****
Morag had suggested I resume all my tasks as lady of the castle, and I readily accepted, thrilled to have a purpose. She explained my duties, and demonstrated when needed ‘til I was certain I could manage on my own. I began with the kitchen and helping Ana plan the menu. I learned about bannocks, potatoes, oats, and, of course, haggis. Ana was patient as she explained what needed to be done. After we finished planning, she gave me a concerned expression before approaching an issue.
“There’s been a fuss between a couple o’ the women since Ioan returned. I think ‘tis best ye settle it.”
“Oh? What exactly is going on?” My heart thudded in my chest at the mention of Ioan. I hated myself for the jump in my chest at the simple mention of his name, and the jealousy that burned in me just thinking of other women chasing after him.
“Well, ‘twould seem that they both have an interest in the lad, and have taken ta rather extreme measures ta outdo one another. Let’s just say that the work that’s being done is no’ ta the keep, but mostly ta the lad’s room and the womens’ personal appearance.”
“Ahh, so what do you suggest?” I tried to remain calm outwardly, but the thought of those two women in Ioan’s room set my blood to boiling. I gripped my skirt in my hand and twisted it.
“Well, ‘twould seem wise ta give ‘em different assignments.”
“Like?” I glanced to her as I picked up a basket and placed it on the wooden countertop.
“Perhaps laundry or kitchen scrubbin’.” Was that the worst she could come up with? I was thinking mucking stalls or something of the like. I twisted my lips but nodded.
“I’ll introduce ye. I woulda taken care of it meself, but ‘tis better comin’ from the mistress.”
“Aye.” I followed her down the hall and up the stairs where I heard women laughing, and Ioan’s voice rumble. Jealousy speared me, hot and unforgiving. My heart shuddered at the thought of Ioan’s affection belonging to someone else. But after my initial reaction, I was simply angry. Angry at the women for flirting with Ioan, and in his room no less! And angry at Ioan for, once again, playing me like a fool and making me like him more than I should. Finally, I was angry that I had to be self-controlled and address the situation without losing my temper.
Ana gave me a glance and gestured to the open door. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath, then walked inside.
“Ioan, please? Ye promised me!” A fair skinned redhead whined and tugged on his sleeve. Had she no shame? The other woman sauntered from the corner of the room and swung her hips with obvious movement. When she was next to him, she traced down Ioan’s arm with her finger. Neither one had noticed our entrance. The shock of their brazen flirting rendered me speechless. My gaze flickered to Ioan. He was gazing at me like I was driftwood to a drowning man.
“Elle!” he shouted and rushed to hide behind me. Ioan? Hiding behind me? What exactly was going on?
“Sorry, lasses, a thousand apologies, but I canna do what ye ask.”
Ioan spoke as he placed his hands on my shoulders, using me as a human shield. The two women didn’t even have the good sense to look ashamed at being caught in their shameless flirting. They glanced to Ioan as if I didn’t exist. Just who were these women? Wasn’t I their mistress?
“But why, Ioan?” they simpered and pouted but picked up clothes as if remembering they were in his room for another purpose.
“Uh… well, Elle already asked me ta take her on a walk at that time,” he blurted.
Both women gave me cutting glances but averted their eyes quickly, as if that would prevent my noticing. The urge to fight them nearly overwhelmed me. As if Ioan knew, his grip on my shoulder tightened and I relaxed.
“Ye wouldna want ta distress yer mistress, now would ye?” Ana spoke up.
“Of course no’… milady.” Both women bowed their heads and made a quick escape.
“Excuse me?” I called to them as they entered the hall. Both turned but neither made eye contact, rather stared at the floor as if remembering their position.
“I thank ye fer yer hard work, but Ana has some different assignments for ye. Starting now, ye will be workin’ in the scullery an’ laundry.”
Furious glances from the women suggested a deeper resentment than a simple reassignment. Something seemed familiar, not because I remembered them specifically, but rather that the expression was familiar. My mind flashed a picture of two different women, dressed in beautiful gowns, glaring at me in a similar way.
“Elle?” Ioan whispered in my ear and I jumped.
“That will be all.” I nodded to the women and they nodded and walked away.
“Thank ye. I donna ken what I would have done if ye hadn’t come in.” Ioan spoke softly from behind me. The tingling sensation of feeling the body heat radiating from his chest to my back sent my heart to pumping harder. I stepped away and turned, needing to see his face. The face I had seen each night in my dreams.
