Sweet Thing (12 page)

When it was time for Will to go on, Tyler helped him bring his amp and guitar in to set up. I had butterflies in my stomach. I could barely contain my excitement about hearing Will sing, but I was still a tad bitter that he hadn’t spoken to me. He seemed nervous as he adjusted the microphone.

One of the groupie girls moved her chair in for a closer look, inadvertently tugging on Will’s guitar cord in the process. “Hey, don’t do that!” The girl looked shocked and embarrassed. When Will noticed, he softened his expression. “Just give me some space, okay, baby?” he said to her with his sexiest smile. She nodded sheepishly.

After he finished tuning his guitar, he leaned into the microphone and spoke hesitantly. “This is a song for my friend.” He looked right at me… and then I fucked up again.

“Play Ziggy Stardust!” I blurted out.

Looking shattered, he narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head, then quickly changed his tuning. I knew he had decided on a different song and I wondered for a second if he was going to play my request.

“This is a song for my friend, who doesn’t know what she wants,” he mumbled and then barreled into “Yellow Ledbetter.” I have to admit, Will choosing an Eddie Veddar Pearl Jam song was very apropos. Will was the rock-and-roll type I’d swooned over my entire life and I still wouldn’t give him the time of day. He knew me better than I knew myself. Will left the lyrics out; instead, he played a fifteen-minute instrumental version with his eyes closed. He was aggressive, but he played flawlessly. I was completely and utterly mesmerized watching him. Toward the end of the song he teased the audience with just one word, a pitch-perfect, lingering “oh” before the final guitar riff. He unplugged and gathered his things. People clapped but seemed dumbfounded that Will hadn’t sung and yet he was packing up to leave. The shorthaired girl wrote something in a notebook before she scooted out the door, never looking back. I spotted Jenny, who was shooting daggers at me.

“Why would you ask Will to play a song about an egomaniac guitarist who breaks up his band?”

An ashamed giggle escaped my mouth. “I didn’t think anyone would get it.”

Tyler walked up behind Jenny and put his arm around her. “Will and I are going to get a bite.” Will was already standing out on the street; I could see him cursing himself and acting like lunatic.

“Will you tell him I’m sorry?”

Tyler looked at me speculatively. “There was a record exec here to see Will sing. You know he’s been playing around town right?”

“God, I feel terrible.” And I meant it. I hadn’t realized. I thought it was just another girl there to swoon over him.

“It’s not all your fault, Mia. Will needs to have a thicker skin and get used to the fact that people are going to say things. He was doing really well, playing at little dives, and then when word got around that Will Ryan was something to see, he started booking shows under different names. There was The Wilburs, then Idio-Secret Agent Man, and then the last one was The Asshats. Every time he would gain a little following, he would change the name. He has a lot going on and he’s trying to figure things out. I know he really takes what you say to heart. He thinks you’re a brilliant musician.”

“Really?” I sighed. “I feel terrible—please tell him I’m sorry.” I walked away with a lump in my throat the size of a bus. I couldn’t look at Tyler and Jenny’s faces anymore. I hid in the back until everyone was gone and then I locked up and went home to bed.

A peace offering was needed, so the next day I bought Will a digital four-track recorder and left it on his bed with a note.

Will, I’m sorry about how I have behaved toward you lately. You are one of the most talented people I know and I won’t get in the way of that again. I care about you and I want us to be friends. Please accept this gift so you can continue making that beautiful music and know that this is your home too. I promise to respect that.

Later that day, Will and I ran into each other on the street. He had a carefree look about him. “Hey, Roomy! Thanks for the four-track and your sweet note, it means a lot.” He gave me a big bear hug. “I want to jam with you soon. I have some ideas for a couple of songs.”

“I would love that, Will.” I felt unreasonably happy. I was relieved almost to the point of tears that he was back to himself.

“I have to work tonight, but I’ll see you at the party tomorrow.” He gave me another hug.

“Okay, I’ll see you.” When he walked away I heard him call to Sheil, who he spotted standing farther down the street. I looked back; Sheil was dressed in a beautiful orange, red, and black sari. She was a stunning, exotic beauty. Will ran toward her to catch up. I had introduced Will to Sheil one day in the café but they seemed more familiar as he jogged toward her. It gave me an uneasy feeling.

