Surrendering to the Dragon (Stonefire British Dragons Book 7) (7 page)

She turned to leave. Rafe clutched her ankle and pulled until she was on the floor. Covering her body with his, he said, “I’m not fucking betraying you, woman. I know how important being a Protector is to you. Hell, you work harder than almost anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Then why are you waving a future I can’t have in front of me? It’s hard enough to have you after all these years and have to let you go. But now you’re trying to prolong the pain by sticking around with a naïve idea about us raising a child together. Can’t you just go?”

“It’s not a naïve idea,” he answered in a steely voice. “And what do you mean about having me after all these years and letting me go?”

“Just let me go, Rafe. You obviously don’t remember.”

“If you mean what happened four years ago, then yes, I do.”

Chapter Six

Nikki’s heart thundered in her chest.
No bloody way.
 

Gathering her wits, she tried to push Rafe off her, but he wouldn’t budge. Stupid muscled human male.

Nikki finally mustered a response. “Don’t lie to me, Rafe. We’ve worked together for nearly six months and not once did you mention the past.”

“Excuse me for not wanting to bring back painful memories. Believe me, Nikki, I remembered what I did to you all those years ago. Every time I see you, it comes rushing back.”

She searched his eyes for deceit. Unless Rafe was a good liar, she sensed him telling the truth. Nikki needed to know more. “Why did you do it?”

Rafe sighed. “I was cocky and trying to impress some of my colleagues.”

“That’s not much of an answer. Tell me what you remember, so I know you’re not talking out of your arse.”

Easing off her body, Rafe sat up. Nikki followed suit and scooted back several inches. The distance would prevent her from punching Rafe if he started spouting rubbish.

“You had just arrived after training,” Rafe began. “It was my second assignment with dragon-shifters. The one before had ended badly, with my long-time friend dying when a dragon failed to take out an armored vehicle.

“I was still grieving when I was given a second assignment. I blamed the dragon-shifters in our unit for fucking up the maneuver. The last thing I needed was to be surrounded by dragons, especially one that fancied me.”

Nikki leaned forward and put her elbows on her thighs. “Why didn’t you tell me about your friend? It would’ve been a whole lot nicer than ridiculing me in front of your men.”

She remembered catching Rafe on his way to dinner. Pulling him aside, she’d been under the impression they were alone. After spilling her feelings, Rafe’s reply had stayed with her to the present day:
Dragon-shifters are useless creatures who fail when needed most. Why would I want to associate with one, let alone touch one?

Rafe had left then and joined his friends on the other side of the unpacked crates. The approval and disgust in all of their eyes had sent Nikki running away to cry alone in a corner.

The next two years had been hell, but she’d found a way to ignore their looks and whispers and work with the humans. She’d never sought out Rafe Hartley ever again.

Of course, she’d dreamed about him. More than she’d ever admitted to anyone. With Rafe being her true mate, it all made more sense now.

Fate was one messed-up bitch.

Or, was she?

Rafe’s voice filled the room and Nikki snapped back to the present. “I had yet to learn how to trust a dragon-shifter. Then when you and your team saved my unit’s lives, my worldview changed.” His voice lowered to a whisper. “The damage had been done by that point. But I vowed never to hurt you again.”

Nikki wanted to believe Rafe’s words, but there was too much she didn’t know.

Searching his eyes, she asked, “So, instead, you agree to impregnate me and want to raise the child on your own? You should’ve been honest with me from the first day you set foot on Stonefire. How can I trust you when you kept such a big secret from me?”

Rafe raised an eyebrow. “And you haven’t kept secrets from me?”

“I didn’t mean for my adoption plans to be a secret. Dr. Sid was supposed to tell you. I know you can’t understand, but when an inner dragon goes into a mate-claim frenzy, all a dragon-shifter’s energy goes into either trying to contain their beast or jumping their mate.”

Rafe scooted a few inches toward her. “Then at least tell me why you want to give up the child.”

Nikki didn’t have to tell Rafe anything. By every law concerning dragons and humans in the UK, the child was hers and only hers. Rafe had no legal claim.

