Suspicions (19 page)
Authors: Sasha Campbell
24
Chauncey
“I don't know if I can do this.”
Candace took my hand. “Yes, you can. Just go in there with your head up high and show your father what he missed not being a part of your life.”
That was easy for her to say, her parents were still together, and she and her father had the type of relationship I would do anything to have. She also didn't have to live with the fact she had done time in jail. It was a talk we still hadn't had, but I was going to have to make the time. I was planning a romantic weekend for two in Wisconsin. I figured we'd see the sites after I told her about my past. I was hoping that it was a long enough drive that by the time we made it back to Chicago, she would have found it in her heart to forgive me for not being honest with her.
I turned off the ignition. “A'ight. Let's do this.”
I saw my sister's red Camry coming up the road. I waited until she parked at the end of the block before we climbed out. While Candace got Miasha out her car seat, I reached on the back seat for the cheesecake that Candace had made. I wouldn't have brought anything if it hadn't been for her. My mind had been consumed with thoughts about how this day would go down. I looked over at the two-story brick house located in Oak Park, Illinois. After working more than thirty years for the CTA, my father had done well.
I closed the car door just as Linda and her date got out. As soon as I saw him rise from the passenger's side, my mouth dropped. “Are you for real?” No wonder she wanted me to come with her. Dude was white.
Candace moved beside me and looked equally surprised. “You didn't tell me her boyfriend was white,” she murmured.
“That's because she didn't tell me.” I was certain my little sis purposely left out that piece of information. We had planned on getting together before the family reunion so she could meet my girl, but we could never work out a good time. But a white boy? I pictured her being open to all things, but this wasn't one of them. The way they were holding hands and grinning at each other, it was obvious she was really feeling the dude.
“Hey, big brother,” she called, as she moved across the street to where we were standing.
“Whassup.” I met Linda halfway and immediately noticed she was avoiding eye contact. That's okay, because the first chance I get her alone we were going to have a talk.
Linda leaned in close to the dude. “Well, this is the guy I've been telling you about.” She got this dreamy look in her eyes for a second, then said, “Tommy, this is my brother Chauncey.”
“It's a pleasure meeting you,” he said by way of a greeting followed by a handshake.
“Same here.” For a white boy he wasn't bad looking. He wasn't one of those trying to fit in by acting black. He was a true all-American Caucasian kid with blond hair and blue eyes, exactly what one would picture as a doctor.
I introduced them to Candace; then we all headed up the sidewalk. Linda came around beside me and squeezed my hand. I glanced down at her pleading eyes. She knew how to get to me every time. “I'm so glad you came, Chauncey. This means a lot to me.”
“Anything for you.”
Miasha was holding her mother's hand and I walked in front of them. Two men were standing in front of the house talking.
“Uncle Carl. You remember Chauncey?” Linda said after giving one of them a big hug.
The tall man rose slowly and removed his hat. “Well, I'll be damned,” he said, smiling yet tearful. “I haven't seen you since you were but
that
tall.” He lowered his hand to his knee.
that
tall.” He lowered his hand to his knee.
“Yeah, it's been a long long time,” I replied, embracing him. I never forgot all the shiny quarters he used to give me.
“Welcome home, son.” He made me feel at home and I got all misty eyed. I pulled it together before he released me.
I introduced him to my girls; then we followed Linda through the side gate and entered the backyard. There was music playing. Ribs could be smelled, cooking on the grill, and people were laughing, playing cards and having a good time. Linda led us around, introducing us to everyone, and I didn't miss the look on everyone's face at the mention that I was Fred's son, especially since some had never seen me before. What blew my mind was that instead of people saying,“I didn't know Fred had a son,” I heard, “I heard a lot about you.”
“It's good to see you again.”
“It's about time you came back home.”
My two aunts smothered me with kisses, then took the liberty of introducing me to dozens of cousins. I smiled, shook hands, and within minutes felt right at home, almost like I belonged, but I wasn't trying to fool myself into believing that. This life had been taken away from me when I was too young to understand why. No matter how good they made me feel, I was still a stranger looking in.
It wasn't until we reached the corner of the yard that a tall, butter brown man moved toward us. That face, although older, had been stuck in my head since I was a kid. For a moment it felt like time had stopped. It was like our entire life together flashed before my eyes. I saw him smiling down at me, pushing my swing, teaching me how to hold a bat. Those were the memories I had tried to hold on to for so long before Mama told me the truth about my father.
