Sunset Park (20 page)

“The infamous Raymond.” Caleb extended his hand. We both squeezed harder than was necessary, not breaking eye contact. “David told me all about you when I met him at his school this afternoon. Before that, you were merely a scowl and a middle finger on your Instagram profile.”

“Heh.” Did that mean David hadn’t mentioned me before today? It was inconsequential, but still curdled the remnants of my mood. Maybe this was how David felt when he thought I was hiding him from my own friends. “There ain’t much to say about me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. David tells me you’ve earned a spot in his closest circle of friends.”

“Oh yeah?” I looked sideways at David, and wondered if he was picking up on how Caleb was making him sound like a ten-year-old who collected bestest buddies. “Lucky me.”

“I’ve also heard about your brother.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard everything, man. No need to give me a recap.”

David gave a furtive shake of his head.

Maybe he’d left out the parts about slobbing my knob and letting me tonguefuck him on top of dryers. That just figured. He wouldn’t want Caleb getting wind of the fact that he was living with competition. It wouldn’t go over well once they got back together. Again. The very thought made me want to pack my shit and return to Queens. I’d quit smoking weed and live in the basement while a family of four overran my childhood home before I dealt with David bringing this asshole over every night.

“I tried to call you, but you never picked up,” David said. “How was your day?”

“It happened. Work is work.”

“What do you do?” Caleb inquired.

Weariness overtook David’s features. “I told you where he worked.” A quick glance at me. “Weeks ago.”

Ah-ha. So he had discussed me earlier. If I judged by the naked desperation in Caleb’s comments on David’s pictures, they’d reconnected sometime in early September—almost two months ago. I bet he had explained who I was after I’d begun throwing subs at Caleb on social media.

“I was giving him the chance to tell me himself.”

“Not much to tell,” I said blandly. “But enough about my sorry ass. What do
you
do for a living? Lemme guess. Something
really
impressive.”

David abandoned his cooking expedition and moved closer to where we were standing by the table. He rubbed his hands together, looking between Caleb’s placid expression and my belligerent sneer. I didn’t wear jealousy well.

“I’m the CFO of a new social media start-up geared toward creative individuals.”

My blank stare matched David’s eye roll.

“Caleb, most people don’t know your corporate lingo.”

“I’m sorry.” Caleb cleared his throat and smoothed the lapels of his jacket. “Chief Financial Officer.”

“Sounds fancy,” I said. “Maybe I’ll check it out. I’m all down with the social media these days.”

“So I saw.”

I cocked my head. “Has David been flashing around my Grindr profile again?”

The stilted silence that followed was everything I’d hoped it would be. Caleb retreated to the stove. He fussed with the burners, lowering the heat under the pan before turning it off entirely. The smell of cooked meat wafted through the room once he removed the cover.

“I was referring to Instagram.”

“Nah. I don’t go on there like that.”

“No?” Caleb glanced around the kitchen. He was too used to being able to treat David’s home like it was his own. “You’re quite quick to reply. I thought you were one of those kids who lived on the Internet.”

“One of those kids?” I scoffed. “You’re first to comment quite a bit yourself, Pops.”

David was starting to look horrified by the direction of the conversation, so I decided to be the bigger person and bow out before he got pissed at me for starting trouble. I tried not to smirk at Caleb’s discomfort. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and he kept digging around until David slapped a plastic sack of corn tortillas on the counter. Maybe Caleb could only shit-talk if it was on the sly, and not a full-on confrontation.

“Let me know if you want to go to the store later. Unless Caleb is sticking around for a while.”

“I’m not. I’m meeting a colleague.”

“Too bad.”

I wasn’t fooling anyone, or even trying to, so I vacated the room.

My smugness held out for only a handful of minutes. Caleb may have backed down from verbal sparring, but he was still the one sitting in the kitchen having dinner with David while I retreated to my room alone. It didn’t help that he’d immediately seen through my invisible don’t-give-a-damn armor, and jammed the knife right into my self-esteem five seconds into the conversation by bragging about being chief dickhead in charge at his job. The guy had his life set up in a way that I’d never be able to achieve. He was older, but I wouldn’t reach his level even in a decade, and I knew the primary reason for that was my lack of ambition. And lack of education. It burned to admit that Michael and David had a point when it came to the college stuff.

