Sweet Home Montana (The McKaslin Clan) (12 page)

“I hold back my heart too much,” she admitted.

“It’s how you survived a turbulent childhood.” The way he said it made it sound so reasonable.

“But at what point does it become taking the easier path? Look at my grandmother. She’s lost her parents, her brother, her son in Vietnam, her daughter to disappointment, her sister, her husband and her friends. That’s a lot of loss for one woman, but she’s the most loving and giving person I’ve ever known.”

“If it’s any help, you seem to be doing all right.”

“It means a lot to me that you think so.” She’d never felt so close to someone. Never felt so vulnerable. Her affection and regard for Caleb grew stronger.

She didn’t feel afraid anymore. “This feels like a dream coming true. Being here. Right here.”

Tasha had wandered over and Caleb went back to petting the horses, to Leo’s relief. Caleb cleared his throat. “The thing about dreams coming true—the real kind—they come around pretty rarely. You gotta grab hold of them or they have a way of passing you by.”

She knew he was telling the truth. Her feelings for Caleb had been deepening ever since they’d first met. “What about you?” she asked. “What dreams have you let pass by?”

“I want to show you something.” He held out his hand.

There was a silent invitation in his eyes and something indefinable in the evening air between them. Like a dream sailing close enough for her to touch.

So he felt this, too. She placed her hand in his and felt the rough callused heat of his palm when his fingers twined with hers. Serenity rolled through her, greater than any wish, deeper than any hope had ever been.

With her small hand tucked trustingly within his, Caleb did his best to guard his heart. But he feared he was losing it with every step he took down the road and through his property. The sun began to sink toward the mountains, standing low, painting the underbellies of cotton-ball clouds with shades of peach and gold.

He’d never seen a more beautiful evening. Then again, maybe it wasn’t the scenery but the lady at his side. Twilight crept around the edges and into the lengthening shadows as he held open his backyard gate with his left hand, so he could keep her hand in his. He didn’t want to break the connection between them. He wanted this closeness. Absolutely.

“This is a paradise.” Awe softened her gentle alto into a whisper, as if she were afraid to break the silence.

He knew how that felt. He took in the view of the log home, honey-warm, with numerous wide windows reflecting the rosy gold of the impending sunset. The stone fireplaces matched the pathways leading to the front steps and around the house to the generous patio. It wasn’t as upscale as Mary’s home, but his place could hold its own. Simple native shrubbery were arranged in beds and climbing honeysuckle and roses clung to arbors in the back. The brick grill was new, along with the hot tub. “I made a few improvements.”

“I expected a vintage home like Gran’s. Or an updated farm house, but this looks like something out of a magazine.”

“My grandmother always wanted a log home, so for her sixtieth birthday, my grandfather built her one. It’s on the site of the original farmhouse back when this land was homesteaded by Matthias Stone in the 1860s.”

“I can’t imagine having family roots like this. Until the last few years, I moved about once a year for as long as I can remember. We’re standing on the land your great-grandparents lived on.”

“And my great-great-grandparents. Pretty amazing, huh?”

“It must make you aware of your place in the world.”

“It makes me aware of my family. Of the people who lived well and loved right, who came before me, and my chance here.” He guided her along the pathway, underneath the red-rose arbor. “The original rosebush was planted in 1863. When Matthias and his wife’s first child was born.” Caleb faced the orchard beyond the garden fence. “This is the orchard they planted. The trees have been replaced over time, but it’s basically the same as it was in the 1860s.”

Lauren took in the sight—the gloss of sunlight on full leaves and ripe fruit, the rustling music of the breeze through the orchard and arbors. There was a mix of old and new. Young, chin-high blue spruce rimmed the boundary between garden and grass and orchard, the patio furniture and hot tub were newly installed, and then there were the roses and hydrangea bushes, ancient and thick with brilliant blooms.

Caleb’s hand protectively enclosed over hers
did
feel right. Suddenly, everything fell into place. The realization of who this man was. Of what his family was to him. Of what his life meant here.

“Your grandparents lived and died here,” she said. “You took care of them when they were ailing.”

“I did, but not alone. My brother and his wife, Wendy, moved back from Denver and put their lives on hold to help out, too.”

“You left your life and more behind in Seattle.”

“Your life is where your heart is. If the ‘more’ you’re referring to was my fiancée, she wasn’t right for me. She wasn’t in love with me enough. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t give up Montana for her, because I would. It’s that she didn’t get—” He stopped short of saying more.

“She didn’t get what family is to you.”

“You take care of your family. That is your greatest commitment.”

“I never understood that before.” She thought of her childhood looking through barred windows and security screens, a childhood of cracked sidewalks to play on and colorful graffiti.

