Suspicions of the Heart (21 page)

Candy cringed, remembering how Fargate
and her father both accused her of being such an ice-maiden. "I
made some mistakes, I'll admit. I married you because my father
wanted me to. Not because I was crazy in love with you. And you
showed me that first night exactly how much you cared for me. You
were drunk and impatient with me. You took me like an animal."
Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to let him see
them.

Fargate came around to look at her in
the face. "Okay, I'll admit I was a little rough. I thought you
were worldly. I thought, from your flirting, you'd been around. But
you never gave me another chance to make it up to you."

"And never will."

"You don't mean that. My God, but
you're so judgmental."

That hurt. It hurt because it was the
truth. She had judged Fargate and Joe and everyone else around her.
It hurt for her to listen to Fargate gloat about it. Just then Joe
rode up, gave his reins to Sam and headed toward them until the
ringing phone sidetracked him.

"You're still the cold little bitch,
aren't you?" Fargate rasped, seeing the expression of
disappointment on her face.

"Sorry to interrupt, Fargate, but
there's a long distance call for you in the den," Joe came back to
say.

The interruption was welcomed. Candy
was shaking with a unspent fury. Fargate stalked away with a frown.
Candy followed Joe into the barn. When he glanced over his shoulder
at her, she nervously licked her lips and reached for the pail of
scratch, scattering it around the barn floor for the chickens.
"It's about time I earned my keep," she said with a nervous laugh.
She couldn't keep her eyes off him, and he wouldn't even give her a
quick glance over his shoulder.

Corded muscles flexed against the
material of his shirt and he lifted the bales of hay from the
floor, spreading them along the stalls, totally ignoring her. Long
legs stretched to lean hips, a flat stomach and up to wide
shoulders. Candy's gaze went over him. She never tired of looking
at him. Wild churning in her lower stomach flitted through her.
What was wrong with her? She acted as though she were hungry for
the sight of him. She turned to go when she heard his voice, low
and throaty.

"Sorry I interrupted your little chat
with Fargate."

"Are you?" she challenged
boldly.

He ignored the jab. "I'm surprised you
didn't tell the Sheriff about your real suspicions," he said in a
mocking tone.

The feed filtered slowly through her
fingers. Then she set it on the shelf once more and looked at
him.

"Believe it or not, I was trying to
give you the benefit of the doubt. I've never thanked you for your
hospitality. I was raised with better manners."

"Consider it done, then," he called
over his shoulder. From his tone, he implied her
unwelcome.

"Well, we might as well mend the
fences, looks as though we might end up relatives, or
something."

Joe dropped the bale of hay and turned
his stormy gaze on her. "Relatives? What are you talking about
now?"

"About Aggie and Uncle Roscoe, of
course. Honestly, I've never seen anyone so slow." There! She
dropped the hint like a time bomb.

"What about them?" He neared her,
peering over the gate of the stall.

"You figure it out," she shrugged and
started to leave, brushing past him, only to be captured by two
strong hands and whirled about to face him.

"You mean…"

"That's right."

"Did Roscoe tell you this?" he asked,
his brow rising.

"No," she answered levelly, trying to
stop her rioting emotions. The fact that he held her by the
shoulders did little to unsettle her frayed nerves. Her heartbeat
began to drum to a familiar beat.

His eyes left hers. "I'm glad for them.
Aggie's been alone too long. Is this what's brought on the change
in your attitude lately?"

"Change? I thought we should attempt to
get along. Yes."

"Especially since we're going to be all
one big family." He nodded. "Will that solve things? Will you
suddenly trust me? No!" he was answering before she could
reply.

"You make it awfully hard for a girl to
apologize," she snapped, anger surfacing.

A tight muscle flexed in his jaw, as
his blue gaze bore into her. "Apology accepted," he replied huskily
as a finger gently stoked her cheek.

"I don't want to fight with you
anymore," she murmured as she gave a little whimper from his
touch.

"Don't you?" he asked, his voice
lowering, their eyes locking.

"No," she smiled and closed her
eyes.

It seemed like ages before his lips
finally fastened onto hers, flaring into sweetness she couldn't
resist. As if it were all she was waiting for, her arms flew about
his neck, inviting the next kiss. Her lips parted voluntarily as
his tongue gently explored hers. When he groaned with satisfaction,
she arched herself toward him, melting into his embrace.

One hand went about her hips to draw
her up against him. The other wrapped about her breast and squeezed
gently until it firmed and peaked from his magic touch. Candy could
only respond.

He had proven something that she had
only dreamed was true. A man could be gentle and loving with a
woman. She ached to know more, but soon he pulled away, their eyes
locked onto each other once more.

A slow smile spread over his face as he
pulled her back into the cradle of his arms. "There's something
very good between us." His lips continued to graze her temple, her
ear, her cheek, her nose as he spoke. His breath fanned her like a
gentle breeze. But he suddenly pulled away and held her at arm's
length. "Don't look at me like that. I want to be with you more
than I've wanted to be with any woman, but it's not going to work,
Candy, until you can trust me. Without reservations."

Her eyes fell, along with her heart.
Was he rejecting her? He wanted her to trust him. He dropped his
hands from her and started for the door. She called out to him in a
hoarse, half whisper. "Joe?"

He half turned. "Yes."

"Am I an ice-maiden?"

His somber expression brightened.
"Hardly."

"Thanks for that," she returned with a
real smile. "Friends?"

His back stiffened, and for a long
moment he didn't answer. But as he turned away, he muttered
roughly, "Yeah, sure." Then he was gone. And she felt as though a
cold wind had swept over her, chilling her to the bone.

Trust. Could she trust him?

