Sweet Surrendering (33 page)

“I’ll go first. If I don’t make it, know that I love you and I hope you pine for me for the rest of your life. But first, one last kiss.” He kissed me and then strolled right out into the hallway and turned around, holding his arms out.

“See?”

And then my heart felt like it had been replaced with a bomb that was then detonated in my chest.

“Mr. Blaine, I thought you would be at the board meeting.” Mrs. Andrews came out of my father’s office with his jacket. Dad was always forgetting his jacket. Then she saw me and I had never wished for a mysterious sinkhole to open under me and swallow me up as I had in that moment when I saw her putting two and two together.

“We were just—“ I started to say.

“We—“ Lucah tried to say.

She started laughing. Like, throw-your-head-back, eyes-watering, beg-for-mercy-from-Jesus kind of laughing.

Lucah looked at me and I just gaped at Mrs. Andrews as she gasped for breath and then wiped her eyes. She walked forward and patted my cheek like I was an amusing child.

“Oh, my dear. I wasn’t born yesterday. Your
secrets
are safe with me.” She winked at Lucah and then walked to the elevator, humming a tune I didn’t recognize.

“What the—“

“I have no idea,” Lucah said, shaking his head as the elevator doors closed.

So much for being stealthy.

“She’s not going to tell anyone, right? I mean, the woman has known me since I was in diapers. She’s not going to expose us. Right?” Now I was the one pacing. Lucah and I had gone right to his place after work, mostly because I was freaking out and I needed to be alone. Well, alone with him.

Lucah just watched me pace. I was still in my work clothes and I thought he liked watching me walk in heels. He had kind of a glazed look, as if he was picturing me naked and pacing in heels. I wish he would freak out more about this with me. It was uncomfortable to be freaking when your significant other was not freaking. It made me feel like I was freaking too much, which only made me freak out about freaking out.

My life was exhausting sometimes.

“Would pacing naked help? I know it would help me.” Yup, I called it. I whirled around and glared at him.

He tried to look innocent. “What? I really think it would help give me some insight on the situation.”

“And by ‘situation’ you mean my ladyparts.”

He pretended to be shocked.

“I am offended that you immediately jump to the conclusion that I only want you to pace naked for my benefit. That’s not giving me much credit.” He was trying to distract me and it was working.

“You don’t deserve credit, Mr. Blaine,” I said, leaning over the back of the couch and wrinkling my nose at him.

“She’s not going to betray us, Sunshine. From the way she talked, it seems as if she’s known for a while and hasn’t said anything. Stop worrying.” He pressed the spot between my eyebrows that I knew was all wrinkled up from stressing.

“Well you don’t worry, so I have to worry for both of us.” He reached out, grabbed my arms and pulled me over the back of the couch and into his lap. I screamed and he started tickling me until I breathlessly begged him to stop.

“She’s
not
going to tell. Trust me,” he said again. He must have thought that if he said it enough times I’d eventually believe it. “Now can we talk some more about the naked pacing? I don’t think we really discussed that fully.”

Despite Lucah’s assurances that Mrs. Andrews wouldn’t narc on me to anyone, I was a WRECK when I went to Sunday dinner that weekend. Sweaty palms, racing heart, the whole nine yards. Whatever that meant. What the hell did that mean?

“You’re going to be fine,” Lucah said, kissing the top of my head as I did my makeup in the mirror, interrupting my wondering about yards.

“I swear if you say that one more time, I’m stabbing you with my mascara brush.”

He just laughed and pinched my ass.

“Be careful or you’re not getting any tonight.” I was full of shit and we both knew that. He just laughed and walked back into the kitchen where he was making dinner for one. It pretty much sucked that he couldn’t come to the dinner with me, but that completely defeated the purpose of hiding our relationship. We’d jokingly thought of scenarios where he could just happen to drop by and could join us, but there was no way to do it without making it completely obvious.

He texted me when I was in the cab with a picture of himself sticking his pierced tongue out and it made me smile, but didn’t help with the nerves. I messaged him back and then it was time to face my parents.

“You look pale,” was the first thing my mother said to me. Yeah, hiding my nervousness was going really well.

“Oh, I’m just tired. I’ve been having trouble sleeping.”
Because of all the sex I’ve been having with my assistant.

“What about chamomile tea? That always used to work when you were younger,” Mom said as we sat down at the table. Somehow I didn’t think tea was going to help in this situation.

“I’ll try that,” I said anyway. Mom swore by tea as the cure-all for everything. Upset stomach? Ginger. Can’t sleep? Chamomile. Need a jolt? Black.

Luckily, Mom was full of details about the Black and White Ball, so I didn’t have to talk much. Dad seemed quiet, but he was probably just exhausted by Mom talking about the ball.

“Has Sloane started your dress yet?” The second I’d mentioned the thing, Sloane had run to her drafting table and started sketching. She’d made at least five potential sketches and I’d picked one and she’d started working on it in her spare time. First she was going to make a dummy dress out of muslin to fit it to me and then we were going together to pick out the fabric. Maybe this year she’d actually take my input.

