Sweet Nothing (39 page)

“Avery … Avery, we have to get back to your room. You need to try to eat something. You need to rest.”

I held Josh’s hand to my cheek and then closed my eyes. “Wake up, Avery. This is just a bad dream. Wake up. Wake up!” I screamed.

“Okay, honey,” Deb said, backing me away from Josh. “Visit’s over.”

I reached for him until she spun me around, and then I turned, reaching for him again.

“Josh!
Josh
!”

“I know you said you’d take her shift, but she hasn’t come home. Where else could she be?”

“I haven’t seen her all night,” Michaels assured me. I muttered a thank-you and hung up my phone, my mind reeling with worry.

I quickly dialed Quinn, pacing the floor as it rang three excruciatingly long times.

“Are you guys fighting again?”

“Quinn, Christ, Avery left for a drive to clear her head and she hasn’t come back. It’s been four hours and she won’t answer her phone.”

“Calm down. I’m sure she’s just driving around and lost track of time.”

“You saw how she was. What if she got a flat tire and her cell is dead? What if she got in an accident?”

“Did you call the hospital?”

“Yeah.” I chewed on my thumb, continuing to pace. “Michaels took her shift, and she would have told me if Avery got brought in.”

“What about the police?” His voice was more cautious.

“And tell them I got in a fight with my wife and now she won’t come back to me? They’ll laugh in my face.”

“Tell them …” His voice lowered. “Tell them about her mental state. Tell them you have reason to be concerned for her safety.”

I sank down on the couch, my head resting in my palm. “She’s not that bad,” I lied to myself.

“You can’t protect her if you continue lying for her, Josh. It may upset her, but it is what’s best.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me, and swallowed against the lump in my throat.

“You have to do this, Josh. It’s what’s best for Penny.”

“I know,” I whispered. I lowered the phone from my ear, hitting the
END
button with tears in my eyes. Everything was falling apart so quickly.

Avery would never forgive me for this, but I had to choose between her safety and our marriage, and her safety had to come first.

My fingers shook as I dialed the emergency number, pacing the floor once more. Explaining the situation to the operator, I prayed I was overreacting and Avery would walk through the door. As we spoke, my phone beeped, and I pulled it from my ear to see Avery’s name and a picture of her face splash across the screen.

“I have to go. It’s my wife,” I huffed out in a panic and switched the call. Avery’s voice sounded distant and muffled as if she’d called me by accident, and I couldn’t make out what she was saying.

“Avery? Can you hear me? Where are you?”

“What happened?” she asked.

Another voice responded but faded in and out. “You pulled out into the intersection in front of a semi.” The call broke up. “The cars were a mangled mess.”

“Avery? Baby? I’m coming. I’ll be right there.” My body was on autopilot while I hurried around the apartment, grabbing my shoes and slipping them on before hurrying down the stairs and out the front door.

“You have to tell them. I’m not crazy!” Her voice was panicked and I felt helpless not being by her side.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m on my way. I won’t let anything happen to you,” I reassured her, pressing the start button on the Durango.

“What happened to Penny?”

“Who’s Penny?” the other voice asked.

“Our baby. Josh’s and mine. I was thirty-one weeks pregnant, Deb. Did I lose her? Did they take her away?”

“Avery? Answer me. Did you say Penny?” I mumbled, tears now blurring the road ahead.

“Avery? Can you hear me? I’m coming!” My stomach twisted again. She was with Deb, but where? I slammed on the brakes as the light on the desolate road turned red. My fingers readjusted their grip on the steering wheel while I waited for it to switch back to green. She had to be at the hospital.

“Stop it!” she said. Her voice was panicked, and I was praying I’d get to hold her in my arms soon. “You’re lying!”

When the light changed, I stepped on the gas. Rain began to fall in a fine mist. With little traffic on the road, I was able to speed through the hills.

“Tell them. I’m so afraid,” she cried.

“Don’t be scared, baby,” I yelled out as I pushed down the gas pedal. “I’m coming. I swear I am coming to get you!”

“Josh!
Josh
!”

The line went dead, and I clutched the phone in my palm, praying she would call me back.

