Survivor (The Soul Mates Series Book 1) (7 page)

*****

Jake

“So, what have you got?” I was impatient and I knew I was ramming that vibe down the phone line.  I’d heard it beeping when I got back into the house, what I didn’t understand was why the text message was asking me why I hadn’t called him back.

Called him back? I didn’t even know I had a call to respond to.  Then it clicked into place, Cara’s mood change at breakfast and the fuck that felt like an ending rather than the beginning of something spectacular.

That was what prompted me to go and check on her in the first place and seeing her creep across the lot with a back pack on was the last thing I expected.  Luckily I was more worried about her running away and being half trained, something about her screamed revenge at times and giving her just a little bit of knowledge and a lot more confidence could have been just as dangerous.   I had a feeling she was getting tired of waiting for the bad guys.  Removing the sedan keys was supposed to be another shock and awe training lesson, not a fully fledged exercise.  Her reaction at not being able to use the car wasn’t what I expected, her instinct should have kicked in and she should have ran, not crumbled and cried.

“I’m thinkin’ you need to scrape this one off.”

“That bad?”

“Could be, bad enough that I’m thinkin’ Dolly and my girls need a vacation, just until I’m sure I’ve covered my tracks enough.  If I haven’t Hawkstown is gonna be crawlin’ with dodgy fuckin’ Feds, the Mob or both.”

“Shit.  Let’s have it,” my friend was rarely spooked.  Scared stupid enough to get practical and start using his gun oil in large quantities, yes, but spooked enough to tell someone to back down, never.

“The prints match a woman by the name of Antonia Acerbi, youngest missing daughter of the Acerbi Cartel.”

“And?  Not a name that jumps to mind.”

“So well covered even the Feds don’t talk about them openly.  There reach is far and wide my man, right up the fuckin’ food chain.”

“Fuck.”

“This is the real deal, this fuckin’ lot make the rest look like small time players.”

“I don’t get it, she’s a daughter, but I’ve seen her Jonas and this is more than not wantin’ to go home to daddy because he won’t let you have a new Benz.”  I was looking out of the kitchen window, trying like hell to give my full attention to my pal and not remembering the ball blazing sex I’d had on the mats I could see.

“Money.  It’s always about the money and she’s got it.”

“Bullshit, I’ve seen the stash she’s got and it fits into a back pack, if they’re huntin’ her over that little bit of green then they aren’t that big of a deal.”

“No brother, Antonia Acerbi
is
the money, she’s the family fuckin’ accountant.”

“Bullshit.”

“Put it together man, think about, Antonia Acerbi, she’s the real deal.  Double A.”

At that I nearly passed out, “No fuckin’ way.” I whispered, “Antonia Acerbi, AA… Jesus Christ! I thought Double A was a name the Feds and IRS made up to scare rookies and claim overtime.”

“Apparently not and you need to get rid. She’ll bring hell fire with her if they figure out where she is.”

“Maybe,” I replied with no conviction.

“You’ve tapped it haven’t you?”

“Do I ask when you last fucked the wife Jo?  No,” I snapped. 

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” he surmised correctly in return.

“Listen man, tell me you were careful.  It’s impossible to pick out the good Feds from the bad when somethin’ this valuable is in play and I have a feelin’ that once she’s known to either camp, she’s as good as dead.”

“Don’t fuckin’ insult me,” he growled back.  “I’m sensin’ you’re gonna ignore my advice.”

“Too fuckin’ right,” I chuckled.

“Figured as much, seriously though, you need a safe place, you call.”

“Thanks Jonas, Later.”  Hanging up the phone I realized I couldn’t wait for her to come back and she couldn’t call me because she’d discarded my number.  I had to track her down and make sure she was safe.

Reaching for my other cell phone, I opened the app that would show the GPS map reference of the tracker I’d planted in the money, sending a prayer of thanks that she’d been predictable enough to take it with her.  She wasn’t far away, still close enough for me to get on the road and make my way to her.

I felt responsible for her now, after all, she was probably fairly safe holed up in the cabin or just helping my dad.  If we hadn’t pushed it, she’d still be here.

What an absolute crock of shit that was, if I hadn’t fucked her on the practice mats she’d possibly still be here.  I just needed to convince myself that tracking her down was definitely about keeping her safe and not because I wanted to feel her legs wrapped about me whilst she was grinding against my cock.

One last update call to make, “Dad, the game just changed, it’s time to come home.”

I made it fifty miles down the road before I felt my chest begin to burn.  Opening myself up, just a little bit, to feel something had changed the rules of the game.  I wasn’t sure I could go back to just existing again.  What was the point in just existing? 

Feeling affection, not even love, just simple affection being returned from someone who wanted to share in the moment was enough to confirm that.  Jake wasn’t a man forced to love me because it was what the family expected and approved of.  He was attracted to me because I was attractive, simple as that.  In that moment I was a desirable woman, with no killer baggage, pretty enough for a man to want to have sex with.

I wondered how I’d feel when my family finally discovered me, there was no chance at forgiveness, I’d burned that bridge.  Was the pain of feeling physical loss the same as feeling spiritual loss?  Who knew, I’d given up any kind of belief system a long time ago, but whatever the outcome, I knew one day I’d find out.