Chapter
Thirteen

Candy tried to forget how much she had
wanted to be in Joe's arms, but she couldn't. She didn't understand
those feelings. Not after what she'd been through. She'd vowed a
long time ago not to ever get too close to another man. Not after
her wedding night. Perhaps she'd been too rash, but being around
Fargate again reminded her why she resisted him so
easily.

But she was drawn to Joe, and she
couldn't stop the pull he had on her any more than she could stop
breathing. Desperate for answers, and not having anyone she felt
she could turn to, she chose Aggie as her confidant.

"Oh, Aggie, I've got to talk to you,"
Candy cried as Aggie came in from hanging a load of wash on the
line the next morning.

"Well sure, hon, talk away." Aggie
continued her task.

"No," Candy glanced around them. The
men had rode out at daybreak and only a couple of ranch hands were
anywhere in sight. "This is really private. I mean very private."
Candy pulled her by the arm and walked her toward the kitchen's
back door.

"Okay, no one's home but you and me.
The boys will be coming in for a little lunch, but we got a little
time. My goodness, you've gone white around the gills, girl. Come
on, we'll have a glass of iced tea and talk." Aggie followed
her.

Aggie put the tea on the table, plumped
herself into a chair and reared back in it, letting her arms
dangle. A big smile crossed her face. "Okay, what's on your mind,
hon?"

"Sex."

Evidently Aggie hadn't been prepared
for that one. She let the chair fall, and sat up straight. "Well,
now. I'm no expert on the matter, but I'll try to help. What
exactly about… sex?"

"That's just it, Aggie," Candy cried
aloud, wringing her hands together and looking at Aggie helplessly.
"I don't know enough about it. And what I do know, I don't
like."

"Let's take this from the beginning.
'Cause you've lost me somewhere, girl. Are we talking sex in
general, or with a certain person, or what?"

Candy wiggled nervously in the chair,
turning her iced tea glass around and around. "I've been raised
around animals, Aggie. I know all about the birds and the bees, so
to speak. At least, I know the mechanics. And even though my Mama
died when I was very little, I thought I knew all there was to
know. Until..."

"Until what child?"

"Until I got married." Candy stopped
and stared at Aggie, waiting to see the ridicule in her eyes. But
there was none. Only a vague sparkle of something she wasn't sure,
but not ridicule.

"To Fargate?"

"Yes, to Fargate."

"I take it you never had one of these
girl talks with your father or uncle?"

"No, not exactly. I mean they tried.
Dad told me when the time came to take it like a man. Whatever that
meant. Uncle Roscoe tried to talk to me once, but I was so
embarrassed I ran off before he could say much." Candy reddened. "I
was always too embarrassed to talk about it with my friends. I
pretended I knew everything."

"I can certainly understand
that."

Candy squirmed again. "My girlfriends
would start talking about it, and I'd act as though I wasn't the
least bit interested in the subject. They took it to mean I knew
everything and was bored with the subject. I'd change the subject
or giggle like I knew exactly what they were talking about. Just
because I was embarrassed and too proud to tell them
differently."

Aggie nodded. "Again, that's
understandable. Pride gets in the way of a lot of
things."

"So, when I married Fargate I was so
frightened. I mean, I knew kinda what to expect, but not really.
You know what I mean?"

Aggie nodded, but didn't add
anything.

"He was drunk on our wedding night. He
stayed up with my father and they drank into oblivion. Then, when
he came to bed, I was nearly asleep. He tied my hands and feet and
plunged into me like a mad bull. I cried, I screamed, and I vowed
then and there I'd never let another man touch me."

"Oh, Candy, I'm so sorry, darlin'. You
poor little dear." Aggie got up and embraced her, holding her
tightly, and then looking down into her face. "You are right. That
was nothing more than pure sex."

"Exactly, something I want no part of
again," Candy declared vehemently. "Only..."

"Only?" Aggie prompted.

"I want a family of my own, Aggie. And
I know there is only one way to have that family. But I honestly
don't think I could go through that again."

Aggie firmed her lips and nodded. "I
can see your point, but that was sex. Are you saying you want no
part of making love, or having sex?"

"Is there a difference?" Candy asked
innocently. "I mean, well…is there?"

"Oh, yes, there is. You bet your bottom
dollar there is. You just have to have the right partner for one
thing. Your husband as much as raped you on your wedding night.
That isn't the way it's supposed to be. Not by a long
shot."

"He called me an ice-maiden. Still
does. And in a way, he's right. After that night….I couldn't,
wouldn't…."

"After what you've been through with
him, what do you care what he calls you?"

Candy shrugged. "I'm afraid he's right.
I have no confidence in my ability to please a man."

Aggie took her hand and sat down again.
"Tell me, were you in love with him?"

"I don't honestly know." Candy sipped
her tea now, and looked at Aggie over the brim of the
glass.

"Did your heart go crazy every time he
came near?"

Candy shook her head. "No, except with
fear. I didn't know what to do."

"But you've had those feelings before,
those giddy feelings, like you might just die if that person
touched you."

"Yes." Candy nodded. "That's why I'm so
afraid, Aggie. Oh, don't get me wrong, I know what sex is….it's
just…how does one ever come to like it so much?"

Aggie nodded and got up to pour them
another glass. "Don't be afraid. When it's real love it isn't that
way, hon. it's something wonderful and natural. "

"It is?"

"It is." Aggie smiled tenderly at her,
like a mother might with her daughter, Candy thought. "When a man
loves a woman, he isn't brutal at all. He's just the opposite. He's
kind, and gentle, and wanting to make you feel good. You obviously
haven't been made love to or you would know the difference." Aggie
sighed heavily.