Sweet Ride (26 page)

He needs to know; he
needs to know that I’m not as good as he thinks.

“You asked if I went
to a doctor after what happened. I didn’t until ten weeks later. I
went to school one day and started to get sharp pains in my stomach
and a lot of bleeding. I just thought I was having my period, but it
got so bad that I had to leave school. I didn’t want anyone to
know, just in case something came out about what happened. So I went
to the free clinic. The doctor asked me a few questions and then did
an examination and informed me I was having a miscarriage. Jack, I
had their baby inside me,” I cringe and hold my stomach.

“Baby,” he
whispers, stroking my hair and hugging me to him, giving me the
support that I desperately need, that I never knew I needed. It helps
me finish what I have to say.

“Even though I hated
them for what they did to me, I don’t know if I would’ve been
able to make the decision to have an abortion. That baby would’ve
been a part of me, too, and I think given time, I would’ve loved
him or her, but I was relieved when he told me I had a miscarriage
because the choice was taken away from me. I look at Ella, Ryder, and
their babies, and I know because of what happened I’ll never have
that kind of beautiful,” I cry into his chest for the loss of
something I’ll never get to experience. One more thing they took
away from me that night.

“Trust me, Payton.
When this is all over, and you finally get the help you need and
begin to heal, you will change your mind, and you’ll have your
happy ending. I’ll make sure of that, whether it’s with me or
not, I’ll make sure you’re happy,” he says.

I look at him in shock.
This man, this beautiful man before me wants to make sure that I find
my happiness. That warms my heart, and I know that I’ll never be
happier than I am when I’m with Jack. I want to let him know that I
love him, but I don’t want it tainted by all of this. I want it to
be amazing.

“So where do we go
from here?” I ask, wondering what to do for help.

“First, we’re going
to lie here, and we’re going to sleep in your bed. Then tomorrow
you’re going to talk to Evan and Ella. They’re both worried about
you. Hopefully, we’ll get you some counseling, and you’ll be able
to start moving forward with your life. You need to talk about this
shit with someone that doesn’t have a personal connection to you.”

Jack lifts me up and
puts us under the covers. Crawling in beside me, he wraps me in his
soothing embrace where I finally crash after a very emotional and
stressful night.

* * *

The next morning, Jack
cooks us breakfast and tells me that Cade’s going to be dropping
Evan off shortly. He also calls a very worried Ella to inform her
that I’m okay, and she says she can’t wait, she has to come and
see me right away.

Twenty minutes later,
the door flies open and Ella comes running over to me. With tears
freely falling from her eyes, she throws her arms around me, sobbing.
I return her embrace, which makes me cry, too. The next thing I know
we’re on the floor still holding tight to each other.

“I’m … I’m so …
sorry, Payton. I should’ve known that something happened to you.
No, I knew something happened to you, but I never thought it was
anything like this. I tried so many times to get you to talk to me,
and you wouldn’t. I don’t understand,” she cries.

“I couldn’t, Ella.
They were going to hurt you or Evan, and I couldn’t let that
happen. You guys are way too important to me. I couldn’t let them
do to you what they did to me,” I tell her.

“I’m so sorry I
wasn’t there for you. I’m your best friend—I should’ve
known,” she repeats.

I can hear faint voices
coming from another room. Jack must be talking to Ryder.

“It’s okay, Ella.
You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my choice, and I thought I
made the right one at the time. If I had to go back, I would make the
same decision again. I would never let that happen to you,” I vow.
“Cade’s bringing Evan here in a bit. I need to talk to her. I
know I hurt her last night. God, what a fucking mess I made of
things.”

“Payton, she’s more
worried about you than about what happened last night. She loves you,
don’t ever forget that,” Ella says.

“I know,” I say
getting up off the floor and heading to the living room window where
I see a sleek dark blue Mustang pull up to the curb. Cade and Evan
are sitting in the car and, if I’m not mistaken, they look like
they’re … fighting? What the hell?

