Authors: Wendy Higgins
Sweet Evil (6 page)
I
t was already muggy and hot on our balcony at nine the next morning as I took a sip of my cocoa. There was no breeze, and the smell of cow manure wafted from a nearby pasture. Patti came out with her coffee and sniffed, crinkling her nose. She opened her paper and I opened my book. I couldn’t concentrate. Too much had happened at the party last night.
I didn’t like thinking about the day of my birth, partly because it was unnatural to be able to remember that far back, and partly because I couldn’t make sense of it. I didn’t know how it should make me feel, and I didn’t want to feel the wrong thing, if that were even possible. But now that Kaidan had picked that scab, it was bleeding and needed tending.
I called the time before my birth the “dark days.” Not because they were bad, but because being in utero was
dark
. It was like being cradled in a warm hammock at night. What I remembered most was the sound of my mother’s voice. She was singing the first time I was able to hear the warbled sounds. When I thought to try out my limbs, pushing out to meet the firm, smooth resistance surrounding me, she’d push back and laugh, which bounced me. Jonathan LaGray’s voice had been there during my dark days, too, booming gravelly and gruff.
Being born was disorienting—too bright and too cold—but worst of all had been the feeling of having lost some sort of knowledge that had been commonplace during my dark days.
I couldn’t see well with my filmy infant vision, but I remember the impact of the man’s eyes as they bore down on me that day. They were filled with some of the knowledge that I now lacked.
Just say no to drugs, will ya, kid?
I never knew whether the gruff man’s message to me had been serious or sarcastic. I’d never seen him again.
I could still recall the nun, a wrinkled old woman who emitted a pure lavender peace. And Patti, standing over me with her hair falling around her face the day she came to get me. She nearly exploded with love when they placed me in her outstretched hands, as if I were a fragile gift.
That was the only part of the memory I understood, and could therefore cherish freely: the moment I met Patti.
I watched her now as she turned the page of the newspaper and hummed to herself. A train passed by on the hill through a scattering of pine trees.
“I met someone who’s like me,” I said. The train blew its whistle.
The newspaper slipped from Patti’s hands and fell to the floor in a crinkly swoosh. I was taken aback by the black storm cloud of emotion that billowed around her.
“Patti?” I whispered.
“Who was it?” The panic in her voice frightened me. She gripped the edge of the plastic table as if to steady herself.
“I-I don’t really know him,” I stammered, “but I talked to him last night a little.”
“Stay away from him!” She pointed at me for emphasis and stared with giant eyes.
The phone rang inside the apartment as we watched each other. It rang again.
“Get the phone,” she said. “I need to think.”
I jumped up and ran in, answering on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” said a weak and scratchy voice.
“Jay? You sound terrible!” I sat down at the kitchen table and glanced out at Patti. She was sitting with her eyes closed, still holding the table’s edge, her posture rigid.
“I feel terrible,” he said. “How much do you hate me?”
“Don’t be crazy, Jay. I was just worried about you. Are you sick?”
“I feel like I got hit by a Mack truck. I don’t remember everything, but what I do remember makes me feel like a jackass.”
“We were lucky Jana helped,” I said.
“Hmph. I paid for that one. She had me up at seven o’clock making her breakfast before she had to go to work. And I’m not talking about a bowl of cereal. I’m talking eggs and bacon and everything! I couldn’t even stand up straight.”
I held in a laugh as I imagined it.
“What do you remember?” I asked.
“I got mad at you ’cause I thought you were high, so I started chugging a bottle of gin. Ugh. I can’t even think about it or I’ll get sick. Then everyone was coming up to me and asking if I heard about Scott slipping you a drug, and I just lost it. I only remember pieces after that, mostly me tearing through the place trying to find him. Pretty sure I knocked a few people over. Aw, man, I can’t friggin’ believe I got so wasted.”
“Is that all you remember?”
“Yeah. Why? What else did I do?” I looked over and saw Patti standing now, looking out at the trees with her arms across her chest. I kept my voice low.
“There was a minor occurrence involving you, Scott, and a window.”
“Oh, no. Are you serious? Is everyone okay? Did the window break?”
“Yes, it broke, but everyone’s okay. Scott had some cuts and his nose was possibly broken, but I think you mostly hurt his ego. Don’t your knuckles hurt?”
“Everything hurts. Aw, man. There go my summer savings. I need to call Gene and get that window fixed before his folks get back. But was it even true about the drugs? You definitely weren’t acting right when I saw you.”
