Surrender to Me (23 page)

Punching
the water when I see his smiling face, I can’t believe Jasper White has the
nerve to be laughing hysterically at this so not funny situation. He is
laughing harder than I have ever heard him laugh before.

And
I do all I can, dripping wet, sitting in a swimming pool with my ex-boyfriend.

I
laugh with him.

Chapter 19

Surrender to Me

“
L
et me go you motherfucker. I’m a black belt
and I will fuck you up!” Jasper mimics, while holding one hand to his nose and
the other to his side, attempting to contain his laughter.

“Oh,
shut your face,” I say, tears running down my face.

I
actually have a stitch from laughing so hard at this ridiculous situation.
Cupping water between my palms, I splash Jasper with as much force as I can,
and even though he manages to dodge most of my water spray, I still succeed in
showering his face with water, blinding him.

He
splutters and gags, trying to wipe the water out of his eyes, while chuckling,
“Oh, you are so going down!”

Taking
this perfect opportunity to tackle him, I race over as quickly as I can, making
an allowance for being in waist deep freezing water. He hears me coming, and
even though he has managed to clear the water from his eyes, I am still too
quick and torpedo into him. Letting out a grunt, he falls onto his back with me
tumbling with him. The splash is huge, and we create a mini tsunami with our
fall.

I
am wading away from him, giggling uncontrollably, but my escape is pointless as
Jasper is too strong. He reaches out and grabs onto my arm to stop my retreat,
pulling me towards him. Lifting me like I weigh nothing more than a feather, he
takes a hold of my thigh, and surprises me by wrapping it snugly around his
waist, while doing the same with the other.

I
am now his prisoner, but I come willingly.

Cupping
his hands under my ass, I wrap my arms around his neck to balance myself, never
wanting to let go. He longingly searches my face, and the look in his fiery
eyes is one I have seen many times before, and it’s one I have missed.

He
then begins walking with me, water sloshing everywhere, and because he is
walking forward, I have no idea where we’re going. As I am straddling him, I
feel him pressing into me, and I suddenly have to remind myself to swallow.

My
fingers toy with the wet hair which is curling at the base of his neck, and as
he clenches his jaw in desire, I pull harder, loving the passion reflected in
his eyes. He lets out a pained gasp, tightening his hold on my ass, and before
I combust, I feel the cold marble wall press against my back as Jasper pins me
up against it.

I
let out a small, “Oof,” with the force of him squashing up against my front,
but I welcome it, as this moment is so intense, and one I have wanted for so
long.

“Surrender
to me,” he whispers, droplets of water running down his face, into his parted
lips. And I am mesmerized by those lucky beads of water caressing his face like
a lovers touch.

“I
surrender,” I reply softly, my eyes dropping to his magnetic mouth.

And
I put as much feeling as I can behind those two little words, because they mean
more than just surrendering to him in this moment. I surrender to him always-
mind, body and soul.

Jasper
gasps and inches his mouth to mine, stopping only millimeters away. His hot
breath is lashing against my wet face, which sends a shiver of desire
throughout my entire body.

He
mistakes my quiver as me being cold. “Are you cold?”

Shaking
my head, my wet hair sticks to my cheeks.

“Then
why are you shivering?” he asks, brushing my soaked locks off my face.

I
say the only thing I can. “Because I want you.”

Jasper
parts his mouth, ready to speak, but I silence him as I close the distance
between us and press my lips to his. At first he seems stunned, as his lips are
still under mine, but as I fist my hands into his hair and open my mouth,
coaxing him, he devours me whole.

And
I embrace his passion happily.

His
tongue darts into my mouth, and he kisses me with such cavernous ferocity, it
leaves me wanting more. My lips feel bruised as he nips and sucks, and I
welcome the feeling, encouraging it as I shuffle up his body, tilting my head
for better access to his hot, wet mouth.

He
groans as the angle is perfect, and we kiss until I pull away, needing to catch
my breath. But Jasper yanks me back to his mouth, sucking on my bottom lip when
I open up to him, ready for more. Mewling in response, suddenly kissing is not
enough, and by the way Jasper is rubbing his clear arousal against me, he feels
the same.