“Son, I'm glad you came.”
It was his home, yet he looked more out of place than I felt. I swore there were tears in his eyes, yet I simply nodded when what I wanted to do was punch him in his mouth and demand he tell me why he denied my existence all those years. I wanted to know why he turned his back on me and forgot he had a son when I so badly needed a father. Linda put her hand to my back. I knew she was trying to calm me down and some of my tension eased. Now was not the time. We had family and children around, along with my girl and Miasha. I took a deep breath and walked away, and didn't realize until I reached the other side of the yard that my hands were balled in tight fists. I didn't know if the anger would ever go away.
I'll have to say, for the rest of the afternoon, I had a ball hanging with my cousins, playing basketball and shooting the shit. It felt good knowing the same blood ran through all our veins. Mama's family was small and so spread out we rarely ever got together as a whole except for funerals. But the Colemans were a large group.
After I won the last game, I moved up behind Candace, who was talking to my stepmother, and wrapped my arms around her waist. I loved the way she leaned back against me, making me feel like I was her man and as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered.
“Chauncey, you've got a great girl.” Elaine smiled and looked so much like my sister, Linda. I liked her right away. When I looked at her beautiful face with her strong Nigerian features and friendly eyes, not once did I think of her as the female who stole my father away from me and my mama. I'm a true believer that all's fair in love and war. What I didn't excuse was any man who turned his back on his children. “Don't be a stranger. You're welcome to our house any time.”
“Thanks, Elaine. Appreciate it.”
We were chatting, the three of us, when my father moved up beside me and tapped me on the shoulder. I jerked away from his touch.
“Sorry, I, uh, would like a chance to talk to you . . . alone . . . please,” he pleaded.
I was ready to tell him to go to hell, but the worried looks on Elaine's and Candace's faces made me think twice. There was no need for a scene.
“Be nice,” Candace warned under her breath.
I followed him inside the house away from the others so they couldn't hear our conversation. Once he shut the sliding glass door, I swung around with my arms crossed. “What you wanna talk about?”
My father's eyebrows bunched like he couldn't believe I would ask such a thing. “Us. You're my son and I would like a chance to get to know you.”
I gave him a look meant to squash any expectation of us ever having any type of relationship. “Why? You weren't interested all this time, so what's going to make now different?” I was pouting and knew it, especially since deep down I really wanted answers.
“Now that you're grown, your mother is no longer standing in the way of me being around my son.”
“What?” I stepped to him, breathing fire now. There was no way I was going to let him talk bad about my mama. Maybe she and I didn't have the best relationship, but she had been there when I needed her most. “What's she gotta do with you turning your back on me?”
He tried to reach out to me, but I backed away, so instead, he put his hands in his front pockets. “Son, I'll admit I did your mama dirty,” he began shamefully. “I was wrong for the way I treated her and I'll have to answer to God someday; but even though she and I were no longer together, I still tried to be a part of your life, but your mother wouldn't let me.”
“You're lying!” There was no way he was going to get me to believe she was the reason why he had not been a part of my life.
“Son, it's true. She refused to let me see you. Luckily, Ms. Hattie was nice enough to let me sneak by and see you every day, but once she died . . . I had no way to see you. Your mama still refused to let me be in your life, and I didn't have the money to try and fight her in court. I would call her from time to time, drop by on your birthday and Christmas with gifts, and beg her to let me see you, but she refused.”
I couldn't breathe. No way was this happening. “Quit lying!” I got all up in his face ready to punch him in his mouth for lying about my mama. Yet, I couldn't do it.
“Son, it's the truth.” I studied his face and watched his bottom lip quiver. I didn't even know this man, but I couldn't deny what I saw right dead in front of me. He wasn't lying, but yet and still, I wasn't ready to believe it.
Tears glistened in his eyes and his expression struck a nerve. “That's why I came to you the day after you graduated eighth grade, hoping that I would finally have a chance to be a part of your life, but before I could explain, you stormed off.”
I remembered that day. The second he walked up and told me how proud he was, I spit on the ground and walked away.
“Chauncey, you are my son and I've always loved you. I figured the only chance I ever had was by you getting to know your sister. She wrote the letters and I made sure you always had money on your books and magazines to read. I hoped that in time you would welcome me into your life again.”
