Surrender to Me (29 page)

Chapter 24

I Do

I
am standing
shakily, just off to the side, where the little arch I am to walk under is
situated. I have taken a peek at the guests, and I would guess there are
roughly one hundred people here.  I think I am going to be sick.

But there is no time to be sick because I hear Mark cue my music-the
music that Jasper wrote for me.

Goose bumps spread from head to toe just listening to the haunting,
but beautiful introduction, and I listen intently for the change in the tempo,
which is when I am to walk down the red carpet. My heart starts beating
uncontrollably as I hear it, and I take my first step, striding out under the
arch. Wow, the sight before me is purely breathtaking. The candles that are
scattered everywhere set the mood for what this day is all about- love.

Everyone is looking my way as I begin my descent down the red
candled aisle. But there is only one person who has my full attention, and that
of course is Jasper.

As we lock eyes, I know that my decision is made. I am not going
back to Singapore. I am staying here with him because this is where I belong,
where I have always belonged.

His music brings tears to my eyes, and I try my hardest for them not
to fall, but I can’t help it. Looking at him, standing at the altar, gazing at
me with pure love reflected in his eyes, is too much.

The melody picks up tempo, and I can imagine Jasper’s fingers
brushing over the keys, writing this piece of music for me. I smile at him and
he returns my smile, his left dimple standing out on his clean shaven face.

I make my way down the aisle without tripping (thankfully), and my
eyes are still locked with Jasper’s, and they stay that way until I hear V’s
music.

Everyone stands, and we all turn to watch the beautiful bride make
her grand entrance. I hear many guests gasp when they see her, and so they
should, because she looks stunning. She takes small steps and I smile when I
see my dad on her arm. I knew he was walking her down the aisle, but actually
seeing it, clutches at my heart.

Lucas is totally tearing up, and the sight of him crying sends tears
rolling down my cheeks.

I subtly wipe them away with the back of my hand and look at Jasper
who mouths, “Are you okay?” with a sympathetic look on his face.

I nod and give him a small smile.

V has made her descent, and when she and Lucas lock eyes, I know
they are meant to be.

“Everyone
please sit,” smiles Mark. “Friends, we have been invited to celebrate the union
between two very special people. Their love for one another has grown, and now
they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife.”

*****

The ceremony was simply beautiful, and now we are sitting at an
elaborate garden table, drinking sweet white wine amongst this picturesque
scenery, taking photos. Jasper and Lucas have been carted away by the
photographer to take some ‘manly’ shots. So V and I are enjoying the five
minutes we have to ourselves, and to also give our cheeks a break from smiling.

“How do you feel?” I ask, sipping on my wine.

She looks over at me, beaming.

“I am so happy Ava.”

I smile at her and a happiness sweeps over me.

“Good, you deserve it. You deserve the best,” I reply, clinking our
glasses together.

“So do you.”

She has a huge smile on her face as she looks over my shoulder, and
I turn around to see what has made her smile like the Cheshire Cat.

Jasper and Lucas are headed towards us, and now that my eyes aren’t
drowning in tears, I can totally check Jasper out in all of his tuxedo glory.

He looks freakin’ amazing. The suit hugs every part of him and
compliments his lean, but toned physique. His hair is of course styled messily,
but with a bit more hair product than he usually wears, it appears wet and
windswept, and totally orgasmic. The sunlight is catching off the black
pinstripes on his suit, and also reflecting off his shiny black shoes. He is
attempting to readjust his bowtie, but when he sees V giving him a dirty look,
he drops his hands by his side. He looks like a GQ model, and I want to totally
kiss the big smile off his face.

“Hey you,” he says behind me, dipping down, kissing my bare
shoulder.

“Hey yourself,” I reply, snuggling into his lips that are sending
shivers down my arms.

“You smell good,” he whispers huskily, kissing behind my ear.

My eyes drift shut as his warm mouth feels amazing on my skin, and
he continues giving me tiny butterfly kisses behind my ear, and down my neck.
If he keeps this up, I am going to detonate.

Hearing a camera click snaps me out of my haze, and I open my eyes
to witness the photographer snapping a picture of Jasper and I. 