We
are kissing like starved animals, and the noises coming out of us are pure
primeval, and so freakin’ hot. With one arm still wrapped around me, he moves
the other between us, and begins touching me between my legs. I throw my head
back, and my moan is one of raw desire, as I have wanted this to happen for so
long.

Jasper
hisses a quick breath through his clenched teeth as he moves aside my underwear
with his anxious fingers, and finally, we are skin to skin. He slides his
finger up and down my slippery entrance, and when he inserts his finger, I cry
out loudly.

He
works his finger into me and I ride his hand, welcoming the intrusion by
constricting my legs around him. I rock into him as each stroke takes me closer
to the edge, and as he inserts another finger, I close my eyes because the
feeling is unadulterated bliss.

Holding
onto his neck and circling my hips to get the angle right, he is teasing me as
his fingers are dancing around my center.

Oh
God, I am so, so close, and he knows it because I can hear him hissing under
his breath when I clench my inner muscles around him.

Then
unexpectedly he stops and I cry out, knitting my brows together, searching his
face breathlessly. I am about to demand why he stopped, but I am taken aback
when he lifts me onto the edge of the pool and slides me forward, crouching
between my legs.

He
slowly pushes up my dress, and I raise my hips to free the material that is
bunched up under my ass. I am looking at him with big curious eyes, anticipating
his next move.

My
dress is scrunched up around my middle, and Jasper unhurriedly runs his hands
up and down my legs, looking at me closely. My arms are braced behind me, and I
am leaning back on my hands for support, waiting impatiently for what comes next.

Jasper
senses my need and scoots me forward, and he too also moves frontward and
squats between my thighs. He drapes my legs over his shoulders, and with one
hand rips my underwear clean off.

I
let out a tiny gasp, but that gasp turns into a moan, as he buries his head
between my legs and begins nuzzling my entrance with his sinful tongue.

I
can’t keep myself supported and fall backwards, but Jasper pulls me towards
him, never missing a lick or suck. Lying on my back and feeling like a Goddess
as he is working me over relentlessly, I think I’m going to die as he is
driving me crazy with his talented, unyielding mouth. He places his hands
underneath my ass to raise me higher, and as I arch my back and let out a
guttural moan, he licks over my center leisurely.

Looking
up into the starlit universe, experiencing this bliss, is simply poetic. And
watching a shooting star streak across the night sky, while feeling Jasper
worship my body like it is his salvation, is too much.

The
touch of Jasper’s wet, skillful tongue and mouth is bringing me over the edge
quickly, and he knows how to play my body like an instrument made especially
for him. He knows what I like, and he also knows what drives me crazy. I claw
at his tresses and clench my thighs, and when he twirls his tongue around my
core, I can’t take it any longer, and I explode with a thunderous scream.

The
stars I am now seeing are thanks to Jasper, and the mind blowing orgasm he just
gave me. His mouth gradually slows, but my heart is racing rapidly, and I don’t
know if it’ll ever stop. Closing my eyes, my head lolls to the side groggily,
and I interlace my fingers over my stomach, contented for the first time in
forever.

Jasper
unwraps my legs that are still enfolded around him, and pulls down my dress to
cover me up. My legs feel limp, and I doubt I will be able to walk ever again.

As
I hear water splashing, I know Jasper has lifted himself out of the pool, and
the sight of Jasper wet, is a sight I must see, so I open my eyes and peer over
at him. He is lying on his back, in a similar position to mine, and he too
looks at ease.

We
are both stargazing with lazy smiles on our faces in complete silence, and for
once the silence is not awkward. Feeling my eyes droop shut, I snap them open,
not wanting to miss out on a minute of this stillness between Jasper and I.

I
can hear his soft breathing and I sigh, remembering how that sound lulled me to
sleep. How I wish that sound was something I still fell asleep to every night.
What just happened between us was nothing short of magical, but now that I am
coming down from my orgasmic bliss, I am frightened to face the future.

I
shiver again, but this time in fear.

Jasper
senses my apprehension. “Are you okay?” he asks, huskily.

I
nod slowly, but he doesn’t buy it.

“What
are you thinking?

Shrugging,
while still gazing up into the sky, I reply, “I don’t know. I’m just so
confused.”

