Surrendered on the Frontier (16 page)

“
Nooow
!”
I begged him, so desperate it was a command. My hands grasped the quilt on my bed.

He withdrew himself. I moaned.

His whole body covered me, his back against mine, larger, stronger, and warm, pressing me onto the bed, my breasts flat against the roughness of the quilt, my cheek tilted to the side, my eyes closed as his mouth came to my ear.

“Who’s in charge, young lady?” he whispered.

“You are,” I whispered. I felt my taut body begin to loosen a bit.

“Who tells you what to do, little Ruth?” he whispered, his voice deepening.

I swallowed. It was becoming easier now, here in the dark, pinned beneath him, his warm hands holding me. “You, sir. You do.” An unexpected tear escaped from my tightly closed eyelids.

I felt a kiss on my cheek, a reward for my submission.

“Who takes care of you, honey?”

“You, sir,” I nearly sobbed, for he was right. He was the one who would hold my burdens. He was the one who would give me pain so that I could bear my own. And with the last shuddering breath, I let go of all control.

“Good girl,” he murmured, at the very same time propping me back up on my knees. I felt every movement—his hands positioning me, every intake of his breath and mine. He plunged into me, almost harshly, but it was welcome.

“Now,” he said.

It was all I needed. Ecstasy shot through me, so intense I cried out, still sniffling, the tears and bliss mingling as I soared, my mind eased from all but Samuel, his own release mingling with mine until we lay, spent, panting, and quiet in the darkness.

The tears flowed freely now. He rolled over, taking me with him, pulling me up on his bare chest.

“That’s my girl,” he soothed, kissing my tearstained cheeks and running a rough hand through my tousled hair. “My beautiful, strong girl.”

It felt nice with my cheek against his bare chest, the small curlicues of his hair tickling my skin. I was suddenly exhausted, surrendered to him in the darkness. My eyes felt heavy.

Against my better judgment, to my shock and later regret, not as his wife, but as his lover, I fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

I was deep in a dark, wooded area. Dried leaves crunched under my feet, and I was running, both from someone and toward someone, holding my skirts, trying to run faster, but I couldn’t. The fog seemed to come to life, and I knew why I was fleeing.

Hannah.

I had to get to Hannah, and I knew she was ahead of me. I also knew that my pursuer was going to hurt me, or worse—hurt my daughter. I heard a filthy stream of words come from behind me, and I knew without looking that it was my late husband in hot pursuit. He was going to get her. I had to find her. I had to protect her. My foot snagged a tree root, and I went sprawling, my hands flying out in front of me. I screamed, but no sound came. I couldn’t get to her. She would slip through my fingers and he would find her. I had to get to her.

He was upon me now, and I could feel him, though I couldn’t see his rabid eyes and leering mouth mocking me. I could feel him. I could hear him, and with my next breath, his hands were on me, hoisting me to my feet viciously. I screamed out loud. And that was when I woke.

As strong hands wrapped around me in my half-asleep state, I flailed, defending myself, until Samuel’s low voice came to me in the darkness.

“It’s me. It’s Samuel. Ruth, s
top
.”

I froze as I suddenly remembered everything. I realized I was thrashing about with a blanket wrapped around my still-naked body, and Samuel was lying next to me, holding me tightly up against him.

I exhaled, shaking my head and closing my eyes. “It was just a bad dream,” I said. “An awful dream. But it was just a dream.”

“Shhh,” he whispered. I allowed him to hold me for a moment before I opened my eyes. As I peered over his shoulder, I saw daybreak peeking under the curtains. I bolted upright.

“Samuel!” I hissed. “Oh, you have to go! Go!” I said, pushing myself away from him in a panic.

Eyes still sleepy, he frowned. “Well, good mornin’ to you, too, sunshine.”

“Land’s sake, if Hannah wakes up and finds you here—if Ma sees you didn’t come home last night—”

He rubbed a hand across his brow, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Honey, no doubt Ma knows I didn’t come home last night,” he said in a husky, still sleepy voice.

I moaned. “She’ll know that—”

“Ma keeps her own counsel,” he said, pulling on his trousers and shirt. “As for Hannah, that’s a fair point and I’ll hightail it outta here. You watch, and we’ll make sure she ain’t gonna see me, all right?”

