Surrendering (38 page)

Robbie wakes me when he gets off the couch, but I snuggle closer to Declan.

“Is this respectful enough for you?” I whisper to him. “It’s officially Christmas and you have me.”

“This isn’t quite what I expected. But after I kiss you, I’m going to walk you to your room.” He leans down and kisses me sweetly, which turns into a make-out session. I pull away breathless. He lifts me up and carries me to my room. He kisses me once more and says, “Merry Christmas, Sparkle.”

*****

The smell of coffee wakes me up on Christmas morning. I rush to the bathroom to get ready and run downstairs hoping to wake Declan. Unfortunately, he’s already in the kitchen with my mom. My dad is on the patio reading the paper. I scream ‘Merry Christmas’ loud enough for him to hear me through the kitchen window.

Robbie joins us and my dad comes in from outside. We all take our coffee into the living room and my dad hands out our presents. We aren’t the type of family that watches everyone else open gifts and says “oooohhh” and “aaaahhh”. No, we’re the type that tears into our gifts. Declan laughs at our style, but joins in the fun.

An hour later, I inspect everyone’s gifts over the mounds of wrapping. My mom loves her wind chime. She asks Robbie and Declan to get the ladder and put it up on the back porch. I got my dad a box set of books about WWII with detailed pictures and individual stories. He has cracked open the first book and is leisurely thumbing through it. Robbie and Declan both got shirts from me and I gave Declan some cologne that he’s almost out of. I grab a gift bag and collect all my presents. I got scarves, earrings, perfume, a new pair of kick-ass boots, and several gift cards. Declan actually gave me the earrings I fell in love with at the festival. He took a picture with his phone and sent a text to Abbi to buy them so I’d be surprised.
My parents gave Robbie and Declan several tickets to an upcoming sporting event at the arena. Dad suggested a guys’ night out.

We clean up the living room and get ready to go to Declan’s dad’s house. His dad lives about forty-five minutes north and we promised to be there close to lunchtime. We say our goodbyes, and load into his truck. Robbie told me that he’ll probably be up our way tonight and tomorrow because he’s going to hang out with the guys after dinner. I know Robbie’s ready to get his own place, but he promised my parents that he’d live with them until one full year after his accident. I’m pretty sure he regrets that promise.

David Collins has a beautiful house that’s situated in the middle of three acres of land. The view of the mountainous area is amazing. I imagine spring and fall are stunning. David’s house was obviously decorated by Abbi and Ella. I see their familiar styles all around.

After greeting everyone and putting our gifts under the tree, we sit down and tell them about Christmas with my parents. Everyone, including David, laughs at Declan as he re-tells the story of having to sleep in separate rooms. He doesn’t find it very amusing.

There’s nothing I can do to help with lunch so I set the table. Lunch is a feast. There is way too much food for five people. David explains that his wife started the tradition when Ella was old enough to voice her own opinion. All her children had favorite dishes growing up and Christmas was the only holiday she made every one of them.

The feast consists of five different types of casseroles, ham, turkey, several vegetables, and two kinds of bread. I can tell what each sibling favors by the amount they serve themselves. Declan is acting like he’s never seen food before. He has three servings of everything and Ella asks if my parents fed us. He nods and says he’s just hungry.

Halfway through the meal, Declan and his sisters break in to an argument regarding some incident when they were kids. David relaxes in his chair as he watches his children bicker with a smile on his face. He catches me looking and winks. He’s such a great man. My heart swells when I think about him losing his wife so young. He shakes his head at me, dismissing the thoughts. He must have read my mind.

“Okay, is everyone finally finished eating?” Ella asks, but directs the question to Declan. “Can we open presents now?”

“We should at least clean the kitchen first,” he answers her.

“Nu-uh, no way. Not all of us got to celebrate Christmas already.”

“You just wait, Ella; I’m going to throw that comment back at you when you split your holiday with a guy’s family.”

“Maybe, but I need a guy first. Come on, let’s go.” She jumps up smiling at me.

Declan pulls me to him and whispers in my ear, “When we have kids, everyone’s coming to us on Christmas Day.”

