Surrendering (Swans Landing) (22 page)

She shook her head. “Besides that.”

“Does it matter?” I asked.

Her gaze flicked toward Sailor and she asked, “Did you tell your sister what happened to your father?”

Sailor raised her eyebrows. “What? Josh? What is she talking about?”

When I didn’t say anything, Mara said, “He knows who killed Oliver Canavan.”

“Who?” Sailor grabbed my arm, digging her nails into my skin. “Tell me. You
have
to tell me. This is my father too.”

I closed my eyes, swallowing. Then I said, “My mom.”

When I opened my eyes, three saddened faces looked back at me. Sailor let go of me, blinking as she shrank back.

“When were you going to tell me?” she asked.

I shrugged. “When all of this was over. There’s too much else to worry about right now.”

Sailor’s forehead was scrunched into a deep scowl. “What happened?”

I sighed. “Do we have to talk about this now?”

“Yes,” Sailor said. “Since you don’t seem to want to talk about it any other time.”

I shot Mara an annoyed scowl, then turned back to Sailor. “She was already unstable back then, I think. My mom found our dad on the pier that night, waiting for your mom. She pushed him off. He hit his head on the pilings and drowned. That’s it. I don’t know that she really meant to kill him. She probably wasn’t even thinking rationally.” I ripped up a handful of seaweed and tossed it into the current. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” I shot a glare at Mara. “Why did you even bring this up?”

“Because you’re afraid of the human part of you,” Mara said, crossing her arms.

“No, I’m not.”

“You think the human part of your dad was what made him weak and made him have an affair,” Mara said. “And now you know your human mother killed your father. So you’ll give up the human part of you because you think it will keep you from doing the wrong things.”

“I’m trying to save Swans Landing,” I said.

“So why didn’t you tell Sailor what you know?” Mara asked. “Why haven’t you let her see your dad’s papers? Why do you keep looking for an answer that isn’t there?”

I clenched my teeth, running my fingers over the lines carved in the wall next to me.

Mara wrapped her arms around me, resting her chin on my shoulder. “You are not your parents, Josh. What they did doesn’t change who you are. Being finfolk or being human won’t change that either.”

“It’s a weakness,” I told her, pushing out of her embrace. “Domnall said it was, even the council said it. Maybe they’re right.”

Mara followed as I swam ahead. “Domnall is a lot of things, but right isn’t one of them. Don’t give up part of yourself just because you’re afraid it will make you into something you don’t want to be. That’s not who you are. It’s not who you will be. We are more than the blood that runs in our veins.”

I spun around, whipping up an eruption of bubbles around me. “I don’t want to be afraid of being human, but I don’t know what I am anymore. I lived one life pretending to be human. Now I’m trying to figure out how to be who I really am.”

Mara laughed. “You think I don’t know exactly what you’re going through? The girl who didn’t know she was finfolk until six months ago?”

Of course she knew. It was what had drawn me to her when she first arrived on the island. She wasn’t like anyone else. If anyone knew how I felt, it was her.

“So,” Mara said, taking a deep breath. “We need to decide. Not because of anyone else or because of fear or anger, but because the people in Swans Landing need help. Are we doing this or not?”

I looked at Sailor. She nodded. “I’ll do it. To save Grandma and Swans Landing.”

“I’ll do it too,” I said.

“So will I,” Mara added.

“You sure?” I asked her. “You don’t have to.” Being human was the last bit of her mother she had left. I didn’t want her to give that up.

“I’m sure,” she told me. “It’s my choice.”

I nodded, then looked at Dylan. He had been quiet ever since we’d left the finfolk council.

Dylan closed his eyes, then shook his head.

“Why not?” Sailor asked sharply.

Dylan opened his clear blue eyes, his gaze focused on her. “I will help in the fight against Domnall. But I don’t want to give up what little bit of human blood is in me. I just…can’t.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Sailor asked. “We’re trying to save our home and you
can’t?
”

Dylan’s jaw twitched, but he didn’t break his focus on her gaze. “I don’t want to be fully finfolk. I don’t want to give up being human.”

“Because of Elizabeth?” Sailor asked, her eyes narrowing.

“No,” Dylan told her. “Because of me.”

Sailor opened her mouth, but I held up my hand to her.

“It’s okay,” I told Dylan. “It’s fine. We all have a choice here. No one has to do it. Any of you can back out now if you want.”

I looked at Sailor and then Mara. But both remained silent.

Then I nodded and took a deep breath. “Okay then. Let’s go talk to the council.”

* * *

Pain seized my body. I bucked and thrashed, letting out a guttural scream. This was worse than changing between human and finfolk forms, worse than any pain I had ever felt in my life. My blood felt as if it were on fire, turning my bones into ash and cooking my organs.

I changed my mind. Leave me a mixture of human and finfolk. I couldn’t survive this. My body was destroying itself from the inside out. How could I help Swans Landing if there was nothing of me left once this fire had burned its way through?

And then it was gone. The fire that seared through me was replaced by a cooling wave. I opened my eyes, blinking at my hands, which were still the same as they had always been. My silver scales gleamed in the algae light as I flicked my tail back and forth. Everything still worked. Everything felt whole and not burned to a crisp.

On either side of me, Mara and Sailor looked over their own bodies just as I had. They both appeared to be unharmed.

The finfolk gathered in the village square watched us with expectant faces. Dylan had been taken away from the square, so that the song wouldn’t affect him as it had us.

“How do you feel?” Iomhar asked.

“The same as before,” Sailor said. “It hurt, but now I don’t feel any different.”

Sorcha nodded. “The change is inside you. You will not notice any physical differences in yourself.”

