Sweet Hope (Sweet Home #4) (31 page)

Levi laid in my arms, wrapped in his faded blue blanket, his wide gray eyes staring up at me as I rocked back and forth on the bedroom floor. Quietly, I sang his favorite lullaby, a Christmas song, the one that always calmed him down, the one that helped him drift off and forget this horrible world for a while.

“Perche piangi, o mio tresor?

Dolce amor, dolce amor,

Fa la nanna, o caro figlio,

Tanto bel, tanto bel,

Fa la nanna, o caro figlio.”

As I trailed off the last line, I heard soft breathing and I sighed. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to my baby brother’s soft forehead.

He was finally asleep.

Taking a huge inhale of breath, I leaned back against my bedroom wall and held Levi tightly in my arms. As I glanced down at his sleeping face, I closed my eyes and prayed to God that all this fear would end soon. That Papa would stop coming home drunk, that he’d stop hitting Mamma… and that he’d stop trying to ‘shut up’ Levi because he couldn’t stand his crying.

Every night I would bring Levi into our cramped room. Every night I would bathe him, feed him, change him and rock him to sleep by singing that lullaby… all so my mamma could stop papa from hurting him when he came slamming through the door, looking for a reason to fight.

I prayed to God every night that one day Papa would just stop coming home. That he’d leave us alone so we could all live in peace.

Just as I’d let myself relax some, the sounds of footsteps came running along the narrow hallway, and a second later, Austin ran through the door. His face was flushed red and his dark brown eyes were wide. Every part of me froze and I heard the front door slam closed.

“He’s back,” Austin said, fighting back his fear. He was only eight, I was eleven, and Levi, barely a few months old. “And he’s real drunk tonight. I watched him swaying down the park road. He was screaming at everyone he saw.”

My stomach fell and, looking at Levi again, I jumped when I heard my mamma scream from the other room.

Levi’s eyes snapped open at the noise and his little face screwed up as he began crying in my arms.

My gaze met Austin who was frozen in the doorway. “Take our fratellino,” I ordered. He ran forward and took Levi from my hands, then slumped down to our tiny shared bed.

A crash sounded in the TV room and Austin looked up at me, tears filling his eyes too. He looked so helpless that a lump clogged my throat. “He’s gonna hurt her again, isn’t he?” he said in a shaky voice, “then he’s gonna hurt us.”

Pulling in a deep breath, I said, “He won’t. I swear it.” I pointed at my two younger brothers sitting lost and scared on that bed and I said, “Look after Lev, yeah? Try and keep him quiet.”

Austin nodded his head as I left the room, pulling the door to a close. My heart beat fast in my chest as the sound of my mamma’s screams came drifting down the hallway.

I could hear my papa cussing and my mamma begging him to stop. As I reached the end of the hallway, I saw my papa pinning my mamma to the floor, her face bloody as her hands tried to push my papa away.

Her eyes were closed, but like she could feel me standing here watching, they opened. Her gaze met mine and she slowly shook her head. I knew she wanted me to go away, I knew she wanted me to run and hide. But I couldn’t. He was hurting her, and I knew he’d come after my brothers next. I had to protect them. I had to make him want to hit just me.

Levi screamed from our bedroom just as Papa kicked Mamma in the stomach. Hearing the cries from the baby, my papa whipped round, his face fierce.

“That fucking kid!” he slurred, heading toward me.

He was going for my brothers… I couldn’t let him get to my brothers.

Stepping forward, my papa saw me and he tried to push me out of the way. “Move!” he snarled. But I didn’t. I looked to my mamma gasping for breath on the floor, her body curled in, I heard my baby brother crying in the bedroom, and heard Austin begging for him to stop.

Meeting my papa’s dark eyes, trying not to shake, I stepped forward again and watched a slow grin spread on his face. Nothing was said. Nothing was said as he raised his fist and hit me across my face. Nothing was said as he lifted me off the floor and threw me against the wall, my back cracking the thin plaster.

I tried to block it all out. I focused on my mamma and brothers crying... I focused on my papa using me as a punch bag so he wouldn’t go near them.

I didn’t know how long it lasted, this beating, but it felt like forever. Eventually Papa’s breathing slowed and his hits became weak and slow. He dropped me to the floor and I could taste blood running down my mouth.

I lay still praying this was the end of his anger, when the front door opened and slammed shut.

He’d gone… at least for now.

“Mio caro,” my mamma croaked and I lifted my head enough to see her pulling herself to her feet. Using my hands, I made myself stand and moved across the small room to help her walk.

“Help me to my room, mio caro,” she said on a whisper and, wrapping my arm around her waist, I helped her into her bedroom and into her bed.

I went into the bathroom and wet a cloth, bringing it back to wipe the blood off her face.