Evan reaches out,
opening the car door, but he grabs her arm pulling her back to him.
He’s saying something to her, but she manages to pull free and runs
from the car.

“What the fuck?” I
yell, running to the door. Swinging it open, I look at Evan as she
approaches. “What the hell was that? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?
I’m going to fucking kill him,” I say.

“No, he didn’t hurt
me, Payton. He was just making sure I was okay. Nothing happened,”
she says, trying to calm me down. I put my arm around her shoulder
and walk her into the house and tell everyone that is staring that it
was a misunderstanding. I guess I’m a bit on edge with everything
that’s gone down.

Jack tells me that he
and Ryder have a few things that they need to take care of, so
they’re going to leave us all to talk. Walking over, he places a
sweet and tender kiss on my lips making sure I know he still wants
me.

After they’re gone,
the silence is killing me, and I know this needs to be over with.

“I’m sorry, Evan. I
didn’t mean to hurt you last night.”

“What do you mean,
Payton? You didn’t hurt me. My God, he raped you. You were just
trying to protect me. I wish I had known,” she says, silently
crying.

“I know, but you
looked so happy when you were telling me about your boyfriend. I
wanted that for you. When I saw him I last night, I lost it. I
couldn’t tell anybody about what they did to me, Evan, because they
said they would go after you guys, and I couldn’t have that. I’m
sorry. I love you both, and I never wanted anything to happen to you
two,” I say, wiping the tears that keep falling. I must be making
up for years of nothing.

I tell them everything,
which pretty much ends with them telling me the same things Jack was
saying to me last night. I know I need help, so I decide to find
someone to talk to.

We spend the remainder
of the day huddled on the couch, talking and watching movies. Evan
has to be brought to the airport shortly after supper, so when Jack
comes back, he drives us there to drop her off. I cry because I don’t
want her to leave. I want to keep her here with me. We talk about
what to tell Mom and Daddy-O. Evan thinks it would be best for me to
tell them. That they have a right to know—it isn’t fair to keep
it from them anymore. They love me and have every right to know.
After Evan and I have our snotty goodbye with lots of tears, hugs,
and kisses, she finally boards her plane and leaves to go back to
Boston.

The ride home from the
airport is too quiet. I don’t know what I want to say. Actually, I
don’t have much to say, but I sure do have a lot to think about,
and I can’t because there’s always somebody around me.

“I asked around today
and found a highly regarded therapist for you to talk to. If you
still want to, that is,” Jack says, breaking the silence.

“I do, I just need a
little time. This is all too much, Jack. I never wanted anyone to
know about what happened,” I reply.

“I know baby, but the
sooner the better. You’ll be able to move forward with your life.”

“I know, and I want
that, too. I just need a few days,” I tell him.

“Okay, when you’re
ready, we’ll do this together.”

“Thank you,” I say,
looking away from him.

When we get back to my
place, I’m so tired from another emotional and stressful day that
Jack takes me straight to my bedroom. Slowly, he removes my clothes,
replaces them with pajamas and puts me to bed. All the while, he’s
mumbling about how much I mean to him, and he’s in this with me all
the way. Jack cuddles in behind me for the night. I don’t get much
sleep because I can’t stop thinking about how I need some time to
myself. I need to get out of here. Jack is so good to me, but I need
to process all of this. Alone.

Lying in bed, I
remember I still have the key to Ryder and Ella’s cabin from when
Ella, the kids, and I went there for a weekend a few months ago. Ella
had to leave early so she gave me the key and said to stay and enjoy
the night. So I did, and I forgot to give it back to her. Bonus.

Once I’m sure Jack’s sound
asleep, I quietly get up, pack enough clothes for a few days, and
write him a note:

Jack,

I’m
sorry, but I need some alone time to process everything.

I
know if I tell you where I’m going, you’ll come after me.

So
that’s why I’m not going to tell you.

Please
don’t be mad. I just need a few days and then I’m coming home!

xoxo

Payton

I lean over, kiss Jack
lightly on the lips, then sling my bag on my shoulder and leave him
sleeping in my bed.