“Ioan, did I just rescue you?” I smirked playfully.
“Aye, ye did, lass. I’ll owe ye fer it I’m sure.”
“Aye, ye will.” It was so wonderful just to be next to him. His gaze was tender and roamed over my face and once again met my eyes. I grinned, loving how he gazed at me.
“Mistress Elle?” Ana’s voice pulled me from Ioan’s glowing smile.
“Aye?” I turned to face her, my cheeks warming.
“If that will be all, I’ll head ta the kitchen.”
“Of course, Ana. Thank ye fer letting me know o’ the… situation.”
“No trouble a’ tall. Thank ye.” She nodded at Ioan, then me, and bustled down the hall, her skirt swishing against the stone floor.
“So the truth comes out.”
“Hmm?” I turned back toward Ioan and grew suspicious at his knowing grin.
“Here I give ye all the credit for savin’ me when it was Ana!
Tsk tsk
, Elle. ‘Tis a lie.” He drew out his words and leaned back against the doorframe, shaking his head. His hair was curling at the ends and a few wisps escaped his leather tie at the back of his head. Green eyes taunted me.
“No, ‘tisn’t a lie. I coulda’ just walked away ye know… but I came in and saved yer sorry hind from a couple o’ harmless women.”
“Ach, Elle, they may be a lot of things, but harmless isna one o’ them.” He shivered as if horrified at the thought.
“Then I suppose ye do owe me… wouldna ye agree?” Ioan took a deep breath and sagged his shoulders as if meeting his execution.
“I suppose…”
“Good.” I nodded and walked away, knowing that if I stayed close to him for much longer I’d do something foolish, like ask him to pay what he owed in kisses.
“Elle?” I paused and glanced over my shoulder.
“Aye?”
“Fer the record, ye can come in and
clean
my room anytime ye want.” He winked and walked into his room, closing the door behind him with a thud. Though I wanted to push him into the loch again for his arrogant remark, I couldn’t stop the blush that crept up on my face or the warm feeling that swirled in my chest that he wanted
me
in his room. I cleared my throat and choked on a giggle. I traced the stones with my hand as I walked down the stairs, lost in my thoughts of Ioan.
“Elle?” My uncle’s baritone shook me from my daydream. He rounded the corner and motioned for me to follow him into his study.
“Aye, uncle, what is it?”
He walked behind his desk and sat heavily into the chair. It groaned under his considerable weight. The room was dimly lit, and missives were scattered across his desk. A musty smell hung in the air. I glanced down at the floor and folded my hands in front of my body, waiting for my uncle to tell me why I was needed.
“Elle, ‘tis come to me attention that we are facin’ more opposition with the Jacobites than I tho’. I donna feel safe with ye out and about.”
“But, Uncle, I’m never out o’ sight o’ the castle, unless I have your permission! Even then Ioan is with me—”
“I ken lass, but I have reason ta believe that Ioan isn’t enough.”
I waited, silently fuming and also fearing my imprisonment within my own home.
“I’m sendin’ ye away.”
“Excuse me?” I wasn’t expecting that.
“Lass.” My uncle’s expression was weary with worry and heartbreak. Immediately I regretted causing so much trouble for him. He truly did love me.
“I’m sendin’ ye with Ioan ta his clan.” My uncle stood and walked around his desk till he stood in front of me. “Lass, there’s somethin’ else. Ioan’s clan is strong. He’s cousin ta the laird’s son, the one I want ye ta meet.” My blood chilled and I hoped I’d misunderstood my uncle’s implication.
“What do ye mean, uncle?”
“Ye’re a bonny lass, an’as much as I wish ta keep ye here in braids an’ close ta me heart, ye need ta marry and have a few bairns. If ye marry Cullon, then our clans will unite and be better fer it. I willna push ye lass, but keep it in mind when ye go, will ye?”
No, I will not keep it in mind!
I wanted to shout it, shake my head, and walk away. But the torment in my uncle’s eyes, the watery tears that refused to spill as he went on to explain my departure and how he’d miss me, disarmed my anger. He didn’t say I had to marry this Cullon person, simply meet him. I could promise that.
“Donna ferget, lass, get ta know Cullon. He’s a fine lad. Do I have yer word?”
“Aye.”
But don
’
t expect more.