I changed into a pair of loose shorts and looked down at the messy pile of video game magazines and mail sitting atop the nightstand. Somewhere beneath that, the CUNY brochures were hidden. I hadn’t given them a second glance after Nunzio had made his final plea, but now I unearthed them. There were so many city senior and junior colleges in the five boroughs that just casting a quick look over the list was overwhelming. Even if I considered the possibility of getting a degree or certification in some trade area, I had no idea where to start. The programs, majors, and financial information included in the brochures went over my head.

Michael had texted me about filling out a FAFSA and a TAP application to see if I was eligible for any grants, but I didn’t know how to check. The acronyms were vaguely familiar, but the knowledge was buried deep in my head with the rest of the things I’d learned in high school. Even then, I’d had no interest in college. I’d always thought a degree was just a status symbol unless you were going to be a doctor or an engineer or something. Was I really going to start pursuing one just because some jackass was flashing his corporate cock at me?

I answered my own question by reburying the brochure. After a second thought, I knocked the magazines out of the way again and propped the brochure up against the lamp. Later. I’d look later when I wasn’t in the mood to tattoo someone’s face with my knuckles.

If anything was going to drive me to change my situation, it would be my hatred for Viktor and LLS. I didn’t belong in a place like that, and I didn’t want to earn enough high-dollar college credits just to give me more standing in the corporate world. If I did anything, it would be what I used to do. Honest, blue-collar work. Something that would keep me up and moving, working with my hands, and being around a bunch of guys who were more interested in griping about sports and local politics than what type of coffee should be stocked in the office pantry. But I’d sure blown that opportunity.

I grabbed my phone and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m losing my mind,” I said after Nunzio picked up.

“What’s going on?”

Nunzio’s voice was tinny and distant.

“Take me off speaker. I’m talking to you, not the entire world.”

“I’m not with the entire world, wise guy. I’m in the car.”

“In
my
car.” I’d lent it to them during the renovating and remodeling process for the old house. It wasn’t like I was using it these days to drive into lower Manhattan. I’d given up on that idea after learning the nearby parking garages were over twenty dollars an hour. “Where’s my brother?”

“I’m meeting him at the house. The tenants are set to move in next month, but the place is being inspected by the city this week, so he’s on edge.”

“Oh. Damn, I forgot. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You have enough going on, Ray.”

I knew Nunzio meant well, but sometimes he could be just as patronizing as Michael. I had nothing going on besides my day job, but they acted like I couldn’t hold it together now that I had real responsibilities.

“So what’s up? Why are you losing your mind?”

“Never mind. It don’t matter.”

“Raymond, come on.”

I picked at the edge of my comforter. “Just don’t know what to do sometimes. I hate my job, but I have no interest in college. I don’t have a shitload of options here.”

“You could apply for some city jobs,” he suggested, speaking louder as traffic roared in the background. “Sanitation workers make more than some teachers.”

“I don’t want to work in sanitation, Zio. Be real.”

“It’s honest work. My pops is a garbage man.”

“Like he’s what I wanna live up to?”

“Child abuse aside, the guy makes decent money.”

Nunzio always talked about his shitty childhood as though it had been nothing more than a terrible vacation he’d forgotten about as soon as he’d left it behind. No war scars or emotional trauma. At least, not that he’d ever shown me. It was a world of difference from me and Michael. Especially Michael.

“I was thinking about calling Rolly,” I said. “Trying to talk to him instead of just giving up. It’s not like he ever outright said I was officially fired. They just stopped picking me for jobs.” The statement was met with silence, and I frowned. “Maybe that’s stupid.”

“No! It’s not at all. I’m just surprised.”

“Why?”

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“No, I want you to lie.” I lay back on the bed, closing my eyes. “Unless you’re surprised that I don’t want to pursue some white-collar career. Because….”

