Surviving Regret (14 page)

Cash leans in and when he talks his lips brush against mine. “I will fuck Landon out of you. You won’t remember anything that he’s ever done to your body. You’ll learn things about your body that you never knew before.” I swallow hard. “I’m going to own your body.”

My head falls back against the wall as he enters me. He’s rough and it should hurt but it doesn’t. My heart is beating too hard I’m afraid it’s going to give out or maybe it’s the lack of oxygen. My back burns as he pounds into me relentlessly.

Cash moves back, my body following, and pushes me up against the opposite wall. “How bad have you always wanted this?”

His one hand that was on my ass reaches up and grabs my hair causing my head to snap back against the wall. I blink trying to clear the darkness.

I pant, trying to catch my breath.
Thank God that was just a vision.
I swallow still feeling Cash’s hand around my neck. His chest presses against me.

I raise my hand, “Don’t.”

I shake my head trying to clear the daydream away. When I look back over to Cash, he smiles then buries his head into my neck. I should push him away but I don’t.
It was just a dream, Macy.

Cash bites my neck playfully. “You’re a fucking tease.”

I giggle and shove him away. It’s fucking hot in here. No, it’s not, it’s the dream that’s making me hot.

“And you made my penis hard.”

I relax and roll my eyes, “You’re such a fucking weirdo, Cash Bryant.”

“I’m hungry.”

I tense. Holy fucking shit.

Cash laughs, “For pizza. I’m hungry for pizza.”

My shoulders slump in relief. “Uh-huh.”

As we’re walking to the pizza place I wonder if I should tell Cash about the daydream. Every time he bumps into my shoulder I tense. It’s not a bad thing, it just makes me a little uneasy because it could be a reality.

We sit down, order a pizza and some beers. When the waitress comes back Cash asks her to bring a bottle of Jack Daniels over. She looks at him but nods and walks away. No one denies these football players anything.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” I ask when she leaves us.

“It’s a great idea,” Cash says in between bites of pizza.

The waitress sits the bottle down in front of Cash and he gives her a killer smile. He’s working her over and she falls for it. Her cheeks flush as she scurries away.

Cash takes the paper on the straw off.

I raise my eyebrow at him. “What are you doing with that straw?”

Cash puts the straw in the bottle. “It’s so much simpler.”

It takes him a few tries to get the straw in his mouth. He’s still sucking on the straw as his arms pull the bottle away. Some of the whiskey dribbles down his face. Cash reaches up and wipes it away with the back of his hand.

I look away trying to hold back my laughter. I’m not as drunk anymore. I’ve still got a good buzz going but that’s all I can allow myself. Clearly I can’t handle my alcohol if I almost had sex with my best friend.

When I look back to Cash he has a serious look on his face. “Do you have one of those sippy cups my sister uses?”

I can’t contain the laughter that bubbles up. Cash is adorable and so carefree when he’s drunk. He’s fun and playful.

“No, I don’t have a cup like your sister uses.” I laugh harder when he frowns.

I grab for my beer, the same one I’ve had since we got here, but I lose my hold on it and it spills all over Cash.

“Shit,” I reach for my napkin and toss it to him. “Sorry.”

Cash gets this look of pleasure on his face. “Ahh,” he leans back against the seat. “That was refreshing.”

It’s time to go, I need to get him to bed. He’s going to regret this in the morning. I stand from the table. “Cash, I’ll be right back. I’m going to use the bathroom.”

I don’t wait for a response as I walk to the bathroom.

When I come back, Cash is gone.
Oh, shit.
I look all around and don’t see him. The waitress that gave Cash the Jack Daniels points outside.

I run toward the door. He’s too drunk to be out there by himself. He’s so drunk he could walk into the street and get hit by a car. I push the door open, look down the sidewalk and then turn my head the other direction. No Cash. I see campus security standing around someone in the middle of the street.

I rush over to them. Cash is curled up like a baby in the middle of the road. I see one of the security guys lean over and tap him on the shoulder. “Come on, Mr. Bryant.”

I push my way through them and reach for Cash’s hand. I’ve got to get him home before he gets in trouble. They help me get Cash to his feet and we start walking back toward the dorm. Cash is stumbling all over the place. He’s heavy as hell.