Jenny and I spent the entire day Saturday making food and decorating Kell’s for her engagement party. We hung Chinese lanterns and twinkle lights everywhere. We closed the café to the public and went back to my apartment to get ready. I decided to live on the edge and wear a super short, all-black shift. Jenny looked angelic in a knee-length, flowing white dress. Robert met us at the apartment. He wore the typical “I’m a banker” suit. He eyed my dress dismissively.

“Do you like?”

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s interesting.”

“Okay, then. Let’s head over.”`

We walked over to Kell’s. Martha was there along with Seth, our friend from the poetry group who was going to deejay the party. We put some last-minute touches on the food and decorations before guests started arriving. I introduced Robert to everyone, but at times he seemed disinterested or preoccupied with his phone. Seth played wonderful big-band music while the champagne flowed. When Will arrived, I saw him shake Robert’s hand and then he hugged Jenny and Tyler before making his way toward me.

“Hey, you look hot,” he said as he hugged me around my shoulders.

He was wearing black pin-striped suit pants with his belt and wallet chain and a black, short-sleeved dress shirt. Black on black and smelled divine. I inhaled deeply as he hugged me.

“So do you.” I laughed shyly. “I mean you look handsome.”

He took a step back and drank me in. His hand went to the hem of my dress and I flinched as he grabbed the fabric between his fingers and tugged. “I like this.” He winked and shot me a sexy smile. I laughed and shook my head. Some things never change… who would want them to?

I saw Robert observing our exchange. I elbowed Will and winked back at him and then walked over to stand by Robert. We continued to mingle and I noticed Jenny and Tyler were happier than I had ever seen them, which made me feel more carefree than I had been in a long time. I noticed that Will chatted with Sheil for what seemed like an hour and it made me wonder, but I figured Will could talk to anyone about music for hours on end and Sheil would be a great sounding board for that. When the party was well on its way, Will stood on a chair to get everyone’s attention. I scooted over so that I was standing right below him.

“I would like to make a toast to the happy couple. Jenny, you look amazing tonight, by the way. I don’t know how this schmuck got so lucky,” he said, gesturing his champagne glass toward Tyler. “Okay, it’s an engagement prayer, if you will.” He looked at me and whispered, “No pun intended.” He paused and cleared his throat:

For each other… May your hearts always beat wildly…
and…
May your minds always sing wildly…
but most of all…
May your souls always dance wildly…
For each other…
For eternity… To Jenny and Tyler! Cheers rang out. Everyone toasted each other. When Will stepped down from the chair I grabbed his arm and whispered in his ear, “That was really beautiful, Will.”

“Thanks, baby.” Then he kissed me on the cheek and headed toward Jenny and Tyler.

When the music got louder, Jenny and I got drunker along with everyone else, I’m sure. Seth played “Live Your Life” by T.I., so I busted out my amazing (mostly ridiculous) hip-hop stylings and then Jenny and I created a medley of 90s dance moves, including the Roger Rabbit, the Sprinkler, the Running Man, and my personal favorite the Bus Driver. I spied Will laughing at us, so I mouthed an air kiss to him and he winked at me. Robert, on the other hand, sat in the corner looking bored to death. I couldn’t tell if he was antisocial or if he thought my eclectic little group of friends was beneath him. Either way, I thought maybe it would be better to keep the two worlds separate.

When the party died down, I starting drinking water and cleaning up.

“Thank you so much, Mia, this was amazing.”

I gave Jenny a big hug. “It was my pleasure. I’m glad you’re in my life. I love Tyler and I’m so happy for you.”

Before leaving, Will came up to me. “I’m heading up. Are you guys coming?”

“We’re gonna stay at Robert’s tonight. He has to pick up his son early, so…”

“No worries, I’ll see you later then,” he said as he hugged me.

“Night, Will.”

He waved to Robert and then walked out. I knew Will wasn’t disappointed that Robert and I wouldn’t be there, but I felt like I had to explain anyway.

I got to see some of Robert’s true colors in the cab on the way to his apartment. “That was an interesting group. Martha is a very strange woman, Mia.”