I kept shaking my head. I couldn't believe it had been him making sure I always had toiletries and reading materials. I never had to beg or want for anything. For five years, I had thought all that time it had been Linda sending me those things, yet it had been him.
“If you cared that much, why didn't you try to write me or come see me?”
“Would you have put me on the visitor's list? Would you have returned any of my letters?”
“No, I wouldn't.”
My father tried to resist a smile and so did I. I guess he knew me better than I knew myself.
“Son, all I want to do is start over. All I ask for is a chance.” He was pleading, and it was his own fault our relationship was the way it was.
I looked through the glass doors and spotted Elaine and Candace, making it no secret they were watching and waiting to see what would happen. I then looked over at all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, people I had never gotten a chance to know, and the little boy inside wanted so badly to feel part of something. Unfortunately, the man in me wasn't that easy to convince. “I'll think about it.”
He nodded and looked pleased with my answer. “That's all I ask for.”
I turned and walked away and signaled to Candace it was time to go. If I didn't get away from there, I was going to grab that man and cry like a baby. Deep down I was happy to have a father again.
25
Noelle
“Hello. Is this Rianna?”
“Yeah, who's this?”
“This is Scott Gordon's mother. I'm calling to see if you gave birth to a child and left her on my doorstep.”
Click
.
.
No, she didn't hang up on me. All I did was ask her a question. I dialed her phone back and she answered after three rings.
“I guess I should take that as a no.”
“A baby? Are you for real? I couldn't even stand him kissing me. Scott liked to slob in my mouth.”
Click.
Click.
When she hung up, I didn't bother calling her back. Instead, I scratched her name off the list. This was ridiculous. If my son hadn't been sleeping with almost every girl at his high school, I wouldn't have to be working so hard. I spent the last week trying to track down every girl my son's been involved with and had yet to find one person who has had a baby or knows of a female who did. I turned the page of the yearbook. So far I had gone through all the graduating seniors in the book. Now it was time to start calling the former juniors. Someone knew something, and I was determined to find out what it was.
Regardless of what the outcome was, there was no denying I had fallen in love with my granddaughter. Every time she looked up at me I saw so much of my son. It was amazing how much they looked alike. Which was why I was determined to find out who the mother was so we could decide how to proceed. Scott didn't have any luck finding the girl he knocked up. However, he promised to be home after finals, then together we could find Sierra's mother. In the meantime, I was going to continue to look for her on my own.
I left the salon around three, picked up Sierra, and headed home. Grant was leaving in four days and the tension was still heavy between us. Every day was the same thing. We stepped around each other and barely spoke. Often I found him staring and watching, like he wanted to say something but nothing came out. I didn't know what was bothering him and what had caused our marriage to sour, but I was tired of worrying myself to death about the whole thing. I decided to just leave it in God's hands.
I stepped inside the house, carrying Sierra in her car seat. Grant was sitting on the couch in the living room.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” he said, and didn't bother looking up from the television.
I went to our bedroom feeling frustrated as I asked myself, was this what my marriage had come to? My husband spent more time hanging out in the streets with his friends than he did with his wife. I knew in the past I had neglected my husband's needs and had put the salon first, but I thought our marriage was strong enough to survive anything. I guess that's what I get for thinking.
I fed Sierra, burped her, then rocked her to sleep. The second I lay her in her crib, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and jump in the shower. Grant was still downstairs watching television. I was hoping that since we had only four days left together, he might feel like talking this evening.
I was in the shower for what felt like forever, thinking about my failed marriage and trying to decide what it was going to take to get it back on track after Grant got back. One thing was for sure. I could no longer go on like this. Either he was ready to seek marriage counseling or I was ready for him to find another place to live. I'm sure one of his drinking buddies would be more than happy to let him move in. Under the spray of water, I bowed my head and prayed to God to help me save my marriage.
By the time I stepped out the shower, I heard Sierra crying and groaned. There was no telling how long she had been awake, crying her eyes out. I quickly reached for a towel and wrapped it around my body. As I stepped out the bathroom, I suddenly halted. Sierra had stopped crying. I moved down the hall and when I heard Grant's voice, I froze.
“Little lady, what's all that noise for? You want someone to talk to?” He was speaking in a soothing voice that I hadn't heard him use in years.
“Hey? How's it going? Do you know I'm your grandpa?”
I stood outside the bedroom door and watched my husband sitting in the rocking chair, cradling his granddaughter gently in his arms. I was so choked up at the sight of the two of them, I didn't know what to say. Not once since she had moved into our house had he held her. Now he was holding her like she was the most precious thing and talking to her like they'd known each other for years.