I paused. Yet another moment when I would’ve preferred to lie. “There was Ecstasy in my drink, and I was feeling it when you saw me, but the full effects didn’t stay with me, for whatever reason.”
He let out a long, angry sound like a rumble.
“Listen, Jay. I want you to let it rest for now.
Please
. Thank you for sticking up for me, but I don’t want you to go after him. I’ll deal with it myself when the time is right. ’Kay?”
“Fine,” he grumbled to placate me. It hadn’t sounded believable.
“Thanks,” I said anyway.
“Hey, wait a minute,” he said. “What the heck was up with you and Kaidan? I was looking for you when I first heard the rumor, but someone said you left with him.”
My tummy wobbled and I looked toward Patti again. She was seriously lost in thought. I whispered now.
“Nothing was up with us. We were talking on the dock. He remembered me.”
“Talking about what? I can barely hear you. Is Patti next to you or something?”
“Yeah, sorry. I don’t know. We talked about drugs, and our parents. Trying to have a conversation with him is really difficult.”
“You two are polar opposites, but it might be good for you. You could use a little fun.”
“Oh, please!” I said, forgetting to be quiet for that one second. “It’s not like that. I can’t explain it.”
“Do you like him?” he asked.
“I’m... intrigued by him,” I confessed.
“All right, all right.” He sounded happy. “That’s a start.”
A start of what, I didn’t know, but I wanted to find out.
P
atti was acting so weird that I shut myself in my bedroom with my book. I would read a few sentences, then think about last night, then read more, then wonder what was up with Patti.
She was not usually a hoverer, but for more than an hour she paced back and forth past my bedroom door.
“Are you okay?” I finally called out to her.
She came in looking sheepish, a nervous gray around her. She sat on the edge of my bed. I crossed my legs to give her room and my full attention.
“Anna.” She cleared her throat. Her eyes were full of moisture and ringed in red. “The day I picked you up from the orphanage—no, let me go back further. This is all going to sound so strange.”
She knew something about me! I grabbed her forearm, greedy for information.
“My whole life has been strange, Patti. If you know something, please tell me. There’s nothing you can say that will scare me, or—”
She let out a huff through her nose and shook her head. “
Everything
that I’m going to tell you will scare you. Honey, I’ve been scared for sixteen years.”
I didn’t respond. I let go of her arm. The look on her face and the dark gray fear surrounding her made my heart thump harder.
“You’ve always been a spiritual person, Anna, but I wonder how much you actually see—how much you believe.”
“You mean God? I believe—”
“I know. But what about... other spirits?” she asked.
“Like ghosts?”
“No. I mean angels.”
My neck and scalp tingled.
“Sure,” I said slowly. “I know scripture talks about angels up there—singing and trumpets and all that.”
“It also talks about angels coming down here to earth. And demons, too.”
“O-
kay
. I know that stuff happened back in the day, or whatever, but what does it have to do with us?”
“You know I was married,” she said. I nodded, confused about where this was going. Patti stood up and paced the floor as she talked. “For three years we tried to conceive. He eventually went to the doctor and found out he wasn’t the problem. That was the beginning of the end for us. I prayed my body would be fixed and we’d be blessed with a baby, but months passed and I never got pregnant. Then one night I had this dream. Actually, I told my husband it was a dream, but I knew it was real.”
She stood still and stared at me. I nodded again, wishing she’d just say it, whatever it was.
“An angel came to me, Anna. He told me there was a baby waiting for me at a convent in Los Angeles.”
A prickle went up my spine. She came and sat down, putting her hand on my knee as if holding me there, as if I would run from her. She spoke faster now.
“I woke up the next morning and told my husband about it, but he said I’d lost my mind. And, in a way, I had. All I knew was that I had to get to you no matter what. I bought a ticket for myself and I begged him to come with me, but he wouldn’t. By the time I got home with you, he was gone. He remarried a year later. But I had you and that was all that mattered to me. Do you believe me so far?”
“Yes, of course.” But even so, my brain was rapidly firing denials against the irrational ideas. I took her hands in mine, hoping to calm her.
“Before they let me take you, one of the nuns who ran the orphanage talked to me. Her name was Sister Ruth. She was the oldest person I’d ever met, at least a hundred years old at that point. She told me she’d been waiting for me and she could sense I was the right woman to raise you.”