She thought of her mom, always away—making connections, going to auditions, cocktail waitressing late nights in the worst places trying to make rent money. “My mother always said she was living out her dreams, that she had to be somebody, make her mark in the world. But she had those things here. Love and a committed husband and kids and a childhood growing up here with parents who adored her. I don’t understand why she left. I always thought she had nothing here to keep her, but she had
everything
.”

“One person’s heaven is another’s purgatory.”

“I suppose, but—” She didn’t remember crossing beneath the arbor, but somehow they were in the middle of the yard. She could see colorful hummingbirds suspended in midair as they drank from the honeysuckle trumpets. She thought of Caleb’s ancestors who had lived and loved and grown old together on this land. It was so peaceful. “People live great lives every day. It’s in how they love and what they stand for when times get tough, staying committed and loving day in and day out, the quiet courage of loving deeply. It’s not famous but it is the only greatness.”

He studied her for a long heartbeat. The air turned opalescent with the fading light and the landscape stilled. The sun melted into the purple edges of the mountains, draining the light from the sky. The clouds burned like flame.

He broke the stillness. “What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?”

A trill of hope lifted through her spirit. Was he asking her out? “Nothing.”

“How about going out with me?”

“I suppose.”

He paused and the sun kept sinking. Her heart waited to beat. When he spoke, his baritone rumbled low, with feeling. With hope. “Do you still think marriage is too risky? That it’s trusting someone too much?”

“Not if it’s the right someone.” She was thankful the sun chose that moment to disappear completely, thickening the shadows and casting their web over her, hiding the affection she knew was on her face. She hoped that Caleb hadn’t been able to see.

And hoped that he had.

Chapter Twelve

T
hroughout the night and all day long, first-date nerves were consuming her. She’d been unable to keep the news from Gran or her sisters. It had been the main topic at lunch, at one of the restaurants near the university campus. It had been fun to share her news and excitement.

However, as evening approached, her excitement turned into a mild case of anxiety. Aubrey had shown up first, for moral support, with Danielle’s little ones in tow. Through the front window of the carriage house, they could keep a sharp eye on little Tyler, who was busy with one of the hoses in the small patch of lawn. Madison had plopped down in the middle of the living room and was beating a wooden spoon against a kettle like a drum, making enough racket to drown out the roar of a jet on takeoff.

Aubrey unzipped the garment bag she’d arrived with. “Okay, I raided both mine and Ava’s closets and this is the best we have. First, a hand-me-down from Katherine. It’s way too classy for either of us, so we’ve never actually worn it. It’s like new. What do you think?”

Lauren’s jaw dropped at the little black dress, modest, exquisite and simply cut. The fabric shimmered and shouted, “expensive.” “Is that silk?”

“Uh, probably.” Aubrey twisted to read the tag. “Yep. You’d look beautiful in this.”

“I’ll probably spill something on it.”

“Okay, I know how that feels. Best not go looking for a disaster, huh?” Aubrey’s smile was understanding as she laid the dress over the back of the couch and reached into the garment bag for the next selection. “Here’s Ava’s best dress. Brace yourself. It’s bright yellow.”

As if bracing herself could possible prepare her for the neon flash of that dress. “I’ve never seen anything that bright and yellow. Not even the sun.”

“Okay, enough said.” Aubrey set the pretty dress aside and reached for the last dress in the bag. “This is my favorite. What do you think?”

At least it didn’t blind her. It was made of soft linen in a lavender shade and had a princess collar. A bias-cut skirt added a little gracefulness. Not too fancy, not too casual. “Perfect. I love it.”

“Super-duper.” Aubrey beamed as she held the dress up to Lauren’s chin. “It complements you. You’ll look so beautiful in it that you’ll take Caleb’s breath away.”

“I just don’t want him to take one look and run in the opposite direction.” Not that she thought that was going to happen, but she didn’t know how to say what she meant. She gazed down at the lovely dress. “This is very nice of you, Aubrey.”

“Hey, it’s what sisters do.” Laying the dress carefully aside, she caught Madison taking off with the wooden spoon toward the open front door, sweeping her up with a kiss to the cheek. “Caught ya! You’re not going anywhere, cutie.”

Madison squealed with glee. “Bah-bup!”

Aubrey set the toddler back on the living room’s braid rug and talked over Madison’s cheerful jabbering. “That lavender dress is one lucky dress. Ava wore it to Brice’s birthday dinner, right before she got engaged. I wore it the evening that I fell in love with William. So, you never know what will happen tonight with Caleb.”

Did she want that? Was it even something she could rationally decide? Her heart seemed to be heading in that direction all on its own. “Let’s be cautious. One step at a time. My classes start next week. I have an internship, a job, an apartment, obligations and little time for a long-distance relationship.”