I sighed, closing my eyes. I didn’t like skittering around like this. I threw on my chemise, rapidly dressing. My breathing was still ragged, my palms still sweaty as I rushed him toward the door.

“Quicker, Samuel,” I hissed as he tugged on a boot. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I dropped my gaze. “All right, all right,” I murmured. He smirked.

Standing, he stalked over to me and drew me close, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck, the familiar touch I’d come to expect and even crave. “I like wakin’ next to you,” he said low. “I could get used to that, little Ruth. I mean to make that my every day. Now you be a good girl and scoot on out to see if the coast is clear, and I’ll head on home, honey.”

My belly melted, my head growing light with both excitement and fear.

His every day? Waking up next to me meant he wanted to make me his.

I couldn’t dwell on such things.

I raced to the door and saw Hannah’s was still shut fast.

“Go, go,” I hissed. “
Now
.”
I gestured for him to go, but he didn’t. He stalked up to me, bent down, and gave me a hard, heated kiss, his hand on the small of my back drawing me close to him. When he was done, he pulled away, spun me around, and landed a hard swat to my backside.

I glared. “What was that for?”

“For bossin’ me around, woman,” he said, no trace of a smile on his face. “Do it again, and I’ll warm your pretty little bottom.”

I exhaled and closed my eyes. I couldn’t control him. He would do what he damn well wanted to, which I both loved and hated with equal vehemence. I nodded. That was when he smiled, because he knew he won. I
hmmphed
.

Taking my fingers to his lips, he kissed them before he dropped my hand, walked quickly to the door, and left. He was gone. I lifted my kissed fingers to my cheek, the conflicting emotions surrounding the entire brief morning overwhelming me. Losing Hannah in my dream. My fears leaving me as I woke up next to Samuel, followed by fear again that we would be seen. The mortifying knowledge that Ma would know he spent the night.

Suddenly nauseous, I sat down hard at the table.

I had to do something, but I had no idea what.

Chapter Eight: A Predicament

I managed to avoid visiting at Samuel’s house for nearly a week, but thankfully still visited with Pearl. When Leroy was still alive, I was so isolated from everyone in our little town that I often felt alone. My self-isolation was little better. I just couldn’t bring myself to look at Ma, knowing that she knew Samuel had been with me. Other folks in town might shun us, or call us out as sinners. The Stanleys kept their own counsel and would do no such thing, but they were still upstanding citizens, and every one of them were of strong moral conviction. I hated the idea of causing any of them scandal. But I also hated being separated from Samuel.

I went out by the creek, picking blueberries one morning when Hannah was at Pearl’s. I wanted to bake a pie for Pearl and Aaron. I turned quickly when I heard a rustling behind me. It was not the wild animal I’d feared, but rather Ma, holding a sturdy basket with easily quadruple the amount of berries I’d picked. She blinked with surprise when I came into view.

“Why, hello, Ruth!” she said amiably. “I was just thinking about you. Whatever are you doing out here alone?”

“Same as you,” I said with a laugh. “Picking berries.”

“Well, I’m not alone though,” Ma said with a twinkle in her eye. Samuel stepped from behind a bush then, and I started.

He bowed his head and tipped his hat to me. “Ruth,” he said.

I nodded back. “Samuel.”

Suddenly I felt awkward and uncomfortable, as silence fell between all of us. Samuel, however, did not appear awkward at all as he bent and kissed my cheek, then lifted the heavy basket from my hand.

“I can carry my own basket,” I protested. He merely pursed his lips and raised a brow. Suddenly, I felt a pang of nausea hit my stomach, and I staggered a bit.

“You all right?” Samuel asked.

“I’m fine,” I said. “I just felt a little queasy.”

“Have you eaten anything today?” he asked. “Had enough water?”

I put a hand to my brow and closed my eyes, trying to remember as the nausea hit again, stronger this time, causing me to lose my footing. “I had a slice of bread this morning, and… mmm… no. No water.” I opened my eyes as I tried to steady myself.

His jaw clenched and he shook his head. “We were just takin’ a break, ain’t we, Ma?”

She nodded, and I followed them, holding onto Samuel’s arm as he led us to a shady tree. The days had grown warm as of late, and the heat made me feel even worse. I’d been wearing my bonnet to shade my face, and now it fell off, hanging about my neck by the strings, no longer protecting me from the heat of the sun. Samuel gripped my elbow and sat me down by a log, where a lunch pail was waiting in the shade.