“I know you better than that, Ray.” Nunzio’s voice warmed. “I’m surprised because calling your old boss and trying to earn your job back is extremely mature. A lot of people would be too prideful to make a move like that. I’m proud of you.”

“I haven’t even done it yet,” I muttered. “He might tell me to go take a long walk off a short pier.”

“He might,” Nunzio admitted. “But giving up on a job you enjoyed is a lot more foolish than opening yourself up to rejection.”

“I’m not scared of rejection.”

There was another pause and then, “So how’s everything with David?”

“How does the convo go from me being rejected to David?” I snorted when he laughed. “You think you’re funny?”

“No, but you are. Why are you so defensive? I asked a simple question.”

“Yeah. Simple.”

He didn’t reply immediately, and the sound of voices from the hall drifted through my door. Was David taking Caleb on a tour of his bedroom now? Maybe they’d slip between the sheets and Caleb would refamiliarize himself with David’s body now that he knew his way around the kitchen.

“Ray—”

“We screwed around,” I interrupted. “Your brilliant guesswork wasn’t off the mark, after all.”

There was no surprise in Nunzio’s voice when he replied. “When did this start?”

“About a month or two ago. Just a couple of times.” I wiped a hand over my face. “Now I’m being stupid about it. I dunno what to do, man. I’m an idiot.”

“Do you like him?”

It was starting to feel like a lot more than that if I went by the rage simmering inside of me every time Caleb’s voice echoed down the hall. I wanted him gone. I wanted it enough to get up and force him out the door, but I also knew trying to stake a claim on a guy who had never been mine would just make the situation worse. I’d look like an idiot, and David would think I was crazy.

“I guess.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No,” I scoffed. “I’ve never even had a real girlfriend. You think I know what the hell to do with a guy? Especially a guy like David. He’s used to dudes with real money, and being broke has basically become part of my personality. He is way out of my league, bro.”

“Ray, don’t start getting down on yourself. My concern is him.”

“Why? What do you mean?”

There was a pause followed by a low sigh. “Just don’t let him use you to spice up his dull life. I feel like that was his thing with Mikey, you know?”

“What do you mean his
thing
?”

“I mean he had his boyfriend that was good on paper, but he wanted some hot Latino dude to—”

A knock on the door jolted me, and I hissed to Nunzio that I would call him back.

David slipped into the room without waiting for an invitation. Had the conversation carried through the flimsy door? I sure as hell hoped not. I examined David for signs that he had heard my string of lame confessions.

“Who were you talking to?”

“Somebody.”

“Oh.” David hung by the door and only moved closer to the bed when I stared at him expectantly. Instead of sitting down, he stood over me. “Caleb left.”

“Good.”

He winced. “I’m sorry he comes off like such a jerk sometimes.”

“What are you apologizing for? It ain’t your fault.”

“He’s my friend, so I still feel responsible.” David’s eyes strayed from my face to slide along my torso, but jerked upward again. He shifted from foot to foot. “Even though he was raving about his job, he’s been having a rough time. There’s a possibility his annual evaluation may not go well.”

“Pobrecito.”

David smiled. “I didn’t expect you to have sympathy, but I thought you would want to know since….”

“Why would I want to know that?” I pushed myself up on my elbows. “You think I’m intimidated by him because he has some fancy-ass job?”

“No….”

“I don’t give a shit what the dude does. He ain’t nobody to me.”

“I didn’t mean….”

“Don’t be trying to pity me all of a sudden. He could be a goddamned millionaire and I still wouldn’t give two fucks or feel bad about myself.”

“Whoa!” David held up his hands in surrender. “Why are you getting so angry? I wasn’t trying to pity you!”

“Yeah, aiight.”

I looked down at the dark screen of my phone and scowled at my reflection. Evidence of my jealousy seemed written all over my face. Caleb’s presence was doing a number on me, but I didn’t think it was just him. At this point, I was convinced that
any
other guy trying to get in some quality time with David would drive me up the wall.

“Sometimes I feel like we can’t talk to each other normally anymore,” David muttered.