoes, spiking volleyballs, navigating ropes obstacle courses, not real labor. Yet I knew they’d done it for Seth, our old friend. Only I couldn’t see him as just a friend anymore. Especially after I’d felt his heart beat with mine, our breaths synchronizing until we seemed to exist in that still forest as one.

Emily pointed her hammer at me. “Mr. Woodrow says you have parental permission to stay until lunch. Bruce or I will stop in to check on you throughout the morning, but otherwise you’re on your own. Seth has a cell phone to call if anything happens.”

I caught Seth’s sharp glance as the group left, wondering if he wanted anything to happen…like our kiss. But his confused and wary expression said he’d expected to be alone and not stuck with me. My shoulders drooped as I waved to my departing friends then picked up my hammer again. I was supposed to be creating art; yet, with my mind so full of Seth and doubts about how to merge my aesthetic with the project without infringing on his “functional” vision, I seriously was blocked.

I sat, brooding and contemplating. Silent. Willing ideas to come to my mind. No surprise that forcing creativity never worked.

“What’s wrong?”

The deep voice right behind me made me drop the hammer and whirl around. I practically bumped into Seth; he was that close. I swayed for a moment until his firm grip on my elbow steadied me. If only it could do the same to my ricocheting heart. How to think straight when he was near enough for me to kiss his lopsided smile, smooth back the waves that had fallen across his forehead, stroke his square jaw that now had the faintest stubble.

“I’ve been sketching ideas for a sculpture, but everything I come up with looks like it came out of a children’s book.” I follow his gaze to discover one of my overall clasps had unlatched and hurriedly buttoned up. With only a thin tank beneath it, I didn’t want Seth to think I was trying to hook up with him again. Anything but. Until he dealt with whatever issues were holding him back, the path to us being together was impossible.  I didn’t need a tarot reading to know that much.

“May I see?” Seth’s amber eyes reflected the strengthening morning sunshine that splashed down around us.

“Huh?” Amazing that I’d never noticed the flecks of brown that added dimension and depth—

“Your drawings?” Seth’s question snapped me right back to reality. And wasn’t that exactly where I needed to be?

My face warmed as I pulled my pad from my bag and handed it to him.

“I know you’ll think these are all stupid. Lots of supernatural creatures. Some I even made up. Plus. there are places I drew that I wish were real but aren’t, except in my head…” I noticed him stuck on one page, his eyes widening as his fingers clenched around it. What picture caught his attention? I’d won a few contests and even sold a couple of my paintings at local artisan craft shows in my hometown. But somehow Seth’s opinion meant more than anything and I mentally ran through what was in there until a thought made my heart stop and my blood freeze.

“This is me,” he said at last, his voice full of wonder. He looked me straight in the eye, his unwavering stare making me shift on my feet.

Oh. My. God.

I’d forgotten about my drawing of Seth. I’d had to do a portrait at school this year and, since sketching him made me feel close and I’d memorized his features a million times, I’d picked him as my subject. I’d poured everything I had into that picture before later turning it into an oil painting in class. My art teacher had told me it was one of my best because it evoked genuine emotion. I didn’t need him to tell me which one. Love.

“Yes. I had to do a portrait for class.” I swallowed over the fear that’d rolled itself up in a ball and lodged itself in my throat. Was it any wonder he thought I lived with my head in the clouds when I did dumb stuff like hand him my sketch book while
spacing
that I’d left a pic of him in there?

“And you choose me,” he said, although it sounded more like a question, the “why” of it silent.

“I—” What else was there to say that wouldn’t make me look like the silly, infatuated girl he believed me to be?

“I look different.” Seth shook his head as his gaze roamed over the page again, his expression pensive.

“It’s the way I see you,” I blurted. And it was true. Art was about expressing what was inside, not what you saw on the outside. That’s why I had such a hard time with realistic stuff. I tended to add my own visual flourishes the way some people dance to music no one else can hear.

He lowered the book, and our eyes met. Electricity coursed through me, the moment feeling more intimate than our kiss.

His finger trailed down my cheek, and I shivered in awareness. “I’m not hurting like that anymore.”

“No?” I marveled that he’d picked up the pain I’d tucked into the corners of the eyes I’d drawn, the slight tension in his jaw, the bit of furrow on his brow. Seth was confident, strong. and comfortable in his own skin. But he’d always seemed wounded, staring out at a world that had both loved and rejected him.

His lids lowered and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Life sucks sometimes. But that’s true for everyone. Right?”

When he started to withdraw his hand, I pressed it against my cheek and held it there.

“That doesn’t make what you’ve gone through any less terrible, Seth. I want to help.”

He jerked his hand away as if burned and stepped backward, his expression guarded.

“An astrology chart isn’t going to fix anything.” His words were as flat and gray as slate. 

And I seriously questioned what it would take to make him see me for the person I’d become, not the girl he’d met years ago. Sure I’d had a summer where I’d only worn purple and never took off a really cool moon and stars bracelet. How was that different from Jackie wearing a Steelers tee every other day when she was ten?

“Really?” I tried not to let his comment get to me since I knew he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings— he was just saying how he felt. But it still stung. “You think that’s the only way I can be there for you?”

Something shifted in his eyes. And while maybe I wasn’t as psychic as my mom, I knew enough about human nature to read “regret” in his gaze.

“You’re right.” He jammed a hand in the pocket of dusty cargo shorts. “Sorry. Maybe I am still freaked out by the whole kiss thing. I don’t want you to think that I— that we—”

He’d backed himself into a corner, and if it didn’t hurt so damn bad that he didn’t care about me, I might have laughed at his trapped expression. As it was, I felt closer to tears, but I swallowed them down for Seth’s sake. He needed a friend and I was determined to be it, if only to honor the feelings I’d had for him for so long. If this was all I got to share with Seth, I’d take it.

“Trust me; you’re doing a hell of a job making me not crush on you.” That much, at least, was true. I cared about Seth a whole lot more than just a “crush” implied. “Mission accomplished. So can you stop trying to shove me away with both hands and just tell me why you’re in this weird, dark place? It’s been a year since you and Lauren broke up.”

“Lauren’s moved on and so have I. Story over.”

He wandered closer to the falls, and I trailed behind him, unable, despite my own warnings, to leave it alone.

“Fine. If you want to tell yourself that, go right ahead. But as your friend, I’m not buying it.”

Seth’s head whipped around as I joined him on a rock by the water. The mist coated my legs as I drew closer. I sat down beside him.

“Believe what you want. I just don’t want to keep thinking about what’s in the past.” Seth picked up a stick and began whittling it with a carving knife, the shavings curling and dropping into the swirling water below.

“Me too. I need to focus on the here and now. Figure out what I can do for the art project to make the gazebo special.” I changed the topic since discussion of Lauren was going nowhere. Besides, I had the feeling he was more upset about things back home.

Maybe it felt easier for him to resent his ex than to deal with his mom. That made sense to me. Whatever he felt about her had to be seriously complicated.

After a long silence where I pretended to be deep in thought, Seth finally cleared his throat.

His hair slid across his strong cheekbones as his head drooped, his hands flying as he carved. “Fixing relationships doesn’t work. Especially not after people have let you down.”

Unable to resist, I touched his forearm and felt it tense. “It can happen, though.”

He shook his head and kept scraping the wood. “Maybe in a fantasy world. But that’s not reality. Not mine anyway.”

This again? Frustrated, I tried one last time to make him understand I wasn’t some flake who still believed in Never-Never Land.

“Reality is shaped by what we imagine. If you’d let other people in, give them a chance, maybe you’d find out it’s okay to dream. To hope. And not be so closed off.”