“You’ll join us for some dinner, Ruth?” Ma asked. Since Hannah would eat with Pearl, I had no need to return home to eat.

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said, as another wave of nausea rolled over my stomach. My skin felt clammy, but I tried my best to pretend I was fine. I took a slice of cheese Ma handed me, but the tangy, creamy taste had my stomach rolling. I shook my head. “I can’t,” I said. “I don’t feel good.”

“Likely you don’t feel good because you haven’t eaten,” Samuel admonished, but Ma shook her head.

“Maybe. But it could just be that the heat is getting to be too much. It’s not easy being out in the sun with these layers of clothing on, with the bonnets keeping the heat on our masses of hair.”

Her words ran together as the world spun around me. I closed my eyes.

“I’ve got to get her back,” Samuel said, standing up. “We’ve our wagon, Ruth. Come with me.”

It felt nice not to have to think, to just know that if I followed him, he’d take care of me. I opened my eyes as my stomach heaved, the ground feeling unsteady under my feet. He bent and put an arm about my back, practically carrying me to the wagon. I felt a bit better as I sat, and I nibbled on a dry biscuit Ma had shoved into my hand.

I lifted my chin, but a wave of nausea hit my stomach again. I moaned.

Samuel’s eyes grow concerned, and he frowned as he lifted the reins. “You all right, honey?” he asked with concern.

I shrugged. “I likely will be,” I said. “I just got dizzy and my stomach was queasy. I’ll get some water and food and will likely be just fine.” We drove along the dirt road, the wagon jostling in a way that made my stomach roll harder. I did my best to clamp my mouth shut and close my eyes as he drove, trying to maintain my composure so I wasn’t sick on the road.

Samuel’s hand flexed on my shoulder. “When we get you home, you need to lie down,” he instructed. I did not put up my usual protest. I wanted nothing more than to lie down on a cool blanket in a place that didn’t bump and jostle my insides.

Finally, I heard him pull up the reins and stop the wagon, before I heard his feet hit the ground and walk to my side. Though my eyes were closed, the sounds were familiar enough that it didn’t surprise me at all when I felt his hand on my elbow.

“Come here, honey,” he said gently. “You’ll have to stand, then lean on me.”

I slowly opened my eyes, surprised at how bright the sun looked, and how the brightness made my stomach twist. I took his hand obediently, allowing him to help me down. I offered no protest as he quickly bent and scooped me up. I loved being held by him, and at the moment, nothing felt sweeter than his arms around my body. My head fell limply to his shoulder and my arms loosely encircled his neck.

“Poor girl,” he murmured. “Let’s get you to bed, now.”

I heard the sound of the cabin door swinging open, and Samuel’s firm footsteps upon the floor as he walked me to my room. He laid me gently in bed. My head fell to the pillow. I felt his fingers at my neck, unfastening my bonnet, slowly undoing the tie, then gently lifting my head to remove it. When he’d removed that, next he moved on to my feet, and I felt him slowly undoing my boots, removing them, each one clunking to the floor.

“Sit up, honey,” he whispered. I tried to obey but it felt impossible. Strong arms lifted me, the buttons of my dress coming undone one at a time, then he shimmied it up and over my head.

“Good thing you have some experience helping me undress,” I whispered.

His response was a low chuckle. “Good thing Ma’s still out by the wagon,” he said. “You’d likely regret saying that otherwise, when you come to your senses later.”

My stockings were stripped, and it felt delicious wearing nothing but my thin cotton chemise on the cool of the bed. I didn’t know what he was talking about, something about regret, and though it took a great effort to speak again, I had to tell him. “There’s nothing I regret about me and you, Samuel,” I said. My words seemed strangely heavy and slurred. “Nothing I regret.”

“Hush, honey. You rest now,” he said.

“Nothing I regret,” I murmured again.

His mouth came to my ear and he whispered, “Good girl. That’s my good girl. Now you be quiet and get some rest. Will you be a good girl and get some rest now?” I felt his hand come to my head, smoothing my hair back. I sighed. It felt so nice.

“Yes, sir,” I murmured, and it took every last bit of energy I had. Darkness and heaviness descended. Reality blended with the dark, and I fell asleep.