The thought of starting again was as exhausting as it was depressing.  Every time I squinted in the sunlight streaming through the windows, I dared myself to fully shut my eyes.  I challenged myself to end it all by shutting my eyes and slamming my foot on the gas pedal. 

I could do that and make it all go away.  I could bring things to an end in an instant.

In all the months I’d been preparing myself for the inevitable, I’d never really considered taking my own life.  It had taken a single guy, a chance meeting and a raging need to feel alive again to make that happen.

Feeling the tears relentlessly drip off my chin and hit my thighs was enough, the desperation and total lack of desire to continue what I now knew was a hollow existence, beat me.  As if fate was giving me the go ahead, I saw the Mack truck in the distance, blurring in the sun’s haze.

Sniffing back my emotions, gritting my teeth and taking a deep breath I shut my eyes.  By doing this, by being the person to make the decision of what my future held wouldn’t make the world stop and it didn’t feel scary, it felt liberating.  I opened the windows and could feel the air swirling around me, whipping my hair in to the frenzy I no longer felt now I’d made my decision.  Finally, gripping the steering wheel with determination I began to push down on the accelerator pedal to increase the speed of the car.  Convinced I was nearly upon the truck, I vowed to push myself on, smiling and shouting with a sick pleasure that I was going to be in charge of my fate, not my family.  After a minute or two I heard a car horn beeping wildly, the panic formed and swelled inside me instantaneously causing me to swerve in an attempt to avoid the collision.  My body and instinct had failed me and opted to fight the end result rather than comply with what had been the best outcome for everyone.

My eyes flew open as I left the highway and the car began to bounce along creating a dust cloud behind me, with the windows still open, the dust began to swirl and thicken in the cabin area.  One of the rear tires popped and the sounds caused me to scream as I fought to keep the car stable, praying that wrestling with the brake pedal would calm the unstable fishtailing action.  When I finally came to a standstill I was shaking like a leaf, I had failed and at that precise moment I was neither disappointed nor relieved that my impulsive plan hadn’t succeeded.  I was raised a Catholic girl who wasn’t sure whether to believe, but just recently I’d began to wonder whether there was something bigger than all of us, some life design we were destined to live out to maintain the earth’s balance.

Today wasn’t my day to die.

The end outcome now meant I’d have to take a different path rather than force a plan that wasn’t intended.  I had to believe that my sacrifice would come when it was perfectly timed and its purpose was required for greater good.

Through my watery, grit filled eyes, I could see a motel in the distance, I was mentally drained and didn’t give a rat’s ass whether the car had a blown out tire, I was going to drive my jalopy there and regroup.  I checked in and stripped off my clothes quickly, the sweat and smell of fear was noticeable and I was covered in dust and sand, I needed a shower.  The room was basic but clean and the only plans I had right now were to stand under the shower until the warm water ran out.  I’d gone so long in my cabin without a real TV, that the old set chained to the wall in the room felt almost space age.  The constant noise and flashing lights made me feel anxious so I switched it off in disgust and then forced myself to make a trip to a pizza joint across the road for some take out.

Tomorrow I’d repair the tire, or try and put on the spare, it didn’t matter which and start again.  Find another non-descript town, in a back water community and rebuild myself, hoping that my continued silence meant something to my family, enough for them to forget the hunt.

With a full belly, I climbed under the covers, thinking about the goodness I felt from being touched by Jake.

A while later I woke, it was dark and someone was moving the covers, hysteria was surfacing and I was getting ready to fight, “Easy, easy, it’s just me.”  Even in my exhausted haze, I recognized his voice.

“Please leave,” I whispered deflated.

“I can’t.”

“Jake, please, today was hard enough.  It’ll be even harder tomorrow.”

Jake ignored that completely and climbed into bed beside me, my proclivity to run became operational and I headed for the other side of the bed.  “Please… Cara, just give me a minute.”  I heard the hesitation in his voice and it was then that I knew, he’d finally found out who I was.

“Jake, it’s safer if I’m alone.”

“It’s not Jake.  It’s Ross.”

“You don’t need to tell me anything,” I protested.

“I know that, but trust has to be earned.  This is me, earning it.”  Jake, or Russ, or whoever the hell he was, held his arms open, inviting me to climb back in the bed.  I couldn’t remember the last time someone wanted to embrace me, offer me safety and kindness.  Fear is a real thing, it’s ugly and breathes deep inside you.  No one wants to feel it.  Everyone will do everything they can to avoid it or make it go away and that’s the reason I chose to climb back in the bed.  When he wrapped his arms around me, I caved completely and started to sob, no one had ever chased me for something good.  In my world, you were always where you were supposed to be or you were dead, the chase was just a prelude to the inevitable. 

“Hey now come on, calm down, you’re OK and you’re safe,” he soothed, running his hand through my hair, resting his lips through the top of my head whilst he spoke.

“I’m not and neither are you whilst you’re with me.”

“I can handle myself Cara.”

