Sweet Surrender (23 page)

“Go on, or do you need me to put you there myself?”

“You always have in the past.”

“We didn’t have a broken front door and a wind chill in the single digits in the past,
cara mia
.”

“Yeah, guess I forgot about that.” She turned and he watched her walk away. At the bedroom door, she glanced back, a troubled expression on her pretty face. He steeled himself against abandoning corner time altogether, going to her and kissing and fucking it all better. He discarded the enticing idea quickly. That would only be a temporary fix, resolving nothing between them.

“Thirty minutes,” he ordered determinedly. “After I fix the door, I’m going to take a shower. I’m soaked through. Leaving me standing on the front porch in the freezing rain didn’t help your situation,
cara
.”

“I’m sorry for the way I acted, Marc. Can you forgive me?”

“I already have, Jessie. I also love you more than anything, but we need to fix the issues between us that make you distrustful. So take this time, concentrate very hard, and figure out where the trust has broken down between us.”

He signaled with his hand that she should go and she did, disappearing inside their room. In a few seconds, he followed. Not that he expected disobedience, but because she was still highly charged and her emotions unpredictable. She was already in position, standing with her forehead against the wall in her reading corner; the plush wingback chair she curled up in when she found a few spare minutes to indulge had been pushed out of the way. Her hands were behind her back, holding her skirt up; her bright red bottom curving outward made a beautiful display. She was the very image of obedience and atonement. She was also hotter than any woman he’d ever seen and caused his already hard cock to ache.

There was only one thing wrong to his eyes. Walking up behind her, he stopped shy of touching by the smallest fraction of an inch. Very gently he took her hands, placing them down by her sides. This allowed her skirt to fall and cover the delectable pink cheeks of her ass.

“I didn’t ask this of you,
cara mia.
” He murmured this softly before he kissed the top of her glossy head and left to check the damage to the front door.

As he walked quietly down the stairs, his thoughts were heavy. Their relationship was ever changing. The first time he’d spanked her had been risky. She could have gotten angry, stormed off, and ended it. Nevertheless, he took the chance, feeling her self-criticism contributed to her image problems, as well as her issues with trust. Of course, he knew those issues stemmed from her prick of a father’s abandonment, but he felt strongly that he needed to nip those behaviors in the bud and he’d chosen a spanking to make his position on the matter clear. She’d responded beautifully and the sex that followed was phenomenal.

He’d always had a need for control, whether in his career, personal relationships, or his sex life. That’s why he went into medicine and then into private practice. It was the reason he was attracted to women with submissive traits, and is exactly why he and a ball buster like Christina Barlow would have never worked out. What could he say? He was old-fashioned and liked traditional gender roles, meaning he liked his woman in a skirt when she dressed up, insisted on opening her door and holding her chair, and was a staunch believer that the man be the protector and provider. He enjoyed spoiling the woman he was with, catering to her needs, and in the bedroom that translated into him setting the pace and taking the lead. Conversely, he didn’t begrudge a woman’s right to independence, to work or have a first-class education, and he damn sure wouldn’t mind if Jessie wanted to be on top, or surprised him in the morning with her lips around his cock.

Luckily, Jessie fit right into his lifestyle. From the start he’d suspected, sensing they would fit together, meeting each other’s needs and filling the void that the other was lacking. After searching for his one for a long time, in Jessie he found what he always wanted: a friend and companion, a woman as kind, generous, and caring as she was beautiful, someone intelligent with whom he could talk about his interests, and one day, be a loving mother to his children.

The day she’d asked him to spank her had been a turning point. He was an ass man and a spanker; he made no bones about it and had made it clear to Jessie early on. In a teasing manner at first, testing to see if she’d curse him or run screaming from the room like some other women had. Not Jessie; it made her hot and had quickly become more than sex and play for them. When she expressed her need to be spanked as an emotional release of her pent-up tension, he’d accepted that responsibility, becoming more than her lover and husband-to-be. He’d also become her bastion and refuge, her counselor and touchstone, a sounding board for her frustrations, and when necessary, her disciplinarian. He took his role seriously, holding himself to a higher standard than ever before.

