Surrender Your Heart (15 page)

It goes on and
on. With this newfound freedom, we no longer have to worry about the timeframe
or any open questions. The ones that are left—I’m confident we’ll find a
solution.

Yeah, some
things in romance novels might not be too far-fetched after all.

“You got another
job, enrolled back in your classes,” Carter says, much later when we’re too
exhausted to move anymore.

“I had to. Doing
nothing, waiting for something that might never happen, was driving me crazy. I
want you. I never cared about the money.”

“There’s no
shame in caring about it a little.” Her hand is warm on my back. I’m drifting,
almost falling asleep under her touch. “What would you say about spending
Christmas in the mountains, snowed in by the fireplace?”

The moment is
almost comical. Why would I think she owns only one vacation home? Of course
there’s one for every occasion.

“You’re asking
me? That’s progress,” I tease her.

Her answer is a
somewhat indulgent smile, because we both know I’m right. I’m coming to terms
with everything I’ve learned today, and what it means—that she was both doing a
job and enacting a fantasy, that whatever happened between us could have gone
either way, but is on a good track now.

I will go as far
as admitting that in part, I came to share that fantasy…and there will be
reminders of it, the occasional role-playing moment on the edge of kink. Even
if it looks like those novels my best friends adore, it’s not. It’s a lot more
complex, but reality always is, and I trust that they’re aware of it.

“To answer your
question, I’d love to.”

“Good. I’ll have
your winter clothes shipped to my place in
Aspen
, then.”
Aspen
. Of
course. She opens her arms, and I settle into her embrace. I have no
expectations of her that include removing every single obstacle from my life,
but this is what I want, to be with her.

The Happily Ever
After doesn’t seem so unrealistic after all.

Chapter Sixteen

Carter

Penelope’s
parents are, understandably, a bit cautious. After all, to them, I’m still the
woman who lured their daughter away from a life of structure and goals. I can’t
deny that I failed at times at keeping her safe, and I’m deeply sorry for it,
but of course that’s nothing to discuss with the Elliots either.

I hope when they
see us together, they’ll know I love her and would give my life to protect her.
I hope that will distract them from the shadow of obsession, a trace of
something deep and exhilarating that was there between us, right from the
start, and will always be there.

I might go the
old-fashioned route and ask her father for her hand in marriage soon—for now,
the aim is to convince them Penelope will be safe on a two-week ski trip with
me. I don’t mention that there might not be a lot of skiing.

“You take good
care of her,” her mom says.

“Mom,” Penelope
protests, blushing. She’s probably imagining the ways in which I will take care
of her.

“Don’t worry. I
will.” She told me earlier that she doesn’t care much for ski. We won’t get
bored.

For dinner, we
drink the bottle of wine that I brought. I watch Penelope interact with her
parents, their tone changing slightly when they speak to me, polite and pleasant,
but with some reservation. I know they’re worried, even now that Penelope has
decided to go back to university and a new job. I’ve made plans as well. The
university is fine, but having her live in a dorm room, or work as a waitress
would make me look bad, so we’ll have to talk about these arrangements as well.
Pride is fine, but there’s no need to exaggerate.

These hard
working folks love their daughter, but it’s still hard to understand for them
that I want to lay the world at her feet, figuratively speaking. I’m sure
they’ll come around. Very few people tell me no.

I have some
ideas how to ensure Penelope won’t either, when I give her the ring—and they’re
all legal. After all, I want to keep my friends in law enforcement.

All else is
between the two of us.

* * * *

“Why? I wanted
to save some money until the semester starts, to have a bit of a cushion.”

I don’t think
Penelope does this on purpose, but this conversation alerts us to a small road
block.

“You’re living
with me, you don’t have to pay rent,” I remind her.

“True, but…” She
bites her lip, looking worried. I know it’s not that she’s scared I could leave
her. We’re past that. I’m not capable of letting her go. “I need to do
something. Volunteer, then.”

If it’s that
important to her, and I know it is, there could be an alternative. I thought
about Human Resources first, but this might be even better. “You always wanted
to look into my charity work. If you want, you can do a paid internship with
the people who handle that department.”

She sighs. “Thank
you. I don’t want to be difficult, but…do you think I’m difficult?”

“No, most of the
time…you’re not. Especially not when you’re naked,” I can’t help adding, and
she laughs. “I’m serious! I’m grateful for all of this. I’m not taking it for
granted.”

“Don’t worry. I
know.”

Once that is
settled, nothing stands in the way of an extravagant Christmas vacation
anymore.

