Surrogate (21 page)

     "Carrie."  He squeezed her arm to get her attention.

     Shoshan turned slowly.  Her eyes were glassy, unfocused, and that's when he realized she was weak.  Whatever she'd done to heal the child had zapped her strength, and he needed to get her out of here before she passed out and the EMTs took her back to the hospital.

     "Let's go home, baby," he said and gently lifted her to her feet.  Shoshan didn't fight him as he led her back toward the truck, and he was just about to lecture her when he saw a car pull up right behind the ambulance--a car that seemed familiar but that he couldn't place.  Then the driver got out.

     Dallas Stanton. 

     "Hells bells," Robbie snapped, hastening his steps and pretty much dragging Shoshan with him.  "We have to get out of here now."

     Dallas strode toward them, eyeing Shoshan as he asked, "What happened?"

     Robbie shrugged.  "A child flew off the swings and knocked the air of herself."

     Dallas shook his head, looking from Robbie to Shoshan.  "Really?  That's not what the scanner said.  I heard something about a broken neck and an unresponsive kid."  His eyes narrowed as he stared at Shoshan.  His hand reached out and grasped the bandage.  "Looks like you had to get a few stitches."

     "Yes," Shoshan whispered.  Sweat glossed her forehead, and she wobbled where she stood.  Robbie worried she might pass out right there, and he wrapped his arm around her just in case. 

     "The kid's back that way with her dad.  Carrie's not feeling well, and I really need to get her home.  I thought the fresh air would do her some good, but she's pretty wiped after the shower and the hospital."

     Dallas nodded slowly.  "Yeah, she does look kind of worn out.  I'll go see if the guys need any help."

     With that, the EMT strode past, walking toward the child as Robbie led Shoshan back to the car.  She was barely standing as he opened the door and eased her inside.  As he walked around, he looked back at the crowd.  They were watching him, not Shoshan, probably because they could no longer see the woman who had somehow performed a miracle, something no human should be able to do.

     As he slid behind the wheel, Robbie, too, felt tired.  It was one thing to lose Carrie, but if he lost Shoshan, his child was dead.

     He looked over at her, noticing the way, her head tilted down so much so that her chin almost touched her chest.  "Damn it, Shoshan," he whispered, easing her head back.  "I don't know what you want from me."

     She snored softly, and he wished he could just drift away from this world into a blackness that would let him forget everything that refused to let him go.

     Robbie drove the rest of the way home on autopilot as his thoughts kept drifting back to seeing Shoshan save that little girl and running into Dallas right after.  Perhaps he'd bought enough time to get Shoshan out of there, but that was it.  Dallas would be asking all kinds of questions, and the answers would only confirm that Carrie wasn't really Carrie.  After Dallas found the proof he was looking for, Robbie had no clue what he would do.  He was pretty sure it wouldn't be good.

     Torquing the key from the ignition, he walked to the front door and unlocked it before gathering Shoshan into his arms and carrying her back to the bedroom.  Although he tried to walk evenly so as not to jolt her, he'd forgotten about the shoes she'd left in his path earlier.  As his feet found them, he took a couple of stumbling steps before finally reaching the bed, where he could lay her down.

     Sitting beside her, staring, he could remember so many afternoons he'd lain in this bed beside Carrie, his body drawn up to hers as he cradled her with one arm.  She'd been so tired in the first trimester she'd ended up here often, and more than once they'd made love, something he kept trying to tell himself would never happen again no matter how he longed for it.

     He did the only thing he knew to do when darkness came calling: he lay down beside Shoshan and closed his eyes as his hand drifted to her belly.  The baby seemed to sense him. He or she pressed a flat palm against the inside of Shoshan's stomach reaching for his or her father.

Chapter Fourteen

     Although Robbie was hardly as exhausted as Shoshan, he fitfully drifted in and out of sleep, always grateful to wake to the illusion of Carrie.  It was better than nothing, he tried to tell himself.  The last time he woke, night filled the room, and shadows hid from the moonlight drifting through the open window.  Robbie could hear the soft break of the water in the distance, just one reason Carrie had liked to sleep with the windows open.  It had comforted her, and Robbie had to admit the sound of water breaking over land came with constancy he found.

     Taking a deep breath, he tried to clear the haze.  It seemed unfathomable that he'd been so tired he'd slept away the day, but the way the moonlight collected in the room told him that was exactly what had happened.

     As he sat up, he glanced at the bed to find the covers beneath which Shoshan had lain were rumpled but the bed was empty.  Only the moonlight collected there.

     "Shoshan?" he said quietly, easing himself from atop the mattress.  His head swam, probably because he was exhausted from keeping Shoshan's secret--that and losing Carrie, something he had to keep to himself.

     A breeze billowed the curtain, lifting it as though someone were toying with it before it settled back against the wall.  Standing as he was in the center of the room, it was the emptiness that taunted him.

     Frustrated, he strode through the house, searching.  The moonlight seemed to develop a sudden weight as it rested on him, threatening to stifle his breath.  With each empty room, he felt his heart speed up.

     Although he knew she probably wasn't in the house, he still went through the motions of double-checking.  At least now that he knew the truth, he didn't feel as panicked.  As Shoshan could take a human into her form and could bring a child back from the dead, he wasn't sure what else she could do, but he suspected she might be better at protecting herself than he’d first thought.

     When he'd found both the kitchen and living room empty, he gave up on the house and headed outside.  Immediately, the wind tossed his hair into his eyes.  Glancing around, he realized just how large the world seemed when the darkness had swallowed it.  Overhead, a full moon hung low in the sky.  Stars sprinkled the velvet blackness.