I know he’s waiting for me to react, but all I feel is calm. It wasn’t a question or inquiry; it was a statement. We’re going to have kids and host the holiday and I’m elated. I want him to know I feel the same. “Of course, baby. Santa Claus comes to our house.”

He smiles widely and his eyes twinkle. His dad must have heard our hushed conversation because he says, “Grandpa’s come to where Santa delivers too.”

David hands out gifts and I notice that the Collins’ are being much more polite while they open their presents than my family was. Abbi and Ella open their presents first. They both squeal at my gifts and thank me profusely. They’re equally as excited at the jewelry Declan picked out for them. I give David the same set of books I got my dad and he tells me they’re perfect. The girls got Declan several vintage t-shirts and some sort of music book. I have a gift bag in my arms, but Abbi tells me not to open it yet. When I’m sure they’re finished, I get up and grab the large wrapped gift from behind the tree. I carry it to Declan on the couch and his face scrunches up in confusion.

“What’s this?” He asks.

“This, my dear, is the top secret gift I’ve been working on for weeks. Your sisters brought it here for me.”

“You already gave me my presents.”

“No silly, I gave you a few little things. This is your big gift.”

“What’s the difference between little gifts and big gifts? Aren’t they all the same?” He still hasn’t taken the package from me.

“If you open it, you’ll know. Do you just want to argue about gifts all afternoon?”

He takes it from me and hesitantly rips through the paper. He gets it free and inhales loudly.

He looks at me with wonder. “How did you get this? When did you do this?”

I had a picture of Sayge onstage in Atlanta blown up and framed for his house.

“I wanted to find a way to capture your first live show outside of a bar. I had all our friends take pictures from the audience in Atlanta and I picked my favorite one. I sent the image to a company I found online and we worked together to make the image perfect. I chose a sepia tone because each of you is spotlighted in this shot.”

“It’s amazing, but it kind of reminds me of a puzzle.”

“That’s the best part of working with this company. They superimposed the image and transferred it. Look closer at it.”

He looks at it closer and lowers his head to his chest. I can’t see his eyes, but I swear I hear him sniff. He clears his throat and looks at me. “Guitar Picks, you had it matted on guitar picks.”

There is so much emotion in his voice that I stay quiet. He stares at it for a minute longer and then sets it to the side. He gets up and pulls me into his body.

“There hasn’t been many times in my life I’ve been speechless, but this is one of them. Thank you. You have no idea what this fucking means to me. You’re amazing.” I get a quick kiss on the forehead before his dad asks to see the picture.

We all look at it again and I’m proud of how it turned out. All the guys in Sayge are caught in their own element. Their heads are turned towards the instruments except for Declan who is singing and pointing. He’s beautiful with his hair falling into his face and his body leaning into the crowd.

Ella tells me to open my gift bag. Inside the bag I find several frames with pictures from the same weekend. My favorite is the one where Declan’s hoisting me up and kissing me. It was taken right after he came offstage. She hands Declan a similar gift, but his frames have different pictures. She must have asked everyone to send their own pictures because there are ones of the six girls, the band, and all of us together in our private area. There’s only one of Declan and I looking at the camera and I’m positive Charlie took it.

After Declan and I clean the kitchen, I excuse myself to go to the restroom and wonder the halls looking at family portraits. I come across a photo of the whole family and see exactly where each of the Collins children gets their good looks. Their mother was gorgeous. She was the perfect mix of Abbi and Ella. She was a petite woman with the same stunning smile as her children.

I walk back into the living room. David clears his throat loudly and Declan stops talking. David looks at me with a wide grin and the girls are looking anywhere but at me. I get the feeling they were talking about me. The girls are staying here again tonight, but Declan and I are going back to his house.

At 7:00, we say our goodbyes and load up the car. It’s going to snow tonight which is fine by me because we have nowhere to go tomorrow. I don’t mind being trapped inside.

Once we get back to his house, he takes our bags inside and heads to his garage while I unload the leftovers. He cusses in the living room and calls for me. He’s hanging the picture over his fireplace and it’s totally off-center.

“Can you give me some directions? I haven’t hung pictures in my house before and it looks crooked from up here.”

