Surviving This Life (13 page)

Liv cradles Emily in her lap and starts rocking her back and forth. “It is going to be okay baby. I love you. You are safe now. Liv has you, always baby.” She kisses the top of her head and tears pour out of her eyes and onto Emily’s head.

I fall to the ground and let my sobs take over. “No. No. No,” I chant over and over. I reach over to touch Emily and she pulls away from my touch.

“I am so sorry Em. Baby I love you. I am so sorry,” I repeat.

Tony and Cade make it down to us.

“What’s wrong? Is she all right?” Cade ask.

I shake my head no and Tony rushes to Liv’s side.

“Hey baby girl. How is my favorite five year old?” Tony asks as he pushes Emily’s hair out of her face and kisses her forehead.

“I.. I got bit Uncle Tony,” she says between her tears.

His face drops and he turns pale white. The tears fall down his face instantly. He doesn’t say anything, he just wraps his arms around her and Liv and holds them as they all three come apart.
I used to be in that group. What has changed besides me finding Cade? Nothing! Not a damn thing!
I stand up and walk to the back of the Hummer. I lean up against it and wrap my arms around myself and cry.

I feel strong arms wrap around me and I turn to see Cade.

“Are you okay babe?” He asks.

I swing my arms around him and burst into tears all over again. “Oh Cade!” I cry. “What have I done? I just wanted to find you and Liv. I thought she would be safe. I never would have left her if I thought this would happen.” I sob.

“I know baby, I know,” he says as he pulls me tight against his chest.

“She won’t even let me touch her Cade.” My body shakes as I weep in his arms. He holds me tighter and rubs my back.

“She will be okay, it’s just a bite we can clean her wounds up and get some bandages for them. She will be fine,” he says into my ear.

I pull back from him and look up at him though my tears, “You don’t know?” I ask.

“I don’t know what?” he says with confusion.

I swallow the lump in my throat, “If you get bit you will die then turn into one of them. There is no getting better from this. She is going to die and it’s all my fault.” I cover my face with my hands and let the tears rain down my face.

I hear Liv scream out and my head jerks up and I run around the car to see a limp Emily in her arms. Tony is trying to make her put Emily down but the more he tugs on her arms to let go of Em, the harder she holds on to her.

“NO DAMN IT! NO!” she screams shaking her head. I have never seen Liv this upset, not even when her favorite Grandma died. Come to think of it I have only seen Liv cry a handful of times, but nothing like this. She is losing it.

Tony looks up at me and pleads with me with his eyes to help him. I ease my way over to her and bend down.

I place my hand on her shoulder, “Liv honey let her go. Sh..She is gone.” I try and swallow back my tears as I speak to her.

She snaps her head around at me, “You!” she glares at me. If looks could kill I would be dead three times over. There is so much fire and hatred in her eyes I have to blink to make sure I am still looking at Liv, my best friend who promised to always love me and be there for me.

“You stupid careless bitch! Get your fucking hand off of me now before I feed it to you!” She hisses as she yanks her shoulder out from under my touch. “You are the reason she is gone! You were so worried about your precious ass
Cade,”
she says his name in a sarcastic tone. “That you left a helpless five year old alone in a car with a road full of eaters. You have no damn right to even say her name again much less speak to me about her!” She turns her attention back to Emily’s body and rubs her hand over her forehead and smooths her hair back over and over. “It’s okay baby girl, you are okay. I am so sorry I couldn’t get to you in time.” She pulls her close to her chest and hugs her tight. She kisses the top of her head. “You can be with your mommy now baby. Watch over me from the clouds. I love you Em.”

Emily’s hand twitches. Liv must not have noticed because she is still holding on to her and kissing her head. Emily’s hand comes up and grabs a hold of Liv’s hair. Her head raises up and I hear the gurgled moans escape her little mouth.

“No,” Liv sobs as she looks Emily in the eye. Emily opens her mouth and goes to bite down on Liv and Liv doesn’t move. She doesn’t even flinch.
Is this what I looked like when Devin was coming for me?
Before her teeth can sink into Liv’s flesh Tony jerks Emily out of Liv’s arms and pushes her away from them. He wraps Liv in his arms and hides her face in his chest.

Cade steps forward with his gun drawn aimed at Emily’s head. I cover my face with my hands.
I can’t watch this.

“Shoot her and I shoot you!” I hear Liv say. I peek out from behind my hands and see Liv with Tony’s handgun pointed right at Cade’s face.

“LIV!” I scream and jump in front of Cade. The gun is now pointed right between my eyes. “Liv you can’t shoot Cade!” I shout.

“Well tell your pretty boy to drop his gun or I will. Is it not bad enough that she is dead because of you, but now you will allow your lover boy to put a bullet in her?” She harshly says never lowering the gun, instead she holds it tighter.

“’Liv come on you won’t shoot Wil, we all know that. Just put the gun down baby,” Tony says then looks over at Cade. “Cade lower yours now. I think we all see she is pretty damn serious about this,” Tony tries to convince him.

“So what we just stand here and let her eat us? Is that what you want Olivia?” Cade asks her.

“I don’t care if you stand here or not but that little girl is not to be touched. Haven’t y’all done enough to her?” Tears stream down her face as she talks.

“Liv is right.” I hang my head in shame, “I have done enough to her the least I can do is walk away now and let her be free and somewhat alive.”

Cade chuckles out an aggravated laugh, “You have got to be shitting me.” He shakes his head in disbelief and lowers his gun.

“Liv babe let’s go,” Tony says as he gently takes the gun out of her hands and leads her to the opened car door.

“We can’t just leave her out here all alone. She is afraid of the dark. What if she gets scared or lonely?” Liv pleads as Tony helps her in the car.