As I cleaned up her swollen lip, my mamma’s shaking hand lifted to run down my face. I flinched as her fingertips touched a cut on my cheek and tears fell down her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, mio caro,” she said painfully but I shook my head.

“It’s okay, Mamma, I’m not hurt.”

A sad smile pulled on her lips and her fingers ran through my hair. “Such a brave boy. You are hurt, yet you show no fear or pain.”

I pulled the cloth away from her lip so she wouldn’t feel my hands shake. I didn’t her want to know I was scared… that my face hurt. “I’m not hurt, mamma. I swear it.”

Mamma silently watched me and, all the time she cried I tried to not to cry too. I knew if I did it would break her heart, and I didn’t want to break her heart… she was already sad enough.

I only ever wanted to make her smile again.

I missed her smile.

“There, Mamma, you’re all clean now,” I said and Mamma lay back on her bed, holding her bruised stomach, but her sad eyes never left mine. I turned to go wash up in the bathroom when she reached out and grabbed my arm.

As I looked back, she said, “Axel, mio caro, you don’t always have to be so tough, so strong.”

Looking at my mamma broken on the bed, I said, “But I do. I have to protect you all from Papa no matter what.”

Mamma quietly gasped. “That is not your job, mio caro.”

I didn’t say anything and the trailer went silent. But then I heard Austin quietly singing Mamma’s favorite lullaby to Levi and I nodded my head. “Si, Mamma. This
is
my job. I need to look after you all, and I promise I always will… I’ll never let anyone hurt you or my brothers ever again. I will always keep you safe…”

*****

Thick tears fell down my cheeks, mixing with the cold rain as that memory played in my mind.

I will always keep you safe…

As I pictured Axel and Levi, I suddenly felt at peace. With me gone, they’d be safe. There’d be no more ties to our past. With me gone Austin’s new family would be safe and Levi wouldn’t be in any more pain.

I will always keep you safe…

I smiled as the rain fell harder. I’d finally done it. They’d finally be safe.

Closing my eyes, numbness taking hold, I saw Ally with her chin on her fist, her hair pushed to one side as she smiled down at me on the bed. I fucking thanked God in that second that I’d had her… that I’d had her, even if it was only for a short while. At least I got to feel what that kind of love was like, even if it was just a brief moment of time.

I tried to hold on to the picture of Ally’s face, until I couldn’t hold on to Ally’s picture no more… until everything faded to nothing.

“You haven’t seen him either, Vin?”

“Not since yesterday,” he replied.

“Okay, thanks,” I said and ended the call. As I stared at the floor, a peculiar feeling turned in my stomach.

I’d waited at Axel’s studio for hours, but he didn’t show. I’d tried his cell, but the battery must have died. Vin hadn’t seen him, so I assumed he was at Austin’s house.

A whisper of a smile spread on my lips as I thought of how nervous Axel was about telling his brothers about his show, his art… what he’d been doing for years. In my purse I had their invites for the opening tomorrow night, one for Austin, Levi and Lexi. They had to be there. I still wasn’t sure if Axel would make an appearance. I’d guessed not, he was still against people knowing who he was, but his family should see his work… after all, they were the source of his inspiration.

In minutes I’d turned into Austin’s driveway and parked up my car. I rapped on the door and after a short wait in the rain, Austin opened the door.

Ducking in from the downpour, I rushed into the hallway shaking off my trench coat. “It’s damn soaking out there!” I yelled and finally looked to Austin.

His face was pale and he was staring at me with sad eyes. “You okay, Aust?” I said and glanced upstairs. Levi was walking down, his eyes rimmed with red.

My stomach fell.

“What?” I whispered. Lexi walked in from the kitchen. “What’s wrong? Where’s Axel?”

Shivers ran down my spine at the way they were all watching me, when Austin put his hand on my arm. “He ain’t who you think he is, Al.”  His voice was hoarse from what sounded like hours of crying.

My gaze darted around the three of them and I asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Axe,” Austin said, “He’s been pushing coke again.”

Feeling like the floor had vanished from beneath me, I said, “What? What the hell are you talking about? He would never do that again.”

Austin shook his head. “I’m sorry, Al, but it’s true. I didn’t wanna fucking believe it either, but I went down to that fish market he was working at as part of his parole and they hadn’t even heard of him. He lied, Al. He’s been lying all along.”

“No!” I said shaking my head, trying to imagine what the hell must have happened here this afternoon. Austin held up his hand.

“I found a bag of coke in his room, Al. Cocaine! He’s been dealing since he got here, and worse, he brought that shit into my house. I asked him to leave. I can’t have that shit around us no more. I can’t have my family involved in that kind of life no more.”

A mixture of dread and sympathy flooded my chest and my hand flew over my mouth. “You… you asked him to leave?”

Austin nodded his head.

“Did you even let him speak to you? Did you give him a chance to explain the coke, the market?”

