Sweet Sins (4 page)

She had
n’t had a cigarette for days, but now she pulled one from the silver Egyptian case and drew in a long puff of smoke. She waited nervously for Adam to speak. Several more songs played as they both lay there in silence.

             
When he moved, he went into the kitchen and fumbled through the drawers. She saw he had something in his hand. He brought them both a Rum and Coke and threw the object into her lap. Picking up the leather checkbook, he watched her still saying nothing. Above the name of Adam Ryder was Patty Jo Ryder.

             
“I see,” was all she could murmur out.

Were they a p
air, the two of them, they had entire other lives attached to other people while they were falling in love. Now instead of the perfect love, they had a forbidden secret love that was tangled with unspoken omissions. The forever she had thought of was surely never.

             
“Where is she now?”

             
“She’s living with her parents and dating another guy. He buys her all kinds of diamonds, anything she wants. She loves that. It’s really what she is all about. Lately she’s been talking about getting back together and having a kid and my Mum is putting a lot of pressure on me to try and work things out with her. She says I owe our marriage something, at least another try.”

             
“That’s what your Mom thinks, what about you?”

             
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”

             
They sat and stared at each other through another chorus of Knocking on Heaven’s Door then Arianna slipped away with just a quick hug. They didn’t speak for several days after their unexpected revelations to each other. They had seen each other almost every day for a month; it was an agonizing few days.

             
She was restless with her never ending thoughts of him. After much analysis she believed she had never truly been in love, but this, this must be was true love is. For the first time, she felt she had invisible wings that were becoming real and that there was nothing she couldn’t do. She was on fire with this thing called life. She rationalized that the children were young enough to adjust to Adam. Her husband, Chris, did not seem to care at all about her absences and spent an inordinate amount of time hanging out with his friends at the local sports bars. A life of exquisite happiness would surely be better than this cold limbo she now lived in. She had checked out emotionally from her marriage shortly after the children were born. They were like brother and sister and she knew she had married him just to escape an abusive situation at home. She had decided she would risk everything to be with Adam—she picked the phone up to call him.

             
“Can I see you tonight?”

             
“Yes, I’m glad you called. I have a lot to talk to you about. Come over and we’ll go to Panda City for dinner and then maybe to Tom’s OK?”

             
“I’ll see you in a little while.”

             
With the car windows down, she absorbed the sight and sounds of crossing over Tampa Bay. Sometimes you could catch the glimmer of dolphins slipping through the water. The aroma of the sun and sea exhilarated her. She knew heaven was just a few miles past the end of the bridge. As she was leaving one beautiful sight, she would soon see another.

             
“Hello, darling,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

             
“Life seems to stand still when I’m not with you. I’m incredibly happy to see you again.”

             
He lifted her into his arms like a bride and crossed the threshold into his home. He moaned softly as she lifted his shirt and hers so that they would be touching. Bowie was playing this time; he must be in an upbeat mood, twisted with carnivorous romance.

             
“Arianna, we belong to each other, you’re my destiny. I love you, I do,” hoarsely he spoke, barely above a whisper.

             
“Darling, darling, I love you too.”

             
She touched his face with her fingertips and thought this is what pure joy is. She glowed, fastening this moment to her heart.

             
“I never expected to find love, never. I mean, I’m a guy and that kind of stuff just doesn’t make much sense to a lot of guys. I always thought love was something people just faked. Since I was twelve, I’ve been hanging around lots of girls and I never knew a feeling like this. Listening to Dylan’s songs about love, I use to think that this guy is the ultimate artist but he can’t really believe all that stuff about love. You’re one of the surprises in my life, a great surprise. I’m kinda’ jaded and a little crazy but this guys for you. I changed a lot at 16 and I didn’t think I could ever be happy again.”

             
“You mean after your Dad’s death?”

             
“Maybe. Naw—that had nothing to do with it; I just got street smart to the world. There are very few surprises with people, mostly just liars and beggars and thieves. Everybody’s one of them.”

             
Adam skipped over the mention of his father’s death and she was hoping he would talk to her about it. Sometimes there was a dark grimness that came over him and she wandered if that had anything to do with it. For now though, she was reveling in those exquisite words he had spoken to her—
I love you—
never before had those words delighted and embraced her. This was a virgin love, perhaps, for both of them. When he grabbed her and made love to her, they seemed as one heart living in another world.

Chapter VI

Love Blooms

              Several months passed, time; their love binding them together.

             
“Do you still want to get something to eat?” said Adam.

             
“Yes, I’m starving and I think the sun has scorched me a little.”

             
“The usual, Panda City...is that OK? There won’t be the typical line in the afternoon.”

             
Panda City has become a haunt for them. She had never particularly cared for Chinese before meeting Adam but had learned to crave it now. It was a tiny restaurant near downtown St. Pete.; it had survived the changing inner city swell. They held hands across the table while the tea was being poured.

             
He spoke first, “I haven’t had a moment’s rest thinking about our complicated situation. For the first time in like forever, I don’t feel lonely anymore. It feels right to be with you and that means a lot to me. When it’s right, you know it. It just settles over you but Patty Jo keeps calling me and leaving messages because she wants to try again. She told her boyfriend she wanted to give her marriage another shot first before they went any further. My Mum keeps telling me I have to, that it’s my obligation.”