“What was that supposed to mean?” I whispered.
She paused, studying my face. “Raising you would require extra care, because you’re more than human, Anna.”
I’d always known I was different, so why did it sound like complete madness?
“Then what am I?” I asked with apprehension.
“Your parents were angels.”
I let out a nervous spurt of laughter, but stopped when Patti didn’t crack a smile.
“Your mother was an angel of light, and your father was...”
“Was what?”
“A demon.”
I had to force myself to breathe.
“That’s not possible,” I whispered. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“Every single thing Sister Ruth warned me about has come true. You told me when you were three years old that you remembered being born. And then all of the other things happened one by one, just like she said they would.”
“You
knew
about all of that?” I was shocked. No wonder Patti never asked any questions. I’d always thought it was strange that she didn’t take me to the doctor for tests when I started getting migraines from the developing senses, given her level of protectiveness over me. I thought maybe she didn’t trust doctors with her
special
girl.
“I’m sorry I never told you.” Patti choked up now. “It never felt like the right time.”
I tried to make sense of it all in my mind. There had to be some logical explanation. But hadn’t I been trying for years to come up with logical reasons for being able to do the things I did?
“Maybe she was an insane old lady with psychic powers or something,” I reasoned.
“Then how do you explain the supernatural things you can do? She said when you got older you’d be able to see the guardian angels, too.”
I thought about that and was struck with a blinding moment of realization.
“The white clouds!”
“You can see them?”
I sat up straight and watched Patti’s cloud. It appeared to be laying its misty hand on her shoulder. I couldn’t make out any features. It was just a hazy blur. Could it really be an angel? I held out my hand and watched as the cloudy hand flitted down from her shoulder and rested in my palm. I couldn’t feel it, but I was overwhelmed with tremendous peace and understanding before it pulled away.
“You see, Anna?” Patti said, watching me intently. “It’s all true. There’s no one else on earth like you. There are others similar to you, but they’re only half of what you are. This is important, Anna. Focus on me.” I was still staring at her guardian angel, but I forced my eyes to hers.
“The others who are like you are all children of
demons
, Anna, demons and humans. Raised by those very demons themselves. So that means this boy you met...”
Where is your angel?
Kaidan’s words came back to me.
“He’s half demon,” I whispered.
It all came together, hitting me sharply in the chest and slithering through me like a flood of cold water.
“I should have told you sooner.” Patti’s tears came now, but I was too shocked to cry with her. “I’ve been selfish. I knew once I told you, there was no going back. Things would change forever. And there are so few of these half demons on earth. What were the chances you’d meet one?”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said. I couldn’t focus on one particular emotion when so much was firing away inside of me. “I just don’t get it. Demons and angels?
Really?
I mean, come on! This is... it’s...”
She walked to my dresser and picked up my Bible. I took a tissue from my nightstand and handed it to her. Patti dabbed her eyes and sniffed, then cleared her throat. She sat down and opened the book in her lap. Passing it to me, she pointed to Genesis, chapter six, verse four. I read it out loud.
“‘The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.’”
I looked up at her, hoping she might explain.
“I’ve done a lot of research over the years,” she said. “The sons of God are the angels. The daughters of men are simply human women. A Nephilim is the child of a heavenly angel or a demon. Demons are merely fallen angels. You are a Nephilim.”
The word seemed familiar.
“I thought Nephilim were giants. Like Goliath.”
“It does mean giant, but you know how the Bible is.” She gave a watery smile. “It’s hard to tell what you should take literally and what’s only metaphorical. It’s easier for people to think of them as a race of actual giant people that have come and gone, or as some genetic mutation. Scripture is full of references to angels and demons, but even believers tend to think of them as fable and fantasy. It’s hard to wrap our minds around so many things we can’t see.”
“But I don’t get it. How could angels or demons have children? They’re spirits, right?”
“They have to possess somebody.”
Eek! Demon possessions. This was getting worse and worse.
“I asked Sister Ruth a lot of questions, and she tried to explain the angelic hierarchy. There are messenger angels, like the one who came to me. The guardian angels are the most nurturing of the souls, chosen for their obedience. They can’t interfere in human lives unless they’re sent divine power to do so. If it’s not someone’s time to die, the guardian angels can perform healing miracles or prevent disasters. Otherwise all they can do is try to soothe our pain. It’s actually very beautiful to think about.” Her eyes stared off wistfully, and I realized she’d spent a lot of time thinking about it over the years.