“How so?’

“She asked me if I wanted my chakras cleansed. What does that even mean?”

“Don’t be obtuse, Robert.” And so it began, our first and last fight.

“Obtuse? Please. What about Will and his sappy toast? Come on, souls dancing? That loser should spend less time on the poetic nonsense and more time trying to find a job so he can stop leeching off you.”

I was breathing through my nose, mouth clenched shut, and then through gritted teeth I let him have it.

“What? How dare you? You want to know something, Robert? Will has more to offer in his little finger than you do with your Upper West Side apartment, your business degrees, and your VP job. Will is kind, sensitive, creative, determined, and he’s been a good friend to me and that’s more than you can say.” I yelled at the cabbie to pull over.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s not going to work between us.”

Looking straight ahead he said, “Yeah, because you’re just like all of them: wannabe, artist trash.”

Time for the big guns. “Fuck you, you dickless, fascist fuck. I wish I could get back every meaningless, banal moment I spent with you. Ba-bye.” With that, I hopped out of the cab. The taxi sped away and Robert never looked back.

I was on the corner of East 42nd Street and 2nd Avenue at two thirty in the morning. If I walked one block east I would be at the United Nations. It was an interesting prospect but I decided to consider my options. One block east and one block south would put me at the mouth of the Queens tunnel. I thought about Queens. Folding my arms, I backed up against a light pole, feeling wretched and small. What a piece of shit Robert was for letting me out of the car in midtown at that hour. I watched motionless as three taxis zipped by me. Everything around me started moving in hyper speed. I was standing on the sidewalk, perfectly still, staring at the constant red blur of taillights. The signal on the pole above me was changing from green to yellow to red in supersonic speed, so fast that it became one color.

The tall buildings made me feel like an insignificant shadow on the sidewalk. I could have melted into nothingness and it wouldn’t have mattered. In my daze I wondered if I was more perplexed by the fact that my relationship with Robert was over or if my desire to defend Will so passionately was a sign of deeper feelings. An hour must have gone by before my shivering snapped me out of my trance. I stepped off the curb and positioned my body in front of oncoming traffic. The first car to approach was a taxi, thankfully. When it came to a screeching halt, I hopped in and shouted, “Ave A and St. Mark’s!”

“Lady, you could have killed yourself,” the cabbie shouted back to me.

“Yes! That’s still an option!” God, I was losing it. The cabbie shook his head and floored the gas. It was there in the safety of the cab that I really went off the deep end. I sobbed uncontrollably all the way back to my apartment. When we pulled in front of the building, I tried ineffectively to collect myself.

“Lady, are you ok?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. Can I just have a moment please?”

He gave me a compassionate nod in the rearview mirror and then turned off the meter. When I had no more tears to cry, I pulled myself together and paid the fare and then repeatedly thanked the cabbie until he finally told me he had to go.

The apartment was quiet and dark except for the hallway light. I asked the universe for a small, selfish favor. When I got to Will’s doorway, I peered into the dark room. The universe did not grant my wish, there were two bodies sleeping in Will’s bed. With Will lying on his side closest to the door, I couldn’t see whom he was spooning. A glutton for punishment, I moved in closer. My heart instantly liquefied when I saw that Will was cuddled up to Jackson, who was under the covers with his head on the pillow like a person. I took a mental photograph of the scene and then turned to walk out when Will grabbed my wrist.

“Hey, sweet thing. What’s wrong?” he whispered squinting his eyes.

“Nothing, go back to sleep.”

“Do you want Jackson with you?”

“No, he’s fine. I’ll see you in the morning.” He let go and turned back toward Jackson.

I woke up three hours later on top of my covers, still wearing the shift dress. My head was throbbing and it intensified when I thought about what had happened in the cab the night before. Robert didn’t give a rat’s ass about me; I decided the breakup was for the best. The clock read seven thirty and I’d told Martha I would be at Kell’s by eight. I rolled off my bed and onto the floor and then practically crawled all the way to the bathroom. After a few minutes of hot water beating down on my face, I heard the bathroom door open. Through the frosted shower curtain I saw Will’s figure come in and lean against the counter.