Jasper
turns on his side, bracing himself up on one elbow as he asks, “Confused about
what?”

Bravely
looking over at him, I reply, “About everything. What just happened between us?
What does it mean?”

Jasper
licks his bottom lip and closes his eyes, letting out a soft moan. Once he
reopens his eyes, he has a look of utter desire in them, and I realize he must
be able to taste me on his lips. I blush deeply at the thought and Jasper
chuckles.

“After
all this time, you’re still so bashful.”

The
look he is giving me should be illegal in every country. And just because I
haven’t blushed enough he adds hoarsely, “I’ve craved you.”

He
runs his thumb along his lower lip, and inserts it into his mouth, sucking
lightly.

He
then adds, “All of you.”

My
cheeks and neck flush an even brighter scarlet, and I lower my eyes quickly.
This does not help my confused mind make any rash decisions when he is talking
about craving me.

After
I have turned every shade of red under the sun, Jasper clears his throat and I
sneak a peek at him.

“I
know we need to talk, but I don’t know where to start. And I don’t know if
talking will change things,” Jasper confesses.

“I
know,” I reply sadly.

I
know that once I tell Jasper I am engaged, he will never speak to me ever
again. 

A
thunderbolt claps loudly and I jump, startled at the noise. Suddenly, a
revelation hits me like the thunderbolt. I am not going to marry Harper. I was
stupid to think I could fake my way through this whole engagement.

If
I want Jasper in my life, he deserves to know the truth, no matter how hurtful
that may be.

“I
want to tell you everything,” I whisper.

Jasper’s
bright cerulean eyes search my face, and he knows that ‘everything’ may be
something he might not want to hear.

But
he nods. “I want to hear everything. The good and the bad, I’m ready.”

I
gulp nervously.

Chapter 20

Redemption

W
e are both sitting
in complete silence. And we are both sopping wet.

I haven't had the courage to sneak a peek at him during the twenty
minute car ride back to his house. I can tell he is also nervous by the way he
is tapping the top of the steering wheel with his finger, when we stop at a red
light. And it doesn’t help that we are getting every red light.

I can't believe what happened between us tonight. My legs are only
just getting the feeling back into them.

I am so grateful Jasper has agreed to talk, because I have so much I
want to say. I know a lot of what I have to tell him he won't like, but I need
him to know everything, and can only hope he appreciates my honesty.

We pull into his driveway and I wipe my sweaty palms onto my damp
dress.

Jasper turns to me and smiles. “You okay?”

“No,” I reply shivering, because I am sitting in soggy clothes.

Jasper notices me trembling. “Come inside. You'll catch a cold
sitting out here.”

Nodding, we exit the car, again in silence.

As we walk up the stairs, I try my hardest not to check him out, but
fail. The desire he evokes in me is clearly health hazardous, because every
time I look at him, all I can think of is the way his mouth felt on me.  I want
him so badly, and I am afraid he is not going to want me back after I confess
my secrets to him.

He opens the door and lets me in first, and my whole seizes in fear.
Standing near the sofa, I wrap my arms around my trembling body. I am trembling
because yes, I am cold, but also because with every step I take, it brings me
closer to my imminent doom.

He comes over and rubs my upper arms. “You're freezing.”

I nod, my teeth chattering.

“Come upstairs. I still have a few of your clothes in my closet.”

His comment stuns me, but I follow him, eager to get out of these
wet clothes.

When I enter his bedroom, more memories swarm me and I begin shivering
for a different reason.

Jasper heads into the bathroom and comes out with a big green towel.

“Here, dry yourself off while I find you something to wear,” he says
while extending it out to me.

Taking it gratefully, as I am itching to dry myself, I watch as he
walks over to his closest, searching the top shelf. Taking this opportunity to
be a total weirdo, I spin around, and subtly bring the soft material up to my
nose, inhaling deeply.

It smells like Jasper.

After a few moments of my sense of smell running riot on Jasper’s
towel, I turn to meet his amused eyes as he places my clothes on his bed.

“I didn't realize your nose needed drying,” he smirks, while I blush
as I am totally busted.

Loosening my bun to dry my wet hair as it is dripping down my back,
I tip my head upside down, and in the process, fat droplets of water splatter
onto the carpet.