Just a few minutes later, I was pulling into the emergency room, parking my SUV near the ambulance bay. I rushed through the doors, barely able to catch my breath.

The lobby was filled with old men and sick children, but I didn’t see my wife. “Avery?” I choked out.

The receptionist waved to me from behind her desk. “Josh? Everything okay?”

“Angie,” I said, relieved to see a familiar face. “Avery called me. I think she’s here. I think she’s hurt. Is she here?”

“Take a breath, Josh,” Angie said. Her voice was too calm, only making me more afraid.

“Josh!” I spun around to see Ashton holding a clipboard in her hand. “I was just about to call you. Avery’s here.”

“Is she all right? What happened?”

“She took a turn too fast and rolled her car. She was wearing a seat belt, but …”

I only waited a couple of seconds for her to find the words. I didn’t care about tact; I wanted to know if my wife was okay. “But what? Ashton, fucking tell me!”

“She’s stable. Dr. Weaver just left, but she’ll be back. Dr. Rosenberg has ordered her something for the pain.

“What about Penny?”

“Who?”

“The baby,” I snapped. I followed her through a double set of doors to the exam room hallway.

“I’m so sorry, Josh.” Ashton stopped, turning to me. “We did the best we could.”

I nodded, my knees threatening to give out under the weight of the sadness.
We did the best we could.
The words played on an endless loop in my mind.
Did we?
Was there more we could have done? I should have stopped her from walking out on me. I should have listened when she told me she was upset instead of dismissing her as irrational. My life with Avery was everything I’d ever dreamed of, and I had let it slip through my fingers.

My feet stopped shuffling, and I realized Ashton had guided me to one of the doors that lined the hallway, each hiding a tragedy behind it.

“It’s going to be all right,” Ashton reassured me.

I nodded, knowing it was a lie. I’d uttered that phrase to so many fathers and husbands. They were just words staff felt compelled to say to relieve our own guilt. It wasn’t easy to feel helpless when helping was the primary function of our jobs. If we couldn’t help, what good were we?

I pushed open the door to where Ashton had led me. Words wouldn’t change the outcome.

Avery lay on the bed looking as if she’d fallen asleep. Her blonde hair splayed against the white pillow, a purplish bruising marring her skin just below her hairline.

Monitors beeped around me in a steady rhythm as I wrapped my hand around hers, squeezing her fingers gently as if she were so fragile, she would crumble and slip from my grasp. The first of many sobs racked through my body as I let my tears fall onto the white blanket covering her.

“I should have never let you leave.”

I pressed my lips to the back of her hand before holding her soft skin against my cheek, letting my eyes fall closed so I could picture her smiling on our wedding day.

“I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you in pain. I’m going to add it to the list, okay?” I attempted a smile, feeling as broken as the rest of me. I combed away a few wayward hairs from her face.

My life with Avery had slipped from a dream into a frightening nightmare, one from which we couldn’t wake up. It was as if we were in limbo, suspended in purgatory. Her eyes moved behind fluttering lashes that never batted open. Her heart rate spiked at whispered
I love yous
, but never jolted her from her deep slumber. I couldn’t let go of us. I refused to walk away.

I went to her every day and waited. Waited for the impossible, for a sign, for her to look at me … hoping sinners were granted miracles, too. 

My eyes felt puffy and raw as I stared out the window. My lunch sat on the table uneaten, and Deb sat in her chair, pretending to read a magazine.

After a knock on the door, two women in white lab coats walked in, attended by a skinny male nurse.

Deb stood. “Avery, these are the doctors I told you about.” She pointed at a brunette with shoulder-length, kinky hair. Her full lips were glossed with a nude shade, complementing her dark, warm skin. “This is your neurologist, Dr. Livingston.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

Deb gestured to a short, squat woman with warm hazel eyes and silver hair. “This is Dr. Brock.”

Dr. Brock was the first to speak, her smile lighting the room. “I’m so happy to meet you, Avery. I’m sure your situation has been very upsetting, but if you don’t mind taking the time to explain, we’re hoping maybe we can help.”