“That was beautiful, I had to capture it,” smiles the photographer,
as Jasper and I both turn to look at him.

“See, even the photographer thinks you’re beautiful,” he whispers,
softly biting my earlobe.

“I am pretty certain he is referring to the moment, not me,” I
reply, chuckling.

“Nope, just you,” Jasper answers confidently while kissing my
temple.

I could so get used to this.

“Okay guys, photo time,” the photographer says, and we all groan.

I have smiled way too much and my cheeks hurt. It is seriously not
natural to smile as much as we have today. 

V has her feet propped up in Lucas’ lap with her eyes closed, and
Lucas, God bless him, is massaging her feet. The photographer is looking at us,
waiting for us to move, so I reluctantly get up from my seat and stand to face
my man.

I can't help myself as I totally check him out. 

“Damn, you look fine is a suit.”

Jasper tugs at his collar, and cocks an eyebrow at me. 

“Yeah, I know. It's hard being me,” he jokes, sighing dramatically.

V exhales noisily while reaching down to find her shoes.

“Okay husband, let’s go.”

As soon as the word husband comes out of her mouth, she squeals in
delight and throws herself at Lucas.

“Husband. I like the sound of that,” and she kisses him passionately
which the photographer captures on film.

Finally after V and Lucas stop exchanging saliva, and she eventually
gets past her layers of tulle to put on her shoes, we’re all set and ready for
another stint of smiling our faces off.  We walk down to the beautiful lake
which looks simply stunning. The afternoon sun is reflecting off the water,
enhancing the small ripples, and giving us loads of photo opportunities.

As I look at the boathouse, memories of what Jasper and I did
against the wall turn my face a bright crimson.

Jasper is holding my hand, and he pulls me into him, so he can
whisper into my ear. “Bring back any memories?”

I blush even harder and Jasper smirks at my embarrassment.

“Don't worry,” he says while running his pointer finger along my
shoulder and down my arm. “Tonight I will be taking my time, kissing every inch
of this perfect skin.”

My eyes enlarge in shock because I don't know what I expected was
going to happen tonight. I guess I am too afraid to even consider what is next
for Jasper and I. But there is something I do know for certain. And that is, I am
not going back to Singapore. The thought of going back there sends my body into
a tailspin, and my mind into turmoil.

I haven't told Jasper yet, as this is a decision only recently made.
But, whatever happens between Jasper and I is irrelevant.  Yes my decision is
partly because of him, but mostly I made my choice to stay, because Los Angeles
is my home.

*****

We're sitting in the bridal suite having champagne and canopies,
waiting for everyone to be seated so the reception can commence. I am sitting
on Jasper’s knee, and he has his strong arm around my waist, holding me
tightly. Lucas and he are discussing music politics, and I am enjoying the
serenity of being here with my friends, and my Jasper.

I lean into him, totally contented, and he tightens his hold on my
waist subconsciously, never missing a beat in talking to Lucas. Looking over at
V, who has a stupid happy smile on her face, I return her stupid happy smile,
and she winks at me when she watches Jasper place his hand on my knee, again
not aware of his actions.

This feels right, and this is where I belong. I just hope that once
Jasper and I discuss everything: Harper, Indie, the note, our breakup and
hopefully our makeup, that everything between us will be okay. I know the
conversation is inevitable to move on, but I am still dreading it.

Jasper must sense me stiffen up as he turns to look at me.

“Everything okay?” he asks, rubbing my leg softly.

This man, this human being is the reason why I breathe. Without him
in my life, everything is black and white. But Jasper White, he adds every
color of the spectrum into my world.

I nod, my curls dancing around my face.

He kisses my cheek and whispers, “You look beautiful.”

V pretends to gag, while Lucas chuckles at her reaction.

“Hey, this is tame compared to all the times we've been subjected to
your blazing PDA,” I say, pointing my finger at my friend.

V chuckles and has a think about my statement.

After a while she nods, and with a big grin on her face replies,
“Fair enough.”

*****

Jasper and I are standing outside the double doors, waiting to make
our grand entrance into the ballroom. I have my arm interlocked through his,
and am slightly nervous I am going to fall flat on my face.