“That’s not a big deal. You’ll make time for one. You’ll finish your degree. California isn’t that far away. Besides, the campus here has a master’s program. Oh, and you’ve heard of airplanes and cell phones and e-mail, right?”

“Well, yes, but—” She teetered on the edge of hope. How can love prosper with so much distance between anyone? She’d been afraid to let herself think this far.

Last night, walking with Caleb had been so perfect. It should be enough to have a lovely evening sharing meaningful conversation with a worthy man. She was afraid to admit that she longed for more than the life she’d been living. For this kind of life. Maybe with Caleb. And how could she talk about something so personal and new? She wasn’t used to having a confidante.

“Thanks for letting me borrow a dress.” The nicest clothes she’d brought had been a medium-casual dress that would pack well, nothing as nice as this lavender one. She
did
want to impress Caleb. Was that a bad thing to admit?

I care about him. Very much.

Lauren eased back down on the edge of the couch and carefully packed the rejected dress safely into the garment bag. She noticed that Tyler was tossing down the garden hose and racing toward the little gate, where Ava came into sight. She carried two enormous totes, one over each shoulder.

Aubrey clasped her hands together. “I can’t believe it. She’s actually on time for once.”

“Ava’s coming here why…?”

“Sweetie, you have to face the fact that you have sisters now. We are an enmeshed family and proud of it. Believe me, it’s easier if you don’t fight it. Just accept now and acclimate. Trust me.”

“I’m a little afraid to,” Lauren quipped. “Enmeshed? Isn’t that term used to describe a psychologically dysfunctional family?”

“Sure, but we don’t mind. Besides, we like our family that way. You’ll come to like it, too, I know it. Hey, when you think about it, Caleb is practically family. He’s already used to us, so this could be good if you two fell in love—”

The screen door squeaked open without a knock and in walked Tyler. The little boy dripped water and, as a successful firefighter, walked with great importance, toward the kitchen.

“Whew, it’s hot puttin’ out fires.” He stopped to toss them a dimpled grin, pat his sister on top of her head and then marched to the kitchen where he yanked open the refrigerator door.

“I’m so excited.” Ava breezed in, looking just like Aubrey except in head-to-toe pink. “This is totally great. Are you psyched, Lauren?”

“I’m all right.” Or trying to be.

Ava rolled her eyes. “It’ll be totally fine. You two are like made for each other. Caleb’s been majorly bummed for a long time. He needs a soul mate. Besides, you like Montana, right?”

“Sure, but please don’t start planning our wedding.” She liked that Aubrey started laughing. At least this was going to be fun. “It’s only dinner.”

“Sure it is.” Ava plopped the bags on the floor. “So, I brought hair stuff. And I pilfered Katherine’s jewelry, because she has the nicest stuff—”

“Wait, I can’t borrow jewelry, too. What if I lose it? I’m worried enough about spilling something on the dress.”

“Nope, sorry,” Aubrey said, taking one side of Lauren as Ava took the other and sandwiched her on the couch. “This is what we do. So, let’s get a good look at you. Ava, should her hair be up or pulled back?”

“Down. I like how she’s got a little wave to it. It’s bouncy.” Ava squinted, in deep thought.

While Madison sang at the top of her lungs and beat the kettle with all her might, Tyler wandered back into the living room with a grape juice box in hand. He headed back outside to fight more imaginary fires and stopped in the doorway. “It’s Becca!”

Sure enough, there was Rebecca coming on the walk. Lauren was outnumbered.

“It’s too bad Danielle can’t be here.” Aubrey took one of Ava’s totes and unzipped it. “She’s still at the hospital. Has she called you yet?”

“Nope.” Ava shook her head. “Maybe Rebecca’s heard.”

Lauren waited while Aubrey unclipped the barrette from her hair and Ava handed over a comb. Aubrey went to work brushing out Lauren’s hair.

All this help and solidarity did feel sisterly. Lauren relaxed, deciding to savor each moment. “Is this what you guys do for your dates?”

“Well, for me. For a long time before William, Aubrey had a no-dating streak going.” Ava squinted again and considered Lauren’s hair. “Definitely pulled back, Aubrey. You have Mom’s high cheekbones, Lauren. We want to emphasize them. And maybe a little curl. I’ve got a curling iron.”

The door squeaked open. Rebecca slid her backpack to the floor. “This is so exciting,” she said with a smile. “I saw Caleb outside. He’s feeding the horses. Early. You know what that means?”

“He has a late evening planned.” Aubrey finished as she handed over the right kind of barrettes. “Wait—a
romantic
evening planned. I think he’s pretty serious. You know, he’s such a good guy.”

