Sweet Little Lies (6 page)

C
hristina was in the living room playing Xbox with two of my roommates. I was rifling through my suitcase in my bedroom. The apartment in Morningside Heights was a three bedroom, spacious by New York standards. It was in a prewar building with exposed brick, refurbished hardwoods, and wonder of wonders—new plumbing. I don’t like to think about how much of my savings I sunk into the down payment on this place. As it was, I had found three roommates to split expenses with. Jimmy, a fast-talking brother, was one of them. He was talking my ear off now.

“Man, she’s gotta have a single friend or two in the city she can hook us up with!?”

I was beginning to think that swinging by my apartment with Christina in tow was not a good idea. The fellas were clowning.You would think they hadn’t seen a pretty girl with brains and personality before. “I told you she’s just out here a few days, and then she’s heading back to the Bay Area. She’s about business, not hooking you knuckleheads up.”

“Just sayin’ it wouldn’t kill you to ask.” Jimmy was also
starting at Columbia as an MBA candidate. He was also a Midwest guy, from St. Louis, and we liked each other immediately when we’d met at the preview weekend months ago. He wasn’t the best-looking brother in the bunch, but he had that personality and sense of humor that won over people easily.

“Please act like you’ve seen a good-looking girl before.” I opened up a second suitcase, trying to find something suitable to wear to this party Christina invited me to. Record industry, rap stars, finance folks. I was thinking dark jeans and long-sleeve, lightweight shirt. Casual without trying too hard.

“Plenty of those—this here’s a woman who has her act to-gether.We could use some upgraded femininity around these parts.”

I wondered how Christina would take being referred to as “upgraded femininity.” She would probably launch a scathing comeback and then laugh about it.“Oh I see, this is about you trying to get on that come-up with a pimp move. Nice.”

“Pimpin’ ain’t easy. Easiest way to reach the top is by getting a hand up, my brother.”

I clapped Jimmy on the back.“Good luck with that. Listen, she and I are just hanging for a few days. So I’ll be right out there with you forging my own come-up as well.”

“Y’all just hanging out, you say?”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’s not the vibe I’m tracking, young Steven.”

“What is it you think you know, son?”

He wiggled his shoulders and wagged his brows. “I ain’t Dr. Phil or nothing, just saying you two feel like more than a bump and run.”

“Well, tuck your feelings away there, Oprah.This is what it is.” I tossed a few more things in a garment bag and was turning toward the door when Christina walked in from the living room. When a woman makes you want, and she’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt, you know you’re in trouble.

“S. Dub. It took me zero time at all to beat down your boys
in Madden. Are you in here sewing apparel from scratch? What’s the holdup?” She put her hand on her hip and smiled.

“Oprah here wanted to talk about feelings and the like.” I gestured to Jimmy.

“Is that right? What’s he coming with?”

“He says we have a vibe,” I teased, and walked toward her.

“You and me?”

“Me and you.”

“Hmm. Interesting. And he based this on the thirty minutes since we walked in the door?”

“Apparently.”

“That’s impressive. Listen, you two boys wanna light some aromatherapy candles and watch
Sex and the City
reruns, or you want to go to the hottest party in town tonight?”

Jimmy hopped up.“Wait a minute, C-Money. I’m invited, too?”

She raised a brow at me and I nodded. Why not?

“If you promise never to call me C-Money again, can snatch something to change into in the next two minutes, you’re in.”

Jimmy twirled around.“Score! What I tell you, Steezy? On that come-up! Hey, you think I’ll meet some of the rap groupies? My God, I’m about to slay at the party.Y’all not even knowing! Don’t leave without me!” He ran down the hall to his room.

“You already regret inviting him, don’t you?”

“I do. But hey, it’s only for one night.”

I sat on the edge of the bed. “You’re very live-in-themoment these days, aren’t you?”

She perched on my lap. “I guess I am. I’m not thinking about it.”

“Going with the flow?” I ran my lips up the side of her neck to just below her ear.

She leaned into me.“Riding the wave.”

“Come what may.” I nibbled across her jaw to her mouth.

“Gotta problem with that?” She turned to meet my lips.