“I’m hot.”

I laugh, “Yes, Cash. You are. Come on, let’s get you to bed.

October 20, 2013

“There’s a spider. Can I get in your bed?” Cash asks.

“Ugh, kill it first and then you can get in bed with me, you big baby.”

He rustles around with the covers, “I’m not killing it. It’s big enough to eat me.”

I roll my eyes as Cash elbows his way into my bed with me.

It’s quiet for all of five minutes and I think he may have fallen asleep or so I thought. He rolls and his heavy arm flops across my chest momentarily leaving me breathless. I shove it off. “What now?”

He groans, “I have to pee.”

I roll over top of Cash so he can get out of bed. “So go pee.”

I lie facing the wall not wanting to look at Cash’s ass because I’m afraid my mind will start to wander when suddenly I hear a stream of water. I quickly turn toward the sound and all I see is Cash’s white ass. “Cash!” I yell.

He turns still peeing and turns toward me now peeing all over my floor.

“You couldn’t make it the two steps to the bathroom?” I say. My eyes wander down to his penis. I shouldn’t look but I do anyway.
Who wouldn’t when it’s right there?

Cash looks around confused. “I thought this was the bathroom?” He sways and leans against the wall. “Your plant looked dry. Needed water.”

I lie back down and shake my head throwing my arms over my face. There is no use talking to him and it’s too late to get him to the bathroom. I grumble to myself, “You owe me a new plant.”

When Cash turns around his pants are around his ankles. He’s naked. He tries to jump in my bed commando but that shit isn’t flying. I’ve already seen his penis and if anyone walks in and sees that he’s naked it’s going to start a shit storm. My mind drifts to Landon. He’d be fucking murderous if he saw this scene right now.

“You aren’t getting in my bed naked, Cash.” I push on his leg to keep him off the bed.

He struggles with pulling his boxer briefs up.
I’ve always wondered if Cash was a boxer or briefs kind of guy
. Guess he’s both. Finally, he gets them up and flops down in bed nearly head butting me.

We just get comfortable and not even a second later he’s snoring loudly against my cheek. Heather opens the bathroom door that connects our rooms. I know it’s Heather without even seeing her. She’s the only one who ever just walks in.

She walks around the side of my bed and slips in Cash’s pee almost falling on top of me. I reach an arm out to steady her.

“What the fuck?” she says and then slaps a hand over her mouth when she notices Cash.

I try to move but Cash rolls. The covers bunch between us exposing his bare legs.

Heather’s eyes go wide and she whispers, “You’re in bed with a naked Cash?”

I slap my forehead with the hand that was steadying Heather.

“Let me peek?” Heather says taking a step closer. “Just one tiny peek. I won’t tell.”

I roll my eyes and push Cash so I can sit up.

“You want to tell me why Cash Bryant is in your bed?”

I laugh because she’s never going to believe me. “He’s afraid of the dark and he saw a spider.”

A look comes over Heather’s face; nothing good can come from that. She’s thinking something. I know her and she turns around and rummages through my nightstand looking for something.

A clicking sound fills the room and then I have to squint because she’s shining a flashlight in my face. “What the hell?”

“Let me see.” She pulls on the blanket trying to see. “You have the star quarterback in your bed. Let. Me. See.”

We struggle; she’s practically on top of Cash at one point and trying her hardest to see his junk.

“Go away.” I rip the flashlight out of her hand and throw it across the room. It lands next to my plant. It flickers a few times then goes out.

“You’re no fun.” This time she rolls her eyes and looks at the flashlight. “How come the floor’s wet?”

I giggle because what else can I do? This night is going downhill fast. “He peed on the plant, sort of.”

Heather laughs looking down at her feet, “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope.”

She sighs, “I always miss all the fun but I can’t believe I slipped in his piss. How gross?”

I roll my eyes, “Oh yeah, you missed everything. Cash falling asleep in the middle of the street, he pissed on my plant and he tried to get in bed with me naked. Oh, and I saw his penis.”

Heather’s eyes go wide. “You saw his penis? Was it nice?”