“Please don’t let me fall on my face,” I whisper, as I can hear the
announcer prepping the crowd for our entrance.

Jasper chuckles while squeezing my hand. “I’ve got you. I won’t let
you fall.”

I give him a warm smile because I always feel safe in his arms.

“I love you,” he says, surprising me.

I know he has told me he has loved me before, but every time I hear
it, I keel over.

I open my mouth, in attempts to tell him how much I love him.

“I...”

He puts his finger over my lips and shakes his head. “Not yet.”

Nodding reluctantly, I remember the promise I made him.

Speaking of which. The way Harper was looking at me during the
ceremony, has made me feel on edge for some reason. I can't put my finger on
it, but I know when I do, the outcome won't be good.

Brushing aside my doom and gloom thoughts, the doors open and our
names are announced as we walk down the red carpet, headed for the bridal
table. I feel like the luckiest girl alive, being escorted on Jasper’s arm and
even luckier when we reach the table, and Jasper pulls out my seat for me.

Smiling up at him as I take my seat, he kisses the tip of my nose,
before pushing in my chair. Sitting close to me, he reaches for my hand,
holding it snugly in his under the table. Everything about today is how it
should be, and even when I can feel Harper’s eyes following my every movement
with distaste, I don’t let it get to me. After tonight, Harper and I are done.
For good.

I know remaining friends with him will be near impossible. If Jasper
and I are to start afresh, I need to cut all ties with Harper. And I will make
that sacrifice for Jasper, because Harper and I were over the day he broke my
heart in that karaoke bar.

I just hope when I tell him, he’ll understand.

Chapter 25

Harper vs. Jasper
vs. Ava vs. Harper

L
ucas and V are on
the dance floor, sharing their first dance to The Cure’s, Lovesong (80’s eat
your heart out!) Sipping my champagne happily, anyone can clearly see the love
the newlyweds feel for one another, and I wonder if other people looking in on
Jasper and I, are able to see the same thing. I am so happy in this moment and
when Jasper leans over, whispering in my ear to dance with him, that happiness
turns into exhilaration.

I quickly agree, even though I can't dance to save my life, but I
would never turn down an opportunity to be in Jasper’s arms.

He guides me to the dance floor, his warm hand holding mine, and as
he pulls me close to his body, I look around the huge gold ballroom, feeling
like Cinderella at the ball. The tables are spread around the dance floor, so I
am well aware of people's eyes following our movements. But I am most aware of
Harper’s eyes which I meet quickly, suddenly wishing I didn't.

He is leaning back in his seat, with one arm draped across the back
of the chair, looking at Jasper and I angrily. I quickly avert my eyes, and
tense up.

“What's the matter?” Jasper asks in my ear to be heard over Robert
Smith.

“Nothing. Everything is fine. Everything is how it should be,” I
reply, not wanting to cause any trouble, as thus far, Jasper hasn't seemed to
notice Harper evilling the hell out of us.

The song ends, and another starts promptly afterwards, which suits
me just fine as Jasper continues swaying with me.

My head is leaning on his chest comfortably, but unexpectedly I feel
him stiffen up. I pull back to see what has stirred such a reaction. 

The cause of course is Harper.

“May I cut in?” Harper asks, standing politely off to the side,
waiting for a response.

Jasper blows out a deep breath between his lips and looks down at
me. I return his look tensely, uncertain of how he is going to respond.

“She's yours, I get it,” Harper says, his blue eyes narrowing when
Jasper doesn’t let me go. “But one dance isn't going to hurt.”

Oh, it'll hurt a lot, especially if Harper steps out of line, I mull
over to myself.

Reluctantly, Jasper steps aside, but before he walks away, he turns
and says over his shoulder, “If you so much as look at her inappropriately, you
and I will have a problem. Understood?”

Harper raises his palms up mockingly. “Understood.”

And he grabs my hand, leading me over to the other side of the dance
floor, out of sight from Jasper’s penetrating stare.

I look over my shoulder at Jasper, who nods and gives me a weak
smile. Letting out a breath as he doesn’t look too mad, I will try to enjoy
this dance with Harper, because it'll be the last we will ever share together.

“You look stunning tonight,” he says with a slight frown.