* * * *

Travel eats up
most of the first day. Outside, the air is crisp and cold, stars shining
brightly in the night sky. I surprise Penelope by cooking dinner—she probably
didn’t think I could after I kept telling her what I lousy cook I was—but she
does enjoy it, from the
antipasti
to the creamy chicken pasta and an
exclusive red wine, finished off with a
zabaione
. I even admit to her
that it’s the only menu I learned to cook. At this point in our relationship,
Penelope deserves nothing but the truth.

We finish our
wine on the couch by the fireplace. Her eyes are sparkling, her cheeks flushed
with excitement.

It’s some kind
of miracle that she’s still here, but I’m willing to invest whatever it takes
to keep her with me. Clearly, it takes more than money.

There’s the
warmth from the flames flickering in the fireplace, and the cooler light coming
from the full moon above when we retreat to the bedroom, all of a sudden not so
tired anymore.

Intimacy is a
space free of all the complications we started out with, here is where the
pieces always fall into place.

The danger is
past, even though my infatuation with her is not. Penelope is free to go wherever
she wants to, but what she chooses is to surrender, to let me tie her down with
soft scarves, handle her body with care, with my hands, my mouth, and the small
vibrating device I brought with me.

When I remove
the restraints, she lies still. Penelope is warm and heavy as I pull her in my
arms. I know what it feels like when you’re too overwhelmed for words and
whatever you could come up with seems too trivial to express what’s going on in
body and mind. I know what that feels like because of her.

“I love you
too,” I say, because it’s long overdue, and it has been the truth for some
time. I move to get up, and she reaches for me.

“Please, stay.”

“I’ll be back in
a moment.”

This is a
perfectly staged scene, no need to be nervous. I have to admit, part of me is,
because after the rocky start and the intensity that has never changed, maybe
Penelope wants to keep it casual at least on one level. I want to overwhelm
her; I’m worried I could overwhelm her.

It’s easier when
you have the narrative of trying to save someone’s life on your side—then, anything
goes. In love, not all is fair.

I return to the
bedroom with the small velvet box, sit on the side of the bed, suddenly amused.
Her deep and even breathing tells me she’s fast asleep. I’m fairly sorry for having
to wake her, but this can’t wait another minute.

Reluctantly,
Penelope lets herself be drawn out of dreamland. She sits up in bed, wrapping
herself in the sheet, yawning. “You know I’m willing, but could you give me a
few hours of sleep first?” she says, laughing. I can’t help but join in, if
only for a moment—this is serious. I open the box and hold it out to her.

“Merry
Christmas, and here’s one question I have for you. Will you marry me?”

She didn’t
expect that, I can tell this much from her astonished expression. The torture
lasts for a few more seconds before she whispers, “Yes.”

“Could you say
that again? I’m not sure I got you the first time.”

She slaps my arm
lightly. “I think you heard me the first time. Yes. Yes, of course I will marry
you.”

There will be no
one-year period after all. Penelope is wearing my ring, binding us together in
more ways than the locked doors of my
Caribbean
home could. There are many memories connected to the place, not all
of them good, so
Hawaii
might
be a better choice for the honeymoon.

The moment calls
for celebration.
Champagne
…and
maybe we won’t sleep right away either.

“Thank you,” I
murmur before I give the sheet a gentle tug. Penelope holds my gaze. Hers is
amused and excited alike.

“You’re
insatiable,” she says.

There’s no way I
can deny the charges. As I promised her before, I could never get enough of
her—and being with her, there’s nothing left to prove to all the people who are
waiting to see me fail. “…and you like it.”

“I do,” Penelope
says, a beautiful reminder of things to come.

Epilogue

Penny…

I’ve been
wrong…and right. Courted, cherished, swept off my feet by someone who’s
obsessed with me. We both make the rules of the game and the bigger picture,
our relationship. I will work for her, but not in close proximity, live with
her and finish my degree. I will be Carter Forbes’ wife, and she will be mine.

There’s a lot
that the novels neglect, about the responsibilities each has to take
individually, for themselves, about the need to find a balance, to define where
each person begins and ends when your instinct is to lose yourself in one
another.

They are right
in one thing: Love will change everything, blunt, demanding and unapologetic. When
you say yes, you better know what you’re doing. For the first time in my adult
life, I am certain.

It is real.

About the
author:

Raven J.
Spencer, lesbian, married, loves everything sensual and indulgent which led her
to write erotic romance and fantasies. When she’s not writing, you can often
find her on Pinterest in the pursuit of inspiration.
http://www.pinterest.com/ravenjspencer/

Other works
(novelettes):

The A Perfect
Dream series:

A Perfect
Dream

A Second
Chance

Off Screen

A Sweet Deal

An Intimate
Case

Truth or Dare

The Intern
(Valentine’s Day short)

www.amazon.com/author/ravenjspencer

Coming soon: The
dark erotica novel
Soulless