The sun’s fully
risen, by the time I have to gas up. I pull into a Stop-N-Go gas
station to fill my tank, use the washroom, and buy a coffee and ham
and cheese sandwich for lunch. I take it all out to my car. The sky’s
cloudless and the sun’s shining, making it incredibly warm. I roll
the top of my car down, climb back into my baby, and head for the
highway.

I love the feeling of
being out here; nothing but the sun in the sky and wind blowing in my
hair as I cruise down the highway at a rather fast pace. I glance
down at the clock on the dashboard and think that Jack should be
calling me soon, when he wakes up and realizes that I’m not in bed
with him and sees my note.

Knowing Jack, he’s
not going to be happy about it at all.

Like he can sense I’m
thinking about him, his famous ringer floats through the car. Shit! I
don’t know what to do. If I answer it, he’ll want to know where
I’m going, and I’m not ready to tell him. If I don’t, he’ll
freak out thinking something happened to me. I should probably answer
it, though, because I don’t want him to worry about me. I lean over
and pick up my cell phone, swiping my finger across the screen. “Hey,
baby,” I answer.

“Where are you,
Payton?” he asks, his voice laced with concern.

“I told you in the
note. I just need a few days to myself. I need to let everything that
happened sink in. Please, I really need this,” I plead, not knowing
why. I guess I just want him to understand where I’m coming from,
but I don’t think he ever will.

“I understand,
Payton. But you have people here who care about you and want to know
where you are. So we know you’re safe and we don’t have to worry
about you.”

“I’m sorry, Jack. I
really am, but I know as soon as I tell you, you’ll be on your
Harley making your way here,” I say. He grunts.

“Of course I will. I
care too much about you not to,” he replies with defeat.

“I have to go, Jack.
I’m driving. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Payton, just promise
me one thing?” he asks.

“What?” I return.

“Be careful, and
remember I’m here whenever you want to talk. So is your family.”

“I know, Jack. I’m
not doing this to cause drama. I just need a bit of alone time.”

“I know, be careful
and check in,” he says.

After my call with
Jack, I call Juan to inform him that I won’t be in for a few days,
and he tells me to take all the time I need. He already has my shifts
covered for the week and tells me to take care of myself, and if I
need anything, he’s there for me, too. I end the call and turn my
phone off.

Deciding its music
time, I plug my phone in to the stereo system and select the playlist
containing my anthem, “American Boys” by Halestorm. I crank up
the volume and fly down the highway at a faster speed than is
allowed. After a few songs I notice the damn red and blue flashing
lights in my rearview mirror.

Shit, shit, shit,
I think. Just what I need right now; I hope I don’t get a ticket.
Maybe I can talk myself out of getting one. It wouldn’t be the
first time. I pull my sweet ride over to the shoulder of the road and
wait for the officer to approach my vehicle. I hope it’s a guy
because it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to flirt my way out of
getting a ticket issued. Looking in my sideview mirror, I notice the
female officer walking toward my vehicle. I’m screwed.

“License and
registration please, ma’am.” I hand her both documents and she
asks, “In a hurry today?” Not happy. Shit, I’m definitely
getting a ticket today.

Looking up, I give her
my friendliest smile and explain that I’m on my way to a friend’s
cabin for the weekend by myself, and I just got lost in the music and
that my foot was a little heavier than usual.

“I don’t really
care what your excuses are. We have speed limits for a reason, and if
we let every Malibu Barbie like you drive as fast as you were,
there’d be no need for NASCAR races. So you can pay the ticket I’m
about to issue you. Then if you want to continue driving like a race
car driver, you can continue to do so on the Indy 500, not on my
highway,” she says handing me a $200 dollar speeding ticket. “Have
a nice day ma’am. Remember to slow it down,” she warns.

I want to say,
“Well,
fuck you very much,”
but instead say, “No problem, Officer.
You have a great day, as well.” As I fake smile and watch her get
back into the police cruiser, I give her the finger as she pulls out
onto the highway. I do the same, continuing on to the cabin.