I notice he has a light growth, which is unusual, as he is normally
clean shaven. Come to think of it, Harper doesn’t look as crisp and prim as he
usually does. He is wearing a grey suit with a white shirt and black tie, his
usual getup, but there is something different about him. Something cold.

“Thanks,” I reply softly, shaking away my thoughts.

“You could have told me,” he says unhappily, looking at me
intensely.

“Tell you what?” I reply, but knowing all too well what he is
referring to.

For a split second Harper’s face turns into a scowl, but it changes
before I can really decipher what he is thinking.

“That you left me for him,” he says simply.

Then his face transforms into one of complete sadness, and I feel
like a horrible person all over again. I have to make sure I say the right
thing, because God knows, he knew what to say when Jasper left me.

“I didn't, Harper. I left you for me. And I left, for you. I don't
love you the way you deserve to be loved. You'll find a girl who will treat you
right, and love all the ridiculously expensive gifts you spoil her with,” I say
with a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood.

He nods with a smirk. “I suppose you're right.”

Thankfully he sees the humor in my joke. 

However, speaking of expensive gifts.

“Please let me return all the things you got me. Some of them still
have the tags attached. You can return them and get your money back, or at the
very least, get a store credit.”

Harper shakes his head. “No, I bought them for you. Keep them.”

I can’t keep them because as beautiful as they are, I don’t want
them, I never did.

“Harper, I...”

“Please Ava,” he pleads. “I couldn't stomach to take them back.”

I can see the pain reflected in his deep blue eyes, and I understand
that returning them would finalize our breakup.

“Okay,” I reply softly, not wanting to hurt him further.

Harper spins me around and thankfully looks to be in better spirits,
smirking when I nearly fall flat on my face, thanks to my two left feet.

“When we go back to Singapore, you can do what you wish with them,”
he says, referring to the clothes.

Lowering my eyes guiltily, as this is not how I wanted to tell him I
will not be returning to Singapore.

“Oh,” he says, surprised. “You're not returning, are you?”

Shaking my head, I reply, “I'm sorry.”

Harper pulls in his lips, and shrugs it off, but I can sense the
hurt behind his feign aloofness.

“It’s okay Ava, please don't apologize. If this is the right thing
for you, then I'm happy. We can still be friends, and maybe you could come
visit one day.”

Seriously, I am the world’s worse person! How do I tell him without
hurting him more so than I already have?

I can’t.

He notices my reaction, and his eyebrows rise up in understanding.

“Oh. So, this is it? This is the end. For good?”

A tear rolls down my cheek because I feel his pain. I know how it
feels to love someone, and they not love you in return.

“Yes. It never should have started,” I whisper, peering up at him.

Harper nods and places the back of his trembling hand in front of
his mouth.

“Harper...” I utter quickly, wishing I could say something to make
him feel better.

But I know nothing I say, will make the pain any less bearable.

The song ends and Harper quickly excuses himself, while I am
standing open mouthed, still trying to think of something to say.

Within seconds, Jasper is by my side, turning me to face him. “What
did he say to you? Why are you crying?” he questions, looking over my shoulder
in the direction of where Harper went, ready to chase him down and beat him
senseless if he upset me. 

Wiping away my tears quickly, because I don’t want to make a scene,
as we are at a wedding and weddings are all about celebrating.

Celebrating and dancing.

“Dance with me?” I murmur, snuggling into his chest.

Being near him instantly makes me feel better, and I close my eyes,
enjoying the feel of him.

Jasper complies by pulling me into him, but of course doesn’t let
matters lie. “What were you talking about? You danced through two songs.”

This is news to me.

“We did?” I ask, unaware of the time.

Jasper nods. Looking at me anxiously he probes, “What did you guys
talk about?”

Just thinking about the conversation, resurfaces the horrible
feeling of breaking Harper’s heart. A heart I never should have been in
possession of in the first place, because it was bound to be broken.

Jasper is searching my eyes, trying to make sense of what happened
between Harper and me.

I owe this to Jasper. I just wish we weren’t having this
conversation here.

“I told him I can never see him again,” I reply honestly, trying to
gauge his reaction.