They were doing well with it for the most part, but there were certain areas, past hurts and inner struggles that she wouldn’t reveal, keeping them locked away from him. In time, he was hoping she’d be able to open up to him completely.

A frigid burst of air hit him as he reached the entryway. He surveyed the damage. The lock was ruined, bent beyond repair, the door facing splintered. He was relieved that with a firm push of his shoulder and the help of all his body weight, the door still closed, although it didn’t quite seal in places. Amazingly, the deadbolt engaged. Breathing easy that an emergency Home Depot run wasn’t required tonight and that he wouldn’t have to leave his beautiful, emotionally charged fiancée alone even if briefly, he headed to the garage with a lighter tread. A few minutes of rummaging in the garage had him returning with toolbox in hand and a roll of rubber weather stripping. In no time, he patched the gaps to keep out the cold. As he stared at his temporary repair job, he considered how easy it had been for him to break in with one well-placed kick. An upgrade to a steel door and more secure hardware was in his future.

He checked his watch. Twenty minutes had passed. With the door secured, he switched off the lights and eagerly went upstairs to get out of his uncomfortably damp jeans and to check on Jessie. When he reentered the bedroom, she was exactly as he’d left her. If she’d moved, he couldn’t tell it. He watched her for a moment. She didn’t turn or wiggle, maintaining her silent position the whole while. He was impressed; she’d locked down her control much better than he had. In reality, he was having a tough time resisting the urge to touch her, to pull her from the corner, take her into the shower with him and make love to her, but she had ten minutes to go.

As he stepped into the steam-filled stall, he thought of her standing in the corner just a few feet away, a closed door the only barrier between them. He’d used a time out with her once before, and only after researching it thoroughly, weighing the pros and cons, discussing it candidly with other men who practiced a similar lifestyle in varying degrees, including Jared, and doing a lot of soul-searching. The first time he’d caved after only ten minutes. That time, however, hadn’t been for such an egregious offense, certainly not one that had put her life in jeopardy or their relationship at risk. Today’s events definitely deserved a long time out and he hoped Jessie was using the time wisely.

Going from a highly charged argument to an intense spanking session, followed by the release of tears and subsequent forgiveness, their pendulum of emotions had swung wide. He could have taken the easy way out and cuddled with her or had sex; however, with Jessie that only achieved a physical settling. It didn’t have the same soothing effect on her mind. Her thoughts didn’t turn off when it was over, although she often acted as though they did. She internalized more than any woman he’d ever known and not always in a healthy way. She needed time to reflect and then release those feelings. If she couldn’t go there on her own, he was more than happy to show her the path.

Therefore, corner time was the right solution; for Jessie it was a time for mandatory introspection, especially on a night like tonight, when she was still having trouble talking to him or coming to terms with the core of the problem, her lack of trust. He wanted her to have quiet time, with only her thoughts and feelings, without him around as a distraction, and without him adding his two cents as he was wont to do. While everything was still fresh on her mind, including the rawness of her emotions, he wanted her to reflect on the behavior, the hurts she may have caused to him, herself, and their relationship, and the consequences of her actions. He hoped at the end of her thirty minutes, she would have found some answers, come to peace with her feelings in the moment and have found a way to move forward without repeating the same mistakes. She should feel calm and have found her center—in theory, at least. If not, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Without trust between them, it was going to be tough, if not impossible.

Chapter Sixteen

“Okay, baby. Come to me now.”

At his low command, Jessie pushed away from the wall. It was time for the reckoning. She hated this part, almost preferring another round with his belt than spilling her guts and revealing all her turbulent thoughts and emotions—almost, but not quite. She wouldn’t be able to put him off any longer. Slowly, she made her way to where Marc sat on their bed, coming to stand between his spread thighs. The third time she’d been in this position today, it was quickly becoming a habit.

His hands, as if unable to resist touching her, moved to her still warm bottom. Drawn to him despite their conflict, Jessie reached for him as well. As her fingers came to rest on his firm biceps, they flexed, instinctively testing his steely strength.

