Sunshine's Kiss (5 page)

Jesse couldn’t smile to reassure Sam, not when promising to let Sam leave if he wanted to would break his heart, but he did brush his knuckles against the side of Sam’s face. “I promise, baby.”

Sam shuddered and pushed away from Jesse, crossing his arms over his chest as best as he could considering that one of his arms was in a cast. “So, let’s talk then.”

“One of the things we will be talking about is how you got that.” Jesse pointed to the cast. “I want to know exactly who did that to you and where I can find him.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over with.”

“It does matter, Sam. Everything about you matters.” Jesse clenched his fists as he tried to hold on to his control. The beast was wanting out, wanting to hunt down whoever had hurt their mate and rip his throat out. And the beast wasn’t patient. “Let’s go up to the main house where we can talk in private.”

Sam looked like he was going to object for a moment. His mouth even opened. But instead of protesting, he nodded. “Fine, but I keep the keys,” he said as his hand tightened around the metal pieces.

Jesse didn’t like it, but he nodded his agreement anyway. He held out his hand for Sam but was in no way surprised when Sam sidestepped him and walked toward the house. Jesse trailed behind him wondering what he could say to make Sam stay when the man so obviously wanted to go. He couldn’t think of a damn thing to entice his mate to stay.

Jesse was a little surprised when Sam walked into the house and right up the stairs, bypassing every room on the ground floor. He wasn’t about to argue, though. Upstairs was a lot more private than the main floor. Jesse didn’t really want anyone else to see them argue.

By the time Jesse climbed the stairs and made his way down the hallway to his bedroom, a room he hoped to share with Sam at some point, the man was already inside, standing across the room looking out one of the second-story windows.

Jesse did notice Sam’s slight jerk when he closed the door. “It’s unlocked, Sam.”

Sam gave the barest nod of his head in acknowledgement of Jesse’s words but didn’t turn around. Jesse sighed and walked over to sit on the side of the bed. He would have preferred that Sam was sitting beside him for this conversation, but he guessed that was too much to expect. Sam clearly had reasons for the way he felt. Jesse just had to figure out what they were.

And he was at a loss as how to do that.

“Why did you leave, Sam?”

Okay, that wasn’t what he was going to say when he opened his mouth. It was just what came out. The question had nagged him for the last five years. He had no clue. Things had seemed so perfect.

And then Sam was just gone.

“You don’t know?” Sam asked as he turned around to stare across the room at Jesse. There was a pensive shimmer in the shadow of his eyes as if he was surprised that Jesse didn’t know why he had left.

“No. I wouldn’t have asked if I did. I thought things were going pretty good between us, and then you were simply gone. You didn’t even say good-bye.” Jesse couldn’t keep the small pang of reprimand out of his voice when he said that last part. He was still afraid that Sam would leave him—again.

“Your father.”

Jesse groaned and dropped his head into his hands. He just knew his father had something to do with Sam’s leaving. The man had been a thorn in his side since the second he took his first breath.

“What did he do?” he asked as he raised his head to look at Sam.

Sam’s eyes grew rounder with each word Jesse spoke, growing wider and more dominating on his face. “You really don’t know?”

Jesse shook his head. “No, I don’t have a clue.”

“He said he’d kill us both if I stayed.”

Sam’s words were whispered so softly that Jesse almost missed them. Jesse jumped to his feet and roared, his claws breaking free as he tossed his head back and let out all of the anger and anguish he had felt over missing his mate for the last five years.

His father. His fucking father. The man had taken everything from him. First his mother, then his mate. He didn’t deserve to live. Now, Jesse wished that he had killed the man instead of just banishing him. Andrew McCaffrey deserved to die for what he had done.

“Jesse.”

Jesse’s vision was monochrome, but he could still see the fear on Sam’s face as the man looked at him in complete shock. He started to move toward Sam, to reassure him that he was not in any danger, when he heard a slight sound behind him.

Pure animal instinct made Jesse growl and jump in front of Sam, placing his body between his mate and whoever was opening the bedroom door. He crouched down and allowed the beast to come out all of the way.

The crackle of his bones as they grew and muscles stretched filled the room. He felt his teeth drop down, and fur grew along his arms and legs as his clothes shredded. His jaw elongated, forming a slight muzzle. Jesse flexed his claws and snarled, warning whoever was coming in that their very life was in jeopardy.

“Uh, Jesse?” Gabe stepped into the room, his eyes widening as he glanced from Jesse to Sam. “I heard you yelling. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Mine!” Jesse roared as he stepped back toward Sam.
Guard. Protect. Defend.
Those were the thoughts filling Jesse’s head.

“Okay, Jesse.” Gabe held up his hands in a totally submissive gesture. His eyes darted to Sam until Jesse growled again, and then came back to Jesse. “No one is going to take Sam from you, but you need to calm down. I think you’re scaring him.”

Jesse’s eyes narrowed. He would never scare his mate. Sam was his world, his reason for living, but…Jesse lifted his nose into the air and sniffed. A putrid sour smell filled his senses. It drained some of the anger from the beast.

Jesse turned around to find Sam cowering back against the window. His face was ashen as he stared at Jesse. Jesse lifted his hand to reach for Sam, but stopped when Sam cringed back and whimpered.

No, this was wrong.

Jesse’s voice was low, rough, and guttural when he called out to his mate. “Sam?”

Sam’s eyes rolled back into his head, and his body started to slump. Jesse leapt over and grabbed Sam before he could hit the floor. He gently lifted Sam into his arms and carried him over to the bed. He sat down and cradled Sam close to his chest. Making sure he was careful with his clawed hands, Jesse stroked them down the side of his mate’s pale face.

“Sam?”

“Jesse, does Sam know what you are, what we are?”