     Once his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he slowly turned in a small circle, searching, and while he didn't know much, he did know that because of where she was from, she would find the stars more comfortable than the house.  She was out here.  She had to be.

     He thought about the day he’d found her naked in the water, a sense of sheer rapture on her face.  As the image graced his thoughts, he realized he knew exactly where he’d find her.  That memory had provided all the pieces he’d needed.

     He closed his eyes for a few seconds and forced himself to calm down before opening them again and stepping toward the water.  He reached the cliff, where it seemed the world was as endless as the water spread out below, glimmering dark as the heavens reflected themselves in the gently rolling waves that cast themselves at the shore. 

     Even as he stared out at the water, trying to find Shoshan amid the blackness, he found the water empty.  Wherever she was, she wasn't swimming, yet perhaps she was still down there.  It was worth a look.

     He started to ease down the embankment when he saw Shoshan sitting there on a rocky ledge.  He almost didn’t see her, not considering how dark it was and how her body had seemed to lose itself amid the rocky crevice where she sat.  Her skin, so beautiful and pale, glowed ethereally.  The wind tousled her long hair.   Her chin was tilted at the sky as her eyes took in the starlight.  Even the whites of her eyes seemed luminous and unearthly, and he wondered how he'd ever been fooled into thinking she was as human as he.  Yes, she did look like his wife, but this ethereal quality was something beyond human, something that even as beautiful as Carrie had been, she would never have had.

     "Shoshan?" he said, his voice low.  He felt uncertain, as though he were interrupting something.  The language of her body was casual and relaxed--this were where she belonged—if, of course, she belonged anywhere on this planet.

     Although she didn't respond right away, she heard him.  He sensed it.  Shoshan slowly lowered her chin so she could look at him.

     "What are you doing?" he asked, running his hand over the  nearby rocks, searching for a convenient place to perch, at least until he could convince her to come inside.

     She licked her lips nervously, something Carrie had often done when distracted.  "Thinking of my world, my people."  Her voice seemed to falter; she lacked the confidence to speak, or perhaps she wanted to keep some secrets to herself.  Robbie had no idea which, and he wasn't sure it mattered.

     "You miss them, don't you?"

     "Yes," she replied softly, tilting her face to the heavens even as one hand rubbed the swell of her belly.  Carrie had been tiny and had carried the baby well, so Shoshan did, too.  In fact, she seemed barely more than four or five months along, even though she would soon be ready to deliver, yet considering how she now sat along the rocky ledge with her legs slightly drawn to her body, no one would have known she was pregnant.

     Robbie finally found a place to sit across from Shoshan.  It wasn't like he really wanted to have the conversation they were about to have, but he couldn't to help it.  It was like watching an impending train wreck and knowing there was nothing he could do to prevent the disaster.

     "I guess you'll be glad to get back once the baby is born."

     He thought Shoshan would smile at his words, but she was strangely quiet, and it bothered him. The only move she made was when a shiver ran through her, and he wondered if she were cold.

     "I think it's a more complicated than that," she whispered.

     "I don't understand," Robbie said, frowning.  He waited for her to say more, but she wouldn't look at him.  Part of him wanted to make some kind of wisecrack about how she wasn't even from this planet, yet she'd learned well how to avoid communication when she didn't want to talk.  Then again, he just couldn't see that as something that would help anyone, least of all Shoshan.

     She shivered as a stiff breeze blew across the water, rushing at the land.  "Before I came here, I didn't even know this world existed.  I didn't know any of you existed or that I could feel like this, and just because I'm not from here doesn't mean it will be easy for me to go home when I need to."

     "And why is that?" Robbie asked, cocking his head to one side.  He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs.

     Her gaze drifted back toward the heavens.  "My world is beautiful--so different from this one, yet I don't expect that when I return I'll be completely at home, not when the things that have touched me most won't be there."  She turned slowly to face him.  "You won't be there." Her hand stroked her belly. "And neither will the little one." 

     Even in the moonlight, Robbie could see the tears pooling in her eyes, and he didn't know quite what to say.  She couldn't have developed feelings for him.  It had to be because of whatever part of Carrie was still within.  She could sense Carrie's feelings, and that was confusing her.

     Robbie folded his arms across his chest.  "I know you think there is something between us.  Sometimes, I've felt that way, too, but I think it's all about Carrie.  How could either of us separate ourselves from that?"  His voice trembled, and no matter how much he reminded himself to stay in control, he could feel his emotions starting to cartwheel, threatening to overthrow him.

     Shoshan eased herself from where she'd sat and stepped toward him.  "Perhaps you have a point.  I can feel her inside me, but I feel me in there, too, and it's not just about Carrie.  It could have started out that way, but it's more."

     "Shoshan," he started, but even before he could finish the thought, she’d slipped her finger to his lips.

     "It's not about words," she whispered.  "It's never been about words."

     She leaned close and gently kissed her.  At her touch, he stiffened, suddenly whirling in a vortex of confusion.  He wanted to be right about the fact that he was enchanted with Shoshan because she carried what remained of Carrie but knew that what was going on inside him amounted to more than what he had lost.

     In a last attempt to clear his head, Robbie made a request of her that startled even him, and he knew he could never go back once she’d granted it.  Hell, maybe that was the point.

     "Show me your true form," he whispered, lingering close.

     Startled, she exhaled softly, frowning as she stepped back.  "Why?  What difference would my form make?" Her eyes were soft and hurt in the moonlight, and he could see her trembling.

     Raking his fingers through his hair, Robbie shook his head.  "Maybe I do have feelings for you, Shoshan, but I'll never know that unless I can separate you from Carrie.  Otherwise, all I'm going to do is wonder, and I can't handle that."

     She hung her head slightly.  "But I don't look like a human, Robbie.  I'm ordinary."