Austin’s eyes dropped. When I looked to Levi he dropped his head too.

“You didn’t, did you?” I asked. Tears began filling my eyes. My God, he came here today to tell them all about his art and they’d thrown him out and accused him of dealing because they’d found a bastard bag of coke… that damn coke he’d only ever bought because he was drowning in this new life… drowning in their rejection of him, of
my
rejection of him.

“God…” I cried and pressed my hand to my forehead.

Austin stepped forward but I stepped back. “Where is he now? I haven’t been able to get in touch with him all day.”

A flash of worry crossed Austin’s face, but it quickly turned to stone when he said, “I told him to leave. He did. He didn’t even take his things, he just cut and run.” I choked on a breath. “Al, he’ll be long gone. It’s what he does when the shit hits the fan. He runs away.”

Anger swirled within me, and I backed toward the door. “You have no idea,” I said in devastation to them all. “You have no idea what he’s done for y’all, no idea how much he’s sacrificed and how much he’s changed his life.”

Austin’s eyebrows pulled down at my words, but before he could speak, I reached into my purse and pulled out the invites. If Axel wasn’t able to tell his brothers what he’d been doing, then I would.

Slapping the invitations on the side table, I looked each of them in the eye and said, “Invites for my gallery opening tomorrow night. You need to be there.”

Austin shook his head and Lexi walked to join him at his side. “Al, I’m really happy and proud of you but, fuck, I just don’t think the timing’s right to—”

“You
need
to be there,” I said interrupting him and Lexi frowned at me.

“Why Ally?” she asked and my anger dropped some. Shit, I could never be mad at Lexi. She hadn’t done anything but accept Axel into her home, and out of everyone, she had cause to reject him.

“Just please, Lex. Please be there… there’s something y’all need to see.”

Reaching for my keys, I turned the doorknob, just as Austin said, “I know you liked him, Al, but Axel’s always been this way. He’s always been drawn to the darker side of life, the illegal shit. I’m just sorry you got hurt in all this.”

Glancing back at Austin with incredulity, I replied, “I didn’t just like him, Austin. I’m head over heels in love with him. He’s changed my life
in every way
for the better, and I’m real sorry that you are so blinded by his past that you can’t see him for the damn honorable guy he is today.” Tapping my hand on the invites, I demanded, “Be there tomorrow night.”

As I rushed out to my car, I pulled out my cell and dialed Axel’s number again. It went straight to voicemail. I pressed END and stared out of the wet windshield.

Tears ran down my cheeks and my hands trembled with panic. Closing my eyes, I rested my head back against the headrest and whispered, “Axel… where the hell have you gone?
”

*****

The following night I stood in the bathroom of the museum, staring at myself in the mirror. I looked tired and pale; the effects of feeling like my heart had been shattered.

Axel hadn’t appeared. It was starting to become more than apparent that he’d gone. He’d actually left me. Part of me screamed that it wasn’t possible, that he
couldn’t
have left me, even though Austin and Levi were convinced it was his usual M.O. He loved me… he wouldn’t leave me behind.

But then another part of me said it was entirely plausible. He’d been rejected by his brothers
again
. Of course he wouldn’t want to stay. How much rejection could one person take? But I thought he would have at least called me. Told me he was leaving for a while, that he loved me and, at some point, he would come back to me.

On top of that, Vin had been in the Gallery all day, working on something in a cornered-off section at the back… on opening night! I was livid. I was exhausted, and I was racked with worry. I had no idea what he was up to, but as a patron and the sole funder of this exhibition, I didn’t really have a choice.

Hearing the hustle and bustle of museum and University stakeholders, fans and students alike, waiting for the show to begin, I forced myself to stand straight and shook my shoulders.

You can do this, you’re a professional,
I tried to convince myself.

Brushing back my long dark hair, styled straight and hanging down my back, I then ran my hands down my black knee length column dress. Finally, I checked my Louboutins were free of dust.

I was set.

Moving out of the bathroom, I walked to Bridgette, the museum director, and nodded to her that I was ready. I scanned the crowd for Vin, wondering where the hell he could be, but there was no sign. My hands were damp as I raced through an introduction in my head.

Bridgette introduced me as the curator, and I stepped up to the mic, a sea of eager eyes all looking my way.

“Good evening, everyone,” I began. My name is Aliyana Lucia, and I am pleased to be here tonight to celebrate the inspiring and truly once-in-a-lifetime talent of Elpidio.”

I paused when I saw Lexi, Levi and Austin enter the gallery, along with Molly, Rome, Cass and JD. My heart fell at how sad and forlorn the two Carillo brothers looked. I could see that the pain of their confrontation with Axel yesterday was weighing heavily on their hearts.