We kissed once and then twice before I pulled back.“Since I’m the direct recipient of your wave riding…no. I have no problems with it at all.”

“Good answer.”

“You like that?” I smiled against her lips.

“You know I do.” Her lips curved upward.

“Ah hell, naw!” Jimmy’s voice interrupted some definite plans I had for the next few minutes. “Are you two going be slobbing each other up all night? ’Cause I could stay home and watch cable for that!”

“Your boy’s an idiot,” Christina said as she hopped up from my lap.

“This is true.”

“But in a mostly harmless way.”

“Let’s hope so.”

“Come on now, good people.” Jimmy raised his arms up and started shaking his behind.“Let’s go booty bump with the beautiful people.”

“This living-in-the-moment thing may have a repercussion or two,” Christina said as she followed Jimmy’s gyrating ass down the hallway.

“Wait a second!” Rob, the youngest of my roommates, called out as we marched past. Rob was a baby-faced, light-skinned, heavyset senior from upstate New York. He was a double major—computer science and graphic design—and planned to blaze a trail in the world of computer gaming after graduation. If Jimmy was the clown, Rob was the cool nerd. The term “geek chic” was invented to describe guys like Rob. “Where you headed?”

Christina and I exchanged glances. I shrugged. It was up to her.

With a sigh, she reached in her purse.“This is my last pass to the party. You can come and bring one friend only. Do not embarrass me or make me regret inviting you.”

I nodded.“What she said. And wear something other than jeans and a sci-fi movie T-shirt, please.”

Rob looked at the invite. “Dude. You need to keep her around. She is useful.”

“I’m outta here on Tuesday, so you have to enjoy me for the moment,” Christina said.

I smiled.“I am—I definitely am.”

A slow smile spread across her face.“Let’s go, then.”

“Let’s get it!” Jimmy nodded and bounced out the door.

“I may regret this,” Christina sighed.

“Just remember this was your idea, Ti-Ti.” I shut the door behind me.

C
arey already had a table on the sidewalk when Steven and I strolled up. We were a little bit late, but we didn’t seem to be able to get up out of bed and dressed in the morning without taking a little pause for the cause. This would explain the huge smiles on both our faces as we made our way down the street.

“Hey, Carey!” I called out, and when she looked up I waved. She waved back and then her mouth fell open. Not subtle at all. I could not blame her. Steven looked amazing. He could look good in a hotel towel. Hell, he
did
look good in a hotel towel. But today, with the dreads hanging free and his mouth curved up in a smile and the eye-twinkle going on, he was especially easy on the eyes. Not to mention the cargo shorts and navy tee showing off the bedroom physique. He was oozing the sexy today; we’d received enough admiring looks from the females on our way here for me to know he had that thing going on.

“Hey, girl!” she called back, finally closing her mouth.

We walked around the railing and she stood up. “Carey Jaymes, Steven Williams.”

“So this is Young Steven.” She was cheesing so hard, I was afraid she could chip a tooth. They shook hands enthusiastically and she took her time letting go.

I sent her a side-eye she completely ignored.“Yes. I believe that’s what I just said.This is Steven.”

He nudged me. “Be nice, Ti-Ti. Pleasure to meet you, Carey. I love your hair. It’s beautiful.”

“Yours, too.”

“Mutual natural hair care love,” I teased.

“You should let yours grow out natural,” Carey said.

“You really should.Then you wouldn’t be as spastic about it getting wet in the shower,” Steven said.

“Do tell?” Carey said, giving me the eye.

“Sit your nosy ass down,” I scolded, and turned to Steven. “So I’ll see you later?”

He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “As much as you want as soon as you want me.”

I actually had to reach back and put my hand on the table for support. Good Lord, the things he made me feel.“I was just going to have you meet me at the hotel later on.”

Carey said, “But why doesn’t he meet us back here in an hour and a half? We can all hang out.”

“Unless you have other stuff you need to do today?” I asked, giving him an out if he wanted it.

“What did I just say?” He hit me with the look.

I inhaled a deep, shaky breath. “So ninety minutes, right back here.”