“You wouldn’t have to handle yourself if I wasn’t around.  I’ll bring the devil to your door eventually.”

“Technically you didn’t, my dad did and trust me, we’re capable of handlin’ ourselves,” he repeated.

“Tell me something, anything,” I asked him, realizing that his gravelly voice made me feel calmer.

“My name is Ross Wilkes, I work for the government.  I’m an undercover agent for the ATF.”  I stilled the minute he finished and shoved my foot into the bed, ready to haul ass.  “Stop, stop, STOP!” he bellowed, “I’m one of the good guys.”

“There are no good guys.  Not in my experience, the lines are always blurry.”

“That’s not fair, I’ve done nothin’ but help you since we met.  I didn’t tell you because of the undercover bit and most people don’t know, I had to make sure both me and my old man were protected.  We had no idea who you were.”

I made to move again and he clamped his arms around me, it was like being constricted by a python.  “Well I think you now know, so forget you’ve seen me and met me, hell, even fucked me and we’ll go our separate ways.”  My words seemed to anger him, but I was simply past caring, I couldn’t trust a government Fed, my father had more of them on his payroll than he did normal criminals.

“Firstly, think about all I’ve done.  I could have hauled your ass to an office ages ago.  Think about how I’ve tried to help you.  Secondly, I know one thing for sure, I won’t forget about fuckin’ you anytime soon.”  The atmosphere in the room seemed to crackle with his admission, it seemed like it wasn’t just me that was affected by what we did earlier today.

Slowly I began to take in words computing them and thinking, or rather remembering.  I called up my memory banks and payroll files and confirmed I’d never seen that name listed.  It was one of these crazy times my gift actually came in useful.

“How’s it working out for you so far, the thinkin’?” he asked, it seems like I’d zoned out for a while and Ross was trying to see where I was at.

“I have a hard time trusting people, it’s not a trait I was taught growing up and on the very rare occasion I felt brave enough, those people either let me down or
disappeared
from my life.”

“Figures, listen I don’t know what the solution is to your problem because I’m still kinda in the dark, but you can trust I will do all I can to keep you safe.”

I considered the probability that he was insincere and calculated his words using a type of mathematical formula, because it was the only way I knew how.  His reasons for not revealing his true identity were sound, he had helped me and even given me a weapon.  I dug as deep as possible and didn’t get the feeling I was being sucker punched.  “What do you want to know?”

“Anythin’ you wanna share baby.”

“Who helped you identify me and how?”

“An old pal, completely trustworthy.  Out of the services but has as much clearance and access to information as the fuckin’ president.  Do not worry about that.  I sent him some hair from your brush and some fingerprints.” Ross shrugged it off, like it was no big deal, but he was good at this undercover stuff, with him focusing on my training I penned him as ex army or commando.

“Am I a case?  Are you working me?”

“No, I’m on vacation.  You can thank my old man and his need to save a pretty girl for gettin’ me involved,” he laughed.

“I love your dad, he’s been my only friend since I left.  Where is he?”

“Vegas.  Annual reunion with some buddies.  He’s on his way back, he’s sharp as anything, so he’s good to have around to keep an eye on things.”

“OK,” I felt a bit of warmth spread through my body, these strangers were taking me on, joining my fight and I could feel it.  Their reassurance gave me a glimmer of hope.

Ross’s demeanor changed, he became serious, “I want to hear your real name Cara,” he whispered.

“I can’t do it.  I can’t say it.  If I say it, it’s real, she’s real and still exists.  That name, that girl scares me.”

“I’m right here baby, you’re safe.  I’ve got you.”  And he had.  Even though he was fully clothed, under my sheets and the room was still dark, I felt safer than I had in years and I was feeling brave enough to do it.

“A… Antonia.”I stuttered, “Antonia Acerbi.”

“It’s a fuckin’ beautiful name.”

“I feel so many emotions when I hear it.  Scared, privileged, entitled and right now, it’s like she’s a stranger, someone I knew who’s died.”

“It’s OK, I understand more than anyone about havin’ an identity crisis.  I spend more time as someone else, someone made up and created that half the time I don’t know who the fuck I am.”

“Really?”

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” he threw back.

“I daren’t find myself, who I want to be, until the scary life isn’t a threat anymore.  It would kill me to lose something I’ve been working so hard, something I’ve risked everything for.”

Ross, I could see him clearer now, was quiet for a while.  Losing the identity of Jake removed some of the unknown and made him real and tangible.  “I understand that too, I’ll make you a deal, we’ll help each other find who we’re meant to be.”

“It scares the shit out of me that I like the sound of that,” I admitted.

“Me too baby, me too.  Get some sleep and we’ll talk some more in the mornin’.”

I snuggled down deep, thinking for the first time I was looking forward to going to sleep at night.  I mean, finally, real proper sleep, no half way state where I had to listen to the world around me.  No fear coursing through my body.  I even dared to hope, that tonight would be the first night I’d sleep without recurring nightmares because of this guardian angel.  He’d swooped into my world and just like earlier, I began to see it as some kind of divine intervention and a sign that this was all part of Gods bigger plan for me.