“Oh, God. Goodnight, Heather.”

She crosses her arms. “Well? Was it?”

“Goodnight, Heather.”

Cash groans beside me and moves the arm that’s over his face to my boob. “It’s glorious,” he mutters.

I move his arm and slap his forehead with my hand. “Go to sleep.”

I’ll never tell her it was a nice penis although I’ve only seen two in my life so I don’t really have anything to compare it to. This is going to be one story to tell Cash in the morning because I know damn well he isn’t going to remember it.

October 26, 2013

Bruins vs. Ducks Game

Once again Heather joins me for another game. I’ve teased her the whole time here saying she was only coming so she could see Declan but she says that’s not it at all. The two of us take our seats bundled up in our hoodies and jerseys. I told her if she was going to start coming to the games she had to buy a jersey. She did and now she’s sporting Declan’s number on her back.

“Do you know where the party is gonna be held tonight?” Heather asks.

I shake my head. I’m always last to know. “No idea. That’s what I rely on you for.”

“Ha ha,” she says, nudging my shoulder.

The first quarter of the game tied. Cash couldn’t find Landon for shit. With every game they seem to be sticking him more and more. They know what kind of player Landon is and they aren’t going to give him an easy chance at scoring.

The second quarter Cash got the ball to Holden who was able to score a forty-yard touchdown. But then the Bruins scored again and the score was tied fourteen to fourteen going into the second half of the game.

Heather and I got up to go to the bathroom at halftime. We ran into some of her friends on the way there and they informed us that the party was at Zach’s tonight. On our way back to our seats we passed a couple of guys without their shirts on. Their bodies were painted green and yellow and when they stood next to each other they spelled out the word ducks.

“Those guys are fucking nuts,” Heather says covering her boobs with her hands. “My nipples could cut glass with how cold it is and they act like its ninety degrees outside.”

I laugh. “That would be the alcohol warming them up.”

Heather and I get back to our seats just as the second half starts. Both teams are running the field but neither are scoring. Finally, right before the third quarter is over Cash finds Holden once again and he runs it in for an eleven-yard touchdown. The score going into the fourth is twenty-one to fourteen.

In the fourth quarter I think the Bruins checked out of the game. Cash is nailing passes and finally finds Landon for an eight-yard pass. He follows that up with passing the ball off to Holden who scores a three-yard touchdown again after bringing the ball back down the field. And the last score is handed off to Sean for a two-yard touchdown.

The Ducks win forty-two to fourteen.

***

Heather drags me to the party that is being held at Zach’s house. I didn’t want to go but she said that she’d tell Landon that she found me in bed naked with Cash. I know she would never tell him but she still threatened me with it.

It’s early in the night still and the guys haven’t arrived yet. Heather and I find a seat in the kitchen and we’re making fun of the drunks dancing.

“Look at that guy,” Heather laughs. “He thinks he has moves.”

I snort almost spitting my beer out when I glance over to where she’s looking. This guy is dancing like he’s got a stick up his ass. “I’d hate to see what he’s like in bed.”

Heather grimaces.

“Actually, I bet he’s a stud in bed,” I tease.

Heather turns and cocks an eyebrow at me. “You’re fucking kidding, right?”

I shake my head and bring my beer up to my lips to hide my smile. She looks back and forth between us and I can’t contain my laughter anymore.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and notice Jay walking toward me. What the hell is he doing here? I look past him to see if Madison is trailing behind. She’s not, thank God.

Jay is scary. I’m not sure why Madison hangs around him but the dude is not attractive, if you ask me. He’s clearly done too many drugs and if I had to guess, he has ink poisoning from the amount of tattoos he is covered in.

He walks up to me, never making eye contact, and bumps my shoulder. “Here’s your stuff.” He hands me something then he walks away without another thought.

Heather’s eyebrows draw in confusion. “Do you know him?”

I shake my head and glance down to my hand. In a little baggy are a red pill and two small white ones.

“What the hell is that?” Heather asks.

“I have no idea.” I look around to see if anyone is looking at us. “I guess he thought I was Madison.” I offer. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

“What are you going to do with them?”