“Oh shit,” I cry, flipping my head up and flicking Jasper in the
face with my wet hair.

He lets out a throaty chuckle, while wiping the droplets from his
face with the back of his hand.

“Come here. I’ll do it before you drown me.”

Gingerly handing him the towel, he gently runs his hand through my
wet, matted tresses.

“Your hair is shorter,” he says while wrapping a lock of hair around
his finger.

Nodding, I reply, “I cut it. I needed a change.”

A ghost of a smile plays over Jasper’s lips as he understands my
statement for what it is.

But he doesn’t comment, he silently brings the towel up to my head
and dries my hair softly. I close my eyes, feeling like a child, and the feeling
is somewhat comforting.

He stops after a minute or two, and my eyes are still closed,
enjoying him pampering me.

“Turn around,” he whispers.

His soft breath brushes against my cheeks, and I know he is inches
away from my face. I do as he asks, with my eyes still closed tight, happy to
obey.

I feel him untying the ribbon from around my waist, and then he
slowly begins unzipping my dress. His fingers dance over the skin of my lower
back once he has unzipped me.

Shivering in excitement, I let out a relaxed sigh.

He leans forward, kissing me on my bare shoulder. “Go change. I have
left some of your clothes on the bed.”

Opening my eyes, I indeed see a pair of my black jeans and a bright
blue sweater.

“Thanks,” I reply, slightly heady from being undressed by Jasper.

I am holding my dress to my chest because with each step I take, it
keeps slipping lower and lower. I reach the bed and collect my clothes,
clutching them to my body.

Heading into the bathroom, and closing the door softly, I lean my
head against it and close my eyes, hoping to compose myself before I have to
head back out there and face him.

Shimmying out of my dress, I decide to take a quick shower, and as
soon as the hot water hits my chilled skin, I sigh happily. Ten minutes later I
am dressed, warm and toasty.

I take a deep breath as now is the time to face the inevitable. I
haven't even planned what I am going to say, but whatever I do say, it will be
the truth.

Stepping out into the bedroom, I am greeted by Jasper’s naked back,
as he is standing in front of his closet, shirtless. All the sharp planes of
his back scream, ‘perfection,’ and I drool when I ogle the two adorable dimples
riding above his tight ass.

He turns around at the waist and smirks. “Totally getting
objectified right now.”

Letting out a tiny giggle, I reply, as my hooded eyes going to town
on his taut chest, “Well stop parading around half nude.”

He has the top button of his jeans undone, which exposes just the
right amount of his dark snail trail and firm V.

Wow, he is amazing. Michelangelo’s David, has nothing over him.

“I'll just go change.”

He smiles when I don't stop with my objectifying, and walks into the
bathroom, closing the door behind him.

As I hear him switch on the water, an image of Jasper showering wet
and naked pops into mind. With little restraint I have left, I quickly turn and
head downstairs, before I barge in there and offer to wash his back.

Strolling into the kitchen, I decide to make some coffee as I could
really do with a caffeine fix. Opening up the cupboard to where the mugs are
kept, I blanch when I see a bright orange mug with Harmony’s name on it,
taunting me. Pulling out the mug, I stare at it. What is this abomination doing
here?

I am picturing the mug being involved in a misfortunate accident,
when Jasper asks, “What are you doing?”

Turning around startled, I am ashamed of my malicious thoughts.

He looks at the cup in my hand and cringes.

Still holding onto the stupid mug, I quickly blabber, “I'm sorry, I
wasn't prying, it was just there and I wasn't going to use it... I... oh God,
sorry,” I stutter, turning around and placing the cup where I found it.

He comes up behind me and covers my hand with his. “Why are you
saying sorry?”

Bowing my head, I shrug. “I dunno. It just seemed like the right
thing to say in a circumstance such as this.”

He grips my shoulders, turning me around to face him. His hair is
wet, styled messily, and he smells like vanilla body wash and Jasper. His eyes
search mine, and I know that forgetting Jasper will be impossible because I
will always love him, and I was a fool to think otherwise. I need him to
forgive me because I want him back in my life. And to do that, I need to tell
him the truth.