“It is. You need to move it to the right and lower the corners.”

Once it’s perfect, he walks to me and pulls my back against his front. “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten. I don’t even know how to explain how much more I fall in love with you every day.”

“I fall in love with you more every day too. You’re one of the most passionate people I know. You take your role as a brother and son seriously. You love your band and your music. Even though we’ve had our trouble, you have set my bar so high that no one will ever make me feel as good as you do.”

“You make it sound like you need to compare me to someone-”

“Stop it,” I interrupt him. “That’s not what I mean. I’ve had a wonderful life so far. I have an amazing family and group of friends. In my heart, I have always wished that I’d find a love that would blow my insecurities away. I could only dream about what I have with you.” I turn in his arms and run my hands through his hair. Lifting up on my tip toes, I look into his eyes. “You’ve been saying things all week to make me think you want to be with me forever. Kids, houses, holiday plans. Everything has me thinking about us. If we plan to move forward, you need to know that I think about those things too.”

He kisses me slowly and softly. “Marry me,” he says against my lips and I freeze.

He leans back and his eyes speak volumes. He’s serious. He stares at me for a minute before he speaks. “You look like I just ran over your dog.”

“Did I hear you right?”

“I think you did. Did you just hear me ask you to marry me?”

“I didn’t hear you ask anything. Maybe when you do, you’ll get an answer.” My eyes sting with the build-up of tears. I jerk out of his embrace and head to the bathroom to shower. I leave him to think about his blunder.

Declan’s lost his mind. My emotions are all over the place. I’m his very first girlfriend. Surely it’s too soon to think about marriage. Of course, in my mind, I know I will never love anyone like I love him. But how can he be so sure? Jealousy and rage washes over me as I think about him with another girl. ‘Marry Me’ is ringing in my head as I try to push the thoughts of the other girls out of my mind.

I finish getting ready for bed and notice my black silk nightie on the door hook. I dress and decide not to mention this again until he does.

I open the bathroom door and his room is covered in candles. He’s on the bed in his pajama pants. There’s one of the framed photos of us by his bed. He looks like he’s showered as well. He must have taken one in the guest bathroom.

“Hey,” I say softly.

“Don’t move. Let me come to you.” He reaches for me and pulls me to the middle of the room.

“I fucked up earlier, forgive me.”

“I do, it was just a slip up.”

“No, it wasn’t a slip up at all.” He shakes his head. “I absolutely love you. You make my world light up. Before you, I lived my life fast, hard, and without consequences. But when you and I connected, I knew I was missing out. You understand me and what I want out of life. You’re smart and sweet, caring and vulnerable, loyal and fierce, and you love family. You think about everyone but yourself. You don’t even understand how wonderful you are because you’re having too much fun. In the last few months, you’ve changed me in the best possible way. I know we both have a lot going on right now, but we can make it work. It sounds cliché, but I would move mountains if they stood in the way of our happiness. When I think about yesterday, today, and tomorrow- all I see is us. So now, I ask you, will you marry me?”

He drops down on his knees and opens a box I didn’t see before. My vision grows blurry with tears and my heartbeat accelerates. I lower myself down and stare into his eyes. I see the same love and adoration I feel for him staring back at me. In this moment, I see our future.

“Yes, I will marry you.” My voice is low because my throat’s tight. I crash my mouth to his with a long, slow, emotionally charged kiss. Our tongues dance together perfectly. He yanks me down to him so there’s no space between us. Our bodies melt together as we pour out our thoughts through our kiss. He slows down and finishes with feather light pecks along my cheeks, lips, neck, and jawline.

He leans back and lifts my left hand to place a ring on my finger. The ring is an exquisite Asscher cut diamond with a halo of smaller diamonds surrounding it. It’s set with the band splitting in to two rows to wrap around my finger. I look up at him and see unshed tears in his eyes.

“Oh my God, Declan, it’s gorgeous. When did you get this?” He stands up and lifts me in his arms as he carries me to the bed.

“I bought the ring at the same time I bought your birthday gift. I’ve known for awhile that I was going to ask you, but I wasn’t sure when to do it.”