He dropped a kiss on my open mouth, so full of promise it was all I could do not to drag him back to the hotel right then and there. He stepped back and let go of my hand. “See you then.” He smiled down at Carey. “I’ll look forward to talking to you some more.” He lifted one hand in a wave and headed down the street.

I sank into the chair and we both watched him walk away, going as far as leaning out over the rail to keep him in sight.

“Um-um-um, he looks just as good going as he did coming. Day-um!” Carey said.

“Amen.” I nodded, still watching.

At the end of the block he turned back around and caught me looking. He grinned before pointing at me. “Okay, I see you.”Then he disappeared around the corner.

“Christina!” Carey called out and I blinked.

“Hmm?” I righted myself in the chair and focused in on what she was saying.

“Obviously, it was a bit more than dinner.”

“Girl…” I didn’t even know where to start.

“Hold on, hold that thought.” She lifted her hand for the waiter. “Can we get two pomegranate mojitos and an appetizer platter? Thanks.” She turned back to me.“Okay, spill.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” I admitted out loud.

“Why don’t you start with how you ended up naked with Young Steven?”

“Who said anything about naked?”

“So now I’m stupid? You shower with your clothes on? Did I not just see the look he gave you, the juicy kiss? Steam is still rising off your hot ass.”

I sighed. “What can I tell you? These things sometimes happen.”

“Not to you—not in years. Are you rebounding?”

“Probably.”

“Does he know you’re in major rebound mode?”

“Oh! I forgot that you don’t know the tale. Let me give you the quick and dirty version of how Jayson Day became Jay / David.” I launched into an abbreviated version of the tale. Even as I was telling it, I couldn’t believe how off-the-wall it sounded.

Carey felt the same way.“So who the hell is he exactly?”

“Beyond a married man with children, I don’t know.”

“Do you even know if that’s true?”

Huh. I hadn’t thought about it.Truthfully, once he spun his tale—what was I supposed to do with that? It no longer mattered whether he was married, a spy, a technician, a father. He was no longer who I thought he was and definitely not my fi-ancé.“I honestly don’t know.”

She paused while the waiter set down our drinks and ap-petizers.“Well, do you think you should get an explanation?”

“To what end? I mean, there’s nowhere to go once someone tells you their entire life is a lie. I’m done.” Saying it out loud, I realized it was true. I had nothing else to say to Jay / David and didn’t feel I needed to hear anything else out of him.

She lifted her glass in a toast.“On to the next, then. Is that where Young Steven comes in?”

“Oh no—this is just a fling,” I reassured her, or myself. “There’s no future here.We’re just having fun.”

“Christina, be careful. You two have a chemistry that’s obvious. Just make sure that he knows it’s just a fling.”

“He knows. He’s the one who came up with the term ‘fling.’ I didn’t know what to call it.”

“All right,” Carey warned. “I’m just going to say for the record that Young Steven doesn’t look at you like a man who’s having a fling.”

“Carey—believe me. We have gone over this. He starts an intensive master’s/PhD program next week. He has goals and plans and no time for some thrice-spurned, burned-out older chick from way across the country.”

“Is that what you are now? Thrice spurned and burned out?”

I shrugged.“I kinda am.” How depressing was that?

“Christina.” She reached across the table to touch my hand.

I squeezed back. “I know…this too shall pass. Enough about me.What’s going on with you and Bryan?”

Now she was the one who looked sad.“Well, it’s not getting better. How sober do you need to be when Steven shows up?”

“Oh—uh, it’s a three-mojito story?”

“Definitely.”

“Steven is ever so resourceful. He’ll pour us into cabs if he has to. Drink up and start talking.”

“Shouldn’t I be lifting your spirits?”

“I’ll be okay.”

Carey pursed her lips. “I forgot, you’ve got Young Steven to, um—elevate your mood.”

“Now, now—don’t be hatin’.”

“No hate, but brunch is on you.”

We settled in to catch up.

S
itting in the airport lounge across from Christina, I was still debating whether I should really just let her go.Yeah, yeah…I know what we agreed, but that was five days ago. It seemed like a whirlwind and a lifetime ago.