“Did you come to any conclusions?”

“Yes. My poor self-esteem makes me nutty and I act like an idiot.”

He squeezed her full cheeks. “Don’t be flippant. I’m serious about this. Do you need more time in the corner to think?”

“No.”

“Then stop putting yourself down. We’ve talked about this before,
cara
.”

“I know. Negative self-talk perpetuates my poor self-image.”

He arched his brow at her. She sounded as sarcastic as a surly teenager. “I’m sorry, but it doesn’t help when everyone else puts you down. It’s a form of brainwashing. When you hear something often enough, you start believing it.”

“First off, not everyone puts you down. I certainly don’t, nor does Stacy, Jared, your mother, or a host of other people I could name, so stop exaggerating. Ordinarily you are warm and loving, as well as kind and intelligent. You know that. Don’t judge yourself through anyone else’s eyes. What’s in here,” he tapped her chest with two fingers, then moved to repeat the gesture at her temple, “and here is what counts. Bashing yourself with put-downs often becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.”

He paused, watching her as his fingers kept stroking. “Given time, my family will come to know love and respect you as well.”

Her snort of disbelief was telling. “According to your family, I’m a slutty nurse, nothing more than a glorified assistant to the esteemed doctor, who had the gall to seduce you into proposing. I’ll never be good enough or accepted.”

“
Bella,
I love my family, although on days like today I seriously question why, but it doesn’t matter to me what they think about your chosen career. Nurses are respected professionals. Do you imagine I could do my job without good nurses performing their magic? Without an efficiently run hospital, where would I do surgery? Who would care for my patients post-op? I know I have never minimized the importance of a nurse’s role. My family does out of ignorance, or to push your buttons. They’ve obviously identified that this is a sore spot with you. Next flaw…”

Damn! Were they really going to go down the entire list of her shortcomings? Another spanking was looking easier by the minute. Shaking her head in confusion, she blurted out, “Is this really necessary?”

“Jessica,” he warned before she went further. “I know you and don’t believe for a moment that you don’t have a mental list in that beautiful head of all your perceived flaws. Your self-image—how you see yourself—and your ideal self—who you feel you should be—are incongruent and worlds apart. There should be a happy medium. No one is perfect, after all. We can work on that and bring them more in line so you can be more accepting of yourself. Then others’ harsh words will roll off your back without a second thought. So, back to your list, cross off career from the negative. What’s next?”

Her mouth gaped open. “That’s Carl Rogers’ personality theory, isn’t it? Are you sure you didn’t specialize in psychiatry?”

“You remember your Psychology 101, that’s good.” Smiling, he tapped her temple. “As I said, baby, you’re smart as a whip. Funny thing is, I did briefly consider psychiatry as a specialty, but found I preferred using my hands and all the saws, hammers, and hardware involved in orthopedics.” He flexed and gave a manly growl, earning him a small smile. Far from distracted, he said, “Next—”

“Uh—okay, there’s my body. I’m curvy, my backside is—”
Better not go there,
she thought, seeing a hint of a frown. If she gave the laundry list of what was wrong with her body, they’d be there all night and he’d be fussing about her downing herself again. She edited her comment quickly, leaving off cellulite, jiggling boobs, and thunder thighs. “I suppose I’m not as thin as I’d like.”

“You’re worried about that tits and ass remark. All I can say is that the girls are right. I like a woman with tits and ass. Right off, I was attracted to your gorgeous figure. It’s impossible not to notice that you are lush, soft, and curvy in all the right places. You are exactly to my taste,
bella mia
.” His arms tightened and he shifted her forward until the scoop neckline of her sweater was within reach of his lips.

Her breath caught as he began spreading kisses along the small amount of exposed skin. The rough scruff of his beard was a little scratchy, but having him so close, inhaling his spicy scent, was worth it. Then he dipped his head, nosing the soft knit out of the way of his lips. When he spoke, the sound and feel of his sultry words, so hot and damp, triggered a rush of liquid heat in her belly, and lower.