Her dragon finally roused from her sleep.
Talk with him. That will make everything better.

He hasn’t even apologized for being an arsehole back in Afghanistan. Why should I tell him anything?

Because he risked his freedom and maybe even his life by staying here. Actions speak louder than words.

Studying Rafe’s green eyes, Nikki hated to admit her beast had a point.
 

Still, she wanted to know something before she answered Rafe’s question. “Tell me one more thing, first. Why do you want a child so badly?”

He raised his brows. “Is it really that surprising?”

“Rafe, be serious. If you want the truth from me, then I want the truth from you first. Consider it a sort of apology for stomping on my heart when I was young.”

Regret flashed in his eyes. “I’m truly sorry, Nikki. I was stupid and unprofessional. For reasons I never understood before, hurting you has lingered on my conscious more than any other act. And I haven’t exactly been a bloody saint up until now.”

Her dragon was smug.
He apologized. I might even call that groveling.

Ignoring her beast, Nikki repeated, “Why do you want a child so badly?”

With a sigh, Rafe ran a hand through his hair. “I never thought I wanted one. I’m thirty-four years old and have survived most of my adult life alone.
 

“But then when Bram asked if I wanted to participate in the frenzy or not, I kept seeing a mental picture of a four-year-old little girl. She was you and me together. So stubborn and brave. In a split second, a yearning in my heart I’d never realized was there opened up.” His gaze intensified. “I wanted a family to care for and protect.”

With a grunt, her beast chimed in.
He tells the truth. I feel it.

Right, because you’re a bloody lie detector.

It’s one of my many talents.

Resisting an eye roll, Nikki remained silent a second. Rafe leaned forward and lightly touched the back of her hand. Even when torn on her future, Rafe’s caress was a brand on her skin.

The only question was whether there could ever be more to them than mere attraction.

Her dragon spoke up.
You’ll never know if you don’t talk to him.

Meeting Rafe’s gaze again, she finally answered his question from earlier. “The reason I want to give the baby up for adoption is because I’m not the kind of female who can give up her career to stay home and change nappies.”

Her dragon chimed in.
That’s not the only reason.

Shut it. He doesn’t need to know the rest.

Rafe interrupted her dragon’s reply. “Who says you have to? There are plenty of women who have children and keep their careers.”

“Maybe humans can get away with it,” Nikki grumbled. “But the elder dragon-shifters frown on the practice. They look the other way at Melanie and Evie because they’re human and might die in childbirth. Me, on the other hand, if I had one child and kept it, they would expect me to devote myself to having ten children. They wouldn’t stop nagging until I did as expected. Adoption might be the only way for them to leave me alone.”

“Fuck that,” Rafe spit out. “For the past six months, you’ve done nothing but prove how you can take care of yourself. Sometimes even going overboard a bit. Why in this one area of life are you so ready to resign to others’ expectations?”

Her dragon interjected,
He’s right. You know he is.

But he doesn’t know the whole truth.

Then tell him.

Looking into Rafe’s gaze, Nikki debated telling him. But deep down, she knew that if she told Rafe, she might start hoping for something she couldn’t have—a future with a human male.

“Do I need to pin you to the ground again to get a straight answer?” Rafe asked.

And cue Rafe ruining any tender thoughts she might have about him.

Nikki narrowed her eyes. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Since I’d rather not have your father come out here, see me, and break my neck, I’ll save my ninja skills for later. For now, just bloody tell me why you are so concerned about the old timers in the clan?”

What the hell. I owe my baby daddy this much, I suppose.
“Nikola Gray is more famous for the circumstances of her birth than her actions. I’ve become a damn symbol, and I can’t seem to shake it off. Not even devoting my life to protecting the clan has changed that. Many of the older clan members believe if the first child of a sacrifice has as many children as possible, Stonefire will repopulate and become stronger than ever before.”