“I had so many more questions for Sister Ruth, but there just wasn’t time. She gave me a message for you.” Patti’s hands shook as she took the Bible from me and closed it. “She said you’d need to go to her as soon as you were mature enough, which you are.”
“Okay, yes. Definitely.” I needed to meet this Sister Ruth. “Did she say why?”
“She wouldn’t tell me. She has knowledge she’ll share only with you, and it would be too dangerous to write it down. She also said you need to...” Here she closed her eyes and seemed to struggle. “... to see your father.”
It took a lot to make me mad, but thinking of my “father” made me angry now.
“I don’t want to see him.”
“I know. I told her I was against it. The thought of you being in the presence of a demon makes me sick. But I’ll tell you what she told me. She believes your parents were in love. And all angels are capable of the full range of emotion, even the fallen ones. So if he could love your mother, an angel of light, couldn’t he love you, too?”
I thought of his face on the day of my birth as he watched my mother die and her spirit ascend. Yes, he’d loved her. And his eyes had shown no ill will when they looked upon me that day either. But still. All these years without a single word...
“How did the nun know all this?”
“She said she’s one of a kind on earth, like you, only different from you and the others, though she didn’t explain how. Sister Ruth was definitely special. She had a peaceful presence, like you. I’m sorry I don’t have more information, Anna. It was a lot to take in that day.”
“It’s okay, Patti.”
Part of my brain, the realistic part, didn’t want to believe a word of what I was told, but the other half, the heartfelt spiritual part, knew without a doubt it was the truth. My heart usually led the way. But I was aware enough to know that when it all sank in, I would be terrified.
“Did she say anything else about, like, my nature?”
“You’re not evil, if that’s what you’re wondering.” She grabbed my hand and pulled it to her lap, holding it between both her own. “Your ability to feel other people’s emotions comes from your mother. All guardian angels can see and feel human emotions. From your father you’ll have a tendency toward a particular sin, but she didn’t know which one.”
Oh, I was pretty sure I knew. Hello, drugs and alcohol.
“But not evil,” I stated, for the record.
“No, honey, not evil. An evil soul rejects the goodness and love naturally embedded in us from being made in the image of our Creator. You’ll have to fight harder than the average human against temptations, but you can do it. You’re basically a regular girl, but you feel everything stronger, both the good and the bad.” She paused, looking down at my hand in her lap and rubbing it. “Do you forgive me, Anna?” she asked. “For not telling you sooner? I always thought it would make things harder on you if you knew, but now I don’t know whether I did the right thing.”
“I forgive you. I’m not mad.” I leaned forward and hugged her. As we held each other, all of her actions during my entire life came into perspective: the extreme protectiveness to sustain my innocence and keep me hidden, the nurturing without question. I squeezed her tighter, realizing how much she’d given up to raise me. She pulled back now.
“This is why I always encouraged you to call me Patti instead of Mom. I know it sounds silly, but I didn’t want to take that title away from your real mom when I knew she’d be looking down on you. For all intents and purposes, Anna, you are a daughter to me, and I couldn’t love you more.”
I wiped a falling tear from under my eye, and whispered, “I know.”
“So, I have a plan.” She smoothed a hand over my flyaway hair, becoming practical once more. “I don’t have any money saved right now after helping out Nana with her doctor bills, but if I start saving now, we should have enough to make a trip to California by the end of the summer. How does that sound?”
“Great. But I want to get a job, too.”
“Deal. It’s a date, then.” I felt a wave of eagerness as we shook hands. “Now that I’ve told you everything I know, why don’t you tell me all about these superpowers of yours.” We both smiled, excited to finally be able to talk about it.
“Oh, wait. One thing, before you start. I need you to make me a promise.” Her face went hard. A smoky light gray nervousness blended with the pastel green of hope in her aura.
“Okay.”
“Promise me you’ll stay far away from the boy you met.”
I opened my mouth and hesitated. Her guardian angel, as cloudy as it appeared, seemed to stare down at me, waiting.
“Please, Anna,” Patti said. “It’s not safe. There are things I can’t protect you from, so you’ve got to make smart decisions to protect yourself.”
“But—”
“No.” She swiftly cut me off. “I’m not sure what’s up with your father, but you can be darn sure the other demons are evil. Pure,
real
evil
. And this boy was raised by one of them. Understand? I need your promise.”