             
Those words, not what she wanted to hear, and yet still having truth in them.

             
“I do understand, but what will happen to us then? I don’t want to think about never seeing you again or you not being in my life. I know I should try again with my marriage but I did already try and it didn’t work. We are like brother and sister, the only connection we have is the boys and that can’t be all when you might have 60 years left to live. I can’t live knowing that’s all that’s left for me at this age. I’m so unhappy and I know you are too.”

             
“You’re right. It’s hard to fix stuff that you’re not even sure what part of it is broken, when you don’t even know each other well enough to know what happened. Living out a mistake is not living at all. My Mum and Patty Joe make me feel like meat scraps for a dog, like I shouldn’t even look at them if I don’t try and can’t back together with her. I think the right thing for me is to be with you. I lay awake at night thinking about it and no matter what I still think the right thing for me is to be with you.”

             
“Oh, my love, my darling, what are we going to do? Why can’t anything in life go the way you plan it. I waited all my life to feel this way and to have someone feel that way back is just a miracle. I know you love me; I feel it every time you put your arms around me. I can’t live without that now that I know what it feels like. I just can’t. Let’s get out of here and take a walk on the beach. I’m so stressed right now just thinking that we might not make it.”

             
Upton beach was just a short distance from Adam’s place. In the sublime darkness of Florida’s midnight oasis, they made love on the beach. For now, Arianna would not think about tomorrow, tomorrow might bring the end to everything.

             
They went on, day after wonderful day, pretending. Tom’s was the billiard hall where they competed with each other and as a couple. She had been playing pool since she was                       13, learning to play in clubhouse in Humboldt Park in Chicago. At first, she did it because she liked being the only girl with the boys but then learned to love playing. The crowd at the pool hall knew them well and had declared them, “most in love couple ever”. If they weren’t playing 9 ball, they enjoyed canoeing down the Hillsborough River. At first she was frightened of the gators, but with Adam by her side, she tolerated the fear and learned to enjoy the wild life and her wild love.

             
She was kicking pebbles with her feet, laughing, and holding his hand. He was talking to her about racing on Sunday. That was his solitary day that she was never including in, it was his private joy.

             
“You know, girl, next week you’ll have to go racing with me. You’ve never been, you’ll probably give me the luck I need to finally win one. Or, at least if I crash, you can be there to pick up the pieces.”

             
He kissed her passionately and two small boys laughed and jumped up and down on the river’s edge as they watched them. Maybe they should have been more discreet, but they kissed everywhere and anywhere, the love they had could not be concealed.

             
Going down the river, the palm trees stood like soldiers and their branches did not move. The air was thick, hot and clammy. Slowly skimming across the dark water, the canoe caused only a slight breeze to drift over them. Adam had removed his shirt and only had his black running shorts on. Her eyes could not take in enough of the sight of him. His ash blonde toasted hair had fingertips of white gold reflecting across its length. His broad chest was so lean and muscular, especially in this light. Runner’s legs that were so developed, they looked like carved marble.

             
Arianna had opened her shirt till it revealed her skin.

             
“Take your shirt off, Babe,” Adam requested with a wink.

             
His eyes moved over her and she already felt as if she were bare. Arianna looked around and could not see anyone. There were other canoes, but they were at least a mile down river and looked like blurry dots of people. She slipped her shirt off and then moved to where Adam was and lay down against his chest. He pulled the oars into the canoe and he moved his amber hands over her white chest. The thrill of his touch amazed her. Her back slid across him, slippery and wet from the torrid heat. She pushed her body up against him as if she could not ever get close enough to him.

             
Breathless, he said, “Let’s stop on the bank. The brush will give us cover. I need to have you now.”

             
She nodded her consent and they pushed the canoe up the Heidi embankment. The brush was high and bustling with the business of tropical life. A small family of armadillo’s marched past them because they had disturbed their territory. She felt so abundantly alive; her senses were awakened as if before she had only lived in a dream and now life was real and exciting. Adam took her hand and guided her back into the camouflage of the riverbank. Amidst the cackle of bird calls and dangling spiders, he lifted her around him. Standing in the jungle atmosphere, he loved her till her heart felt like a jackhammer.

             
“I’ll never forget this time, all these times with you. If you were ever to leave me now, I would disintegrate into dust. You are life to me,” she said.

             
“That’s one thing you can carve in stone, girl, I would never leave you. There’s nothing I’m sure about in life sometimes, I don’t know about tomorrow, who does. But I am sure about us. I’ll never leave you, never.”

             
She pulled a string from her jean shorts and tied it around a branch as if to mark this territory as hers.

             
“I’ll always know this string will be here, always, it will mark a day of love. Whenever we are here, I will tie a pink ribbon to a palm tree, to mark our days together.”

             
“Girl, you’re crazy but I like it. We’ll do that. We can make love all over Tampa Bay and you can bring all the ribbons you like and tie them anywhere to tell the world I love you.”