Focusing back on the crowd, I continued. “Elpidio began his journey with Carrara marble only a few years ago. In that time he has become a master in his field, capturing our hearts with his soul shattering depictions of despair, grief, guilt; indeed every facet of raw emotion and the human condition.

“Tonight you will see works that have yet to be published in magazines, and you will also see recent sculptures that will…” tears filled my eyes as I thought of the boy crying bullets, “that will challenge the emotions of even the most stoic among you.”

Taking a deep breath, I added, “Tonight, you will also be able to read what inspired the creation of his flawless sculptures. Elpidio is notoriously reclusive, and as such, won’t be making an appearance tonight,” the crowd murmured in disappointment, “but he has shared with me his inspirations for the pieces which I’m sure will both astound and inspire you.”

I nodded at Bridgette who was standing by the large red velvet curtains that would draw back to reveal the show. Turning back to the crowd, I said, “It is my pleasure to present to you, Elpidio!”

Bridgette drew the curtains, revealing the bright white of the show and I moved aside as the crowd eagerly filtered into the space.

Forcing myself to stay strong, I watched Austin, Levi, Lexi, Molly, Rome, Cass and JD approach me.

Molly walked over and wrapped me in her arms. I had to fight back the lump in my throat at the heartfelt comfort from my best friend. My heart was broken and it was taking everything in my power to not give in to deep sadness.

Axel should be here. He should be seeing how many people have turned up to view his show. He should be seeing his family’s reaction.

“I’m so proud of you,” Molly said and moved aside to let Rome hug me too. He hadn’t said anything about Axel running off. I could see in his expression that he’d always expected him to fall back into his old ways.

All the gang congratulated me on the success of the show, but I only had eyes for Levi and Austin. Austin saw me watching them and asked, “Why did you want us to be here so bad, Al?” His voice was still raspy and he looked so tired. My heart clenched when I thought of how much kicking Axel out must have hurt him. Austin loved Axel, it was all a huge damn mess.

“It’s about Axel, Aust,” I said and walk forward put my hand on his and Levi’s backs. Ushering them forward toward the gallery, both brothers were frowning at me in confusion.

Stopping at the entrance way, I turned to them, my other friends trailing at the back, and said, “You were right, Austin, Axel didn’t come to Seattle to work at the fish market as part of his parole.” Levi tensed, as did Austin, then I added, “But he also wasn’t selling drugs either...” I dropped my head and huffed a humorless laugh. “You see, Axel is exceptional… he’s so talented and amazing, yet never felt he could tell you. He felt he didn’t deserve any praise or acclaim after what he’d put y’all through.”

“Praise for what?” Austin pushed. Levi nodded in agreement,

“Praise for his work.”

“What work? Al, what the fuck are you talking about?” Austin said curtly. Rather than tell him, I moved aside to face the gallery and gestured to the stunning show with my hand.

“This work, Austin… Axel… Axel is Elpidio…”

I scanned the shocked faces of my friends and watched as they took in the exquisiteness of the marble sculptures.

Lexi stepped forward, her hand over her mouth and said, “Axel… Axel created all these… Axel is… Elpidio…?” Her green eyes brimmed with tears and she whipped her head to Austin. “My God, Austin… Axel did all this… and we all thought… oh God!” she cried.

“You didn't lie,” Molly said. I met her knowing gaze.

“No, I fell in love with Elpidio…  it just so happened that he was Axel Carillo too; both the hero and the villain.”

Molly’s expression filled with sympathy and Rome stood beside her gaping at the packed gallery.

“Come see,” I said to my friends, holding back my tears. Walking forward, we came face to face with the marble boys pointing up at the stars. I heard Austin suck in a sharp breath.

“
Stelle
,” I said, revealing the title.

Austin took a step forward, gazing down at the marble boys lying on their backs, smiles on their faces. “Fuck…” he said through a tight throat. “That’s us,” he looked to Levi who was pale and rooted to the floor. Levi was completely dumbfounded by it all. “Lev, that’s you as a baby.”

Lexi wrapped her arm around Austin like he needed the support and she asked, “You used to look at the stars with Axel, baby? Like you do with me?”

Austin nodded, unable to tear his gaze away from the sculpture. “Yeah… Axe used to take us to the top of the trailer when my papa would come home drunk and hit my mamma.” Austin’s face scrunched up like he couldn’t bear to remember those times, but he added, “He would make me look up at the stars and tell him the constellations… he would distract me so I didn’t hear my mamma’s screams.” Austin looked to Levi, and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, he pointed to the baby. “That’s you, Lev. At night, Axel would take you from Mamma so when Papa came home piss drunk, he wouldn’t hurt you. Axel would keep you in our room, feed you, change and bathe you… fuck, he’d hold you all night long in his arms just in case papa came in for us. When the fighting got real bad, he’d take us both on the roof and we’d look at the stars…”