“Yes, and it’s going to be black. We thought a white dress was way too wedding.”

“Well, you should decide who you’re taking and see what color he wants so you can match exactly. I’d love to see both of you in white,” she said and I dropped my fork on the floor. Of course I’d taken Royce to the last Ball, which had been a Garden of Eden theme. I’d worn red and he’d worn a green suit. The apple and the snake. Yes, I knew it should have been obvious that the snake was inside the suit, but I was blind.

“I don’t think I’ll be taking anyone.” I’d had years where I didn’t have a date. Granted, they’d been when I was a gawky teenager, but still. There was no rule that I had to have a date to the ball. This wasn’t a prom in 1953.

“Oh, but you have to bring a date,” Mom said as if I’d suggested coming to the event naked.

Dad cleared his throat.

“She doesn’t have to bring a date, Eva. It’s not a social disgrace for a woman to be single at an event anymore.” See?

“I know that, Walter. I just thought that she might have someone in mind that she could bring. Just as a friend.” A someone named Fintan Herald. I could see what was going on in my mother’s head as if I was watching a movie.

Me, in a fabulous black gown. Fin, also in black. Our eyes meet across the crowded ballroom. Everyone stops and stares at my beauty as I walk in slow motion across the room to meet him. Our eyes lock as the string quartet starts a waltz and everyone moves out of our way as we glide across the floor. Everyone remarks about how lovely we look together. Fin compliments mean and I blush attractively and duck my head modestly. When the dance is over he gives me his arm and we stroll onto the patio and he spouts magnificent poetry and plucks a rose from the trellis and . . .

“I don’t need a date. I’ve had a date for the past few years, and clearly, it didn’t work out for me. So I’m going alone.”

Mom sighed as if I was the most defiant child ever but then she smiled as if an idea had struck her.

“Well maybe you’ll meet someone there.”

I looked at Dad and he just shook his head. You couldn’t stop Eva Clarke once she got started.

“Or maybe I’ll trip, break my ankle and there will be a cute paramedic that comes to my rescue,” I said with a smile as I speared a tomato from my salad and popped it into my mouth.

“We can only hope,” Mom said.

“So you would let me break my ankle just to meet a man?”

She waved her hand as if I was being ridiculous. “Don’t be dramatic. You could just twist it and make it look convincing.” She looked down at her salad and I shared a glance with Dad. Insane. The woman was insane.

Luckily, the heat was taken off of me as Dad started talking about politics and then he and Mom got in a heated discussion about the economy. I know most kids hated when their parents fought, but for them it was more like a debate between two fiercely intelligent people so I kind of loved it.

I just sat back and watched the words fly, and sipped my wine while I calmed down. Lucah was waiting for me and I was pretty excited about that. You’d think after however many rounds of sex we’d had that we’d get bored, or one of us would stop having orgasms, but that wasn’t the case. We got each other off each and every time and it always felt new. There was no way this could go on forever. Sex wasn’t always that magical, not in real life.

When my parents had finally agreed to disagree as they always did, it was time for dessert and I did whatever I could to get out of there without Mom bringing up the date business again.

I succeeded and texted Lucah as the cab drove me back to his place. He just sent me back a smiley. I’d thought he was going to rub being right in my face, but he wasn’t that kind of guy.

“Didn’t I tell you it was going to be fine? Why don’t you listen to me, Miss Clarke?” he said when I walked in. Or maybe he was that kind of guy. I just rolled my eyes and let him kiss me, but didn’t kiss him back.

“Aw, did you think I would be above gloating about being right? Think again, Sunshine.” He winked and I stuck my tongue out at him.

“You are definitely not getting any tonight,” I said, pulling my shoes off. I now had at least five pairs that had taken up residence at his place, but I didn’t want to bring too many and take over like some kind of shoe fungus.

“That’s okay. I’m cool with cuddling. I’m going to cuddle you so hard.” He put his arms around me from behind.

“Yeah, that’s why your dick is pressing into my ass. You’re that excited about cuddling.” I turned in his arms and he pressed further into me and against my will, I was getting turned on. Stupid libido.

“I am crazy about cuddling. I’m going to cuddle my cock right into your—“ I put my hand over his mouth.

“That is not cuddling and you must think I’m an idiot if you think I’m going to fall for—“ This time I was interrupted by him grinding his hips into me and turning me on further.

“Fuck it,” I said, grabbing the back of his head and wrenching it down to meet mine. We could cuddle with his cock inside me. It was way more fun that way, anyway.

Monday morning Mrs. Andrews gave me a wink as she walked by my office and I smiled back at her. I was surprised that she hadn’t told anyone. I mean, Dad was her boss and it was almost like she was lying to him. I wondered how many times she’d lied to him in all the years they’d worked together. Probably not many. I felt bad making her do it, so I stopped by her desk on my way to the break room for my second cup of coffee.