Rafe blinked. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I agree. But what if you doing something for the members of your team meant they would be hopeful for the future? Would you dismiss it so casually? No, of course not. Going through the frenzy means I add to the clan, then I can signal I’m not going to be a baby machine by giving up the child to a couple who wants one. After that, I can focus on finally proving I’m much more than a walking uterus by continuing to work as a Protector.”

~~~

Rafe wanted to simultaneously haul Nikki to his side and punch any dragon-shifter who dared to castigate Nikki for wanting to be more than the mother of X amount of children.

Her reluctance was starting to make a hell of a lot more sense.

“Nikki.” When she met his gaze again, he continued, “You’re a clever, strong, and stubborn woman. Why the bloody hell are you allowing others to get under your skin? You shouldn’t care what they think, symbol or not. There’s more than one way to give hope to your clan. Hell, you might even be able to change the status quo for other female dragon-shifters, allowing them the choice to work or not while also being a mother.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t grow up in a small, self-contained community for the majority of your life. Causing strife with a few prominent individuals on Stonefire can make my life hell.”

“I still say fuck them and live your life how you want.” Rafe moved to sit directly in front of Nikki, with only inches separating their legs from each other. “Right here, right now, tell me what you would want if no one else in the world had a say.”

She looked at him askance. “Hard to do considering you’re breathing down my neck.”

“Don’t deflect with sarcasm,” he growled out. “What does Nikki Gray want for her future?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Beyond proving myself as Protector, I’ve never actually given it any thought.”

“Well, then think about it now,” he ordered.

Fire flashed in Nikki’s eyes. “For one, I don’t want you ordering me about all the time.”

The corner of his mouth ticked up. “Not even a little?”

“Rafe.”

Putting his hands up, he full on smiled. “Okay, okay. We can discuss your total obedience to all things Rafe-related later.” She glared daggers and he chuckled. “Is it wrong that I like it when you’re angry with flushed cheeks and piercing eyes?”

Sighing, Nikki tucked a section of hair behind her ear. “I’m going to ignore that last bit and just say that I want to be head Protector some day. But I also want to take care of my dad and Delphine. They’re overprotective and difficult at times, but they’re my family.”

“So, family is important to you?” Rafe asked.

“Yes,” she answered. “Very important. It’s pretty much a common trait amongst dragon-shifters of the non-arsehole variety.”

Placing his hand over hers, he squeezed. “It’s important to me as well. So, maybe you can understand why I want to keep our baby, Nikki.”

He watched her pupils flash. He really wished he could hear what the bloody dragon half was saying.

But Rafe wasn’t going to rush or put pressure on Nikki. He merely waited in silence, keeping her hand in his.

When her pupils remained round, Nikki tilted her head. “I have a proposition.”

“This became rather formal all of a sudden.” At Nikki’s glare, he sighed. “Fine, what is this proposition of yours? If it involves tying me up, I might be up for it.”

“This is serious, Rafe. Can you be quiet for two seconds?” He opened his mouth and closed it promptly with a nod. Nikki rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time and continued, “I have nearly nine months before I have to decide what to do. In that time, I want to keep working on the Simon Bourne mission. If you don’t give me any bullshit and let me do my job, then we’ll have another discussion closer to the due date about keeping and raising the child together. Provided, of course, we haven’t killed each other. However, if you start pulling the alpha male bullshit and treat me like a delicate flower, I will find a way to get you kicked off Stonefire and make the decision on my own of what to do with the baby.”

He raised his brows. “So this means I don’t have to be extra nice to you and that you can’t use being pregnant as an excuse for being cranky or tired?”

“Exactly,” she answered with a nod.

Rafe had heard more than his fair share of pregnant wife stories during his time in the army. A small part of him looked forward to pushing Nikki’s buttons and her not being able to use the “I’m pregnant” excuse.

On the other hand, Rafe liked to take care of his own. Jane, more than anyone, understood his desire to protect. Never being able to care for Nikki would drive him crazy.

Clearing his throat, he said, “I’d like to propose a compromise.” At Nikki’s frown, he spat out the rest quickly. “I will treat you as I always do unless you are in actual pain or in a situation that might cause harm to the child. I’m not about to watch you try to force yourself to stay awake for three days for a training exercise. You need to take care of yourself.”