I stood there for what felt like forever, with him rocking in the chair until she finally went back to sleep. Grant carried her over to the crib and lay her gently on her back. When he swung around our eyes met and I swore his were cloudy with tears.
“She looks just like Scott,” he replied.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“Come're,” he commanded, and I didn't waste any time moving into his outstretched arms. “I am so sorry. So very sorry.” He kept saying it over and over as he held me tightly.
“For what?” I finally asked, because I needed to make sure he was apologizing for the right thing.
“For my behavior the last couple of months.” I was just glad to have him holding me. He brought his lips to mine and I kissed him back, loving the way it felt just to be touched by my husband. “I've been so stupid.” He backed me slowly out the room and down the hall to our bedroom, where we helped each other out of our clothes and I wasted no time getting under the covers. Not once did my eyes leave his body.
“Noelle,” he said, and crawled on the bed beside me. I couldn't stop looking at him. My nipples hardened. Moisture gathered between my thighs. “Baby, I'm going to warn you. The first time's going to be quick. I promise the second one I will take my time.” He put his hands between my thighs and rubbed his finger along my kitty. I arched my back anticipating what he was about to do. I was breathless with anticipation.
Slowly, Grant slid inside. I sighed and lifted my hips off the bed. It felt so good having him make love to me again. I moaned as he rocked, and before long his strokes became stronger. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to control the rhythm, but he lowered my thighs back to the bed so he could move as deep and hard as he wanted.
“Yes, baby,” I moaned. Grant grabbed my hips, holding me in place, and pumped wildly. My back bowed as his thumb found my clit and pressed against it. He rubbed while he stroked. “Yessss!” I screamed, and he covered his mouth with mine, silencing me so I wouldn't wake Sierra. I came hard. His breathing increased and then he came. I don't think we lay there more than fifteen minutes before he was inside of me again. It went on and on and I swore my husband couldn't get enough of me. I lost count of my orgasms and half lost my mind, crying and shaking for the next two hours until he finally cried out and collapsed on top of me. We lay there holding each other until our hearts slowed; then Grant raised up in the bed and stared down at me.
“Baby, there is no excuse for my behavior,” he said by way of an apology.
There was no way I was letting him off the hook that easily. Not after everything he put me through. “Why? Why were you acting that way?”
“I was scared.”
I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. “Scared of what?”
He bowed his head, then breathed, “Of getting old.”
“Getting old?” I totally didn't understand what the hell he was getting at.
Grant rolled onto his back with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke. “I guess I'm scared of getting old. I looked in the mirror one morning and realized I was forty. We spent years struggling to make ends meet and raising kids. Now that we're in a better position financially and can enjoy life a little, there's another baby in the house. Having a grandchild scared me, because it means that I'm getting old and time is running out.” He sighed heavily. “I know now that sounds crazy, but I don't want to sit back one day and see that life has passed us by. We never got to do anything or go anywhere because all we ever did was raise kids and work hard. It wasn't until I held that little girl I realized that we are truly blessed enough that we can open up our home and offer her a good life. She's a Gordon. I can see it in her face and her eyes, and we Gordons stick together.”
I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest. My husband was going through a midlife crisis and I hadn't seen it coming. “I'm so glad to hear that. I was so afraid, I didn't know what else to do.”
“I'm sorry, baby. You forgive me?” he asked, turning on his side and facing me.
“Yes, I forgive you.” I was just glad that we were talking again. I was confident that in time things would be back to normal.
“The whole teaching overseas was because it was something I had always wanted to do and I was afraid I might not get another chance. But if you don't want me to go, I understand.” His mouth said one thing, but his eyes said another. The opportunity was important to him.
I would rather he stay here than be in another country for a month with other teachers from around the world. I guarantee there will be females. I bet the first chance one of them gets, they're gonna try and make a pass at my husband. But as much as I wanted to say no, I knew it wasn't fair of me. I needed to trust him. “No, you go. I know how much this experience means to you.”
I watched his shoulders sag with relief and a smile curl his succulent lips. “I love you, baby,” he replied with a kiss.
“And I love you.”
I put in a movie and we cuddled under the covers until Sierra started screaming, then Grant went and got her and she joined us. I couldn't help but smile because this was the way it was supposed to be.
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