I break down at that point and lose all my self-control. I slump against the Hummer and let the tears fall freely.
How could I have done this to such a sweet little girl? How could I put my best friend through this kind of pain?

Emily’s moans are coming closer again and I think about just setting here and letting her make a meal out of me. I deserve it. But then I remember Cade and I know I can’t do that. I will not put him through the same pain that I just went through not long ago. The same pain that I am going through now, that Liv is going through.

I stand up, wipe my tears away with my sleeve, and climb into the front seat. Cade gets in on the other side. As we are pulling off the top of Emily’s head is peeking over the broken window in the back and I hear a thud as she bangs her body against it with her arms stretched up trying to grab onto someone, anyone.

Liv lets out a heart breaking scream. “No I can’t do this! I can’t leave her!” She goes for the door. Tony pulls her close to him and holds her tight. He whispers sweet words of condolence and understanding in her ear.

I watch as she chases after the car as we pull away. My heart breaks into a million pieces right then and there. “Goodbye Emily, I love you,” I whisper as she gets smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.
How did we get here? How did this all happen?

***

After we leave Emily walking alone, every flesh eater for miles makes me think of her and my guilt level just continues to rise. I sigh and lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes. Liv refuses to even look in my direction, leaving me feeling so disconnected from my best friend. We had never had a fight like this before and I am scared this fight will mean the end of our friendship. I feel so guilty for what I did to Emily, but if I had the choice of staying back at the house without Cade or going with him all over again my choice would still be the same.

Liv doesn’t know the pain of losing Dev like I did. And I know had she been in my shoes she would make the same choice I did even if she won’t admit it. I am not the only one to hold the guilt for all of this.

I peek my eyes open and look to Cade, his grip on the steering wheel is so tight his knuckles are white. He’s holding on so tight I am scared he is going to snap the wheel in half or something. I reach my hand over towards him and rub his leg. His hard eyes quickly turn towards me and back to the road.

“You ok?” I whisper.

“We need gas,” he says and lets out a deep breath.

“Well that isn’t something to break a steering wheel over,” I say and nod my head towards his hand.

He loosens his grip and looks up in the rearview mirror before looking at me once again.

“I am the reason for all the fighting and the reason that little girl lost her life,” he says.

“No you’re not.” I turn my eyes back towards the window.

I don’t want to have this conversation with him or anyone else for that matter. I know where everyone thinks the blame lands. I don’t need a reminder. I am the one who threw the fit to go with Cade. I feel like I am straddling a fence of self-blame and blaming Liv and then back to blaming myself for blaming Liv.

“There’s a store right up the road, let’s hope they have gas left,” Cade says after a few seconds of silence.

The gas station looks like one that would be in a scary movie, like the ones the people always stop at to get the wrong directions and always end up right where the killer wants them. All the windows are busted out and the door is hanging sideways on one hinge.  Cade pulls up beside the pump and stops the car. All of us sit in the car for a few seconds waiting to see what is going to come out. It is eerily quiet. I roll my eyes and open my door stepping out of the car.

Its funny how before the birds chirping and flying around would mean nothing but now it is the only sound you hear besides your own breathing. Cade jumps out of the car and walks around to the gas pumps and immediately starts checking each pump for gas. I start to walk towards the store. When I make it to the door I stand outside for a few seconds listening. One thing I learned from Liv is to listen first and then react.

The inside of the store is quiet so I step around the door and inside. Each shelf is laying down on it’s side, contents scattered all over the floor. The doors on each of the Coke sections are standing wide open with nothing inside them. I glance around and see if there is anything salvageable or useful. I see a couple of canned foods laying on the floor. The cans are dented but not opened so I pick them up. I kick some trash out of my way and keep searching for anything else we could use.

After not finding anything I head back out to the car. When I walk out I see Cade covered in three eaters. He is fighting them off the best he can but even as big as he is I know he needs help. I glance at the car and Liv is sitting there watching him get attacked.
Why would she just watch?
I sprint over to him picking up a piece of the broken off door as I go. I run up and ram the splintered wood right in the eater that is latched onto his back. His arms fall away from Cade’s neck and he falls to the ground.

Cade kicks the eater that is advancing toward him in the gut and it falls back on its ass. He quickly smashes the other with the side of his car door and it slumps to the ground.

“WIL WATCH OUT!” I hear Tony’s warning and spin around just in time to duck down as an eater stumbles forward, almost onto me. It flips over my back and falls to the ground. I raise my boot and bring it down hard onto his head. It splatters like an old pumpkin.

I look up at Tony, “Thanks,” I half-heartedly say.

“No problem. Where’s Liv?” He asked looking around me like she should be out here too.

I roll my eyes and point to the back seat where her eyes are fixed on me.
Did she really just watch as I about got tackled by an eater and didn’t say anything? 

He turns in the direction I am pointing and a look of shock crosses his face. “She didn’t warn you or try to help the whole time?” he asks in disbelief.

“She didn’t do shit but sit in the car Tony.”

He shakes his head, “Sorry Wil she is taking this Emily thing pretty hard. I mean I know all of us are dealing with it in our own way, but she is wrecked. She hasn’t said a word since we left Emily. All she does is sigh and cry or just look out of the window.” He pats me on the shoulder, “Give her time Wil. She will see it wasn’t your fault and stop blaming you. It could've happened to any of us.”

Liv barges out of the car with his last words. “No the fuck it couldn’t have happened to any of us because I wouldn’t have been so stupid and left a five year old alone!” she yells as she slams her car door drawing the attention of every eater in hearing range.

Tony turns around and walks to Liv, “Babe don’t do this now. Let’s get back in the car and get going.” He gently tries to pull her back to the car, but she jerks her arm out of his hands.