“Plus, I think he’s sweet on you.” Ava rolled her eyes, gently teasing Lauren to get her to smile. “Did you see him at Tyler’s party last night?”

“He couldn’t look anywhere but at her,” Aubrey answered.

“It could be true love.” Rebecca sighed.

Aubrey pulled a case out of one of Ava’s totes. “Caleb gets up early so he can feed the horses and have time enough to take Lauren on a ride. That’s commitment.”

“And sacrifice for losing sleep,” Ava pointed out. “The pearls, Aubrey. What do you think, Becca?”

They all leaned to consider the lovely string of perfect pearls. A bad feeling crept into Lauren’s stomach. “Are those real pearls?”

Aubrey didn’t answer, for she was still considering the choices. “Definitely the pearls.”

“They’re perfect,” Rebecca agreed as she unzipped her bag.

It was wonderful to be here, surrounded by caring people—her sisters—and feeling everything change around her, the snow in the snow globe settling. She took a look at those classy pearls and the expensive dress. “I don’t want Caleb to think I’m someone I’m not.”

“I’m your big sister, so you have to listen to me, right?” Aubrey asked gently, with kindness and affection.

“Me, too,” Ava added, while Rebecca protested, “I’m not your big sister, but I count, too.”

Just like that. Her heart opened even more. She had sisters who cared. And she cared about them, too.

“The pearls aren’t important,” Aubrey said softly. “They’re just pretty things. What’s important is that you’re here with us again. You don’t need to worry about being someone you’re not. You’re lovely, in pearls or not, in a lovely dress or a simple one. Caleb knows quality when he sees it, don’t you worry.”

“Yeah,” Ava chimed in. “I
so
know how easy it is to see doom everywhere you look—”

“—especially when it comes to romance,” Aubrey added.

“Especially. Nothing’s more perilous than romance.”

“Unless it’s the newest tax laws,” Aubrey lightly argued.

“Or interest amortization. That’s tricky. But those things aside, you have to try to expect the best. Because you never know—true love just might happen.” Ava leaned over to approve of Rebecca’s choice of sandals.

“What do you think?” Aubrey asked, while Ava produced a hand mirror. “Pretty, isn’t it?”

Lauren stared at her own reflection, at the wisps falling gracefully around her face, at the fall of her hair from the barrette and the bounce of her slight curls. She looked at herself, a woman who was no longer alone, who had joy sparkling in her eyes.

There was hope for the future in her heart.

Could she remember the last time she felt so nervous? Lauren frowned at her reflection in the antique bureau’s beveled mirror. Caleb should be arriving in the next few minutes. The only thing that equaled this mix of anxiety and anticipation were her feelings on the drive here and that worry had been for nothing.

Maybe this would go even better. She saw herself in the mirror, fancied up, sure, with Katherine’s expensive pearls and Aubrey’s lovely dress and Ava’s butterfly barrettes and Rebecca’s silver sandals, but she was still just herself. Why did it feel as if so much was riding on this date?

It’s just dinner, she reminded herself. Dinner. Her sisters’ enthusiasm was rubbing off on her and she had to be careful. She didn’t want to start getting ahead of herself. That’s how a girl got disappointed or, worse, devastated. She’d been disappointed enough growing up that she’d learned how to stay in the moment, not to wish for too much. It paid to be a realist; at least, it was easier on a girl’s heart. So, then why couldn’t she seem to keep her wishes from carrying her away?

“He’s here!” Rebecca’s excited call echoed through the house. “He’s coming up the walk. Wow, does he look like Mr. Totally Wishable. He’s wearing a suit.”

“A suit?” As if that were shocking in itself, the sisters all hurried up to the living room window to check it out. Even Madison hung on to the old-fashioned wood window sill with her little chubby hands, babbling away excitedly.

Should she go take a peek, too? Lauren planted her feet in the bedroom doorway, torn. If she listened to her heart, it was saying, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” But what was her head saying? “Take it slow. Casual. Stay reserved.”

“He sure dressed up for you,” Ava commented. “Wow.”

“Super wow,” Aubrey commented. “I don’t think he’s dated at all since his breakup.”

“He hasn’t,” Rebecca agreed. “My friend Jenna knows his cousin. I can get more inside scoop if you want.”

“That’s good to know.” Aubrey winked.

“Gup, bop!” Madison agreed.

“This is totally a big deal. Look at him. He seems nervous.” Aubrey sighed.

Ava sighed, too. “Totally.”

Is this what I’ve been missing all my life?
Lauren leaned one shoulder against the door frame and watched her sisters. How many first dates had she missed? First declarations of love? Proposals? An equal mix of sadness and longing twisted through her soul and she deeply hoped that she wouldn’t miss too much more with these sisters.