“How could he not know?” Jesse asked as he gazed down at Sam’s pale skin. “He’s lived on this ranch almost his entire life.”

“That might be, but from his reaction to you, I’m thinking maybe he doesn’t know.”

The idea was absurd. Jesse pulled his eyes away from Sam’s face and looked up at his brother. “He has to know.” If he didn’t, then Jesse had more explaining to do than he thought. No wonder Sam was afraid of him. He probably looked like a monster.

“What do I do?” Jesse was at a total loss. He was fighting more than Sam’s desire to leave. He was fighting the man’s very much founded fear.

“Well, the first thing that you should do is shift. You look like a Boris Karloff character right now. And then you need to give serious thought to how you’re going to explain this all to Sam. I’ll go talk with Sarah and find out how much Sam actually knows.”

Jesse nodded then started drawing in deep breaths to calm himself. His beast wouldn’t retreat until he was in full control of himself. Right now, he felt anything but in control. His thoughts were scattered, fragmented. His emotions were running rampant.

He was a mess.

Jesse calmed enough to shift back into his human form just about the time Sam started to rouse, his eyes flickering several times before they opened fully. He just stared up at Jesse, not making a sound. It was almost as if Sam was afraid any little noise would make the beast attack.

“I won’t hurt you, Sam,” Jesse whispered. “Despite what it looks like, and my actions so far, I would never intentionally hurt you. I swear to you that you are safe here.”

“Then let me go,” Sam whispered.

The simple words sent shards of agony through Jesse’s chest. He closed his eyes against the pain and hugged Sam to his body for just a moment, positive that this would be the last time he would be allowed that pleasure.

Clenching his jaw to keep from begging, Jesse opened his eyes and carefully lowered Sam to the mattress next to him. He quickly clasped his hands together and let them dangle between his legs to keep from grabbing for his mate again, and then he hung his head. He wasn’t going to watch Sam walk away from him.

He just wasn’t that strong.

“What are you?”

Sam scooted as far away from Jesse as the bed would allow, pressing his back up against the headboard. He knew if he made a run for it, whatever Jesse was would just attack him. He could feel it in his bones.

Whatever Jesse was, however, had Sam rather intrigued. Sam had never seen anything like what Jesse had turned into, not even in the movies. It hadn’t been disgusting, but it wasn’t human either.

“I’m Lycan,” Jesse said simply as if he weren’t divulging a deep dark secret and rocking Sam’s world to its very foundation. “It comes from the term
Lycanthropy
, from the Ancient Greek word
lykánthropos
,
which refers to the ability to transform oneself into a wolflike creature.”

“And that means what exactly?”

“Well, you’ve seen what I turn into when I allow the beast out.”

“Beast. Is that what you call it?”

Jesse nodded.

“How long have you been that way?” Sam asked. “Were you bitten by something?”

“No.” Jesse chuckled softly as he stared down at his clasped hands. “I was born this way, Sam. We all were.”

“All?” he squeaked. “Just how many of you are there?”

“The entire McCaffrey family is Lycan.”

“Holy fucking shit!” Sam gasped. “I’ve lived here most of my life. How did I not know this?”

“I’m kind of curious about that myself,” Jesse said as he turned to look at Sam. “I seriously thought you knew.”

Sam shook his head as he stared at Jesse. “I didn’t.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that out.” Jesse once more went back to staring down at his hands. His shoulders were hunched as if the weight of the world sat on them. “But, at least that explains your reaction.”

“My reaction?”

Jesse’s swallow was audible and filled the large quiet room. “You’re afraid of me.”

There was a world of hurt in those four words. Sam frowned and started staring down at his own hands, twisting them together then picking at one of his nails as he tried to think of how to respond to Jesse without sounding like a complete goober.

“You’re welcome to stay at the ranch for as long as you need to, Sam,” Jesse said as he stood and turned his back on Sam. “I won’t stop you if you want to leave. I get it that this is a lot to take in. I just ask that you don’t tell anyone about us. A lot of lives depend on keeping our secret.”

“I won’t tell a soul, I promise, but—”

“Thank you.”

Sam’s mouth dropped open as Jesse just simply walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. He stared at the door for ages, waiting for Jesse to come back in and tell him it had all been a huge joke, but the door never opened.

Time passed slowly. Sam moved from the bed to the window and then to a chair in front of the fireplace. After a while, he found his way back to the bed. And still, no one came in, leaving Sam alone with his thoughts, as chaotic as they were.

Eventually, the sun started to set and the room grew dark. Sam sat in the darkness, his mind jumping from one thought to another, too confused to settle on just one. When it started to get cold, Sam shed all of his clothes except his boxers and drew the blanket up over his shoulders, snuggling down into the mattress.

He realized he was taking Jesse’s bed, but he just couldn’t find the motivation to get up and move. He didn’t even care at this point that he had his keys back and could leave anytime he wanted to. He just wanted to sleep.

* * * *

Sam glanced toward the door when it opened. He had been staring out the window, watching the sun rise through the curtains and wondering why Jesse had never come back the previous night. He half hoped that it was Jesse coming in and was half afraid that it was.

“Samuel?”

“Hey, Mom.” Sam quickly sat up and pushed the blanket down around his waist as he watched his mother walk in with a tray in her hand.

“I brought you something to eat.”

“I’m not very hungry, Mom.” In fact, his stomach was twisting in knots. The thought of eating just made the cramps worse, even if it had been nearly twenty-four hours since he had eaten. The mere thought of food made him want to puke.

“Well, you may not feel like it, but your body needs nourishment. You never came down to dinner last night. I won’t let you skip breakfast.” Sarah Bishop walked across the room and set the tray of food down on the nightstand next to the bed, and then she sat down on the bed next to Sam, reaching out to gently pat his hand.