The day of my departure arrived with a clear sky, but my spirits were gloomy. Though thrilled at the idea of adventure, I mourned, leaving the only place that seemed familiar in the lost world of my forgotten memories. Ioan was strangely silent as I said my goodbyes, and he packed the horses. My uncle insisted on lifting me onto Dag, and I blew him a kiss as we passed through the gate. Birds called in the trees and the sun sparkled off the loch, but Ioan remained silent. I watched him but he didn’t acknowledge me. He appeared to either be lost in his thoughts or scanning the trees. We stopped for a meal and the last of my patience was spent when he helped me dismount without even making eye contact.
“What is it that’s botherin’ ye, Ioan? Is it so bad to be stuck with me? Ye would think ye were headin’ to yer own death!” Rather than answer, he gave me a sad smile that seemed to say ‘
You said it, not me.
’
“Ioan, what is it? What are ye dreadin’ so much?” I reached out and grasped his arm. His muscles tightened against my grip, but I wasn’t letting go. With a boldness I refused to dwell on, I traced my fingers down his forearm till I was to his fingers. Heart pounding, I swallowed and caressed his fingers with my own and then held his hand within my grasp.
“Ioan?” I whispered, stepping closer to him.
“Elle, please. ‘Tis hard enough. He’s my cousin, Elle, I willna do this ta him.” Ioan’s voice was steady as he pulled away from my grasp and walked to a large rock and sat down. “He’s a good man, Elle. Ye will be happy with him.”
“Why does everyone want ta marry me off? First me uncle, now ye? Am I such a burden that ye all wish ta get rid o’ me?” I was confused and hurt. Did Ioan see me as a duty? A responsibility to guard ‘til his cousin could take over his job and he’d once again have his freedom? Did he resent me? Is that why he was silent? Yet, his expression spoke otherwise. Confused, I waited for him to explain.
“Elle, did ye tell yer uncle you agreed ta marry my cousin, Cullon?” Ioan’s words were spoken softly, but his expression was carefully guarded.
“Nay.” I shook my head.
“What did ye promise yer uncle?” He waited, watching me closely.
“I promised him that I’d meet Cullon an’ get ta know him.”
“And that’s all?”
“Aye.”
Ioan’s face split into a grin for only a moment before his expression grew grave.
“Elle…” Ioan’s voice was weary. “‘Twould be wise ta marry him.”
“Why?” My heart was breaking. Ioan couldn’t want me if he was pushing me toward his cousin, could he? When his face broke into that mischievous grin, my heart had shuddered, but now he was telling me to marry his cousin. His words were like cold water over my heart.
“‘Tis best fer the clan.”
“But what is best fer me?” My heart hurt and I didn’t care that my question sounded selfish. I gazed at Ioan, willing him to give me a shred of hope that I was wrong in assuming he didn’t want me.
“Ach, me wee haggis…” Ioan walked over to me and tilted my chin up so I’d meet his intense green gaze.
“I hate that name,” I mumbled and Ioan chuckled, but the light I craved to see dancing in his eyes was gone, extinguished.
“Ye love it, lass.”
“No, I do not.”
“So ye are English again, are ye?”
My heart was beating frantically as I stared up into Ioan’s gaze. If my heart was to be broken, I was going to have it done quickly. So before I came to my senses, I asked Ioan the question that would seal the fate of my heart.
“Ioan, do ye want me ta marry yer cousin?” I took a deep breath, expecting Ioan to fight an internal battle and make me wait for an answer. I was wrong. His response was immediate and strong.
“Nay, Elle. I donna want that a’ tall.” Ioan’s fingers moved from my chin and traced the outline of my lips. I closed my eyes in response and my body tingled from the top of my head to my toes. Ioan’s breath tickled my lips a moment before he pressed his to my own with aching softness. I tilted my head to feel more of his lips upon my own, and he responded by running his fingers down my shoulders, caressing my arms, then finally holding my hands. His lips were soft and gentle, but I craved more. I leaned forward, but Ioan pulled away. My eyes opened to see Ioan watching me with a sorrowful expression.
“Elle, I want ye somethin’ fierce, but ye aren’t mine ta take.” Ioan shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck with hand. He glanced away and into the trees. “We need to continue on.”
I couldn’t move or speak. What had begun as the best moment of my life, at least that I could remember, had quickly turned into the worst.
“Ioan—”
“Lass, no’ now. Let’s be off.”
He glanced at me and I nodded. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks. I angrily wiped them away. If Ioan noticed, he didn’t say. He helped me onto Dag’s back, and we rode on in a silence that roared in my ears.