“I'm engaged,” I blurt out.

Okay, that really wasn’t how I was envisioning this conversation
going, but kudos to me for saying it without passing out.

“What?” Jasper asks as he takes a step back.

Peering up at him from under my lashes, I repeat, “I'm engaged.”

Jasper’s mouth is hanging open.

“What?” he asks again, clearly stunned.

I don't know how else to explain it to him, so I decide to show him.
Walking over to my bag and unzipping the side pocket where my ring is hidden
away from prying eyes, I plant it onto the counter and look at him, waiting for
a response.

He clenches his jaw, and then he begins staring at the rock like it
just told him to go fuck himself.

After a few minutes of him eye fucking it, he snaps his eyes to meet
my frightened ones.

“Why aren't you wearing it?” he asks calmly.

That’s it? That’s his response to all of this?

“Because I don't want to.”

Jasper cocks his eyebrow. “You don't like it?”

“No. I hate it,” I reply truthfully.

“It's not big enough for you?” he scoffs, looking at its size.

Lunging forward, I clutch onto his arm. “Don't do that. Don't mock
me. I'm trying to be honest. Don't throw it back into my face,” I plead.

Jasper nods instantly, looking regretful for his jab. “Okay, sorry.
I'm just...wow Ava,” he says, raising his eyebrows, while interlocking his
hands behind his head.

“I know. But I don't want to marry him,” I confess. “I'm giving it
back to him.”

Jasper searches my face. “You are?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I can see the confusion in Jasper’s eyes, but I can also see a
glimmer of hope.

I bite my lip, afraid of his reaction to my honesty.

“Because he's not you.”

Jasper’s eyes widen, but other than that, he remains impassive.

He clears his throat and replies hoarsely, “I don't know what to
say.”

“You don't have to say anything. I know you'll need time to think
things over. And that's okay. Take all the time you need.”

Pushing back off the counter, I collect my bag, and Jasper doesn't
stop me. By the astounded look on his face, I know he needs time to deal with
this revelation alone.

“Where are you going?” he asks quickly, following me to the front
door.

“Home,” I reply. “You need time to process all this, and I need to
tell Harper it's over between us.”

“You're going to end it?”

I nod. “I should have never started it,” I admit for the first time.

Jasper blows a breath through his sinful lips. “Let me drive you.”

“No it's okay,” I smile, because I too need some time alone to come
to terms with my decision.

Jasper grabs my upper arm, searching my face. “You do realize I
don't know where this leaves us. Even if you break up with him, I don't know if
I can go back to what we had before.”

“I know. But either way, I need to tell him it's over.”

I am astounded that I am able to string a sentence together right
now.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” Jasper says, running his hand
through his hair.

Giving him a small smile, I reply, “I should have done so a long
time ago. Goodbye Jasper.”

I step off his porch, and take a shaky breath.

“Goodbye Ava,” I hear him utter sadly.

Here’s hoping that goodbye is not for good.

*****

I catch a cab from Jasper’s, and when I get home, I lock my door and
slide down it, staring into nothingness.

I stay this way for most of the night and part of the next day. I
don’t cry because funnily enough, I am not sad. I am relieved, but more so, I
feel free. Free for the first time in forever.

My mom has knocked continually, asking if I am okay. And I only
grunt in response, because I have no words to convey how I feel at the moment,
and honestly, I am okay with that.

It is now mid-afternoon, and I am still sitting against my door,
hugging my knees. I really don’t know what the next step is, but I know I am
sticking to my decision of telling Harper that the engagement is off, and I
feel happy about that. But I also feel somewhat guilty.

Before I can feel anything else, there is a sharp knock at my door.
I decide to ignore it, but the knocking continues for about two minutes
incessantly. The pounding is not helping my approaching headache, so I decide
to humor whoever is at the door, and then shut it on them when I am done
humoring them.

Reaching over my head to turn the handle, I make no attempt to get
up or turn around.

“We need to talk.”

That has me spinning around quickly.

His cerulean eyes search mine carefully, and I can’t infer the look
in them. He extends his hand to assist me into a standing position, and I
accept as I get up slowly to face him.

“Okay,” I stammer moving aside, so he can come into my room.