For the past five days we had spent twenty-two out of every twenty-four hours together. And it never got old, awkward, or uncomfortable.The very cool thing about Christina: She remained the same person, no matter where we went or who we were around. And I liked who that person was. Straightforward, funny, complicated, and sexy as hell.

We talked a lot. About any and every thing. She told me about her ex-fiancés, and my regard for her grew. She had been reckless with her heart, but she was a survivor. I felt honored to be spending time with her.

We went to a music industry party, brunch with her friends, a visit to her office, another visit to my apartment to hang out with the roommates, back to dinner with Chef David, and dancing again. It was all so effortless.There was a flow and symmetry to our togetherness that was instantly addictive.
Speaking of addictive—the bed game was ridiculous. Chemistry kicked up another forty degrees. How often did all of that come together? I had spent time with a woman or two in my life, and nothing had ever felt like this.

Just looking at her now in jeans and a T-shirt, I felt the attraction. Did she really not feel it?

“Steven,” she said in the voice that I now knew meant she was serious about something.

“What?”

“You have to just go.You have to get up and walk away.We agreed.”

“I know we agreed. I just can’t remember why right now. Why did we decide we can’t be together?”

“I live there, you live here. I just got out of my third failed engagement.You have a master’s and a PhD to obtain.You are twenty-six, I am thirty-two. Do you need any more reasons?”

“What if we just stay in touch, be friends, see what develops later on?”

“That’s just going to make it harder.You know that.”

I did know that. “Okay, okay—just answer me one thing honestly.”

“Just one thing.”

“Did it feel like just a fling to you, or did it feel like the start of something?”

The fact that she couldn’t or wouldn’t look me in the eye told me what I needed to know.

“What difference does it make?”

“You said you’d answer honestly.”

“Honestly, I’ve never had a fling before, so I don’t know. Maybe this is what one feels like.”

“Cop-out.”

“Best I can do.”

“Not by a long stretch, Christina Brinsley.You can do better in your sleep with one hand behind your back. In fact, you did … just this morning.”

She closed her eyes.“Low. Okay, listen. Maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe…if things were different I would give it a try, but it’s not fair to you or to me right now. Neither one of us can put in the time and attention we deserve to make this into something. So let’s just cut it off here. It’s already hard enough.”

So she did feel something.“Is this where you give me the speech about ‘if this was another time and another place’?”

“No.This is where I say… someday you’ll look back and realize that I am right.”

“Someday maybe…but not today. Today it just feels like you are running away.”

“That’s because I am.”

I had to know one other thing.“Did you feel like this be-fore…with them?”

“I don’t know what I felt. I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t know how much is you and me, how much is rebound, how much is just lust. I don’t know anything right now.That’s why we made the pact, the promise, whatever it was.”

We sat in stony silence for another moment or two.

She leaned toward me.“C’mon, Steven. No fuss, no muss. Right?”

I knew when to give up, but I didn’t have to like it. “Right.”

A few more minutes passed before she checked her watch. “Now stand up, kiss me good-bye, and walk away.”

“I’m not going to beg you.”

“I don’t want you to. I really don’t. I’m not sure I wouldn’t give in. Don’t put me through that.” For the first time since we’d been together, she looked tortured. I definitely did not want to be the cause of her distress. She had been through enough.

“Okay.We agreed. My bad. It is what it is.”

“Don’t be bitter.”

“Now that’s funny coming from you.”

“Don’t be ugly either.”

“Yes, ma’am.We’ll do this your way.” I put my hand behind her neck, leaned down, and kissed her with all the emotion I wanted to display but wouldn’t. Her lips clung to mine when I finally lifted my head.

“Wow.That did not help.”

Wasn’t supposed to.
I took a step backwards.“You’re gonna miss me, Ti-Ti.You really are.” I took one step backwards and then another.

I was only a few steps back when I heard her. She quietly said,“Dammit, I know.”

I nodded, pivoted, and walked away quickly without looking back. I knew she stood watching me. I really wanted to glance back for one last look. But what would it change? This was what we agreed to do. Maybe someday I would think it was for the best. For now, I just needed to keep walking.