“So what you’re saying is, losing the human part of us doesn’t change who we are,” Mara said, her eyes on me.

Finlay inclined his head. “That is correct. You no longer have the human weaknesses inside you, but otherwise you are the same.”

“We are more than what we’re made of,” Mara said, smiling as she reached for my hand.

“So that’s it?” I asked. “We can stand up to Domnall now and resist his song?”

“Aye,” Iomhar said. “The song will not affect you the way it once did. We have done all we can do for you, if you insist on following through with this path.”

“The offer to remain here still stands,” Mairead said, gesturing toward the finfolk in the square. “You can return to your real home. You are part of us.”

I looked at Mara and then Sailor. They both shook their heads.

“We have a home,” I said. “But thank you.”

We turned to follow the current out of the city, back to the door where Dylan would be waiting. As we started to swim away, Mara looked back and called, “Just so you know, being human isn’t so bad either.”

* * *

The blinding gold light faded and we were deposited back into murky, cold water that swirled around us. My hand was ripped from Mara’s, but I didn’t worry about losing her as I had before. Instead, I propelled myself toward the surface, certain that the others would do the same.

We surfaced a good distance off the beach, among frothy waves that battered us back and forth. I checked to make sure everyone was there—Mara wiping water from her eyes at my side, Dylan shaking his head some feet away, and Sailor bobbing on the waves behind him.

“Come on,” I said, turning toward shore and diving back under to swim.

When my tail fin brushed the sandy bottom under the water, I broke the surface again. My body shed the scales and my tail became two legs as I made my way to shore. The beach was deserted and I inhaled sharply, afraid that Elizabeth had been discovered. But then a figure bounded from the darkness of the tree line, dark hair streaming on the wind behind her.

She wrapped her arms around Dylan’s neck, hugging him tight. “You were gone for an eternity!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “I thought something had happened.”

“We’re fine,” Dylan assured her. He closed his eyes as he hugged her to his chest.

When Elizabeth pulled back, she looked at the rest of us, her eyebrows raised. “So? Did you find it? Where are the rest of the finfolk?”

“They’re not coming,” I told her. “We’re on our own.”

Elizabeth’s face crumpled. “They won’t help us? What are we supposed to do?”

“They did help,” Mara said. “They made us able to resist the song.” She glanced at Dylan. “Well, most of us anyway.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Come on,” I said. “We need to get moving. We’ll explain on the way.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

“You need to keep a safe distance away,” I told Dylan. “You and Elizabeth will be vulnerable to the song.”

“I’m going with you,” Elizabeth said, stepping forward. She glared at me, like she was daring me to contradict her.

But this wasn’t a game and we didn’t have time for her protests. “You’re human,” I pointed out. “You can be controlled as easily as the rest of them. You need to stay away.”

Elizabeth crossed her arms. “And do what? Hide like a coward while you take these guys on? They have my daddy, Josh. I have to do something to help.”

“Maybe we can,” Dylan said, putting a hand on her arm. “We can go around and see who’s left. Try to gather up some people to help us out if it comes down to a physical fight. There are still more of us than there are them. If you guys can keep the finfolk from singing, we can fight back.”

“We’ll do what we can,” Mara told him. “Good luck getting people to join you. They didn’t seem very eager to help us before.”

Elizabeth tossed her hair back. “I’ll
make
them listen.”

“Be careful,” Sailor told Dylan.

He nodded and then hugged her tight before reaching for Elizabeth’s hand. The two of them ran off toward the homes where hopefully a few Swansers still remained who weren’t under Domnall’s control.

Mara, Sailor, and I walked down the abandoned Heron Avenue. We passed shops that had been closed for years and others that hadn’t reopened in the last two days since the arrival of the Hether Blether finfolk. Dry leaves and crushed paper cups skittered across the asphalt around us. My wet hair dripped onto my hoodie, leaving a wet ring around my collar and I shivered in the cold breeze.

Something called me toward the beach. We crossed over the sand dunes, past the dry grass that waved back and forth in the wind, until the gray ocean opened up before us. Several yards away, a crowd of people stood on the golden sand. They didn’t move toward us or away. They just stood there, watching as the three of us walked across the cold, wet sand.

As I drew closer, a sickening sensation washed over me. The crowd that waited for us wasn’t only humans. There were finfolk too. Everyone that had gone out that morning to face Domnall were now under his control. Lake, Mr. and Mrs. Waverly, Mr. Moody, the other finfolk and humans I had grown up seeing on the island every day. They all stood together in a group, their eyes glassy and small smiles on their faces.

The song drifted on the wind toward us, but the gold bursts that always accompanied the notes didn’t appear in my line of sight. I saw no visions from the song.

It had no effect on me now.

Domnall stood at the front of the group, his fists on his hips as he watched us approach. He narrowed his eyes and the song died.

“Something has changed about you,” he said, looking the three of us up and down. He took a few steps across the sand, tilting his head. “You have been remade.”

“Yes,” I answered. “We’ve been to Finfolkaheem.”

Behind him, the people still stood in a glassy-eyed trance, even though Domnall no longer sung. The song’s effects sometimes took a while to shake off, especially after prolonged exposure. I didn’t know how long we’d been in Finfolkaheem or how long the people here had been under Domnall’s influence.

Domnall’s eyes flashed at my words. “You appealed to the council for help, did you not? Where are they then?” He laughed as he turned a circle, his arms wide. “Where is your help from the great finfolk under the sea?” He dropped his hands and sneered at us. “They are not coming, are they? They have no concern for those of us above the surface. They closed the door on Hether Blether long ago, and they will do the same to you in the end.”