Jasper’s mouth pops open. “You did?”

The shock on his face is clearly evident, and I’m surprised this is
a revelation to him. Did he not believe me when I told him it was over between
Harper and me?

I decide to put any further doubts he may have to rest.  I am going
to tell him that I am not going back to Singapore, but staying in Los Angeles. 
I feel liberated at this decision; therefore I know it is the right one.

“Yes, I told him I’m staying...”

Sadly a waitress decides to choose this moment as the perfect time
to announce dinner.

“Okay everyone, time to put your dancing shoes away for the moment,
because mains are served,” she says as she zips past us, main courses in hand.

Jasper looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to finish.

But, this is a conversation that can be had after my
herb-crusted rack of lamb.

*****

V and Lucas are cutting their three tiered wedding cake, which looks
amazing thanks to Sally. I really wish I could be giving them my full attention,
but someone else has that. And that is Harper.

I've had my eye on him for the past hour, as he has taken up
permanent residency at the bar. He is downing scotch after scotch, top shelf of
course. Jasper is aware of me watching him, and he too has been downing beer
after beer.

Harper’s behavior has been getting louder and rowdier, and as he
demands the bottle, loudly thumping his glass on the bar, I quickly stand up to
control him.

Jasper grabs my hand. “Leave him be,” he says with a sigh, because
he knows I won’t. 

I shake my head, biting my lip. “I can't Jasper. I can’t just leave
him when he’s obviously hurting because of me.”

Jasper huffs and lets me go. He throws back his beer, totally pissed
off, but I know he understands why I have to do this.

As I approach the bar, I see Harper pointing his finger into the
poor bartenders face.

“Motherfucker, do you know who I am?” he slurs leaning forward on
his stool, slouching all over the bar.

The poor college kid shakes his head, wishing he was anywhere but
here.

“Harper!” I reprimand. “Enough, you're making a scene,” I whisper,
not wanting to draw any more attention to this uncomfortable situation.

Harper looks over at me with glassy eyes. “Oh, here she is, the
woman of the hour. Ms. Ava party pooper Thompson. Way to go Ava, and fuck
everything up.” And he applauds loudly.

I slap my hand over his to silence him. 

“Stop it Harper,” I speak softly.  “People will hear you.”

“Who cares. I want everyone to know what you’ve done to me,” and he
stands tall, getting ready to broadcast the news.

Thankfully some random partygoer has a hold of the microphone,
saving my ass.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am sure everyone is well aware of the
groom’s talent behind the drums. He and his band would like to perform a song
for you.”

Everyone claps excitedly, but I spin around, sensing this will end
badly.

Looking up at the stage, I observe Jasper standing behind the
microphone, cupping it between his palms. He has taken his jacket off,
unbuttoned his top button and freed his bow tie, so it hangs loosely around his
neck.

He looks directly at me and I gulp as Lucas hits his drumsticks
together, signalling they are ready to start. I am so nervous I am wringing my
hands together, and as soon as the intro starts, I know what song they have
chosen to play, and I know it is dedicated to Harper.

Jasper is glaring directly at Harper, who is returning his death
stare, matching his malice. Jasper has chosen Get Your Hands Off My Woman by
The Darkness, and as soon as he begins singing the chorus, I cringe.

To the untrained ear, this is just a fun, random Rock N Roll song
the boys have decided to play, with Jasper showing off his brilliant voice by
hitting all the high notes. But I know it is so much more than that. He is
being extremely rude to Harper by flaunting that I am ‘his.’ Harper is totally
intoxicated, but by the murderous glare in his eye, he does not need any
reminding to whom I ‘belong’ to.

As the second verse starts, I see Harper clench his fists and I know
now is the time to get him out of here, before he and Jasper have it out, once
and for all.

I pull on his arm, but he stands his ground, his jaw tightening as
Jasper stares at him with that damn smug smirk I know all too well.

“C’mon Harper, let’s get some fresh air,” I say in hopes he will
make this easy for me.

He continues to glare at the stage, his eyes narrowing, but when I
tug harder, he complies and I all but shove him out the front door.

As I pull him down the stairs and away from Jasper’s snide voice, he
shakes out of my hold.